Chapter Four

Ryan didn't think he had ever seen any place as beautiful as New Port Beach during autumn. And, over the past seven years, he had been to a lot of places. But no matter where he had made his home throughout the past years, New Port still remained the most beautiful place and the one place that he suddenly wanted to be. Ryan found it almost amusing that he had spent almost eight years running from New Port only to desire its beauty and its people more then anything in the world. Oh how things seemed to have changed.

Though, as he walked slowly down the leaf-covered sidewalks, it didn't appear that much had changed at all. Every shop he passed still catered only to the rich and fabulous, the store fronts glittering with gold colored lining and the awnings perfectly washed and mended. The harbor had looked exactly the same as well, with yachts bobbing in the waves, though Ryan had noticed the absence of the only boat that had ever meant anything in his life.The Summer Breeze hadn't been tied at the dock but Ryan had to force himself not to take that as a bad omen; a lot of things could have happened in eight years, especially to a small boat.

And so, Ryan was expending his energy searching for a person as opposed to a boat. Though his reluctance to even be in New Port and be searching for his family caused his feet to fall heavy against the sidewalk, slowing his speed and giving him plenty of time to change his mind and head back to whatever state he was going to be living in next.

But Ryan forced his feet along, commanded himself to keep walking. Everything was so familiar, every street, every store, every aspect of New Port reminded him of the life he had once had. The life that he hadn't been born into but had spent many years growing into, appreciating and reaping as though it had been his own. Without Marissa, without the love of his life, that life meant little now and a part of him despised being in New Port without her. It was she who deserved to be enjoying the crisp fall air, it was she who should be admiring the beauty of the changing leaves as she walked down the sidewalks. He had no business being here, not without her.

And, somehow, Ryan knew that was why he had returned, to remind himself of Marissa, though rarely a second went by that he didn't think of her. He was also there to get the part of him he had left behind, the one piece of him he should have never been without. It had taken him almost eight years to realize that; it had taken him almost eight years to realize that he was ready for a daughter, for the one physical part of Marissa that he had left.

Ryan had spent as many hours of every day thinking about the child he had left behind as he did thinking about the woman that had left him. As the years went on, he cursed himself for ever having been so stupid, for blaming his child, his daughter for the death of her beautiful mother. How could he further push away Marissa by forsaking his daughter?

Though it had taken him many years to get this far, to return to this place, Ryan knew in the depths of his heart that he was ready to return, that he was ready in New Port once again. He couldn't begin to imagine what had happened without him, how his family had grown and changed; he tried to imagine his parents, tried to imagine what Kirsten and Sandy Cohen were doing now, what they had made of their lives since he had been gone. And it was even harder to imagine what his brother had been doing, how Seth was getting along; he didn't doubt that he was still with Summer and he wondered if they had any children. Seth had always wanted a big family and Ryan knew his adopted brother would be a good father.

The kind of father that Ryan hoped the be. He hoped that he wasn't too late, even though he knew that eight years was a long time. Where was his daughter now? Was she happy, safe and healthy? Did she know what had become of her mother? Did she miss her father? Or was she being raised by strangers as their daughter, unaware that she had another family? Ryan didn't want to think too much about the life that his daughter had been living without him; he didn't want to think about her with another family.

Ryan had come to New Port to make things right, to get his daughter and start his new life. With his family.

"Your mother will pick you up from school today." Seth told his squirming daughter, who was trying to wrench out of his hands as Summer pulled at the tangles in the young girl's blonde hair. "Madison, are you listening to me?"

Madison whimpered as Summer managed to pull the brush through her hair, held fast by her father's hands. "Yes." She answered with a sigh, stopping in her struggles. "After school."

Seth nodded. "I've got to go." He kissed his daughter on the nose. "I love you, princess."

Madison grabbed her father's wrist. "Butterfly kisses." She reminded the man. "You forgot butterfly kisses."

Seth grinned. "How could I forget butterfly kisses?" He feigned shock and leaned closer to his daughter. Father and daughter fluttered their eyelashes, Madison's favorite morning and evening ritual that both her parents cherished as well. Satisfied, Madison smiled at her father; Seth smiled as well, standing and leaning over his daughter to kiss her mother a kiss. "I'll call you when I get to work." He promised Summer once the kiss was broken.

