It took Janet quite a while to calm herself down. She paced the bedroom angrily for half an hour, periodically stopping to look down at the ruined photograph in her hands. This would only fuel her anger and send her pacing again.
After a while, her adrenaline ran out and she crashed onto the bed to cry out her frustrations into her pillow. It wasn't just the picture that had upset her - it was everything. She missed her life, and most of all she missed sharing it with Daniel. She hated to see him wasting every day sitting on the couch watching mind-numbing television. She missed seeing him being interested in the world around him, working hard at whatever job he was assigned to do, talking to her about anything and everything. Now to see him destroy a piece of their history that they had both held so dear... it was just the last straw for her.
The night the picture had been taken, they had gone to their favourite restaurant in Colorado Springs to celebrate his birthday. It was not only his first birthday since their relationship had begun, but it was also the first since he had returned to Earth after his ascension. They had joked that he was actually turning one, since his life had been so different over the past year that it was like his descension was him being born all over again.
They'd had such a wonderful time, even taking a stroll along the river as they talked about their hopes and dreams for their future together. It was during that stroll that they'd both expressed their desire to have a child of their own, and they'd decided to go ahead and start trying for one. This decision had made them both realize how much faith they had placed in their commitment to each other, and Daniel had suddenly swept her up into his arms and spun her around in pure joy. They had immortalized the night with that picture, which was taken by the restaurant's own professional photographer. They had loved it so much that they'd placed it in the most prominent spot in their living room to be a daily reminder of how much they loved each other.
Now it was gone. The only picture she had of just the two of them was ruined, and she couldn't help but take it as a sign. They had looked upon that photograph as being a symbol of their love, and it had been tossed aside and broken just as she felt their relationship had been. It almost made her laugh at the irony of it, but all she could do was cry.
Once her tears had all been spent, she made her way into the bathroom to freshen up. She didn't want to see Daniel again just yet, but she knew she had to make sure he was okay. She also had to make arrangements for someone to come and stay with him while she went to the SGC. She had planned on leaving him alone, but now it seemed that would be a bad idea. Who knew what he'd do to the place while she was gone?
As soon as she felt presentable again, she took a deep breath and went back downstairs. She started to feel nervous when she didn't see Daniel anywhere. She checked the living room, the kitchen, and his office, but he wasn't there. Feeling a wave of panic wash over her, she darted to the window in the living room and looked out. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw him lying on the porch swing in the exact position he had been on the day of her party.
She decided it would be best for her to just leave him alone, so she went back into the kitchen and picked up the phone. The first person she called was Colonel O'Neill.
"Did he hurt you?" he demanded as soon as she'd told him what had happened.
"No, Colonel, he had already calmed down by the time I entered the room. I honestly don't know what it was all about, but I think that out of the two of us, he was more in danger of being hurt... by me."
Colonel O'Neill sighed. "You really do need a break, huh, Doc?"
"Badly. Would you be able to stay with him while I go to work for a few hours?"
"Of course," he readily agreed. "What time do you need me to come?"
"How does 1300 hours sound?"
"Sounds perfect. I'll be there."
Janet felt as though a great weight had lifted off of her shoulders as she hung up the phone. She even felt good enough to brave going out onto the front porch to speak to Daniel.
He didn't react as she opened the door and stepped outside, so she just stood there in silence for a long moment. She watched him out of the corner of her eye, and after a minute or two he finally turned his head to look at her.
"Are you still mad?" he asked.
Janet looked him straight in the eye. "Are you?"
Daniel shrugged and looked away again.
"I'll be going to the SGC for a few hours this afternoon," she said. "Colonel O'Neill is coming to stay with you while I'm gone."
"I don't need a babysitter," he mumbled.
Janet couldn't hold back after this comment. "Well, Daniel, I didn't think you did either, until your little outburst this morning. Maybe if you stopped acting like a child, people would stop treating you like one."
She then turned on her heel and went back inside. As much as she regretted using such a sharp tone with him, his attitude was getting on her nerves, and she felt as though he should be made aware of that.
Another glance out of the window showed that he hadn't moved a muscle. Somehow, that failed to make her feel better.
With a heavy sigh, she trudged up the stairs to start preparing for work.
