Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Gimli: Damn straight! That'll teach anybody to make fun of the son of Gloin! Me: Gimli...calm down. Gimli: Bring 'em on! I'll take 'em out with one hand tied behind me back! Me: Gimli...you're spitting...please calm down. Legolas: He can't help it...he never gets his own chapter. Gimli: I'm king o' the world, ma...king o' the world!

Chapter 4

I Shot an Arrow in the Air...

Legolas reached the archery field at the same time that Haldir was arriving. Together they walked to the back of the field and began setting up the targets that would be used in the competition.

"Do you think 'Ro and 'Dan will ever invest in those moving targets we talked about?" Haldir asked Legolas, as they rolled another large bullseye onto the field.

"Dunno. I think they like seeing us bore ourselves day after day."

"I have an idea I've been kind of playing with, if you're interested..."

Legolas stopped rolling the target, and leaned his elbow on the top of it, looking at Haldir. "Well...what's the idea? I'm listening."

"You know that old story about Newton and the apple right?" Haldir began, a slow grin spreading across his face.

Legolas cocked an eyebrow at his friend. "You like to live dangerously, don't you...do you have any idea what the insurance people will do to us if we miss?"

"Legolas...we haven't missed a shot in three thousand years. We won't miss."

Thinking it over, Legolas had to admit the idea was very tempting. Shooting arrows at those stationary bullseyes might thrill the tourists, but he and Haldir could literally make those shots in their sleep. Coming to a decision, he looked at Haldir and grinned. "OK! Let's do it! Who do we pick, and how do you want to set up the shot?"

"I was thinking of that beefy guy near the far railing...he looks like sturdy fellow. And maybe that one over on the other side - the one with the Mohawk. We'd need to pick people who won't run away when we point the arrows at them."

"I just thought of something that might be really funny," Legolas laughed, his eyes twinkling merrily. He explained his idea to Haldir who also began to chuckle. "Of course, one of us will have to throw a shot to lose."

"Deal!" Haldir said, "I'll lose the shot this time...you can do it tomorrow!" They continued to roll the target onto the field. Legolas called over a worker, and sent him in search of the few additional items they would require.

The crowd was thick around the archery field as Legolas and Haldir walked to the middle of it. Each Elf was dressed in the traditional warrior jerkin and leggings, and each carried a bow and quiver of arrows strapped to his back. Raising their hands, they waved at the crowd.

"Ladies and Lords! Welcome to the Archery Field. I am Legolas, and this is Haldir." Both Elves executed formal bows to the crowd, eliciting applause, and squeals of delight from the females in the crowd.

"God! Those wigs are so sexy!" One young girl of about eighteen giggled to another, her eyes glued to Legolas' long blond locks.

"I heard that they aren't wigs...that's their real hair!" The other girl giggled back. Both of them squealed shrilly.

Legolas forced himself from rolling his eyes, as his Elven ears picked up the conversation. What is it about long hair that drives these females to distraction? He never gave it a second thought, himself.

"Ladies and Lords...we seek volunteers from you to participate in this event. Have we any takers?" Haldir called, knowing that dozens of hands would shoot up, from the very young to the very old, but he and Legolas had already picked their choices. Pointing to both the beefy guy and the one with the Mohawk, Haldir invited them onto the field.

"One more volunteer is necessary...," Legolas shouted, quickly scanning the crowd. "I probably shouldn't do this..." he thought, but picked the young girl who had been infatuated with his hair. He smiled at her, and she looked at him with lovesick eyes. Giggling like mad and flushing bright pink, the girl took his offered hand and stepped onto the field, while her friend simultaneously squealed with delight, and pouted with envy.

"We have our brave volunteers!" Haldir announced, to the applause of the audience. He lined the three of them up in a row, with the girl on the end, closest to Legolas. "Now," he said loudly, but addressing the volunteers, "This is a test of skill between Legolas and myself. We will attempt to hit moving targets, and the first one who misses, loses! So...start running!"

Legolas had drawn and fitted an arrow and was aiming at the beefy guy, who looked for a moment like he might wet his pants.

"Just kidding...just kidding," Haldir laughed, as the crowd behind him roared. "Actually, you two brave gentlemen will be tossing the targets into the air for us."

The girl looked a bit confused, and finally said quietly, "What do I do?"

"What do you do?" asked Haldir, walking up to the girl, and tilting her chin up to look at him with one finger, "Why, Milady...you are the prize!" Again the crowd roared as the girl bit her lip and blushed furiously, gazing up at Haldir's handsome face.

Haldir carried two large wicker baskets over to where Mohawk Guy stood, placing one of them down on the ground beside him. He instructed Beefy Guy to walk to the opposite side of the field, and placed the other basket next to him.

Fitting an arrow into his bow, he and Legolas took their places - Haldir standing next to Mohawk Guy, and Legolas next to Beefy Guy. Legolas had already moved the girl to the far back of the field, out of harm's way.

Nodding his head at Mohawk Guy, Haldir gave the signal for the competition to begin. Mohawk Guy and Beefy Guy each picked up an apple from their basket and tossed it high into the air.

Thwunk. Thwunk. Two arrows pierced the apples and fell to the ground. The audience applauded like crazy.

"Faster!" yelled Legolas, and the two men began lobbing apples into the air one after the other, and, one after the other, Legolas and Haldir brought them down.

"Two at a time!" Haldir yelled, and the two men tossed two apples into the air simultaneously. Four arrows pierced the fruit, and the crowd went wild.

"Three at a time!" Legolas shouted. Haldir knew this was the cue for him to miss a shot, and only brought down two of his apples, while Legolas brought down all three. The crowd cheered.

Legolas and Haldir shook hands, and then Legolas turned to the crowd and bowed. He then held his bow aloft, to the renewed cheers of the crowd. Walking over to the girl, who stood biting her lip, evidently a nervous wreck, he smiled at her, swept her into his arms, and planted a big, fat, juicy kiss right on her lips.

For a moment he thought she might faint, but instead, she grabbed his head and kissed him back. Grabbing her wrists, he smiled, thinking to himself that next time he had better move a little faster after the kiss, led her back to the others.

"A big round of applause for our wonderful volunteers!" Haldir called, clapping his hands. Legolas joined him in applauding the girl, Mohawk Guy and Beefy Guy, as they made their way off the field.

"This concludes the archery competition! Lords and Ladies...enjoy the rest of your day here at the Faire!" Haldir and Legolas waved at the crowd before walking off of the field.

"Legolas...your lip is bleeding," Haldir said, frowning at the Elf walking beside him.

"I know...I know. Next time, remind me to pick somebody without braces."