Chapter 1: Houji Satojima
Shishio: Hot damn!! I'm black!
-Shishio tries jumping up and down-
Shishio: HOLY FUCKING SHIT!! OH MY FREAKING GOD IT HURTS!! AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Oh my god, I don't think I can imagine being in more pain than this.
-Out of nowhere a salt truck crashes into a tree, explodes, covering Shishio with salt-
Shishio: HOLY FUCK!!! MAKE IT STOP!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!! Damn, being black sucks. I gotta get out of here, but first I'm gonna need some threads.
-Shishio notices the port-a-potty that's next to him. He opens it up and takes the toilet paper-
Shishio: Hmmm. This should work.
-Shishio completely wraps himself up in the toilet paper-
Shishio: Now that that's taken care of, I need to get my revenge on the meiji government. Hmmm...I'm gonna need a few people to do this. Who would be willing to help me?
-Flashback to Shishio's high school years-
-Shishio is sitting in his homeroom and the announcements just came on over the loudspeaker-
Principal: Good morning Cardinal McCrackhead High School. Let's all pledge the flag. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and....uuhh hold on. Let me start again. I pledge allegiance to the flag of...oh godammit.
-The kids start laughing like hell-
Principal: Shutup or I'll slap all your sweet cheeks with my wet noodle, dammit!! I pledge allegiance to the cough hack hack, boom.
-The principal has a heart attack and dies-
Shishio: Well that was odd. Oh well.
-The bell rings and everybody leaves the class. Shishio spots a dorky looking kid trudging around with his head down-
Shishio: Hey, what's wrong?
Dorky kid: I'm a dork with no friends and my heads twice the size of a normal humans.
Shishio: Wow, that does suck. But think about it, you may be a geek with no friends now, but you're so smart that you could develop a cure for cancer one day, and then you'll be so rich you'll be slappin all the tail you want.
Dorky kid: When you think about it like that, maybe my lifes not so bad after all. Thanks for the advice, my names Houji Satojima and if you ever have a problem just call me.
-End flashback-
Shishio: I know who to call! Now if only I had a phone.
-Shishio spots a pay phone all the way across the street-
Shishio: There we go.
-Shishio takes a step toward the phone-
Shishio: Aw shit that hurts!
-Shishio takes another slow step toward the phone-
Shishio: Ouch, dammit.
-24 hours later-
Shishio: Finally I made it!
-Shishio picks up the phone-
Phone operator: Please insert 50 cents.
-Shishio reaches for his wallet but realizes he doesn't have it. It's over by the port-a-potty all the way across the street-
Shishio: Aw fuck.
-48 hours later-
-Shishio returns to the pay phone with his wallet and calls up Houji-
Shishio: Hey Houji! It's Shishio.
Houji: Woah, I haven't heard from you in years! What do you need?
Shishio: To overthrow the government.
Houji: Well, I was planning on going to a titty bar tonight, but okay!
Shishio: Great! Meet me at Shizzlebees bar and grill at 9:00.
Shishio: Hot damn!! I'm black!
-Shishio tries jumping up and down-
Shishio: HOLY FUCKING SHIT!! OH MY FREAKING GOD IT HURTS!! AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Oh my god, I don't think I can imagine being in more pain than this.
-Out of nowhere a salt truck crashes into a tree, explodes, covering Shishio with salt-
Shishio: HOLY FUCK!!! MAKE IT STOP!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!! Damn, being black sucks. I gotta get out of here, but first I'm gonna need some threads.
-Shishio notices the port-a-potty that's next to him. He opens it up and takes the toilet paper-
Shishio: Hmmm. This should work.
-Shishio completely wraps himself up in the toilet paper-
Shishio: Now that that's taken care of, I need to get my revenge on the meiji government. Hmmm...I'm gonna need a few people to do this. Who would be willing to help me?
-Flashback to Shishio's high school years-
-Shishio is sitting in his homeroom and the announcements just came on over the loudspeaker-
Principal: Good morning Cardinal McCrackhead High School. Let's all pledge the flag. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and....uuhh hold on. Let me start again. I pledge allegiance to the flag of...oh godammit.
-The kids start laughing like hell-
Principal: Shutup or I'll slap all your sweet cheeks with my wet noodle, dammit!! I pledge allegiance to the cough hack hack, boom.
-The principal has a heart attack and dies-
Shishio: Well that was odd. Oh well.
-The bell rings and everybody leaves the class. Shishio spots a dorky looking kid trudging around with his head down-
Shishio: Hey, what's wrong?
Dorky kid: I'm a dork with no friends and my heads twice the size of a normal humans.
Shishio: Wow, that does suck. But think about it, you may be a geek with no friends now, but you're so smart that you could develop a cure for cancer one day, and then you'll be so rich you'll be slappin all the tail you want.
Dorky kid: When you think about it like that, maybe my lifes not so bad after all. Thanks for the advice, my names Houji Satojima and if you ever have a problem just call me.
-End flashback-
Shishio: I know who to call! Now if only I had a phone.
-Shishio spots a pay phone all the way across the street-
Shishio: There we go.
-Shishio takes a step toward the phone-
Shishio: Aw shit that hurts!
-Shishio takes another slow step toward the phone-
Shishio: Ouch, dammit.
-24 hours later-
Shishio: Finally I made it!
-Shishio picks up the phone-
Phone operator: Please insert 50 cents.
-Shishio reaches for his wallet but realizes he doesn't have it. It's over by the port-a-potty all the way across the street-
Shishio: Aw fuck.
-48 hours later-
-Shishio returns to the pay phone with his wallet and calls up Houji-
Shishio: Hey Houji! It's Shishio.
Houji: Woah, I haven't heard from you in years! What do you need?
Shishio: To overthrow the government.
Houji: Well, I was planning on going to a titty bar tonight, but okay!
Shishio: Great! Meet me at Shizzlebees bar and grill at 9:00.