Daniel's heart was slowly and painfully breaking. He felt so worthless that he couldn't even cry anymore. He had been acting like a child. He knew that, yet the knowledge didn't make it any easier to change.
So, Jack would be coming by to play babysitter while Janet went off to see Andrew. That was okay - it was a nice day, so he could just sit out here until it was time for supper. After supper he could go straight to bed, and no one could say he'd spent the day in front of the television, nor have to spend a prolonged amount of time in his miserable presence. Two birds with one stone.
He didn't even acknowledge the passing of time until Janet came out onto the porch again. When he glanced over at her, he saw that she was no longer wearing her sweats, but had changed into a blouse, black pants, and high heels. She was just zipping up her jacket and her purse was hanging from her shoulder. She was definitely about to go out. "Colonel O'Neill will be here any minute," she said. "Is there anything you need before I go?"
Yes, there was something he needed - he needed her forgiveness. He just didn't know how to ask for it. "No," he replied after a moment's hesitation. "I'm... I'm sorry about the picture, Janet. I really am."
She regarded him closely as he spoke. "I know," she said. "Is there anything you need that I can pick up on the way home?"
Daniel's heart sank at her quick change of subject. "No."
"Okay." She went to go down the steps to the driveway, but then stopped and looked at him over her shoulder. "Please don't destroy the house while I'm gone."
Daniel felt like he'd been slapped in the face by this comment, and he looked down at his hands in contrition. "I won't," he said.
"Good. I'll see you later." She trotted down the steps, got into her car, and within moments she had driven away.
He couldn't help but notice how anxious she had been to get away from him, and it just made him feel even worse.
Less than five minutes later, Jack's truck pulled into the driveway. As much as Daniel wanted to be on his best behaviour for him so that everyone would see that he could be trusted, he also wanted to be left alone. Jack made it clear right away that it was going to be one or the other.
"Hey," Jack said as he sat down on one of the porch chairs. "Did Fraiser leave already?"
"Yeah, about five minutes ago," Daniel replied. Inwardly he rejoiced that his voice had cooperated and hadn't sounded too snappy.
"So... what happened this morning?"
Here we go. "Didn't Janet tell you?"
"She told me you lost it and started throwing stuff, yeah. I was just curious to hear your side of the story."
"I didn't throw 'stuff,' I threw a picture."
"One that Fraiser considered pretty valuable."
Daniel didn't answer that. He knew exactly how valuable she considered that picture. He had as well.
Jack took a deep breath and let it out in a whoosh as he leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "So, why did you do it?"
Daniel chewed on the inside of his mouth for a moment before he spoke. "I... was angry."
"At whom?"
"It doesn't matter who... I was just angry." He really didn't feel like telling Jack about the whole thing with Carmichael. It was painful enough just thinking about it, let alone talking about it.
"At Janet?" Jack asked.
Daniel snapped his head around to glare at him. "No. Not Janet. I'm never angry with Janet."
Jack nodded and looked down for a second. When he looked up again he asked, "At yourself?"
Daniel didn't answer. He didn't want to lie, but he was hoping Jack would assume his silence was an affirmative.
It seemed as though he did. "Look, Daniel... whatever it was that happened, don't worry about it, okay? This whole situation... it's not forever. Carter'll fix you up good as new before you know it. Until then, there are some things that you'll just have to accept that you can't do."
Daniel sighed. "I know. I'm trying, Jack. I know you don't think I am, but..."
"I know you are." Jack laid a hand on Daniel's shoulder and squeezed. "For the most part, I've been pretty proud of you the last few weeks."
"You have?" Daniel asked in amazement.
"Yeah. For a while there we weren't sure you'd make it, Daniel, but not only are you alive, you're actually functioning again. You've gone far beyond everyone's wildest expectations, to be honest. You just have to learn how to control that damn temper. I hate to turn this into a 'three strikes and you're out' kind of thing, but one more incident like this, and we're going to have to rethink this whole set-up."
"I will," Daniel asserted. "I promise."
Jack patted the side of Daniel's face and let his hand linger there as he spoke. "I know you will," he said. "That's why I didn't freak and send you back to Mackenzie when Fraiser told me what happened. I'll be keeping my eye on things, though, Daniel. If you want to be at home, you've got to get yourself back under control. Understood?"
