Janet stood rooted to the spot for a full minute after Daniel's stormy exit. She couldn't believe what she had done. It had just been a reflex action - he had startled her, and she had reacted without even having a chance to think. But why did he sneak up behind her and fondle her ass in the first place? She couldn't even remember him doing anything like that before he'd been ill. Had he meant it as some kind of innocent flirtation tactic, or had he been about to do something even more out of character when her slap had stopped him dead? She had caught him staring at her as she'd gotten undressed the night before, after all. Who knew what kind of thoughts had been going through his mind?
She still wasn't sure why he had suddenly become so sullen and withdrawn again. Was it because Cassie had gone back to the dorm early? Had something happened between them the day before while she was gone? "Oh God," she said as a disturbing thought crossed her mind. "Cassie left before I could talk to her... what if he did something to her while they were alone? Maybe she didn't want to go back early for the game at all... maybe she wanted to get away from him!"
Part of her knew these thoughts were absurd - Daniel would never hurt Cassie in a million years. Another part of her, however, remembered his fist flying directly at her face, his teeth digging into Colonel O'Neill's forearm, the crazed look on his face as he had thrown his pillow at Leroy, and the way he had held her glued to his side in an iron grip on the night of her party. If he lost control, he was capable of anything, and she had left him alone with her teenaged daughter.
Her stomach turned at the thought, and she quickly rushed over to the living room window to see what he was doing outside. To her surprise, he wasn't in his usual spot on the porch swing. She went to the door and gingerly opened it just enough to stick her head outside and get a better look at the entire porch. He wasn't there.
Fear gripped her heart as she stepped outside and looked around the yard. "Daniel?" she called. The only sound she heard in reply was the rustle of fallen leaves in the wind.
She ran back into the house and through to the back door, hoping against hope that he would be in the back yard. He wasn't.
"Oh God!" Janet cried as it hit her - Daniel had run away. There was no other explanation. There was nowhere else nearby that he could have gone. He had taken off, and could be anywhere by now, and she didn't even have a car to go off in search of him.
Not wanting to waste a second, she picked up the phone and dialled Colonel O'Neill's number as fast as her fingers would allow. He picked up on the second ring.
"Colonel," she gasped as her tears started to fall. "Daniel's gone. He just... ran out the door. He didn't even take his jacket. He's gone!"
Jack scanned the empty streets for any sign of his missing friend as he slowly drove along. Daniel's jacket was sitting on the seat beside him, and he couldn't wait until it was back with its owner where it belonged. The night was biting cold, and according to Fraiser, Daniel was wearing only a thin sweatshirt and jeans. Wherever he was, he'd be half frozen by now.
He sighed as he pulled up at an intersection to wait for a green light. Truth was, he had no idea which way to turn. Daniel had never just disappeared before, at least not here on Earth, so he didn't have a clue where to even begin his search. He hadn't even been able to get out of Fraiser what had happened to make him run off like this, so there was no help to be found there, either. He'd just been hoping he would see him walking along the side of the road somewhere. No such luck.
"Think like Daniel," he muttered. "If I was a Daniel, where would I be?"
The first answer that came to mind was 'digging in a pile of dirt somewhere.' That didn't help much. He doubted even Daniel would be interested in stuff that was buried in the ground in the suburbs of Colorado Springs. No, he had to think harder than that.
'Wherever Fraiser is,' was next on his list, but that couldn't be it either. He'd run away from Fraiser, not towards her. Being wherever Fraiser was should have been scratched off the list long ago.
Or should it?
He made a left as he was hit with a sudden epiphany. "Daniel's a history nut," he said to himself. "He'll be wherever he can touch a piece of his past."
A number of places sprang to mind as possibilities, but for some reason he couldn't explain, he felt that the best place to start would be the river. He remembered Daniel telling him once that he and Fraiser loved walking along that river together, and it was only about a mile away from their house. Yes, if he were Daniel, he'd definitely have gone to the river.
It only took him two minutes to get there, and at first he was disappointed that Daniel was nowhere in sight. Then he noticed the dark form sitting on the wall at the edge of the bridge. He knew even from a distance in the dark that it was Daniel. He pulled up to the side of the road, grabbed Daniel's jacket, and got out of the truck.
