AUTHOR'S NOTES: I hope you all had a great Christmas. Now, here's a song to help us rock in 2003! And if you haven't heard this song, learn it, for heaven's sake!

Glossary:

Bib Fortuna: Slimy second-in-command with tentacles on his head; "Ne Jabba no bother."

Yarna D'al Gargan: Fat dancer with six… er…

Sy Snootles: Singer with long snout and huge lips.

Mind Warp

Premise: The latest dance craze of the outer rim has hit Jabba's palace. Chaos ensues.

To: "Time Warp" from the "Rocky Horror Picture Show" soundtrack.

(scene: Jabba's Palace, night)

Threepio:

Excuse me, but we bring a message for your master, Jabba the Hutt.

Bib Fortuna:

Yessss. You came at the perfect time. The master is having one of his get-togethers.

Threepio:

Oh, lucky him.

Yarna D'al Gargan:

Lucky! Yes! He's lucky, you're lucky, we're all lucky!

(music starts)

Bib:
It's confounding;
Jabba is eating;
Amphibians out of a bowl.
All is peaceful...

Yarna:
Not for very much longer.

Bib:
Prepare to lose control.
(singing)

I remember doing the mind-warp
During those moments when
The madness would hit me
And the droid would be falling...

(He throws open a door, revealing a cavalcade of dancing girls, alien musicians, pig-guards, and other palace staff, dancing.)


Aliens:
Let's do the mind-warp again.
Let's do the mind-warp again.

(Artoo projects a holographic display of the specific dance steps. Threepio narrates.)


Threepio (spoken):
It's just a jump to the left.

All (singing):
And then a step to the right.

Threepio (spoken):
With your manual appendages on your ileum region.

All (singing):
And then you groove all night.
We party with the Hutts

Because we're all insane.
Let's do the mind-warp again.
Let's do the mind-warp again.

Yarna:
It's so freaky, so strange and uniquely.
This doesn't make sense, no, not at all.
To outrageous to mention, goes beyond all conventions,
I needed to buy a triple-strength bra.

Bib:
With a full bowl of frog dip

Yarna:
You're high as a spaceship.

Bib:
And nothing will ever be the same.

Yarna:
You're spaced out on sensation.

Bib:
It's just like intoxication.

All:
Let's do the mind-warp again.
Let's do the mind-warp again.

Sy Snootles:
Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think
When a big fat Hutt let off a bad stink.
He laughed at me, he took me by surprise.
He had a big sail barge, and a reptile's eyes.
He stared at me, and I felt a change.
My career would never ever be the same again.

All:
Let's do the mind-warp again.
Let's do the mind-warp again.

Threepio (spoken):
It's just a jump to the left.

All (singing):
And then a step to the right.

Threepio (spoken):
With your manual appendages on your ileum region.

All (singing):
And then you groove all night.
We party with the Hutts

Because we're all insane.
Let's do the mind-warp again.
Let's do the mind-warp again.

Let's do the mind-warp again.

---

Oh, no! Here comes Jabba in a leather corset! I think we should end the song here, and fast!