Daniel knew better than to argue when Jack was in full officer mode like this, so he just nodded. Jack seemed satisfied with that, and didn't bring the subject up any more.
Jack and Daniel spent the rest of the afternoon playing chess. So much for Daniel's resolve to stay out on the porch all day - Jack practically dragged him back into the house as soon as their heart-to-heart was over, saying he was cold and bored and he'd be damned if he was going to spend the entire day inside on his own. Daniel actually found himself having fun, though he could tell that Jack was purposefully not playing as well as he could just so Daniel could win. 'I really need to practise this more often now that I can think a little straighter,' he thought to himself after making a particularly bad move that Jack just ignored. 'Maybe I should ask Cassie for a game when she comes home this weekend.'
Janet came home just as the two men were preparing dinner, and Daniel's heart soared at the beautiful smile that appeared on her face when she saw them working away in the kitchen. "Now this is what I like to come home to," she said.
Daniel couldn't tell whether she had forgiven him yet or not, but he was determined to find out. As soon as she came close to him to see what was cooking on the stove, he seized his opportunity. "Would you do something for me?" he asked.
Janet looked confused for a second, but then she answered, "Okay. What do you need?"
Daniel lifted the wooden spoon he had been using to stir the sauce Jack had made. "Can you taste this?" he asked, holding it out to her with his hand underneath to catch the drips. He could see out of the corner of his eye that Jack was grinning at him, and that gave him more confidence in his spontaneous action.
Janet stared at him curiously for a few seconds, but then she leaned forward and took a tiny taste. "Mmm," she said. "It's very good. Did you make this?"
"Jack did," Daniel replied. "I helped."
"He chopped the garlic," Jack said, giving Daniel a nudge with his elbow.
"That's helping," Daniel insisted.
Janet laughed. "Well, keep up the good work, boys," she said. "I'm going to take a quick shower before dinner."
Daniel could have jumped for joy. They'd had a moment of normalcy, and Janet had actually seemed to trust him. He could hardly believe the difference between that morning and what had happened just now.
"Thanks, Jack," he said once Janet was out of earshot.
"Don't thank me," Jack said. "You're perfectly capable of doing this on your own."
Daniel took Jack's advice to heart, and for the rest of the week he tried harder than ever to get things back to normal. Sam came by the next day to give him another treatment, and afterwards he didn't feel quite as irritable. That was a big help towards achieving his goal.
When Cassie arrived for the weekend, Daniel forced a smile onto his face and for once initiated a hug. Then he asked her if she would play chess with him, and she eagerly agreed. Daniel got quite a thrill when Janet came into the living room and found the two of them engrossed in the game. She smiled and gave his shoulders a slight rub before leaving them alone again. He was on cloud nine.
Part of him knew it couldn't last. He didn't deserve a normal, happy life, after all. This was just a temporary reprieve, but even so, he was determined to enjoy it until it was over.
Knowing this didn't make the fall any easier to bear, however.
It came too soon. That Saturday, Janet went to work again, saying she would only be gone for a few hours and leaving him alone with Cassie. That was fine - he and Cassie had a nice time together, playing chess and baking a huge amount of cookies for Cassie to take back with her to the dorm.
When dinnertime rolled around and Janet hadn't returned, Cassie ordered them a pizza, saying she'd been slaving away at the stove for long enough and deserved a treat. They both expected Janet to come in as they were eating and lecture them about it, but she didn't. Daniel was starting to get worried.
Once they were finished eating, Cassie suggested they watch a movie, so they snuggled up together on the couch and watched one of Daniel's favourites - Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Even an entertaining movie and the pleasant feeling of Cassie's head on his shoulder weren't enough to calm Daniel's nerves, however, as the evening wore on and Janet still didn't appear.
Bedtime rolled around, and although Daniel wanted to stay downstairs watching TV until Janet came in, Cassie insisted he go to bed. "This kind of thing happens all the time, Daniel," she assured him. "Something just came up, that's all. She'll be home soon."
