"He what?!" Sam asked in shock.
"He bit me," Colonel O'Neill replied. He winced as he glanced down at the wound in question and caught an unwanted glimpse of the thread lacing through his skin.
"So hard it needs stitches?!"
Colonel O'Neill gave her a dark look. "Ya think?" he said, motioning towards Janet, who was quickly and skilfully patching him up.
Sam gave her head a slight shake and tried to snap out of her daze. "What happened?" was all she was able to say.
Colonel O'Neill looked down at the floor, but Janet's face remained set like stone as she concentrated on her work. "He... kinda overheard us talking, and... found out that Sha're's out of the picture."
"Oh my God," Sam breathed. She glanced across the room at Daniel, who although he was fast asleep, still had a fretful look on his face and sweat-soaked hair. "He didn't know?"
"Obviously not," the colonel mumbled.
"He didn't know about... us, either," Janet said, her voice so quiet she could barely be heard. "He knows who people are, and he remembers things he's learned; he just can't seem to remember actual events. All he could come up with was that Sha're was his wife. Then we went and shot down the one thing he had to hold onto." The self-recrimination in her voice was painfully obvious.
"And... that made him bite you, Sir?"
Colonel O'Neill just rolled his eyes, so Janet answered for him. "He's basically suffered a brain injury, Sam," she said as she finished up with the colonel's arm and started putting her medical supplies away. "His mind is functioning in a completely different way now than it once did, and the rest of his body hasn't figured out how to handle it yet. His behaviour is unpredictable because he can't control himself. In the short time he was conscious, he swung from panic to anger to apathy in mere seconds. I'm afraid he's likely to be that way for quite some time. The slightest thing may set him off into a violent rage or a panic attack or any number of extreme reactions."
Sam stared at her, speechless, as she broke this news. "But... it won't be permanent... right?" she stammered.
Janet's movements stilled, her back turned towards Sam and Colonel O'Neill. "I can't say that for sure just yet," she said. "There's every possibility that the healing device might be able to do some good, but I doubt it'll be in time to undo what's already been done to him emotionally."
Sam felt like she'd been slapped in the face by this statement. Some good? Just a little while ago they'd all been hoping for a full recovery. "In all fairness, Janet," she said, "he's only had two treatments with the healing device so far. He's made a lot of improvements since, so let's not give up hope on him just yet."
Janet gave a nod so slight it was barely noticeable. "Maybe you should try sitting with him for a while," she said, her tone implying that it was best not to continue with that particular topic. "If he wakes up to Colonel O'Neill or myself, he's likely to lash out again."
"How long do you think it'll be before he wakes up?" Sam asked, anxiety gnawing away at the pit of her stomach.
"Probably an hour, maybe two," Janet replied. "We didn't give him much sedative, so it won't last long." She then walked out of the room without so much as a backward glance.
Sam looked at Colonel O'Neill, who shrugged in reply to her unspoken question. "I think the whole thing shook her up more than she's admitting," he said.
"What about you, Sir?"
He shot her a sideways glance and took a deep breath. "I just hate seeing him like this," he said. He cleared his throat nervously and stood up from his stool. "Watch him for a bit, will you? I'll be back."
Sam watched in silence as he, too, left the room, leaving her alone with Daniel. She turned to look over at her sick friend and mentally gave herself a swift kick when she realized she was reluctant to go over to him. 'It's just Daniel,' she told herself. 'He may not be in total control of his actions, but he's still Daniel.'
She awkwardly crossed the room and stood by his bed looking down at him for a long moment. She wished she could fix him now instead of having to space out his treatments so long. She'd planned to wait another day to try again, but that was starting to feel like an eternity.
With a heavy sigh, she sank down into the chair by his bed to wait.
And wait.
Colonel O'Neill returned after a few minutes with a mug of coffee and a magazine for her and then disappeared again, saying he'd be close by if he were needed. Still Daniel slept, tossing his head back and forth at times as though he were haunted by nightmares. All Sam could do was watch and wait.
Well over an hour passed like this before Sam suddenly realized that Daniel hadn't moved for a little while. She had been absently flipping through the magazine while thinking over the events of the past couple of days, and hadn't really been paying him much attention. As soon as she noticed his silence, she looked up to see if he was alright.
"Hi, Sam."
She almost dropped the magazine in her surprise at not only seeing him awake but fully aware. "Hey," she said, flashing him a bright smile. "How long have you been awake?"
"A while."
"Sorry about that. I wasn't really expecting... I mean, you weren't really..."
"'S okay," he said. "At least you aren't..." He stopped mid-sentence and squeezed his eyes shut. Sam was about to ask if he was okay when he opened them again and finished, "...hovering. Jack was hovering."
Sam was so relieved to hear him talking normally that she grinned and laughed at this statement. "Why does that not surprise me?" she said.
A big smile broke out on Daniel's face, and he started to laugh, a high-pitched, half-hysterical giggle that made a shiver run up Sam's spine. A moment later it stopped, and his face was deadly serious again. "They hurt me," he said.
Sam didn't quite know what to say to that. She was afraid that anything she said might set him off again, but she couldn't just let that comment go. "I'm... sure they didn't mean to."
The look in his eyes turned cold. "Yes, they did," he said. "They were telling lies, asking stupid questions, and poking me with needles. They used to be my friends. Why would they do that?"
Sam swallowed hard and tried to think of a way to get him to understand. "Daniel... you've been really sick. We're all just trying to make you well again."
