Chapter 2: Soujiro Seta

-At Soujiro's apartment-

-Soujiro is running around at his apartment looking for money to buy crack-

Soujiro: Damn, my minimum wage job at Shizzlebees just isn't enough to pay for my crack anymore. I remember the days when crack used to be at a reasonable price.

-Flashback to Soujiro's childhood-

Soujiro at 2: Soujiro's mother is giving him crack.

Soujiro at 5: Soujiro is sitting on his couch smoking crack.

Soujiro at 10: Soujiro is still sitting on his couch smoking crack.

-Eventually he just does so much crack that he is devoid of all emotions other than happiness, and can run at incredible speeds-

-End flashback-

Soujiro: Hmm, maybe I can find someone kind enough to lend me some money.

-Soujiro steps outside-

-Soujiro spots an old lady driving in her car-

Soujiro: She looks like a nice old lady, maybe she'll give me money.

-Soujiro approaches the old lady's car-

Soujiro: Excuse me ma'am, but could you spare some change.

-The old lady backs up her car, then plows it into Soujiro at full speed-

Old Lady: Fucking crackhead.

Soujiro: Well, it was worth a shot. I need a better job, but for now, it's off to Shizzlebees.

-Later at Shizzlebees-

-Shishio and Houji walk in, discussing stuff about overthrowing the government-

-A waiter comes up to them-

Waiter: Hi! Welcome to Grizzlebees bar and grill. What can I get..OH MY GOD!!

Shishio: What? Is there something about me you find odd?

Waiter: Uhh....no. What can I get you two?

Houji: We'll take some beers.

Waiter: Sure.

-The waiter yells over to Soujiro-

Waiter: Soujiro! Go get these to guys some beers! He'll be right over.

-A few minutes later-

-Soujiro goes over to Houji and Shishio with the beers-

Soujiro: Here you go...HOLY SHIT IT'S A MUMMY!!

-In shock, Soujiro throws up the tray and all the alcoholic beverages wind up on Shishio's burnt skin-

Soujiro: Aw crap.

Shishio: AAAAAAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS!!! IT HURTS!!! YOU SON OF A BITCH I'M GONNA KILL YOU!! AAAAAAHHH!!

-Shishio grabs Soujiro and pins him to the table-

Soujiro: Dude, can't we just deduct it from your check?

Shishio: NO!!

-Shishio unsheaths his sword and points it at Soujiro-

-Soujiro starts smiling like a maniac-

Shishio: Does dying really make you that happy?

Soujiro: No, it's just that your friends fly is open!

Houji: Oops.

-Houji zips his fly-

-Shishio points the sword closer to him-

Soujiro: Can't we just settle this like reasonable men?

Shishio: Hmmm, I guess we could. Bring me some bandages and food, I'll let you live if you do.

Soujiro: Gotcha.

-Soujiro leaves to go get bandages and food-

-Several minutes later-

-Soujiro comes back-

Shishio: Well, lets see what you brought.

-Soujiro hands him a bowl of peanuts-

-Shishio throws it aside-

Shishio: I'm allergic to peanuts, asshole! Did you get the bandages?

-Soujiro hands him a little box of glow in the dark scooby doo band-aids-

Shishio: Are you friggin retarded?! And why the hell do you keep smiling like that!?

Soujiro: Because I've been addicted to crack since I was born.

Shishio: What?

Soujiro: Uh, I mean, I live with an evil family that makes me work night and day and when I don't finish my work, they beat me to the point where all I can do is conceal all my emotions other than hapiness.

Houji: Wow, that's sad. Whaddya say we let the guy go?

Shishio: Fine.

Soujiro: Thanks, so what is it you're planning over there?

Shishio: Nothing much, I'm just in the process of trying to find ten extraordinary people to help me overthrow the government.

Soujiro: Really! Why don't you hire me?

Shishio: What are your skills?

Soujiro: Well, I'm not much trouble, easy to work with, I can cook, clean clothes, plus I can do this.

-Soujiro runs around the room, faster than the eye can see-

Shishio: Woah! You're hired!

Soujiro: Alriiight!