The Reason
Disclaimer: If I owned CSI, a lot of things would be soooo wrong.
A/N: Ah, My second ever CSI fic. You might even call this a sequal to Lucky...yeah, well, Grissom finally finds out Sara was in the room. Post-Butterflied. R&R!
Gil Grissom sighed as he dropped into his desk chair. His case was finished, his paperwork was complete, and now he was waiting for a new case to be thrown his way. Everyone else had their own cases, of course, but he didn't want to impose because of his own boredom unless someone asked. After attempting sleep and finding himself too keyed up, he decided to pull a file from 'the ones that got away,' to check over it and make sure he didn't overlook anything.
His fingers crawled through the files, as if on their own accord. Suddenly they stopped and a cynical smile twisted his lips. He'd forgotten that he had put Paul Millander in there. His fingers started again and stopped this time at Marlin, Debbie. His brain didn't want to read that certain file, but his hands seemed to have another idea. He put the file on the desk. He really didn't want to read this right now, but he knew if he didn't, it would pester him all night. He opened it and read the first page with all the technical crap on it to stall for time. Detective, Lead CSI, Lab Tech, Observation Room... Grissom's blood stopped cold as he read the name beside that one; Sidle, Sara. By the times listed she had heard it all and then some.
His head began to swim with questions, 'Why didn't she say anything?' being the predominate one. What if she decided she was done? What if she doesn't even care? What if she's leaving? What if...? The logical side of his brain began to work again. She would have left long before now if she was leaving. Calm down. Go get some coffee and think this out logically.
A fat load of help that's done me, he thought bitterly. Then he had an idea. Catherine. She had helped him with the whole meat thing, hadn't she? Sure, she was drunk that time, but she obviously knew what was going on. Maybe she could help. He found her in the break room.
"Hey Gil. I was going to get something to eat. We just finished the case." She sat down at he table.
"Mind if I talk to you while you eat?"
"Depends. Am I in trouble?" He shook his head. "Ok, shoot. What's up?" He laid the file on the table in front of her as he sat down. "The Marlin Case?" He nodded.
"I need your help with something. Read the interrogation. Start with the first time I speak." Her face contorted with surprise immediately, and the expression grew as she read on. Finally, when she was finished she looked up with a shocked expression on her face. Her expression became horrified as she read who was in the Observation Room.
"Did you know all along?"
"No. I just found out from reading the file.," he responded.
"Well, what are you going to do?" she asked.
"I don't know. I've made so many mistakes with her, but I tried to learn from the ones I knew of. Turning her down was the worse one. I never meant to hurt her!" he exclaimed, looking helplessly at Catherine. "What should I do?" She sighed, exasperatedly.
"You're going to have to change, try to start over with her. God, Grissom, I don't know if that's possible with your history together!"
I'm not a perfect person,
As many things I wish I didn't do,
But I continue learning.
I never meant to do those things to you.
And so I have to say before I go that I just want you to know;
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be.
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you.
"I wish I knew how to apologize, even for the times I don't know about, to tell her it's hard to live with what I've done to her and our relationship. I wish I could take it all back, or at least give her a shoulder to cry on."
"There's no way to do that unless you face your own feelings. How do you really feel about Sara?" she asked. He paused and suddenly he was a million miles away from their conversation.
"I...I...I love her."
I'm sorry that I hurt youIt's something I must live with every day
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears. That's why I need you to hear;
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
The words 'I love her' echoed in his head.
And the reason is you.
I love her.
And the reason is you.
I love her.
And the reason is you.
Grissom stood up. "Do you know where she is?"
"Chem Lab. Go."
He did. Grissom knew he wasn't perfect and that he had hurt her with out meaning to, but now he was going to fix it. It was all because he loved her. Now that he realized this, that nothing else mattered, he could change. Because of this, he could show her the Grissom, no, the Gil he'd shown Terri and Heather. She was his reason.
I'm not a perfect personI never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know;
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you.
As Grissom arrived, he saw her sitting on a stool, testing chemicals. He leaned against the door and as he knocked on the jamb, she turned to see him.
"Hey," he said.