Chapter 33 – Decision

"I love you Severus," Hermione said, as she snuggled up to him and kissed him softly, letting her tongue lazily stroke his as he kissed her back and pulled her more firmly against him. "I didn't even think it was possible to feel this much love."

"I know," he answered, swallowing heavily. "I mean –" He broke off. What did he mean, he asked himself. It was like his brain was surrounded by thick fog and he couldn't think clearly anymore. His heart suddenly felt so big in his chest and he felt overwhelming happiness over having Hermione in his arms mixed with a piercing fear of losing her. He pulled her closer and breathed in the scent of her hair. He wanted never to let her go…

The thought made his insides freeze and he stiffened. He looked down at the girl who had fallen asleep curled up in his arms and a shiver went through his body. His own words from before came back to him: "No wonder you women can't have sex without falling in love…" The charm had made him feel what she felt, not only physically, but emotionally as well. The feelings in her heart had been mirrored in his, and everything she'd experienced, he'd felt also. Their lovemaking had been perfection, each feeling exactly how every touch was felt by the other, both making the most of the experience.

He'd always known that he had a talent for pleasing women. He hadn't known just how good he apparently was however. He sensed that Hermione was a special case, that not many women shared her level of passion and not all bodies fit so perfectly against his own. He closed his eyes and remembered how it had felt to move inside her, thrusting deep, hitting her most sensitive spot, again and again…

There was no doubt women had got the better deal. He'd thought they were pretty equal when he first pleasured her with his tongue and fingers, but when her first g-spot orgasm hit a little while later, he realised how wrong he'd been. He'd never felt anything like it, and the combined sensations of her climax and her muscles contracting around his length made stars dance in his range of vision. He continued to move inside her, stimulating her breasts as well as other sensitive parts, and the pleasure kept flooding his system. He lost all grasp of reality and any sense of himself as a separate being as they were fused together into one body, one heart, one mind. He could do nothing but moan and try to keep conscious as they climaxed, again and again. The Endurance Charm finally wore off and his release came at the same time as her fifth or sixth (he'd lost count) trip to the stars. He was vaguely aware of words falling from his lips, hands lovingly caressing her face, kissing her desperately, his heart exploding in his chest, holding her so tightly against him, she had to fight to be able to breathe.

His heart had felt so full of her, aching like a burning pain in his chest. He knew it was her feelings for him that he was actually experiencing in reverse, but he just couldn't believe it. How was it possible that she could love him so much? He knew the immense physical pleasure was a big part of it, but there was another side to it as well. He'd felt her tenderness and her admiration, her fierce loyalty and the calm knowledge that he – Severus Snape – was the man she wanted to spend her life with.

He'd always despised love, purposefully staying away from it, priding himself on the control he had over his body and his heart. He'd decided to keep love out of his life and had always succeeded. Until today, when a Sensitivity Spell and a sixteen year-old girl showed him how love felt, what he could have if he only reached out his hand to take it. It was more tempting than anything he'd ever been offered before, including the power the Dark Lord had offered him years earlier. He envisioned a life with her by his side and felt a jolt of pure happiness. He'd take her far away from her stupid friends, somewhere where they could be alone and not have to suffer other people's idiocy. She'd make a decent work partner and he could concentrate on his work and research, perhaps having his own apothecary's shop one day…

No. He pulled his mind away from the dangerous path it was treading and made it see reason. Allowing himself to love Hermione would be taking too great a risk. It would make him weaker, less in control, and until the Dark Lord was defeated, it was bloody suicide. His skill at Occlumency would not be sufficient to hide so strong an emotion. The Dark Lord would know, and probably kill him.

There, in the dark room, illuminated only by the fireplace and some forgotten candles, he made his decision: he'd end his affair with Hermione when dawn came. He would cloak his feelings with a strong Somnium Potion and hide them at the back of his mind, disguised as a strange and somewhat unfocused dream. He'd keep his desire alive for the sake of the ritual and probably shag her from time to time when wanting her became too strong, but he'd never let her get under his skin again, not the way she had the last couple of days, and especially not the way she had tonight. He would keep his heart at a safe distance, away from her. It would all come to an end.

Trying to get control over the terrible pain that spread in his chest, he hugged Hermione closer and kissed the brown curls fiercely. He would hold her, touch her and watch her sleep for the remainder of the night, taking advantage of every minute before he'd be forced to leave her.

A couple of minutes later, somebody started knocking hard on the door…

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A/N: So what do you think? Is Snape still in character?