He approached his friend slowly and quietly so as not to startle him, but all he wanted to do was run over there, grab him, drag him back to the truck, and force him to go back home where he belonged. Since Daniel was sitting on the edge of a rather high bridge with his legs dangling over the side, however, he realized that particular plan would be unwise.
"Daniel?" he said softly once he was just a few feet away.
There was no movement from the man on the wall except a slight shiver.
"God, Daniel, you must be freezing." Jack quickly closed the rest of the distance between them and wrapped the jacket around Daniel's shoulders. He rubbed his arms a bit while he was at it to warm him up as much as possible. "You left without your jacket."
Daniel still didn't react. Jack hadn't seen him looking so miserable since... well, since the day he'd found him hanging off the edge of his balcony. That memory wasn't a pleasant one to have brought to mind, to say the least.
Jack sat down on the wall beside Daniel, though he kept his legs on the side of safety rather than the raging river beneath them. "Fraiser's pretty worried about you," he said in a desperate attempt at getting a reaction from the silent man. "She called me and asked me to come find you, in case you were wondering..."
"Don't."
Jack stopped and looked closely at Daniel in surprise. He hadn't even noticed his mouth move, but he'd heard the word quite clearly. "Don't... what?" he asked.
"Don't act like nothing happened."
"I'm not. I'm just trying to break the ice here, Daniel. Fraiser didn't tell me what happened between you two, so I have no idea what I'm supposed to say to you."
Daniel shook his head. "Nothing."
Jack was expecting him to say more, but he got only silence. "Nothing happened, or I'm supposed to say nothing?"
"Shut up, Jack."
Normally, those words would have made Jack angry, but the catch in Daniel's voice as he practically whispered them made him ache with sympathy instead. He laid his hand on Daniel's arm and gave it a fond squeeze. "Okay. If you feel like talking, though, I'm here."
They sat in silence for a long while. Jack tried not to look at Daniel too much, knowing that would probably just irritate him, so he pretended to be focused on the cars driving by while watching him out of the corner of his eye. Daniel didn't move, just stared down at the water with the world's most sorrowful look on his face. Jack was dying to know what had happened, but he knew he wasn't likely to get a straight answer no matter how he asked the question. It had to come from Daniel if it was going to come at all.
At long last, Daniel sighed, shivered again, and looked over at Jack. "Why are you really here?"
"Because you shouldn't have to go through this crap on your own," Jack replied. He adjusted the jacket so that it wrapped around his friend more securely, as Daniel still hadn't bothered to put his arms through the sleeves.
"I shouldn't have to go through this crap at all," Daniel said, his voice so quiet that Jack had to strain to hear him over the sound of the river.
"No, you shouldn't. It'll be over soon, though, Daniel. Don't give up just yet."
"It will be over soon," Daniel agreed, though the pain in his eyes as he said it made Jack shudder. It was obvious that getting over it and getting on with his life wasn't what he was anticipating.
"Hey," Jack said, grabbing Daniel by the arms and turning him to look him in the eye. "I don't know what the hell happened tonight, but whatever it was, it's not worth killing yourself."
"Who said I was going to kill myself?"
"You just implied it, Daniel. Don't think I don't know why you're sitting on this bridge looking all depressed."
Daniel shook his head. "I wasn't going to jump, if that's what you're thinking."
Jack was surprised at how little life there was in him even as he said these words. He'd expected him to lash out, but if anything, Daniel seemed even more deflated. "Well, good," he said. "Cause I'm damned if I'd have jumped in there after you. I've had hypothermia before. It's not something I care to experience again."
Daniel snorted, a ghost of a smile flickering briefly across his face. "Thanks, Jack. I feel so special now."
Jack grinned. "Hey, what are friends for?" He stood up and laid an encouraging hand on Daniel's shoulder. "Ready to go home?"
There was silence for a moment, and Daniel still didn't move. Jack was about to speak again when Daniel tilted his head to the side, leaning against Jack's arm. He seemed to be trying to pull himself together, taking deep breaths and blinking back the tears that filled his eyes, so Jack was only too happy to provide that extra sense of strength and support that his friend needed.