"Lies won't make me well again."
She was shocked and dismayed at the anger, betrayal, and mistrust she saw in his eyes. She had never seen Daniel looking that way, and couldn't believe he was directing it at her. "Look," she said, laying a gentle hand on his arm, "I know this is hard for you to understand, but a lot has changed over the last few years that you just don't remember. It doesn't mean they're lies, it's just..."
"Where is Sha're?"
This question rendered her speechless for a moment. 'No,' she thought, 'God, please, I don't want to have to tell him that.'
"Where?" he demanded.
"She... she died, Daniel," Sam said, keeping her tone soft and sympathetic. "About four years ago."
Daniel's face contorted as though he was going to cry, but then suddenly relaxed into a look of pure apathy. He stared straight ahead, unseeing, and when he spoke, his voice held no more emotion than a machine. "Four years?"
"Yes," Sam said. "I'm so sorry, Daniel. You did... you did see her before it happened. She died knowing how much you loved her."
He nodded and turned his face away from her. "I did."
Sam had no idea what else to say to him, so she stayed quiet while he mulled this over.
"What about... Dr. Fraiser?" he asked a minute later.
She didn't really want to touch that one. "What about her?"
"Jack said she's practically my wife," he said through clenched teeth. "What the hell does that mean?"
"I... think that's a matter for you to discuss with Janet," Sam said carefully.
"No," he snapped. "I don't want to see her again."
"Okay," Sam assured him.
"Ever."
"Well, that might be a problem."
He snapped his head around to look at her, his eyes blazing.
"She works here, Daniel. In this infirmary. I doubt you're going to go the rest of your life without seeing her. Besides that, she cares about you. If you make her stay away, it'll break her heart." She didn't know how she'd worked up the nerve to say all of that, but the fact that she did was enough to boost her confidence even more.
"I don't care."
"You cared a few days ago, Daniel," she said firmly. "Before the mind fever hit, the two of you were quite happy together. Just because you don't remember it doesn't give you an excuse to hurt her now."
He seemed to be thinking this over for a moment. "Fine," he said at last. "But I don't want her... touching me." He looked so uncomfortable that Sam took pity on him.
"I think we can arrange that," she said in a conspiratorial whisper.
He seemed to relax a little again, so Sam decided it would be best to change the subject.
"I see you're still wearing the pendant I gave you," she said, pointing to the necklace that still hung around his neck.
Daniel looked confused and lifted a hand to his neck to feel it. "What is it?" he asked.
"It's sort of a good luck charm that someone back on the planet sent for you."
"What planet?"
'Oh, right,' Sam thought. 'That was stupid. He doesn't remember.' She took a deep breath and answered, "The planet we just visited, where the people were sick with the mind fever."
"I got this way on another planet?" he asked, starting to look anxious again.
"Yeah, we arrived just as an epidemic started," Sam explained. "We didn't know what was going on, so when a little girl fell ill and everyone started backing away from her, you rushed to help her. No one there forgot your selflessness, Daniel. They sent you that pendant because they believe it could make you well again."
"Did I save her?"
Sam's heart melted at the look he was giving her. It was pure Daniel - compassion, pleading, sorrow for another's suffering... it was all there. It wasn't lost after all. "I'm sorry, no," she said reluctantly. "She died soon after."
He looked down at his hands, his forehead creased in thought. At first he seemed to be studying the marks on his wrists, and then he traced a line with one finger up the bare skin of his arm, looking closely at each of his partially healed sores with an almost morbid fascination. "Why didn't I die?" he asked as he slowly trailed his finger back down to his wrist.
"You put up a hell of a fight," Sam said, a feeling of unease settling over her as she watched his movements. "We almost lost you a few times, but somehow you kept on bouncing back."
He was silent for a moment as he continued his examination by doing the same thing with his other arm. "I wish I'd died."
Sam felt her jaw drop at this statement. "You what?" A feeling of fear gripped her heart as he turned his head away from her. "Why would you say that?"
"I'm tired, Sam," he said wearily. "Please leave me alone."
Sam couldn't just let that go, no matter how tired he was. "Daniel, we all love you," she said, her voice quavering just a little. "We're all so relieved that you're okay..."
"I'm not okay. I don't... work."
Sam could hear the pain in his voice, and it made her ache with sympathy for him. She knew exactly what he was talking about without having to ask. "You will," she said, laying a hand on the side of his face. "I'm trying to heal you with the Goa'uld healing device, but we have to wait a while between each treatment."
He turned to look at her then, his eyes wide. "You can do that?" he asked in wonder.
"Yes," Sam said, kicking herself again for forgetting about his memory loss. "I was blended with a Tok'ra for a while, and she left me with the ability to use Goa'uld technology."
"A what?"
'Damn,' Sam thought. 'He's really lost a lot if he doesn't even remember the Tok'ra.' She forced a slight smile and stroked his cheek with her thumb. "It doesn't matter, Daniel. All that matters is that you don't give up hope. Okay?"
He looked thoughtful for a moment, studying her face as though he was trying to decide whether or not he could trust her. "I'll try."
She flashed him a genuine smile at this, and leaned forward to place a quick kiss on his cheek. "Good."
Daniel looked up at her suspiciously for a moment, but he soon closed his eyes and nestled his head further into his pillow. "Just keep them away from me, Sam," he said as he drifted off to sleep.
Once he was out, Sam sat back in her chair and sighed. She could tell already that
this was going to be a long, hard convalescence.
To be continued...