Author's Note: You would not believe the amount of blood, sweat, and tears that I put into this—not to mention a whole bunch of whining! Yes, yes, BAD unique-purple-starfish for being too scared to write something other than her Rurouni Kenshin humor fics. Oh well. Here's my pathetic attempt to write something different. Oh, and kudos to Anubis-Shinigami. I can't write action scenes to save my life. So I got some help. So what?

Disclaimer: Ask Anubis-Shinigami. We. Don't. Own. Cowboy. Bebop.

Chapter 2

Faye blinked. Okay, calm down…there has GOT to be a plausible explanation for this...maybe I should lay off the alcohol. But how would that explain the extra body part I saw down there? She shuddered. A more important problem hit her then. And how do I work that thing?

She stared at the image reflected in the mirror, yanking at her—his—hair. Perhaps it would distort the image, and she would begin to see herself again—but no, it was still Spike's reflection.

Realizing that there was no way for her to solve this on her own, she decided that she would have to head back to the Bebop—wait! CRAP! As she kicked the door open, she noticed that the room she was in was different. Of course! I'm where Spike was when…we…switched…She would have to figure out where the Swordfish was just as much as she would have to figure out how to eliminate bodily wastes.

Angrily, she shut the door and headed into the hallway, checking to make sure she had Spike's keys with her. She was met by an angry waitress.

"Excuse me," Faye said politely, as she attempted to pass the waitress.

"I don't think so. You've got a bill to pay." The woman stood in front of Faye and crossed her arms.

"I think you have the wrong…" Faye began—but then, she remembered. Oh, Spike, you ASS! Skipping bills when…oh…I was the one that took his money. Damn.

"I'm waiting. Do you realize that if you don't pay for the food, I have to? So pay up!"

"Er…" Faye resorted to the only plan she had.

"Hey, Ed. Do you know where Faye and Spike went?" Jet asked.

"Faye-faye and Spike went bye-bye!"

"Oh. They're usually back by now. Do you know where they went?"

"Nope, nope, nope! Ed doesn't know!"

After hours of searching for Spike's Swordfish, Faye finally found it. She was beginning to feel a little guilty about the incident with the waitress. Well…she was in my way! Who wouldn't have knocked her out? She felt another twinge of guilt as a memory of an unconscious waitress stuffed into a broom closet flashed across her mind. Faye shook her head and clambered into the cockpit.

Anyways, I have more pressing matters to think about at the moment…

Faye put the key into the ignition.

Spike stared at the reflection, horror written all over his—Faye's—face. His expression lightened as soon as his attention began focusing on something else. Two somethings, actually. Hmmmm, these boobs are amusing!

He shrugged, deciding that it would be best to fly back to the Bebop to discuss things with Faye, as much as he hated the very thought of doing so.

He began walking, noting that the boobs would bounce jauntily with every step he took. It didn't feel very comfortable, and he made a mental note to ask Faye about it later. If anything good came out of this, it was that there were no murderous waitresses around to demand his nonexistent money. That would be Faye's problem. He chuckled. What goes around, comes around…

After enduring many butt pinches/slaps/gropes, Spike finally made his way through the crowd and into the parking lot.

Faye's ship was easy enough to find—it was the one that took up about five parking spaces. Spike shook his head. Women.

He pulled out Faye's keys and climbed in.

"FAYE?!"

"SPIKE?!"

"WHAT?!"

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

Jet sighed. Well, they're back…Hang on. That was odd. Jet could have sworn that he heard Spike yelling his own name and Faye yelling her own name. He shrugged, deciding that he probably heard wrong and that this was just a normal argument between the two.

He heard two doors being slammed simultaneously. That would mean that they have gone to their rooms…

Faye poked her head out of her door. Jet would find it odd if he found us in the wrong rooms…I'm going to have to kick Spike out of his room… Faye wrinkled her nose. She had only been in his room once, and one time was already enough.

It seemed that Spike had the same idea, because he had poked his head out of his room as well.

"Let's try this again," they said to each other at the same time.

Deciding to ignore how alike their minds were, they walked to each other's rooms, and both proceeded to slam their doors shut—at the same time.

Faye poked her head out of the door again. She had a few pressing questions she needed to ask Spike about how…a man's body worked. It seemed that, once again, Spike had the same idea, since he had done the same.

"Uh…Spike? I…how do you…you know, pee?" Faye asked.

"It's easy. Just aim and shoot."

"Like a gun?"

"Yup. Like a gun."

"Gotcha."

