Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Haldir: That chapter was really lame. Me: Says who? Haldir: Says me. There is no way I would ever throw a shot. Never. Legolas: You wouldn't need to throw a shotyou miss accidentally enough. Haldir: I would not miss. I never miss a shot. Legolas: Yes, you do. You miss all the time, you just won't admit it. Haldir: Name one time when I've missed a shot. Legolas: Helm's Deep. Haldir: That was in the movie, not the book, and I was outnumbered. Legolas: Doesn't matter - you still missed. Haldir: Dammit.

Chapter 5

The Balrog, erDragon Slayer

"Why do I continue to allow them to take advantage of me in this manner?" Glorfindel asked the short, rather stubby man who was helping him into his armor. "I ask youmy heroism was unparalleled. I fought and slayed a Balrog - a BALROG, mind you, not some overgrown iguana - and what do I get? A twenty-minute charade with two men in a dragon suit. Where is my glory? Where is my dignity? Where is my appreciation? Where is my pack of Juicyfruit gum? My mouth tastes like warg dung."

The odd little man handed Glorfindel the bright yellow pack of chewing gum, then returned to strapping the tall Elf into his breastplate.

Clanking discordantly, Glorfindel walked, rather stiffly, to the backstage entrance to the arena where he would shortly "fight" the "dragon." This week the dragon was being played by two young men named Marvin and Sid. Normally, Marvin and Sid were baggers at the local Win Dixie Supermarket, and probably couldn't count to twenty without removing their shoes. Currently, they were fighting over who would play the dragon's rear end.

"Will you please just get in the costume? Honestly, If I must be forced to continue this sham, the least that those two idiots who own this flea bitten Faire could do is hire someone with half a brain," Fin muttered, edging past the two fighting halves of the dragon. He checked himself to make sure his armor was still on, and that his sword was hanging at his hip, and fluffed his hair out a bit, as the trumpets blared in the arena, his cue to enter stage right.

He strode forcefully to the center of the arena, raised his right arm to salute the crowd, and began his spiel.

"I am Glorfindel, the dragon-slayer! Word has reached me that a deadly creature has plagued your fair hamlet and that no man has lived to see it destroyed! Speak townsfolkshall I slay the beast? Yay or Nay?"

"Yay!" The crowd roared, except for one loud, slurred "Nay" that came from a balding, middle aged man dressed in a "Renaissance Rocks" tee shirt, which fell short of covering his rather impressive beer belly.

Glorfindel rolled his eyes and ignored the dissenter, instead pacing the arena, dramatically holding his hand to shield his eyes as he 'scouted' for the dragon.

The crowd roared as dragon thundered into the arena. Well, perhaps thundered is too strong a wordit was really more like scampered. Marvin/Sid The Dragon was dark green, with huge blue eyes framed by long curling eyelashes and a shock of hot pink fuzzy hair on the top of its head between its ears. Marvin/Sid began to rock back and forth, nearly dancing on the sand of the arena as it crept up behind Glorfindel.

Glorfindel stood in the arena with his hand still shielding his eyes, his back to the waltzing monster, apparently unaware of the, erimpending danger. The children in the crowd began to shout at him, trying to get him to notice the tiptoeing dragon. Fin turned to face the audience, with Marvin/Sid standing directly behind him.

"What? There be dragons, you say? Where?" Fin asked loudly, turning to his right. When Fin turned to the right, Marvin/Sid leaned to the left, keeping out of his line of sight.

"I see no dragon! Where be it?" Fin asked again, this time turning to the left, as Marvin/Sid leaned to the right.

"Behind you! Behind you!" the children screamed, jumping up and down and pointing. Fin turned in a complete circle, Marvin/Sid carefully turning with him, keeping behind him.

"Perhaps you have all been out in the sun too longthere is no dragon here!" Glorfindel said, spreading his arms out wide and looking confused.

A loud, bellowing roar came up over the loudspeakers, and Fin jumped in the air about three feet off of the ground. Marvin/Sid began to shake with laughter, bobbing the front half of the suit up and down. The crowd laughed right along, as Fin spun to face his stalker.

"DRAGON!" Fin screamed, drawing his sword from the scabbard at his hip and holding it aloft. "Never fear, good townspeople! I will slay the beast!" He advanced on Marvin/Sid, as the costumed duo began to slowly back up. Each time Fin would stab the sword forward, the dragon would feint the other way, avoiding the blow. Eventually, Fin backed Marvin/Sid up to the back wall of the arena, and prepared to dramatically deal him a deathblow.

Suddenly, from the audience, came a shrill scream, as a lovely young woman dressed in a gauzy, pale blue gown stepped forward through the crowd.

Entering the arena, she called to Glorfindel, "Stop! What are you doing to my dragon?"

"Slaying the beast!"

"NO! How could you be so horrible? My dragon has harmed no one! You should be ashamed of yourself, picking on a poor, defenseless dragon!" She wagged her finger in Glorfindel's face, and the dragon leaned its head on her shoulder, pretending to cry.

"Butit is a dragon! It has been terrorizing the townit must be slain!" Glorfindel stammered, backing up from the irate young woman. Pointing at the audience, he protested, "THEY told me to slay it!"

Boos and hisses met him, as he turned to stare openmouthed at the audience.

Marvin/Sid whispered something into the maiden's ear, and she giggled loudly, her hand over her mouth. Stepping up to Glorfindel, she said, "Sir Knight, my dragon tells me that you did, indeed, think he was a threat to my village, and so in honor of your bravery, I will grant to my favor." Standing on her tiptoes, she placed a kiss on Fin's cheek.

A broad smile lit Glorfindel's handsome features, as he sheathed sword, and took the young woman in his arms. Bending her backwards away from the line of sight of the audience, he pretended to kiss her passionately, to the screaming approval of the crowd. Together, Marvin/Sid following closely behind, they waved at the audience, and walked backstage, arm in arm.

The audience applauded, slowly disbursing to seek other entertainment, as Fin and the girl reached the backstage area. Immediately, the girl snatched her arm away from Glorfindel, and gave him a push in the opposite direction.

"You missed your last line!" Fin said, smirking at the young woman.

"That was supposed to be a stage kiss, Fin! I couldn't very well get my line out with your tongue down my throat!" she yelled, poking him with a finger, and walking off in a huff.

Still smiling, Fin thought to himself that if the twins insisted that he keep performing this idiotic bit day after day, he was going to do whatever it took to make it more enjoyable for himself. Chuckling, he patted Marvin/Sid on the shoulder as he made his way back to the dressing area.