Jack could hardly stand it. He couldn't believe he was just standing there watching his closest friend reliving his most painful, terrifying memories as his temperature slowly climbed much higher than the human body could handle. His mind boggled wondering how a tiny little virus could have such an effect on such a strong, healthy man. And just what was it about this illness that made you relive your past, anyway? Trust Daniel to come across a disease like that. If these little buggers thrived on painful memories, Daniel must look like a smorgasbord.
He finally dragged his gaze away from Daniel as he began mumbling words that Jack couldn't understand. He was obviously still lost in memories to do with torture and pain, and just the thought of it was making Jack feel sick with empathy for his friend.
Jack turned around at the sound of a quiet whimper coming from behind him. Fraiser was standing there hugging herself and shifting her weight back and forth from one foot to the other as she watched Daniel's every move. The agony on her face spoke volumes of how tough this whole situation was on her. He bit back the urge to snap into commanding officer mode, and instead laid a reassuring hand on her arm. "Why don't you sit back down, Doc," he suggested in a do-as-I-say-or-else kind of way.
She barely even seemed to register his presence as she allowed herself to be led back to the chair by Daniel's bed. She sank down into it without having once taken her eyes off of the sick man. "It's only going to get worse," she murmured, almost as though she were thinking aloud.
Jack looked around at the other patients in the ward, most of whom were covered with painful sores and still burning with fever. He had seen one or two of them having seizures since he had come in to help with Daniel, and all of them twitched and convulsed occasionally as their muscles cramped and spasmed.
Funny how none of them were making any noise anymore, he mused.
He turned back to Fraiser as he folded his arms across his chest. "We don't know that," he tried to encourage her. "Any minute now, Carter's gonna come running in here saying they've found the cure, and he'll be good as new in no time."
Fraiser just shook her head and took Daniel's hand in her own. "It's already gone too far," she said.
Jack didn't appreciate the despair in the doctor's tone. "Hey," he said with what little grump he could manage, "since when do you give up on him so soon, huh? We've been in situations worse than this before and come out kicking. What's so different this time?"
Fraiser sighed, leaned her elbow on the bed, and rested her forehead in her hand. "I don't know, Colonel. I honestly don't know anymore."
Jack felt a wave of sympathy for her as he noted a slight tremor in her slumped shoulders. "Head still hurt?" he asked gently.
"Like the dickens," she answered without looking up.
"Want me to get you something? Aspirin?"
"No, I'm fine, thank you." She lifted her head and looked at Daniel, stroking his arm in a steady, smooth motion. "You can go help out with the others, Sir. I can look after Daniel."
She couldn't see him, but he shot her a disapproving look anyway. "Resting, Doc, remember?"
Fraiser kept on stroking up and down Daniel's arm. "This is rest for me, Colonel. I'll be fine."
As much as he hated to give in, he knew this was the best he could hope for in terms of a compromise, and he had neither the time nor the energy to spare on forcing the issue. "Fine," he conceded. "Call me or Brom over if you need anything."
He was about to walk away when a soft cry coming from Daniel stopped him dead in his tracks.
"Please stop! I don't want to!"
He turned around to see Daniel trying to wrench his arm away from Fraiser's hands.
"It's okay, Daniel," she tried to soothe him. "It's Janet. You're safe."
"No... don't touch me... please... I can't..." He grew more and more distressed, straining so hard against his restraints that his face went from bright red to purple within seconds and the veins in his face, neck, and arms were plainly visible. "Can't move... what have you done to me?"
Fraiser finally moved her hands away from him, but it didn't stop his writhing and thrashing.
"No... somebody help me!"
"Colonel?" Fraiser looked up at him piteously, and he knew she was asking if he could tell what Daniel was seeing this time. Unfortunately, he didn't have the answer.
"Can't... no... stop..." Daniel was repeating over and over, along with other words that were too slurred to understand. After a moment or two, however, one word came out loud and clear - "Hathor."
"God..." Jack muttered.
"Did he just say..."
"Hathor," Jack answered before Fraiser could fully voice her question. He bit back the revulsion and hate that always bubbled up inside him whenever he heard that name.
Neither of them needed to say any more than that. They both knew how traumatic Daniel's experience with Hathor had been for him. She had drugged and raped him to get the DNA she needed to make a batch of baby Goa'ulds, and the vulnerability and violation he had felt had haunted Daniel for quite some time. It had taken him a few weeks just to stop shying away from human contact.
Jack knew Daniel still had nightmares about it now and then to this day, which was technically what he was having now - only this was feeling more real to him than even the most vivid nightmare ever could.
Daniel let out a wail, loud and long, his expression one of panic and disgust. "Get your hands off me! Get away! Help me! Somebody help!" His body suddenly went limp and he stopped crying out as he lapsed into gut-wrenching sobs.
Jack clenched his fists and reminded himself how satisfying it had been to hurl that bitch over the rail and into the cryogenics vat to her death. It was only then that he realized his heart was pounding as though he'd run a marathon, and he was trembling like a leaf. He gave himself a mental shake and ordered his body to calm down as he glanced over at Fraiser.
She was sitting there staring at the sobbing man with her gloved hands pressed tightly to her mouth. From the look she had in her good eye, he could tell it was an attempt at stifling her own sobs.
"You okay?" Jack asked, though he could tell that she definitely was not okay.
Her head shook vaguely from side to side, but she didn't speak. She leaned forward again and laid her hand on Daniel's forehead.
Hoping to make himself useful, Jack took up a damp cloth and dipped it in the bowl of cool water on the stand by Daniel's bed. He wrung it out and then passed it over to Fraiser.
She looked up at him, puzzled for a moment. When she realized he was basically giving her permission to care for Daniel's needs, she accepted the cloth with a grateful nod and began wiping his face, neck, and arms with it again.