"HEY! IT'S DINNER TIME, YOU TWO!" Jet called.

"COMING!" Faye turned to Spike. "Anything else that's special about the male body that I need to worry about?"

Spike thought for a moment. "Nope, not really…"

"Okay, then…" Faye turned to leave.

"Oh, and Faye?"

"What?"

"Do your…ah…coconuts always bounce when you walk?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"OOOH! They're perky!" Spike said, laughing. He poked them with his index finger. Faye shook her head.

"Pervert."

"Takes one to know one."

They walked down to dinner.

Jet stared. "Uh…Faye?"

'Faye' (Spike) looked up from his bowl, food dotting his, face, the table, and anywhere that was even remotely close to him. "What?" Bits of food sprayed out of his mouth, and he attempted unsuccessfully to hide this by wiping it up with the end of Faye's sleeve. Jet wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Are you…okay?"

"Yeah, sure…why?"

"Uh…" Jet turned to look at 'Spike' (Faye), who, oddly enough, was eating very politely. "Did you two get a personality change or something? What's going on?"

Ed laughed. "Tehee! Ed thinks that Faye-faye and Spike switched bodies!" She handed a scrap of food to Ein.

Faye, who had not been paying attention to the conversation, chose that very moment to address Spike. "Hey, you big lug. Stop eating so much! You're going to make me fat!"

Spike froze.

Jet looked at Faye. "What did you say, Spike? Faye's going to make you fat by eating too much?"

Faye immediately turned red. "Er…I meant…make her fat…yeah…uh…um…" Faye grabbed a pile of plates and walked as fast as she could to the sink. "I'll just…go…wash these…"

"HEY! I wasn't done with that!" Spike said mournfully, as he watched Faye take the remains of his meal. He was met with a stony glare from Faye before she left the dining area.

Spike was left alone to face Jet. "So, what was that about?" Jet asked.

"Oh, uh…you know Spike. He probably got hungry and ate one of those mushrooms again. I mean, honestly. Me, make him fat? Right? Heh, heh…I better shut up now…"

Jet agreed.

Taking a shower was the worst part. Actually, for Spike, it was quite amusing. Throughout the entirety of his shower, he amused himself by poking Faye's…uh…coconuts and thinking about how 'perky' they were.

Faye, on the other hand, tried not to look…down…during her shower. It was hard not to, since she had to wash that area, too.

Going to the restroom was a different matter entirely. Deciding to take Spike's oh so eloquent advice on the matter, she tried it. It was as simple as Spike had said: aim and shoot. Unfortunately, Faye needed to work on the aiming part. But otherwise, it went quite well.

Ah. Sleep. Known to many as the best part of the day, sleep refreshes the individual for the coming of the next day. It dictates a person's life: eat, work, eat, work, sleep, eat, etc. It's a vicious cycle.

Unfortunately for Spike and Faye, life is a cruel thing. These poor individuals were denied the luxury of sleep for a variety of reasons. Spike soon found out that a woman's coconuts are not so amusing when one is trying to sleep. Oh, sure, for sleeping on his back, they were fine. For poking in the shower, they were great. They were not, however, great for sleeping on one's stomach. Every time he attempted to do so, a shock of pain would jolt him awake. Squishing your boobs into the bed is not a comfortable thing, as most females will tell you.

For Faye, sleep didn't come easily either. There was a slight smell in Spike's room that she couldn't quite place—and she was certain she saw some…creatures scuttle across the room in the dark.

And she was pretty sure that she didn't want to know what those…creatures…were.

"We have another mission, you two…well, actually two people. 100,000 woolongs each. Not bad, eh?" Jet sat down on the couch. "Show them, Ed."

"Okey dokey!" Ed typed on her computer at an alarming speed, considering the fact that she was typing with her feet. A picture of a woman flashed onto the screen.

Jet read the description. "Aminari Akira. She calls herself the 'Temptress.' She lures men into bed, in order to steal their money or any other precious items. After emptying the victim's wallet, pockets, or anything else that may contain anything of value, she kills them. She works for a brothel that's next to a train station."

"Hm…" Faye stared at the screen. "Weird chick."

"Next one, Ed." The sound of typing was heard.

"Takemono Shiro. He's a drug dealer. Sells every drug you can think of on the black market. He also runs a brothel and is constantly on the lookout for new…additions. Akira works for him in his brothel and gives him a percentage of what she steals. Oh, and he normally hangs out around his brothel—you know the one. It's called Takemono's Palace."

Spike and Faye looked at each other.