"Okay. Have a good day." Summer kissed him again, lightly.

Seth headed toward the front door, leaving his wife and daughter behind to begin the parts of their days that he couldn't be a part of. He wished more then anything that he could keep Summer and Madison with him always, to know everything that happened to them in daylight hours but knew that it was impossible. He also knew how lucky he was not to be one of those husbands who spent more time in the office then he did with his family; every night he went to bed beside his wife and woke up beside her every morning and knew that he couldn't have been happier. And every morning he helped his daughter make her lunch and every night he read her countless bedtime stories and he knew he was one of the luckiest men in the world. Seth was more thankful then he could ever express that he had a job that was flexible and a mother that understood just how important family was. Kirsten Cohen would never overwork her son and keep him away from dinner with his family; she would never force him to file reports for The New Port Group when he should be tucking his daughter into bed.

Once Seth had left the house, Summer was faced with the task of brushing her daughter's hair without the assistance of her husband, who was often necessary when it came to holding down the squeamish child. Madison had Marissa's constantly curly hair and the tangled locks were constantly a problem.

Madison leapt off the kitchen table, surprising her mother and tearing off for the living room. Summer tossed the hair brush aside and shook her head, too amused with her daughter to be mad at the child; she wouldn't want someone pulling at her hair for twenty minutes either so she knew where Madison was coming from.

Summer headed into the living room and smiled when she saw her daughter hiding beneath one of the throw pillows on the couch. "Come on, sweetie, it's time for school." She said.

Madison slowly lifted her head, the pillow tumbling to the ground and she regarded her mother quizzically. "No more brushing?"

"No more brushing." Summer assured the girl.

Reassured, Madison scrambled off the couch and hurried over to her mother, throwing her arms around Summer's legs. "Will you work on my costume today?" She pleaded with childishly wide eyes. "Please."

"Sure, honey." Summer promised her daughter. "I'll work on it. Now hurry and get your backpack or we're going to be late."

Madison hurried to her room to retrieve her backpack and returned to the living room before her mother had even retrieved the keys to the car. Together, mother and daughter headed out of the house and toward the car, ready to begin the new day ahead of them.

Throughout the course of the day, Ryan had spent his hours wandering around the place that had once been his home, pulling up old memories and trying to make sense of the barrage of emotions coursing through his body. At times, it was difficult to believe that Marissa was not here with him, that he wouldn't just turn around and see her hurrying to catch up with him. It was difficult, perhaps the most difficult thing he'd ever done in his entire life, but Ryan somehow managed to continue down the streets.

At some point during the afternoon, he wound up new Harbor Elementary, a school that he had never had the privilege of attending. Children were rushing out of the double doors and down the stone steps, laughing gleefully as another school day came to an end; they were running to their parents or chasing their friends through a leafy courtyard. Ryan paused and watched as the young children ran around laughing, enjoying New Port fall and New Port life. He felt a pang in his heart to realize that he should be one of the parents picking up his child; he should be collecting his daughter, listening to her tell him about her day. Soon, Ryan promised himself, soon he would be one of those parents.

As Ryan watched, he let his eyes scan across the sidewalk, watching younger children as they hurried toward their parents, not pretending to be too cool for hugs as the older children did. He smiled faintly as he watched a five year old boy hurry to his father, his plastic Power Rangers lunchbox banging against his knee. The father scooped his son into his arms, ruffling his sandy blonde hair. Ryan wondered if his beautiful wife had survived if he would have a son as well as a daughter, a perfect family with a loving wife and perfect children. It wasn't something he wanted to give himself a lot of time to think about because Marissa wasn't alive and wishing for things to be different would do nothing but destroy his heart again.

Once the father and son had disappeared, Ryan found something else to occupy his attention. His mouth almost dropped open when his eyes settled on a striking raven-haired woman that he would recognize anywhere; even though he knew Summer Cohen on sight, he still found it hard to believe that he was actually seeing his friend.