"Not crazy..." Daniel mumbled, his voice so weak it was barely audible.
Fraiser's hand froze mid-motion.
"I felt it... it was there... why won't you believe me?" He flinched and whimpered as Fraiser swiped the cloth across his fiery cheeks.
Jack knew he shouldn't just be standing around watching, but he couldn't seem to tear himself away from his friend's bedside.
"Footsteps... they're coming..."
Jack winced. The memory of his visit to Daniel's white padded cell flashed through his mind so vividly that for a moment he wasn't sure whether his friend's hysteric laughter was part of it or not. One look down at the man in the bed, however, showed him that the sound was very real.
Fraiser choked on a sob and jumped to her feet. Jack went to grasp her arm, but she rushed across the room so fast he didn't have a chance. Within moments she returned, bringing bandages and some kind of ointment jar with her.
"What are you doing?" Jack asked.
Fraiser didn't answer. With shaking hands, she shifted Daniel's restraints just a little, enough that Jack understood what was bothering her.
Daniel had tried so hard to break free that the skin on his wrists had worn away, leaving nothing but a bloody mess where the restraints had been.
Jack's jaw dropped in horror, and a wave of guilt washed over him. He couldn't believe they hadn't noticed that it was happening before now.
He watched in silence as Fraiser quickly dabbed ointment on the wounds and wrapped bandages around them. To his relief, Daniel seemed to be calming down again.
"He gonna be okay?" he asked when she was finished.
"In that respect, yes," she replied in a shaky voice.
Jack laid his hand on her shoulder. "Are you gonna be okay?"
She shrugged and avoided making eye contact with him. "I hope so," was all she said before she sat down and took hold of Daniel's hand again.
Jack sighed and rubbed a hand through his hair. "I'll be over there if you need me," he told her.
She didn't even look up at him, her attention focused completely on Daniel as he tossed his head from side to side and moaned.
Finally reaching a point of not being able to handle seeing his friend suffer so badly anymore, Jack hurried to the other side of the room to help Brom. The healer was trying to administer medication to a young woman who was in the throes of a violent seizure.
"Need some help, Brom?" It was a dumb question, and he knew it.
"Please," Brom replied. "Help me roll her onto her side."
Jack did as he was asked, while Brom administered the injection. Within two seconds, the woman's spasms had eased. Jack laid her on her back again as Brom checked her over to make sure she hadn't injured herself.
A moment later, a loud clatter and a frightened scream directed everyone's attention over to the far side of the room. For a split second, Jack hoped against hope that the sound wasn't coming from Daniel.
"Dr. Carmichael!"
Everything started happening too fast for him to take in. Carmichael came running in, nurses and aides swarmed around Daniel's bed, the cries that pierced the air grew louder and more frantic. It only took Jack a matter of seconds to make it back over there, but he felt like he was moving in slow motion.
The first thing he realized as he approached the small crowd of medical personnel was that it wasn't Daniel they were crowded around - it was Fraiser.
"What the hell is going on here?" he demanded of Carmichael, who seemed to be trying to restrain Fraiser by pinning her arms behind her back. The woman was struggling to get away from him, tears running down her face.
"He was in pain!" she cried. "Those damn restraints were hurting him!"
"Colonel, could you please escort Dr. Fraiser out of here?" Carmichael said, obviously trying not to sound cruel and only half succeeding.
Jack took the sobbing woman by her shoulders and pulled her away from Daniel's bedside. "Come on, Janet, let them work."
As he'd hoped, his use of her first name grabbed her attention. She looked up at him with pain-filled eyes. "I was just trying to make him more comfortable," she said through her tears.
"I know." He led her out of the ward and eased his grip on her arms as soon as the door closed behind them. "What happened?"
"He... he was reliving K... Kelowna," she stammered. "He cried out that his arms were on f... fire. Those restraints were hurting him, and I thought if I freed his hands..."
Jack nodded, understanding what had happened. "And he started to go wild again," he finished for her.
"He knocked the tray, that's all. They were overreacting. I have to get back in there..."
She tried to go, but Jack held her back. "They can take care of him, Doc. I think you need to step back for a bit."
If looks could kill, Jack would have dropped dead in an instant from the glare he received at this comment. "Colonel, he's in pain. He's reliving radiation poisoning, for God's sake! He needs me to be there for him."
Jack tightened his grip on the woman's arm as she tried to break free. "No offense, but I don't think he can tell one way or another who's with him..."
"Well I can! Now let me go!"
She struggled so violently to get away that Jack had to practically carry her down the hall and shove her into the now empty observation room. "Don't think so, Doc," he grunted as he unceremoniously deposited her in a chair. He kept hold of her shoulders to prevent her from standing up again. "You're staying here until you calm down."
He was expecting her to fight, to yell and curse and threaten and eventually bribe... he wasn't expecting her to break down on him. Much to his surprise, that's exactly what she did.
In an instant, she seemed to drain of all energy and all hope, and she sagged forward in the chair, buried her face in her hands, and wept.
Jack suddenly felt very self-conscious and unsure of what to do for her. He had never seen her like this before, not even when Daniel had died... well, ascended... nor when Cassandra had been so ill a few years before. He had seen her come close to her breaking point on several occasions, but he had always felt that she was unbreakable - the one constant in this unpredictable universe - the epitome of 'grace under fire.'
To see her broken like this... it was more than he could handle.
He gingerly knelt down beside her, and without a word he wrapped his arms around her trembling body and rested her head against his shoulder. Her arms encircled him like a vise, her fists clutching his shirt as she clung to him as if for dear life.
All passage of time was lost to them both as they cried out their grief and exhaustion
in each other's arms.
To be continued...