"I suggest that you each go after one person. Faye, you should go after the drug dealer. You'll have an easy time luring him, since I'm sure he'll think that you would be a great addition to his brothel. Spike, you go after the 'Temptress'. Since you are a man, you'll be a perfect target. Okay? Oh, and you'll have to split the bounty."

Though they both felt a sense of dread, Faye and Spike agreed.

"It shouldn't be hard. They're both in the same area…"

Faye headed toward the ship dock. Great. So I get to pretend to be a MAN…for this weirdo slut named Akira, more or less. She climbed into the cockpit of her ship.

She absentmindedly began trying to stuff the key into the ignition. Why won't this dumb thing fit? Then it dawned on her. She was supposed to be Spike right now, which meant that she was carrying his keys. Great. Lovely. She had to fly the Swordfish.

Apparently, Spike was having the same problems, and, without a word, they both switched ships.

Ah, what a lovely start.

Looking around the train station, Faye sat down on a bench. Hiding behind a large newspaper, her eyes scanned the crowd looking for the face of…

There. Aminari Akira. Now, all Faye had to do was get her attention. How do most guys get a woman's attention? While still keeping an eye on Akira, who had stopped to flirt with a guy, she thought about it for a moment. What do most guys do to me? Then, it hit her. It was so simple. I have to get close enough to pinch/slap/grope her ass! Easier said than done… Faye wrinkled her nose in disgust. I don't know about you, but pinching other people's asses doesn't seem like a very appealing thing to do to me.

Setting down her newspaper, Faye began inching toward her target.

Dude, this wasn't going to be easy…

She closed her eyes…

I'm just going to have to do it!

Reaching her hand towards Aminari Akira's behind, she slapped it. There.

"What the—" Turning around, Akira stared at Faye for a moment and then smiled a catty smile. "Oh. And who might you be, you sexy beast?"

"Er…"

Great. Spike had just arrived at "Takemono's Palace", and it was safe to say that he didn't like the place one bit.

Jet had said that he didn't have to go in to the brothel. Spike decided that it would be in his best interest just to hang out around the outside. Inside, there was sure to be men in there just waiting to pinch a woman's ass.

Speaking of which—

"ACK! WHAT THE HELL?!" Spike rubbed his butt and turned around to get a good look at the butt-pinching culprit.

Lo and behold, it just happened to be the very man he was searching for: Takemono Shiro. Time to act like a woman.

Pasting a smile which he hoped would pass as sexy, Spike sauntered after Shiro. "Hey, hot-stuff. What's up? Lookin' for a good time?"

Takemono Shiro turned to look at Spike with a lecherous smile on his face. "I could say the same to you, babe. Say, are you working for anyone?"

"Nope…"

"How would you like to work in my brothel?"

"I'd love to, Takem—er, I mean, sir…"

Shiro narrowed his eyes. "I didn't tell you my name yet. So how do you know it?"

Damn. "Uh…"

Before Spike could finish his sentence, Takemono broke off into a run. "You're one of them bounty hunters! I can't believe you tracked me down!" Takemono slugged Spike in the face. Oh, how lovely. "Hey, you loser! Didn't your mommy ever teach you never to hit girls!?" Spike called after him, getting a good grip on his gun and quickly sprinting after the jerk.

This was where Spike learned a valuable lesson: women don't have it easy—especially when running. Just as he realized that 'coconuts' made sleeping difficult, he also learned that coconuts weren't so convenient for running, either. They bounced just a little too much.

"Er…my name is…Bob…"

"Wow. What a sexy name, Bob." Akira fingers trailed Faye's face. "Why don't I give you a night to remember, hm? What do you say? I'll make you feel good…"

Inwardly, Faye started to panic. She knew what this woman did for a living to men, and she didn't want to be one of the victims. Besides, getting THIS close to this woman was bad enough. Wanting to end this confrontation as soon as she could, Faye attempted to grab hold of her gun.

"What the HELL?!" Akira yelled as Faye pointed a gun at her. Faye could feel her hand slightly trembling as she held the gun. She didn't know whether the fear came from losing the bounty . . .or losing to Akira.

Akira laughed condescendingly. Men… always so helpless…Smirking, Akira kicked the gun out of Faye's hand before punching her in the face. That should keep him away for a while . . .

Ow…pain…wait a minute -- I'm conscious?! Faye quickly opened her eyes just in time to see Akira head straight for an oncoming train. Oh no my precious bounty-head, there is no way you're getting away from me . . .I don't think Spike will like it if I have to steal his money…again.

