The sun was rising as Sam made her way back to the Stargate, but the town center was as silent and still as it had been during her little field trip in the dead of night. While the atmosphere was no longer oppressive and eerie, she still felt a shiver run down her spine as she thought of all that had happened here. She could hardly believe it had been less than twenty-four hours since the four of them had arrived on this planet. Their lives had changed unalterably in that time.
When she reached the Stargate, she sank down onto one of the stone steps to wait. Dr. Holmes had contacted the SGC a little while earlier and was told that a team of archaeologists would be coming through at this time to examine the Ancients' structure and hopefully translate the writing they had found. Sam had requested to be the one to meet them when they arrived. She felt she needed some time alone to think, and the walk to the Stargate was her best chance at getting it.
She leaned her elbows on her knees and buried her face in her hands as her mind replayed the scene she had witnessed just moments before - Janet preparing Daniel to be taken home. Since the organisms in his system were finally dead and he was no longer contagious, Janet had requested to get him back to the SGC as soon as possible. Colonel O'Neill had been more than happy to agree - he wanted to get as far away from this planet as possible, just like the rest of them.
Once she had heard this, Janet had wasted no time in starting to prepare Daniel for the trip. When she had tried to give him a quick sponge bath, however, he had awoken and tried to fight her off. It had taken a minute to get him back under control, but even after he stopped fighting her, his screams of agony every time Janet had touched his broken skin were heartrending. Sam had heard them all the way down the hall where she was still working in the lab. She had rushed to the fever ward just in time to see him curl up in a ball on the bed, shivering and sobbing as though he had been tortured and violated in the worst possible way. Janet hadn't looked much better.
Tears sprang into Sam's eyes as she remembered how excited Daniel had been to come to this planet. It was their first real "exploration" mission as a team in a long time, and he had confided to her before they left how much he had missed doing that of late. She wished now that they'd never left the SGC. Whether he enjoyed it or not, he would have been fine if he'd been stuck in his office poring over translations and cataloguing artifacts.
She clenched her fists and brought them down hard on the stone platform. It was all so damn unfair. What the hell had Daniel ever done to deserve something like this? Why did it always have to be him that this kind of thing happened to?
It had been so intensely painful to watch as he had succumbed to radiation poisoning two years earlier that she had almost died with him. That was why she couldn't bear to just sit around and watch it happen all over again. She had hoped that this time she'd be able to do something to save him, but once again, she had failed. Nothing she had done had made a shred of difference. Nothing she could do could repair the damage that had been done. She hadn't even been there to comfort him through it. What kind of a friend was that?
Now it was too late. His mind was completely gone. He didn't even seem to recognize any of them, not even Janet. While he'd had amnesia before and come through it, his memory loss then wasn't caused by brain damage, nor was it so complete that he couldn't function on his own. This was much, much worse. He didn't even seem to know his own name.
Sam was startled to her feet as the inner wheel of the Stargate started to spin and the first chevron locked. 'Right on time,' she thought as she glanced at her watch. She wiped her face with her sleeve to get rid of any telltale signs of her tears as the wormhole engaged.
Before long, six figures came through the gate, all dressed in hazmat suits, some carrying equipment or baggage of some kind. Even through their helmets, though, Sam immediately recognized each one of them.
"Colonel Dixon," she greeted as he made his way down the steps towards her.
He nodded his acknowledgment. "Major. You the welcoming party?"
"Yes, Sir." She smiled and nodded at the rest of his team, and noted that Lt. Satterfield and Dr. Lee were also with them. She was glad of that - Lt. Satterfield had been Daniel's shadow ever since he had descended, and she had become quite skilled at translating the Ancients' language because of it. Dr. Lee was their foremost expert on alien technologies, so she knew the alien laboratory would be in good hands with him. "I'll show you the way," she said, holding out her arm in the direction of the building they had come to see.
Satterfield fell into step beside her as they walked along. "If you don't mind my asking, Major," she said, "how is Dr. Jackson?"
Sam looked over at the young woman and saw the sincere concern in her eyes. She knew the lieutenant had always been fond of Daniel, even to the point of having a sizable crush on him, so she chose her words carefully. "He's... pretty sick," she finally answered. "The illness has run its course now, but he's been left with some pretty debilitating aftereffects."
"But he's going to be okay, right?"
Sam looked away, unable to meet the young woman's gaze any longer. "I sure hope so," was all she could honestly say.
They spent the remainder of the trek in silence.
"Janet, we're going to have to dress him somehow and get him onto the stretcher."
Carmichael's clipped words irritated Janet to no end. She knew exactly what they had to do. They couldn't just take Daniel out in the cool morning air with nothing but a thin blanket covering him, after all. She just couldn't face putting him through more pain by touching him - at least not yet. His agonized screams from getting him cleaned up had only just died down to heartbroken sobs, and she wasn't anxious to hear anything like that again. "It can wait until he calms down," she snapped.
He clamped his hand around her arm and pulled her over to the side of the room. Janet was about to squawk a protest when he spoke. "He's not going to calm down anytime soon, and you know it."
