Electricity
Eye to eye
Hey don't I know you?
I can't speak
Stripped my senses on the spot
I've never been defenseless
I can't even make sense of this
You speak and I don't hear a word
What would happen if we kissed?
Would your tongue slip past my lips?
Would you run away?
Would you stay?
Or would I melt into you?
Mouth to mouth
Lust to lust
Spontaneously combust
It was if something had completely taken over Graham's body and soul. He realized the severity of what he was doing and broke apart from Alicia.
She gasped and screamed, "What's wrong with you?! Don't you care about Merrill?!"
He talked to himself out loud, as if Alicia wasn't even in the room.
"What did I just do?"
Then he looked at Alicia.
"What just happened?"
"What do you think just happened, Graham? You just kissed me!"
They stood across from each other, still in absolute shock and horror.
"Alicia, I...I let my visceral instinct get the best of me. That should've never happened."
"Explain that to your brother."
Graham's eyes widened with fear.
"You're not going to tell him, are you?"
"No. But if you're a real man, you will."
Alicia grabbed her cigarettes and headed for the door. However, she stopped in her tracks and turned around before her hand touched the doorknob.
"Graham, do you realize that things between you and I are never going to be the same again. Do you realize that?"
He looked at the ground, and then at Alicia.
"I'm sorry."
Alicia started crying as she finished her sentence.
"What about Colleen? You put your selfish emotions before anything. Would you have kissed me while Coll was alive?"
Graham bit his lip and tried to speak. No words came out as he stood frozen in silence and anguish.
"That's what I thought," she replied.
Alicia left and sat on the steps of the garage house. Her hands shook violently as she went to light a cigarette. However, frustration got the best of her and she threw them down, bursting into tears. Graham heard her sobbing and came outside.
"Alicia.."
"What?"
"Do you think Merrill really need to know? Do you really have to tell him?"
"I have to. We don't keep secrets from each other."
"I think this is an exception."
"No, because this wasn't my fault. I didn't tell you that I was falling in so-called love with you. I didn't kiss you. You know what? I can't even stand to be around you."
She got up and ran down the stairs.
"Where are you going?" called Graham.
Alicia didn't answer. She ran towards the backyard, through it, and into the cornfields. She kept running until she was breathless. Then she sat on the dusty ground, legs crossed with her elbows resting on her knees and holding her head. She closed her eyes and was lost in thought.
The room is spinning out of control
You act like you didn't notice, brushed my hand
Forbidden fruit, ring on my finger
You're such a moral, moral man
Would you throw it away- a question
Will I pretend I'm innocent?
What would happen if we kissed?
Would your tongue slip past my lips?
Would you run away?
Would you stay?
Or would I melt into you?
Mouth to mouth
Lust to lust
Spontaneously combust
What would happen if we kissed?
Alicia clasped her trembling hands together and began to pray.
"God, please comfort my soul. Forgive Graham for what he's just done. Lust has gotten the best of him and now..now it could ruin the relationship he has with Merrill. Please bless Merrill with a forgiving heart. Help him to realize and see that Graham is still tormented over the loss of Colleen.."
Colleen, she thought to herself.
She stopped in the middle of her prayer and started talking to Colleen.
"I guess you saw what just happened. Coll, I don't know what's gotten into Graham. First, he lost his faith and then after the attacks, he regained it. I thought everything was picture perfect. And then out of the blue, this shit..sorry..this happens. I'm so confused, Coll. They say everything happens for a reason..remember how Graham used to say God would never give you more than you could bear? Well, I think I've come to my limit. I know you're listening right now, so can you please just keep a special eye on Graham? I think he needs your help and God's more than I do. I love you more than anything, sis. I'll talk to you later."
Alicia blew a kiss to the sky and stood up. Slowly, she made her way back to the house.
"Hess? Is that you? Where the hell have you been?"
As Merrill approached the gas station, his manager appeared from the back of the building.
"My family was hit hard by the attacks, Martin. We had to literally put our house back together."
"So did I, but I still came here. And so did Steve."
Merrill followed him into the gas station.
"I'm sorry, but my family comes first."
"That's considered a second strike against you, Hess. One more, and you'll be shelling out gas somewhere else, you hear me?"
Merrill couldn't believe the humiliation he was being subjected to.
"Excuse me?"
"Do I need to repeat myself? Don't screw up again!"
"You won't have to worry about that. I quit."
"You've threatened that more than once. You don't mean it."
"What does this tell you?"
Merrill took his set of station keys and threw them in the trash.
"See you around, Martin."
"A failure like you will never find work anywhere else!"
