AUTHOR'S NOTES: Boo-ya! The big 5-0 at last!
Cantina Band
Premise: A song for Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes. Also, this is a sort of companion to one of Steve Cavanaugh's songs. You'll understand most of the references if you've read Tales From The Mos Eisely Cantina.
To: Billy Joel's "Pianoman"
It's midday down at Chalmun's place
In this dwelling of violence and sin
There's a Devonian sitting next to me
Making eyes at the Tonnika twins
He says "D'an, can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's sad and it's sweet and I sang every beat
When I watched the Rebels decompose"
La de da, da de daa, la da da de da, da da…
Play us a song, you're the cantina band
Play us a song tonight
Because even we scum like a melody
In the background when we start to fight
The man at the bar sends chills up my spine
He's creepy and shadowy
I wish that he'd choke on the pipe that he smokes
But alas, now he's looking at me
He says "Sir, all this racket is killing me"
As he stares off somewhere in space
"Now I want you to play that thing properly
Or I'll suck the soup out of your face."
Feltipern Travagg is having fun
On the last date of his life
He's out with Nightlily, which is stupid and silly
She cuts her dates with her tongue-knife
And a Jedi is using his mental tricks
As an Aqualish slowly gets stoned
When they fight, just one swipe with a laser sword
And Ponda's left with a stump and a moan
Play us a song, you're the cantina band
Play us a song tonight
Because even we scum like a melody
In the background when we start to fight
It's like this more or less every day
The working conditions are vile
But it's the only way we are going to earn money
So I guess we'll be here for a while
And the customers slobber like carnivores
While the atmosphere smells like cheap beer
And Wuher at the bar gives a shout from afar
He says "We don't serve your kind in here!"
Play us a song, you're the cantina band
Play us a song tonight
Because even we scum like a melody
In the background when we start to fight
REVIEWER TRIBUTESome people criticize authors who refuse to accept unsigned reviews. They say that this is unfair to casual readers, visitors, and "people too lazy to sign in". While this is true to a point, I stand by my position. I've noticed that authors who give free rein to the public to review invariably end up with at least a few anonymous reviews consisting of "U SUCK" and "Y00 r GAY", regardless of the actual quality of the work. I feel that if somebody wishes to comment negatively on somebody else's work, they should have enough confidence to display their own work. Every time I receive a review from a new reader, I make it a point to examine their portfolio, and have been pleased that so many delightful authors of different temperaments, styles and preferences have been reading what I write. I also feel as though I have made an impact on the "community" of Star Wars writers. Therefore, I decided to give back by doing this tribute to everybody who has reviewed my first 50 parodies.
Guardian Spirit: You were my first reviewer! Thanks, you trendsetter!
Padawan Jess Kenobi: To paraphrase the Beatles: Can't get these bloody tunes out of your head, eh?
Lady Tauntaun: I am pleased that I have amused you, milady.
Alexa Wessner: You are the first fellow parodist to comment. Thanks for the encouragement.
Ms. Sweetie Pie: Perhaps the first to comment on the structure of the songs. I'm glad I made you all emotional. Doooode look lika lay-daaaay! Sorry.
Essie Aster: I believe you were the first to put me on a favourite author's list. Yay!
remnants-2011: I aim to please, dude.
Kazzy: You said I was "brilliant". That's a terrific compliment.
Culf: Rap beautiful? Stranger things have happened!
"Lady" Blade Malfoy Celebare: I think that you are definitely my biggest fan, hands-down. You've been the longest-standing "serial reviewer", and your comments and feedback have gotten me through many a low time. I know that this is a weak form of thanks, but don't ever think I don't appreciate it. "It's for people like you that I keep living on." Oh, man. Now I'm getting mushy.
Seiko: From one insane-amount-of-chapters writer to another, thanks.
lener: A gift? Aw, look. I'm blushing.
Knight de Fire: I agree. Mush and midichlorians are no-nos.
FallenAngel: I'm so touched that you would take the time to share this with friends and family. That means a lot to me.