She all but tucked him in herself, so he didn't dare leave his bed even after she retired to her own room and the coast was clear. He just lay there wide-awake, wishing he'd dragged Leroy along just for the company. All kinds of worst case scenarios were running through his mind - Had the base been attacked? Had she had some kind of accident on the base? Had she been in a car accident? Was she lying somewhere in the dark, injured and alone? Or worse yet, was she dead and never coming back?
It was after midnight when a light finally flashed past the window, and Daniel heard a car pulling into the driveway. He leapt out of the bed and rushed over to the window to look.
At first he was puzzled - it didn't look like Janet's car. Hers was small and white. This one was a bit larger and looked grey from what little he could see of it. Then the passenger side door opened just enough for the interior light to come on and suddenly it all made sense.
Andrew Carmichael. Janet was sitting in the passenger side of Andrew Carmichael's car, and it looked as though they were deeply engrossed in conversation.
Daniel could feel the anger creeping up out of the pit of his stomach again. As much as he knew he should resist it and calm himself down, seeing that man sitting in Daniel's driveway with Daniel's Janet in his car, talking to her like he had a right to do so, made all reason leave Daniel's mind.
He watched them for what seemed like hours, but was probably only a minute or two. Finally, Janet went to get out, but Carmichael put his hand on her arm to hold her back. She turned to him, he said something that made her smile, he leaned forward, and...
Daniel felt like his heart had stopped beating. Carmichael kissed her. He kissed Janet, right there in Daniel's very own driveway - right in front of his face. His anger suddenly evaporated and left him feeling numb. He'd suspected something had been going on between them, but he'd never thought he'd actually have to see it. The sight of Andrew Carmichael touching Janet... kissing Janet... made his stomach turn.
It was only a moment before Janet finally pushed the door open and stepped out of the car, but to Daniel it seemed that time had slowed down to a crawl. He stayed rooted to the spot as Janet disappeared under the roof of the porch, never taking his eyes off of Carmichael. The bastard was sitting there watching her enter the house, no doubt ogling her as she walked away from his car. Daniel was still staring at him when Carmichael just happened to glance up at Daniel's window.
Daniel felt quite satisfied at the surprised look that passed over Carmichael's face at seeing him there. He didn't duck into the shadows or let the curtain fall back into place, he simply stood there and stared the man down until Carmichael dropped his gaze and backed his car out of the driveway. He wished afterwards that he'd had the presence of mind to give him the finger.
Just as the car drove out of sight, Daniel heard Janet enter the house and start coming up the stairs. He quickly got back into bed and lay there on his back waiting for her.
Janet entered the room quietly, obviously hoping not to wake Daniel up. He watched as she tiptoed over to the closet and took her nightgown off of the shelf. He expected her to go into the bathroom with it as she always did these days, but to his surprise she started unbuttoning her blouse right there.
He watched as she took it off and put it in the laundry hamper. Even in the semi-darkness he could see how beautiful she was, and it made his heart ache to think that she wasn't his anymore. She was just reaching back to unhook her bra when she glanced over at him and saw him watching her.
With a gasp, she folded her arms across her chest. "Daniel!" She made a quick grab for the nightgown and held it in front of her for added protection. "Still awake?"
Daniel couldn't help but feel hurt that she was ashamed to get undressed in front of him. That combined with the scene he had just witnessed between her and Carmichael brought a hard edge to his tone that he had hoped to avoid using with her from now on. "You're late."
"Yes, there was an emergency at the base, and then the car wouldn't start," Janet was quick to explain. "It's just been an awful day. I would have called, but I really didn't get a chance."
"Right." Daniel didn't really believe her, but he didn't argue the point. He turned on his side away from her and didn't say another word.
He heard her quickly finish undressing, and then she slipped into bed. He knew without even having to look that she was laying on her side with her back to him.
Daniel gripped his pillow so tight it made his knuckles hurt. He couldn't believe it had come down to this. Janet was having an affair, and it was all his fault for being such a jerk. Why had this happened? Why was he even here anymore? What was the point? It wasn't like they were ever going to go back to being happy and in love again.
He wished he'd died back on that stupid planet and just avoided this whole mess. At
least then Janet would be free to do whatever she wanted without having to put up with
him. At least then she'd be able to be with Carmichael guilt-free. Yes, they'd all be
much better off if he was dead.
To be continued...