As Merrill left, he took a bag of Skittles from the candy stand near the counter and went out to the car.
Martin followed him out and yelled, "That's theft, you bastard!"
Merrill got in the car and flicked him off as he drove away.
I struggle with myself again
Quickly the walls are crumbling
Don't know if I can turn away
What would happen if we kissed?
Would your tongue slip past my lips?
Would you run away?
Would you stay?
Or would I melt into you?
Mouth to mouth
If we kissed
Back at the house, Graham watched through the kitchen window as Merrill's car pulled into the driveway. His stomach turned to ice when he realized the severity of telling his younger brother the truth. He didn't know how he was going to say it, but he knew it was something he couldn't delay. Merrill came in the front door, in bright spirits.
"Al, are you in here? I got your Skittles!"
"No, it's just me."
Merrill put his things down and asked, "Where's Ali?"
"She's taking a nap in the garage house."
"Guess what?"
"What?"
"I quit the gas station."
"What? Why?"
"Because I'm going to get a better, higher-paying job so that Ali and I can live the life we deserve."
"Are you sure that's what you want to do?"
"Positive. I'm going to go look for jobs in Philly tomorrow."
"Whatever you think is best for you and Alicia."
"You said she's taking a nap?"
"Yeah."
"I think I'll go join her. A nap can never hurt- especially when you wake up to a face as beautiful as hers."
"Merrill, wait."
"What is it?"
"There's, um, something I need to talk to you about."
"Shoot."
"Sit down first."
Merrill sat at the kitchen table and asked, "What's wrong?"
"It's…it's about Alicia."
"What about her?"
Graham took a deep, shaky breath and said, "I don't know how to say this, but.."
"But what? Graham, don't beat around the bush. Tell me."
"Ever since Colleen died, Alicia has been such a support system for not only the kids, but for me. I've watched her mature from an insecure girl to a beautiful, confident woman. And in the last couple of months, I've tried to deny it, but I've found myself becoming more and more…a-attracted to her."
Merrill was floored. He felt like he had slipped into another dimension.
"Can you repeat that again?"
"I've tried to pass it off as temporary feelings, but they just won't go away. I can't help it."
Merrill shook his head and said, "I'm not understanding this. You're saying that you have feelings for Alicia- who just so happens to be not only my fiancée, my soulmate, the love of my life, but also your wife's younger sister?"
"There's more to the story."
Merrill's stomach turned as he listened to the rest of Graham's story.
"There's no way I could've returned to the pulpit on Sunday with those feelings unresolved and buried inside of me. The lust was eating me alive to the point where I was convincing myself that it was turning into love. I prayed to God about it last night before I went to bed. Bo must have been up; going to the bathroom or something- she overheard me praying and told Alicia. So this morning, after you left for the gas station, Alicia approached me about it. I told her everything I just told you and she..it made her really upset. She eventually calmed down, but in a moment of vulnerability, I did something I should've never, ever done. I..I kissed her."
Merrill couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"You what?"
"It was like something took over me that I had no control over. I've never lost my senses in that way."
"How..how could you do this to me..to Alicia?"
"I know, Merrill. I am so, so sorry."
"Are you still attracted to her?"
Graham didn't answer.
"Are you still attracted to her?!" he growled.
"I…I don't know."
Tears were burning at Merrill's eyes as he clenched his fists in pure resentment.
"I need to get out of here now."
Graham put his hand on Merrill's shoulder and said, "Wait."
Merrill threw his brother's hand down and drew his fist back as if he were going to punch him. Then he retracted and backed away.
"First, you completely lose your faith and denounce everything you believe in, and now you do this. Not only.."
Merrill's voice choked up as he spoke.
"Not only have you hurt Alicia and I, but Colleen more than anyone. And you'll have to explain to your kids why we aren't living here anymore."
"What?"
"There's no way in hell I'm keeping her anywhere near you- not even on the same property as you. How do I know you won't try to seduce her while I'm out one day?"
"Merrill, we can talk this out and-"
"I have nothing to say to you. In my eyes, I don't even have a brother anymore."
He rushed out of the house and went to the garage house. When he got inside, Alicia was asleep on the bed.
"Alicia, wake up now."
She shifted her body towards Merrill's voice.
"Wh-What is it?"
"We're going to your parents' house."
"Why?"
"Because there's no way in hell you're staying anywhere near my son of a bitch brother. Pack your things."
"Shit. Did you just talk to Graham?"
"Yes, I did. Is there anything you'd like to conveniently tell me?"
"No, Merrill! Why would I?"
"Why didn't you tell me this morning about what Bo told you?"