Faye leaped to her feet and dashed after Akira. This is crazy! I'm not going to make it! She dived for the train, hands outstretched, hoping, praying…

She made it—barely. Her hands caught onto cold metal bars, and she swung her legs over the side.

"Sorry!! Excuse me! Coming through!" Faye yelled, shoving past random people in the car. Within a few minutes, Faye caught a glimpse of Akira up ahead in the next car. Faye burst into the cabin, accidentally tackling a terrified woman. "Argh…sorry…"

Leaping up from the ground quickly, Faye dashed after Akira, who was already moving toward the door to the next cabin. "NO!" Diving after her, Faye caught Akira's ankles. Wobbling slightly, Akira struggled to remain standing—which she finally accomplished.

"Bastard. So you managed to catch up with me—not that it matters. Eat lead, asshole!" Akira yelled. She fired her gun, sending a spray of bullets toward Faye. Quickly rolling out of the way, Faye ducked behind the seats as the screaming passengers clambered to get out of the car. One man fell dead. Catching the body, Faye ran towards Akira, blocking the myriad of bullets that Akira sent towards her.

"Using another person as a shield?!" Akira sneered.

"I'm not the one who killed him!" Faye yelled as she used her shoulder to throw the passenger toward Akira. The impact caught Akira off balance, and she fell. When Akira finally kicked the passenger off, she found herself nose-to-nose with Faye's gun.

Spike had Takemono cornered. The lecherous idiot had run into a dead end.

"You think you're so clever, don't you? Cornering me like an animal, bounty hunter? Is that the BEST you can do?!" Takemono said, trying to hide the fear in his voice.

Forgetting about his gun and the fact that he was no longer in his own body, Spike launched his favorite attack—kicking first with the right leg and then turning around and letting the left leg make a comeback. SCORE!

Spike grinned as a stunned Takemono lay bleeding on the floor.

"Yeah, this is the best I can do," Spike answered smugly, holding his gun to Takemono's head.

After they had taken both of the criminals to a police station and collected the bounty, Faye and Spike counted their money. There really was nothing to count, as both people were worth exactly the same amount.

"Okay, so you get 100,000 woolongs for Takemono, and I'll get the other 100,000 woolongs for Aminari. Well, that splits evenly…"

"Okay, then…" Spike turned to Faye's ship. "I guess I'll have to fly your piece of junk again…"

Faye snorted. "At least mine has a working radio AND a minibar."

"A minibar?! As in it has liquor?"

"Anyway, are you going back to the Bebop?" Faye asked abruptly, quickly changing the subject. Afraid of what Spike would do if he found her secret stash, Faye decided that it wasn't worth taunting him.

"Nope. I'm going out somewhere to enjoy myself."

Faye shrugged. "Okay. Don't overdo it."

As Spike landed in another city (which came up on his radar), he realized he had forgotten to ask Faye an important question. This question involved the very lovely topic of the menstrual cycle. Yes, Spike was a little confused on the subject, since he was a guy.

What is a person to do when blood comes out of…there? Will I become bitchy like Faye does when she's on her period? Sheesh. I hate women—especially PMSing women. I hope this thing is over with before Faye's period starts…

Shuddering at the very thought of it, Spike walked into a dingy-looking tavern. He needed to forget a few things.

"Hey Jet. I'm back…" Faye smiled.

"Oh, hello, Spike. Do you know where Faye went?"

"I don't know, and I don't really care. She said she wasn't coming back to the Bebop, though…"

"Oh, okay. What are you going to do?"

"Me? I'm going to take a well-earned nap."

With that, Faye promptly shut the door of Spike's bedroom in Jet's face.

Spike sat in the tavern, sipping his drink. A sleazy-looking man had served him his drink with a slightly suspicious smile on his face. Spike had just shrugged it off, thinking that the waiter was probably just planning to try and pinch his ass or something—which most men seemed to enjoy doing. He didn't exactly appreciate doing so—not since…—well…he didn't want to think about it.

While sipping his drink, Spike decided that there really was nothing to worry about. How wrong he was. As soon as these thoughts entered his head, his vision began to blur.

"What—" Spike realized too late what was going on. "You—"

The waiter laughed. "Women are so easy to manipulate…"

And everything went black.

Author's Note: Argh…I'm sorry. This chapter sucks compared to Anubis-Shinigami's chapter. Oh well…be happy. It took a lot for me to crank this out. It's definitely not the best, but I can say, at the very least, that I tried. Okay? REVIEW! :o)