Though it had been eight years since the last time Ryan had seen her, Summer still looked exactly the same; her jet-black hair fell down her back in curls, framing her soft, yet sharp face which seemed to have gotten a little kinder in the years. Down to her outfit, which was still expensive and expertly chosen, Summer was the same girl he had known since moving to New Port during his teenage years.

Ryan wanted more then anything to hurry to his friend and demand a detailed account of the lives he had missed but he forced himself to remain where he was, watching his wife's best friend for a while longer. Summer had yet to notice him, her gaze focused on the courtyard, a smile already fixed on her face. Ryan felt a small surge of joy to know that Seth and Summer were indeed parents, raising a brood, no doubt, of comic book and fashion obsessed little children.

As Ryan watched, Summer's smile grew wider and she knelt, opening her arms wide in order to wrap them around the girl that was running her way. Though he was expecting to see Summer with a child, he was once again taken by surprise by the sight that greeted his eyes. The child running into Summer's arms was a slender blonde child, almost eight years old, with unmistakable facial features. Ryan felt his mouth go dry as he saw the girl smile, a smile that was almost identical to that of the woman he had lost years ago. Her eyes, her nose, her cheek bones, they all belonged to Marissa. Was it possible? Was it even possible that his brother and sister-in-law had taken on his daughter as their own?

Summer wrapped her arms around her daughter and pulled Madison against her chest, kissing her on the top of the head. "How was your day, honey?" She questioned once Madison had wrestled away from her grip.

"I had to go to time out." Madison admitted, gazing at the sidewalk in shame. She wished that her mother would always think of her as the perfect child who never did anything wrong, but it was even harder to lie to her mother, which explained the sudden outpouring of truth.

Summer raised an eyebrow. "Why?" She questioned, trying to figure out if she even had the heart to punish her daughter. Madison seemed apologetic already and she hadn't even heard the crime that her child had committed. It was too early to begin passing judgment.

Madison refused to look up. "I threw a bottle of glue at Mindy Fisher." She answered. "Because she said my costume was going to be ugly."

Summer narrowed her eyes. "Well, Mindy Fisher is wrong." She answered, any thoughts of punishing Madison leaving her mind. "Because your mother would not let you have an ugly costume."

Nodding, reassured once again, Madison looked up at her mother with a growing smile. Summer smiled back and got to her feet, taking her daughter's hand. "Just, promise me you won't throw glue at Mindy Fisher anymore, okay." She said and Madison nodded. After a second had paused, Summer looked at her daughter with a devious smile. "Did you hit her?"

Madison nodded once again, a devilish smile on her face. "Yes, right in the face."

Summer ruffled her daughter's hair. "That's my girl." She took Madison's hand and turned toward her car.

And that was when she noticed Ryan Atwood for the first time in eight years. And he was staring back at her, watching her with the intensity that hadn't left his eyes since he was a teenager. The years had not been too kind to Ryan, or perhaps it was the loss of his wife that had caused his face to grow haggard, his eyes to grow dim and his expressions to become stony.

Summer and Ryan locked eyes and Summer could read the thoughts going through his mind, could see the truth reflecting in his eyes. She knew why he had returned to New Port, knew what his sudden presence was going to mean. Her life was about to be turned upside down, one way or another. And Ryan just affirmed her beliefs in the way that he stared first at her and then at her daughter. Her daughter.

Madison tugged on her hand, catching Summer's attention and pulling it away from Ryan. "What's the matter, Mommy?" She questioned.

"Nothing." Summer answered, though there was little conviction in her voice. Turning her attention back to Ryan, she pulled Madison into her arms, certain that was she doing to gesture solely to show possession. To let Ryan know that Madison was her child and there was no way he was going to take her. Madison wrapped her arms around her neck and buried her face in Summer's black hair.

Ryan watched as Summer walked away, toward her car that she had parked along side the sidewalk. He couldn't begin to make sense of the feelings that he had coursing through his body, twisting his heart and making him feel pain unlike he had felt in years. He couldn't quite explain the betrayal that he felt at the moment, couldn't even try to put it into words.

His family, his only family, appeared to be no longer his.