"Because I wasn't sure if what she was saying was valid or not. Besides, Graham came onto me. He was the one who needed to tell you, not me."
He threw a suitcase on the bed and said, "Come on."
Rain started to fall outside, making rattling noises on the roof.
"What about the kids, Merrill?"
"Graham can explain this to them. He got himself into this, he can get himself out."
Alicia tried desperately to fight back tears as she packed a few of her things together and selfishly tried not to think of Morgan and Bo. Both she and Merrill got their things together and left the garage house. The rain was now pouring outside, soaking both of them almost immediately.
"Shit! I left my keys in the house," Merrill said as they approached the car.
"I'll get them. Where did you leave them?"
"On the kitchen table."
He looked at her with distrusting eyes.
"I'll be right back," she said softly.
She ran to the house, and went in through the front door. Bo was watching TV in the living room. Alicia stopped in there first.
"Bo, listen to me."
Bo looked up with curious eyes.
"Me and Uncle Merrill are gonna go visit Grandma Sarah and Grandpa Ben for a few days. We'll be back soon. But don't worry, OK?"
"OK."
Alicia kissed Bo on the cheek and said, "I love you, Bo."
"Love you back, Aunt Ali."
Alicia rushed out of the room, and as she grabbed the keys, she saw the bag of Skittles. She took it and tossed it into the living room to Bo.
"Share that with your brother, baby."
"I will!"
Alicia smiled and went back outside. The rain had now become so heavy that it was difficult to even see. Merrill was on the porch waiting for her. He had a look on his face that Alicia had never seen before, and it was scaring her.
"What took you so long?"
"Bo was in the living room. I said goodbye to her."
He snatched the keys from her and they ran to the car
As Merrill unlocked the car, Alicia said, "This rain is coming down too heavy for us to drive."
"Get in the car, Ali."
"Are you sure this is what's appropriate?"
"Alicia, get in the car!"
Alicia got into the car and slammed the door. Merrill started the car and drove off recklessly. They started the drive to Drexel Hill and not a word was spoken. Alicia was completely drenched from the rain, and the air conditioning was causing her to shiver violently. Merrill looked over at her and turned on the heat.
"Merrill?"
"What?"
"Why are you mad at me? I didn't do anything wrong."
He kept his eyes on the road as he answered.
"I'm not mad at you. I'm taking out my frustration and anger on you, which is horrible. I..I'm sorry."
She looked at him and said, "It's OK."
Suddenly, Merrill pulled over to a clearing on the side of the road. He turned off the car, and the only sound was the rain pounding like bullets on the windshield.
"Why did you stop?" Alicia asked.
"Because the realization of everything that just happened back at the house is setting in. My brother took advantage of you. When I think of anyone taking advantage of you like that, it tears me apart. I feel like I let down my guard. I'm supposed to protect you from things like that, but I wasn't there. I've never been there for you."
"Don't say that."
"Don't sugarcoat the truth. We have our wonderful times together, but if you look at our relationship as a whole, I've treated you really shitty. Couples who love each other are supposed to talk things out..and when you've been mad at me, you always approach me first to talk about it. But when I get mad at you, I blow you off, regardless of how much I know it hurts you."
"Baby, that's not true. When I was going through the depression, there were times I wouldn't talk to you for no reason."
"But you were never mean to me. I'm going through memory after memory in my head right now of times I've treated you so horribly. Like earlier, when I snatched the keys from you like I did. You've always been there for me. You went to every game I had that you could- even when you were pregnant. You went to every award ceremony, every party..you were the definition of the perfect girlfriend. And then there's my track record. I missed your 23rd birthday. I wasn't there when you found out you were having the baby. And then there's the thing I have to live with every day- I wasn't home when the accident happened. I'll never forgive myself for that."
Alicia unbuckled her seatbelt and embraced Merrill with everything she had.
"If I can forgive you, and God can forgive you, I think you can forgive yourself."
"That still won't make up for me being a horrible fiancé to you."
"Honey, you haven't been horrible at all. Despite what you think, you have been there when I've needed you the most. It scares me to even think about what mental state I would be in if you hadn't have supported me through these last six months. And can you please stop trying not to cry? I know you want to- your bottom lip is quivering."
A sob escaped from his throat and he said, "I don't deserve you."
"We deserve each other. We're both the younger siblings who've somehow screwed up life at one point in time. Our older siblings are cookie cutter pictures of perfection."
"Not mine."
Alicia looked at Merrill and said, "That moment was surreal..it made me so sick. I felt as if my own brother were kissing me and telling me these things. I kept thinking about Colleen and how heartbroken she would've been if she had been standing in that room."
