Disclaimer: Still don't own FF7. I also do not own "One Winged Angel, and lastly I do not own any material or merchandise of the Spice Girls. (Thank God)

A note: Well FFlove190 likes me, and I like her fics very much, particularly "Cross Into Another World". So if for no other reason than FFLove, and Yoko, I am updating. Soooo here's chapter 2. Seph and gasp TURKS.

Warning: You know that stick the conductor holds while they're conducting an orchestra? Well I don't know what it's called.....oh. Wait. My boyfriend who is oh so great just looked it up for me. It is aptly titled the conductor's stick. Go Figure. A further warning, Sephy gets a little humiliated. One last warning, this one's kind of plotless, because it's a setup for the next episode, which I need ideas for by the way.

Enjoy

Sephiroth stood in the bottom of the Northern Crater, a conductor's stick in hand. He was waving it back and forth maniacally, an evil glare in his green eyes. Yes, yes that's right clones sing it. SING it. Mwah hahaha, it shall be perfect for when that final battle comes. A vision swam through his head of himself impaling Cloud and that troublesome Vincent on the end of his 8 foot sword, like a giant FF7 shishcabob, while his various clones sat in the background with music stands singing this song that he had written himself. So perfect. He moved the stick back and forth as 50-some-odd hunched over figures cloaked in black sang:

Sors immanis

Et inanis

Sors immanis

Et inanis

Estuans interius

ira vehementi

Estuans interius

ira vehementi

Sephiroth

Sephi.....

Suddenly a highly annoying sound came from the depths of Seph's coat. The manic look left his face and all color drained from it. A cell phone of very poor sound quality was bleating out "If You Wanna Be My Lover" by the Spice Girls. DAMN IT! he thought furiously, I thought I changed that... His eyes darted around nervously, but then he remembered that he was only in the presence of his clones. One of whom, as a matter of fact, was now foaming at the mouth and twitching from the incessantly ringing bad ringtone. Sephiroth whipped the phone open angrily.

"Hello?"

"Sephiroth my man! What's up buddy"

".....Zach?"

"No sweetie, Tseng."

Sephiroth's shoulders sagged in disappointment. He rolled his green eyes. The twitching clone keeled over and died. In the way of FF7 he magically disappeared.

"Don't call me sweetie. How did you get this number?"

"We need you to come down to HQ."

"How did you get this number??"

"Doesn't matter, Cloud and the cronies are coming, and we need you here."

"Why?"

"Well... because... because... we do Seph just come down."

"No."

"Come down or I tell everyone about your ringtone."

Tseng cackled evilly and hung up. Sephiroth snapped his phone shut, fuming.

"I hate you Tseng"

He turned back to his clones. "Everybody go home, you did fabulous. #27, please remember to change your undergarments for next time."

All the clones left, chattering excitedly "Sephiroth!!!! Sephiroth? Sephiroth!".

Back at the HQ

Tseng hung up the phone on his desk, chuckling. He looked at the Turks assembled around his desk. Rude was yelling at Reno for something, God only knew what, and Elena was sitting in a chair filing her nails and looking disgusted.

"Good news boys. Ahem. Sorry. Good news.....people."

Elena rolled her eyes. "He's coming?"

"Yes."

Reno scratched his head. "What is he here for again?"

Rude made a move to slap him upside the head and then realized that he didn't know either. The three of them looked up at Tseng expectantly.

Tseng grinned maniacally, his eyes lighting up. "Today is Seph's birthday"

The three Turks looked blankly at him.

"We are going to throw Sephiroth a surprise party."

Reno & Rude.... Somewhere

Reno and Rude lugged the heavy cage through the woods. The could see Avalanche sitting around their campsite, cleaning up and ready to move on, through a clearing just ahead.

"Refresh my memory, why the hell are we doing this again?", Reno grunted.

"Because, Tseng wants to have the maximum amount of fun possible with Seph, so he wants Avalanche there."

"....Uh huh?"

Rude rolled his eyes. "So we need a way to get Avalanche to get there... damn it Reno Tseng went over this before."

Reno looked at him totally blankly.

Rude groaned. "We need to get Avalanche to the party so we need to kidnap Aeris... again... in order to get them there. Therefore we need them distracted, so therefore we're setting this Tonberry on the camp."

Reno. "Oh. Okay"

They got to the clearing, finally. "Reno, open the cage."

"OK!" Reno did as he was bid, and just as Rude has anticipated, the tonberry went straight for him. Reno proceeded to start screaming his head off and run straight through the campsite. He was flailing his arms about wildly. The team looked up confusedly.

"WHAT THE &# IS GOING ON?" screamed Cid.

"Reno?!?", said Tifa.

Red XIII, Cloud, and Vincent promptly stood 3 abreast in front of the Tonberry and Reno. Suddenly battle music started playing and time bars popped up above each of their heads.

"I really hate those". said Cloud.

As they fought the Tonberry and Reno, Rude slipped unnoticed behind the rest of the team. He grabbed Aeris from behind and clamped his hand down over her mouth. She struggled hard, but Rude was stronger. He dragged her into the woods and tossed her into the Tonberry's cage. Rude knelt down by the bars.

"Hey Aer"

"You again?"

"Look this time its gonna be fun, I promise. We're kidnapping you so we can mess with Seph, and we need Avalanche there.

Aeris just shrugged and made herself comfortable. She figured it would be a long ride back to Midgar.

A little later...

The Tonberry collapsed to the ground, turned red briefly and then disappeared. Reno walked away disconsolately, annoyed that he had been beaten by this rebel group once again. Cloud twirled his sword, Vincent twirled his gun, and Red XIII kind of stood there.

BUH BUH BUH BUUUHHHH BUH BUH BUH BUH BUH

The three walked back to the rest of the team.

"What the hell just happened?" asked Vincent.

"I have no damn idea" Tifa replied.

"Oh shit. I think I do." said Cloud. The team looked at him wonderingly.

"Aeris is gone. It had to be the Turks. Rude probably counted on Reno's stupidity and used him as a distraction." He kicked at the ground. "Damn."

"Well, looks like we're off to Midgar." said Yuffie disappointedly, on account of there were no Materia caves in Midgar.

The team, annoyed, set off for the big black hellhole.

Crater...

Seph had sat around for a while, trying to find a way around Tseng's blackmail. He could see none. He changed out of his Spice Girls t-shirt and chocobo pajama pants and back into his bondage wear and black cloak. He flipped his hair out of his collar as if he was in a shampoo commercial, his long silver hair rippling. He turned around and smiled, and his teeth glinted as Sephiroth TM popped up in the corner of the screen in pretty white scripted letters. He brushed the words away, annoyed. He sheathed Masamune, just in case, and set off for Midgar.

Hope you liked it. I really really need ideas for Seph's party, there's not going to be fighting and killing between Avalanche and Sephy, just good clean humiliation and fun. Sorry it was kind of cliffhanging, but please post your suggestions in a review, I don't like to give out my email. I'm sure I'll be getting more demented ideas from Yoko anyway. Until next time, Adios.