She stared up at him for a moment in dumbfounded shock. She couldn't believe those words had just come out of his mouth. "He will if we just leave him alone for a few more minutes," she said after a moment of trying to get her voice to work.
"No," Carmichael countered, "in a few minutes he will be hallucinating again, and for all we know it'll be even worse than before. We have to do what we can when we can, Janet, and you know it."
"But..."
"I know you don't want to cause him any more pain," he said, his tone softening in an instant, "but this is going to hurt him no matter what we do or when we do it. I suggest that you just leave the room and let Brom and I take care of it."
"No," Janet said firmly. "I'm not leaving him again."
"Then you're going to have to either help us, or stay out of our way." His words may have been stern, but his eyes held nothing but compassion. "It's up to you."
Janet bit back a retort with great effort and simply nodded, spun on her heel, and walked back over to Daniel's bedside. He was still turned away from her, curled up into a ball with his hands over his face as he cried. "Daniel?" she said, reaching out to lightly touch his back.
Daniel flinched at the contact, and Janet quickly withdrew her hand.
"Janet."
She shot Carmichael a glare over her shoulder. "Just give me a moment."
Daniel whimpered at her sharp tone and covered his head with his arms. They served to muffle his cries of pain as muscle spasms wracked his body at even this slight movement.
Janet lost all resolve as she looked down at him. "This is ridiculous," she said, keeping her voice low so as not to frighten Daniel again. "If we wait a while, we'll be able to give him more sedative."
Carmichael sighed and rubbed his forehead. "That will be in another hour, if not two. You said you wanted him home as quickly as possible."
"I do, I..."
Carmichael rested a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Until the organisms are completely cleared out of his system, the sedative isn't going to do much anyway," he reasoned. "Let's just get this over with, okay?"
Janet took a deep breath and nodded. 'Just get it over with,' she chanted to herself. 'Just get it over with.'
She kept repeating the mantra to herself as she pried Daniel's arms away from his face. She kept on repeating it as she and Carmichael fought with him to dress him in clean scrubs. She kept it going even when his hoarse screams nearly drowned out the sound of her own thoughts.
'Almost there... just get this over with and we'll be home,' she encouraged herself as she stepped back to let Carmichael and Teal'c move Daniel onto a stretcher and strap him down. By this time, Daniel's voice was spent, and he silently allowed them to do whatever they wanted to him. His body convulsed with every movement he was forced to make, however, and the pain in his eyes was almost unbearable. 'Just get this over with,' she commanded herself. She could break down later.
She grabbed Daniel's things as Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c lifted his stretcher and carried him out of the ward. His pack was heavy and she was exhausted, so she soon found herself lagging far behind them. Part of her was glad of that - it meant she couldn't hear Daniel's groans of agony as he was jostled along.
"Do you need help with that?" asked a voice at her elbow as she stepped outside.
Janet forced a grateful smile as Dr. Flietstra took the pack from her without waiting for an answer. "Thanks, Brian."
"How are you holding up?"
Janet took a deep breath of the morning air before she answered. "I'll be fine," she said as she started walking again.
Brian walked right along beside her. "I was thankful to hear that Daniel made it through the worst," he said. "To be honest, though, I think he hates me."
She looked up at him in surprise. "What do you mean by that?"
"I mean, he seems to go well out of his way to avoid keeping my company," he said in a mock serious tone. "I can't count the amount of times he's pulled a miracle out of his hat just as he's realized he's about to become my responsibility. Not that I mind, of course. I'm quite happy to never see him again, if it comes right down to it."
Tears stung Janet's eyes at her friend's attempt at lightening the mood. He had such an odd sense of humour, yet his heart was so big that she couldn't help but love him anyway. She took his hand and gave it a quick squeeze. "I hope you never see him again, too," she said.
Brian smiled and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "He's going to be fine, Janet. Just wait and see. He'll be as good as new before you know it."
These words weighed heavily on Janet's heart. 'Good as new?' she thought. 'That's a bit too much to hope for. "Somewhat functional" might be a more attainable goal.'
By the time the two of them reached the Stargate, Teal'c had already dialed the gate and he and Colonel O'Neill were standing on the stone dais waiting for them. "Ready, Doc?" Colonel O'Neill asked.
Janet looked Daniel over first to make sure he was okay. While she was doing so, his hand started straining against his bonds and he looked up at her anxiously as though he were trying to tell her something. "What is it, Daniel?" she asked.
He blinked his eyes hard as tears streamed down his cheeks, and he strained even harder against his restraints.
"I think he wants you to hold his hand, Doc," Colonel O'Neill said.
Janet mentally shook herself for not cluing into that on her own. "It's okay, Daniel," she said as she took his hand. "There's nothing to be afraid of. We'll be home soon."
Despite her soothing words, Daniel's eyes grew wider with panic and he gripped her hand so hard it was painful.
"I think we'd better go through before he starts flipping out again," the colonel said. He nodded to Teal'c, and the Jaffa stepped backwards through the event horizon, pulling his end of the stretcher along with him. Colonel O'Neill, Janet, and Dr. Flietstra followed right behind.