Lightbulby29: Another "serial reviewer". I'm glad that you like my stuff, and sometimes you appear to be analysing them more than even I did!
lynnxlady: What can I say? Making somebody laugh is what I live for. And yes, Ani is light-years from the awesome Sith we all know.
dragonlover9: Applauding over the Internet is no easy task. I wish hugs weren't the same way.
Elfreims Pie: I gotta love the wackier reviews. I've never been called a [censored] genius before. I also love your messed-up Star Wars subtitles.
Hollyhobbit: Now I've got them swooning! I love these people!
JediCandii: Yeah, the Eminem songs became popular beyond my wildest dreams.
jedioftheorchestra: Your name conjures up an interesting mental picture in my mind. Thanks for your time!
Jelp: Another person saying I have a gift. You are too kind.
Satine Kenobi: Thanks for the encouragement. And I do hope you get over your tuberculosis soon. (dumb joke)
Iarejedi: Iarethankful!
Holly Graham: You've touched on exactly what I'm trying to do. Keep the balance between the original song and the new material, which is crucial for a good parody.
baru-chan: I hope you and your sister didn't suffer oral damage trying to sing that song. And was I angsty enough for you?
"kitty" k8therabidelf: Not only am I thankful that you enjoy my work, but you deserve thanks for being the only person brave enough to review my laughably awful Rocky Horror parody.
Dark Jedi Girl: Jar Jar aside, I see that we see eye to eye.
Dragonfly: Thanks loads!
jedi-hobbit: Yeah, I hoped that a Hutt singing opera would cause a smile.
PsychoDude: Thanks, man. Yeah, Avril should pay my dental bills for all the times I grind my teeth during her so-called "music".
Vana Burke: It's good to know that the Avril fans have no hard feelings.
Lady Arabella Sedai: My only negative reviewer. Thanks for the… um… constructive criticism.
Vicki Vance: Yes, Vicki. Reading all of the songs is a task undertaken only by a precious few.
jedi-sylvar: Thanks a lot for the encouraging words.
Puggy: Merci, Puggy.
brey's master: I hope your servant brey liked them as well.
Mithril Spatula: You have a wacky name and quote Daffy Duck. You're a person after my own heart!
christianjames: I promise to keep writing until I end up pouring out nothing but a bunch of crap. How's that for a promise?
Kiera Kingsley: You're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcome!!! :D
IamaJedi: Nice feedback on a variety of songs. And I'm not afraid to say it, I just choose not to.
Paris: I didn't start this expecting to do one Linkin Park song, let alone three, but it's broadened my musical library considerably.
CHTD1303: Thank you, Mr… um, Miss… er, C.
jedielf: Thanks a lot. I have nightmares now.
Lady Storm: You could live off this? So could I!
JediGrl: I'm glad you love them all. What a nice thing to say!
Huinesoron: Don't think I've forgotten your requests. I'll get to them sooner or later.
JediMasterWhit: GEEK POWER! WOO!
soxfairy6: Thanks a million.
Jaina Solo Fel: Yeah, admitting you're obsessed is the first step to recovery. Not that we want to recover, of course.
Suicidal-Air: tyvm!
Jeniveela: Yeah, a fellow BNL fan! I'll admit, "One Week" is really hard to parody (I never liked Weird Al's version about Jerry Springer), and if it didn't click so well, I'd have given up.
Glo Scribner: It's nice to meet somebody else who really appreciates the classics. I have a few of those, I assure you!
Seul Desir: I hope that this was an enjoyable lunch period for you.
cookie-crazy: Grease? Well, I'll see what I can do. I'll keep you posted.
SaraMcGregor: I was hoping the songs are entertaining even when the song is unknown.
Aman'mai: Another "serial reviewer"! Thanks for your time.
Mona Lisa: Hope I preserved that famous smile. I enjoyed your parody as well. Keep at it!
I hope I didn't miss anybody. Thanks again to everybody!