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Chapter 3: Full of love, a step away from empty space

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Speeding towards the hospital, Horatio mulled over their relationship. He wasn't ready; the more she advanced, the more he backed away. He was aware of his actions and, frankly, it wasn't always conscious, but somehow this situation had pushed him forward. His heart capsized. He'd never gotten farther than non-work related conversations, sometimes moving hazardously beyond the friendly flirtatious boundary.

Completely submerged in his thoughts, head spinning, the teeth-jarring growl of the rumble strips made him snap out of it.

"Shit." He steered the Hummer back on the road and breathed deeply. This was affecting him way too much. He re-centered himself and kept the road as his focal point. Having an accident would be the end of it.

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"Miss Duquesne, I'm glad you're back with us- how are you feeling?" The doctor asked.

"I've felt better," Calleigh smiled weakly. Her voice was coarse. "What happened?"

"You had a severe drop in blood pressure. Your teammate, Speedle, said you accidentally inhaled fumes. By what he described, you suffered from a few of the many acute effects this can have on your body. I have a few questions to ask you, are you up for that?"

Between jagged breaths, she said, "My... my nose was bleeding-"

"Yeah, it was. So you remember?"

She nodded, holding her sore throat. It was painful to talk.

"We did a scan anyway and, the good news is, you didn't suffer from a head injury. I'll go ahead and ask you some questions- just nod or shake your head- your respiratory tract needs to rest." The doctor continued, "Have you ever had cardiovascular or lung disease?"

"She's in perfect health," Calleigh recognized the velour voice. Horatio had stepped in.

Calleigh, extremely happy to be able to see him again, smiled so hard that tears threatened to fall.

Horatio, seeing the emotions through her eyes, walked directly to her. Eyes never leaving hers, he asked the doctor, "Are you sure this is necessary?"
referring to the patches attached to Calleigh's skin that received her heart's electrical impulses.

"The ECG is just as a precaution, Mr... ah - "

"Caine. But, you do know what caused this-" It tore him apart to see her like this.

"Yes, we know what caused it. That's why we're not going any further with tests- We're just tracking heartbeat regulation with the electrocardiogram."

Trying to reassure a distraught and impatient man, the doctor explained, "There have been no complications probably due to the good condition of Miss Duquesne's heart."

"She does have a good heart." Horatio meant it both ways.

"Sir, are you a family member?" The doctor felt the need to ask, even though it seemed pretty clear that he was close to Calleigh.

"Um," he looked back at Calleigh with loving eyes, "No," It stung to tell the truth, "I work with her." Never would Horatio have said that he was her boss. That just wasn't how he saw their relationship.

"Well, then, I'll ask you to stay for only a short while- There are things I need to speak to her about..."

Calleigh interrupted, "Please-"she drew a difficult breath, "Let him stay."

The doctor, after some hesitation, nodded and continued to deliver the important information to his patient. "I want you to get at least seven hours of sleep per night and," he looked at Horatio, "With your co-worker's covering for you or your boss' consent, you might want to take a nap during the day if you feel tired. Avoid drinking alcohol, because it makes your lungs and heart work harder. Last and not least, be careful."
He firmly held the chart in his hands, "I know lab work exposes you to risks, but if this happens again, you might not be as lucky."

"We'll watch over her," Horatio said with conviction. And by 'we' he meant him.

Calleigh shook her head at him. She couldn't believe what she had gotten herself into; she didn't want his pity, but God, was there anything she wanted more than him?

The doctor nodded an okay than quietly left the room.

"You look a little frazzled," Horatio smirked at the never-in-a-bad mood Calleigh.

They were playing that game again, but her reply wasn't the one he was hoping for. "I'm sorry about what happened-"

"What are you talking about? An apology really isn't necessary - It wasn't your fault."

He just made her feel worse. She was thinking of him when it happened. Why hadn't he opened up to her? Why hadn't he taken her in his arms when she so desperately wanted him to? Damn that Yelina for having put Horatio through so much that he didn't know when someone who loved him stood before him. Yelina wasn't the only one who deserved to be happy, but, through her games of flaunting Stetler around, she made Horatio doubt who he was. It wasn't complicated to see that he's a man who's suffered many losses in his life and who's still trying to find peace after the death of his brother. A man who needs someone to love and to love him back. The caring he has for the victims through his job keeps him alive and permits him to go on. He's been searching for love and not the kind Yelina is offering. A feeling that can be shared- not the feeling that you get when you love someone- but the one you get when its mutual. Equal in intensity. Blinding true love.

"Calleigh, I'm so grateful that you're okay-" he said, his voice full of relief.

She reached for him with her hand, but he moved away. She didn't understand why he did that every time; he moved close to her like he wanted her to draw him near, yet he doesn't let her as if he'll get burned if he touches her. Why was he resisting?

Losing hope, Calleigh hid the immense disappointment that made her cringe inwardly.

She looked away, knowing that if she looked in his eyes, she'd be frail before them and Calleigh Duquesne was a strong woman. In her mind, she wasn't his firearms expert anymore; she wasn't the girl who ran away from home, away from her drunken parents... She felt like a child, believing in Santa Claus like she believed as a woman that a man like Horatio existed. And suddenly, Santa didn't exist and he had let her down.

"Are you okay?" he asked, concern tinting his tone.

She winced at her hurting heart. She didn't want concern- she wanted love; can't live without the other love.

Seeing that she hid away, turning on her side, he walked around the hospital bed, saying, "Calleigh, you don't have to hide from me."

But she did. If she didn't, she was lost.

"If you're hurting, I'll get the doctor-"

She was in pain, but no doctor could save her.
Days would pass and, soon enough, Calleigh would be back in the field. Being the only thing she could be, his ballistics expert.

TBC...