They sat in silence for a few minutes and as they did, the rainfall became lighter and lighter.
"I have an idea," Alicia said.
"What?"
"Let's go to Hollyleaf Inn and spend the night there. The owner and her husband came into La Stalla with her husband one night. Instead of a tip, they left me a coupon for a free overnight stay. It's in my wallet..anyway, they were the nicest people. It'd be so romantic, Merrill. Just the two of us with no distractions."
"You don't want to go to your parents' place?"
"Nah. I want to spend quality time with you, away from anyone we know."
"I've always wanted to stay at a bed and breakfast. But it's only 2:00. What'll we do with the rest of the afternoon?"
"We can go and check in now, and just relax. I think the sun is coming back out."
"OK."
Merrill brushed his hand along the side of Alicia's face and leaned across the seat to kiss her.
"I love you, Ali."
"I love you more."
"Well now that our love for each other has been established, off to Hollyleaf we go."
About five minutes later, Alicia put her hand on Merrill's and stroked it.
"Are you OK? You still seem kind of distant."
"I'm OK to a certain extent. I'm incredibly and unbelievably happy being with you right now. But I'm not going to be 100% OK until I know that Graham is over his so-called attraction to you."
She tried to change the subject.
"How did things go down at the gas station?"
Merrill chuckled and said, "Well, things went very interesting."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I quit."
"Merrill! You quit?"
"It's going to be the start of our new life. Tomorrow I'm going to go see about coaching jobs in Philly. What about you? When are you going back to La Stalla?"
"I have to call my manager to see. But I'm thinking about a career change too."
"What?"
"I don't know. Something where I actually feel important and needed. But I'll stay at La Stalla while I look around."
"I don't know about you, but I have a feeling that everything is going to get better and better for us."
"Me too."
They arrived at the Hollyleaf, hoping there would be a vacant room. They got out of the car and went inside. An older woman was at a small desk.
"Can I help you two?"
Alicia asked, "Do you remember me? You and your husband came into La Stalla one night and I was your server. I even remember your name- Janice."
The woman lost herself in thought for a moment, and then her face lit up.
"I remember you! It was one of the best times we ever had at a restaurant. Alicia, right?"
"Yes."
"When you served us, you were pregnant. At least that's what I remember. You had a little belly and were talking about how you were expecting a baby. Was it a boy or a girl?"
"Actually, I lost the baby not long after that."
"Oh, I'm so sorry. If I had known.."
"It's OK. But we were wondering if you have any rooms open. We just want to stay the night."
"You came just in time. We have two vacant rooms and I just now got off the phone with someone who reserved one of those rooms."
They breathed a sigh of relief.
The woman asked, "Is this the fiancé you boasted about? The baseball player?"
"Yes. Janice, this is my fiancé, Merrill. Merrill, Janice."
They shook hands and Merrill said, "Nice to meet you."
"Likewise. Let me show you to your room."
Merrill took Alicia by the hand and Janice led them up a staircase and to a beautiful room that overlooked acres of trees and untouched land.
"When was this house built?" asked Merrill.
"In the early 17th century. It used to be a farmhouse."
Janice led them into a room that literally took Alicia's breath away.
"This is like out of a movie," she whispered.
"This is the Arbor Room," Janice said, "our most romantic room."
"It's perfect," Merrill replied.
"Well, I'll let you two settle in. I'll be downstairs if you need anything."
"Thank you so, so much. We really appreciate this."
"It's my pleasure. Enjoy."
Janice closed the door behind her as she left the room. Alicia squealed and threw her arms around Merrill. At that moment, every care she had in the world was put on hold.
"Merrill, I'm so glad we did this. It's going to be so romantic!"
He slid his arms around her waist and kissed her squarely on the lips.
"This definitely gives the garage house a run for its money."
Alicia stroked the back of Merrill's neck as she kissed him passionately.
"I love you more than anything in the world. You know that?"
"Actually, I did. Therefore, I love you more than that."
Merrill's cell phone rang and interrupted their private moment. He looked at the caller ID.
"It's home," he said, "It's probably Graham."
He turned it off and then took Alicia's cell phone from her bag and turned it off as well.
He said, "For the next 24 hours, we're going to have no distraction from the outside world."
"But what if Graham wanted to talk to you about the whole situation?"
"I don't think I'm ready to talk about it right now. All I want to concentrate on is spending serene, quality time with the girl I'm crazy in love with."
"And just who would that lucky girl be, Mr. Hess?"
"That lucky, beautiful, perfect, amazing, wonderful girl is you, Ms. Spencer."
As Alicia embraced Merrill, she thought to herself, Thanks for your help, Coll.