The few seconds of disorientation as she was demolecularized soon passed, and the next thing Janet knew, she was in the SGC's gateroom. Before she had a chance to completely get her bearings, however, the pain in her hand suddenly cranked up a notch. "Colonel, stop!" she cried as the pain drove her to her knees.
Daniel's panicked gasps for air soon followed. The sounds of his desperate struggle for breath echoed throughout the large concrete room as soon as the gate shut down.
All eyes were upon them as Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c set the stretcher down and tried to free Janet's hand from Daniel's viselike grip. "Can we get some help here?" the colonel called.
Two SF's immediately appeared at Janet's side, and between them they managed to open Daniel's fist enough for Janet to pull herself free. Medics soon followed, and they quickly started Daniel on oxygen, lifted the stretcher onto a gurney, and whisked him away.
Janet could only sit there in stupefied shock as Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c jogged off after them. Her hand was throbbing and her head was pounding, but every fiber of her being was screaming at her to get on her feet and follow them to the infirmary. She just couldn't do it. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't muster up the energy or the will even to stand up.
"Come on, Janet," a soft voice said in her ear. "Let's get you out of here."
She allowed the person to help her to her feet and lead her down the ramp. She walked blindly alongside whoever it was out of the gateroom and down the hallway. It wasn't until they reached the elevator that she realized it was Brian who was guiding her along with his arm around her waist.
"I'm sorry," she said, her voice sounding so weak and defeated that it even surprised her. "I don't know why I caved in like that."
"Well, I do," he said. "You're exhausted both physically and emotionally. You need to step back from this for a little while." He swiped his key card through the scanner by the side of the elevator, and the door swung open.
"I'm really getting sick of hearing people say that," Janet argued as he ushered her inside. "I don't need to step back. I promised Daniel I'd stay with him. Please take me to the infirmary."
Brian looked at her for a moment, and then sighed and pressed the button for Level 21.
"Thank you."
"I'm only complying because you should get your hand examined first."
Janet suppressed the urge to let out a string of expletives at the man. "Brian..."
"Doctor's orders, Janet. I want you to step back for a bit."
"You're a pathologist."
"That makes me any less a doctor?"
Janet sighed in frustration and leaned her back against the elevator wall. She didn't have the energy to argue any further. "Fine."
She didn't kick up a fuss as he took her to Dr. Warner and gave him the rundown of all that had happened to her. In fact, she ran on autopilot throughout her entire post-mission exam. She didn't feel the prick of the needle as her blood was taken, she barely acknowledged the passing of time as she waited for the results of the x-rays on her hand, and she could only just manage a tight thank you when Dr. Warner finally released her with a clean bill of health. Her brain had ceased to function along with the rest of her body, it seemed. She was living by instinct alone.
Once she was out in the hallway alone, however, the reality of the situation finally dawned on her. Daniel was going through God knew what, and she wasn't allowed to see him. She had been released from the infirmary, but that was the only place she wanted to be. She felt so alone and so helpless, and her heart ached as she thought of what Daniel must be going through.
A wave of nausea washed over her as her head began to spin at the overwhelming thoughts rushing through her mind. She stumbled into the nearest washroom just in time to lose what little food she had in her system.
"Are you alright, Dr. Fraiser?" one of her nurses called through the door of her stall.
"I'll be fine, thank you," she answered. She got to her feet and flushed the toilet as if to prove it.
Thankfully, the nurse left her alone once she came out of the stall and shuffled over to the sink. She hated being the center of attention at times like this. She washed her hands and splashed water on her face, wincing as she touched the bruise on her cheekbone. 'Damn,' she thought, 'why do I keep forgetting about that?'
She chanced a quick look in the mirror then, just to see how bad it was, and she was astounded at what she saw.
"Oh God," she breathed as she took in the ugly black eye, wildly disheveled hair, redness and swelling from all of the crying she'd been doing, and the lines of exhaustion and worry that creased her forehead and the sides of her mouth. "What a mess."
She turned her back to the mirror and slowly sank to the floor, the image of her own face draining her of the last traces of energy that she had. "Oh God," she repeated, burying her face in her hands. "What am I going to do?"
An overwhelming feeling of loss and loneliness engulfed her as her thoughts turned to Daniel. In the course of one day, she had gone from being blissfully happy in sharing her life with the man she loved to dreading seeing him again for fear that it would break her completely. She couldn't stand to see him suffering like this. She couldn't face having to care for him like she knew she was required now to do. It was all just too much for her to bear.
Her heart broken into a million pieces, Janet lay down on the cold, hard floor and wept. She wept for Daniel, who would no longer know anything but fear and torment for what little time he had left. She wept for herself, for the suffering she had witnessed and would have to witness again before long. She wept for Cassie, who had come to care for Daniel as a father and would now be losing yet another parent from her young life. She wept for SG-1, who were losing their friend and brother in such a horrible way. And she wept for their child - the child they had planned to have together but now would never be.
She cried until she had no more tears left to cry. Once she managed to pull herself together
again, she picked herself up off the floor and made her way to a vacant VIP room, where she
collapsed onto the bed and fell immediately into a deep sleep.
To be continued...