With his other hand, Jack reached around him and took hold of the front of Daniel's jacket so it wouldn't fall off of his shoulders. Then he started to turn him so he could swing his legs back over to the other side of the wall. Daniel obediently followed his lead, and once he was standing on solid ground again, he even slipped his arms into the jacket's sleeves.
Jack kept his arm wrapped around Daniel's shoulders as they silently made their way over to his truck. He couldn't help but think they'd just narrowly avoided a horrible tragedy.
Janet rushed to the front door and flung it open as soon as she heard Colonel O'Neill's truck pull into the driveway. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw two men get out and make their way towards the house.
"Found him, Doc," Colonel O'Neill called over as soon as he saw her in the doorway. He clapped a hand on Daniel's shoulder as they walked up the porch steps. "He just needed to clear a few cobwebs was all."
Janet nodded and stepped back to let them both inside. She noticed that Daniel looked cold, so she turned the furnace up a couple of notches while the men removed their jackets.
"Sit," Colonel O'Neill commanded Daniel, though his tone was gentle and kind.
Daniel sank down onto the couch and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. Then he took his glasses off and rubbed his face wearily. He looked completely run down.
"Where was he?" she whispered to Colonel O'Neill.
"The river," he whispered back.
Janet's eyes widened. No wonder he looked so exhausted. After weeks of inactivity, he had walked all that way? He must have really wanted to get away from her.
"I'll be back," the colonel said loud enough for Daniel to hear. "Just gotta make a phone call. I told Carter to be on the lookout at the SGC just in case. She'll want to know he's safe and sound."
He walked off into the kitchen, so Janet turned back to Daniel. He was still sitting there in the same position, his head in his hands and his shoulders slumped in weariness.
She slowly approached him and perched herself on the arm of the chair right across from him. A moment of tense silence passed before she worked up the nerve to speak. "How's your face?"
Daniel dropped his hands, but didn't look up at her. "It's fine."
The pained expression on his face made Janet regret her actions even more. She must have misinterpreted his intentions. There was no way he would look that hurt and defeated if he felt he had gotten what he deserved. "I'm sorry I hit you, Daniel," she said. If he only knew how much.
Daniel didn't answer. He turned his face away from her, but not before she saw that his eyes were glistening with tears.
"You just... took me by surprise," she continued, desperate to make things right between them. "I thought... I thought you were going to..."
Daniel snapped his head around and looked directly into her eyes with so much anger and hurt in his expression it took her breath away. "I would never do that," he said. His voice was quiet, but the words were firm and clear.
Janet couldn't hold his intense gaze for long, so she looked down at her hands. "There was a time when I trusted you implicitly, Daniel." She shook her head sadly. "I just don't know how I can do that anymore."
"I wouldn't hurt you. Ever," he said through gritted teeth.
Janet sighed. This was getting nowhere. "How can I be sure, when you so often lose control?"
Daniel took a deep shuddery breath as he clenched and unclenched his fists. "If you really can't trust me, then what the hell am I doing here? Why do we live in the same house and sleep in the same bed if you're expecting me to strike at any moment? Isn't that just slightly insane on your part, to leave yourself so vulnerable to a man who could easily rape you or beat you to a pulp without warning?" His voice grew louder and angrier with every sentence.
"Daniel!" she gasped in horror.
"I would never do that!"
"Whoa! Hey!" Colonel O'Neill interrupted as he came back into the room. He looked back and forth between them with wide eyes. "What's going on in here?"
"It's alright, Colonel..."
"The hell it is!" Daniel cried. "How am I supposed to recover from all this crap if no one trusts me? How am I supposed to get my life back if everyone misinterprets everything I do as having some sinister motive? When the hell did I go from being 'Daniel-the-angel-who-can-do-no-wrong' to 'Daniel-the-homicidal-pervert-who-can't-be-trusted'?"
"What? No one's saying..."
"Yes, Jack, that's exactly what everyone is saying. Admit it - you don't want to leave because you're afraid that as soon as you do, I'll lash out at Janet somehow. Am I right?"
"No!"
Daniel turned to Janet then. "Janet?"
She couldn't answer. She didn't even know how to answer.
Daniel turned back to Colonel O'Neill and jabbed his finger in Janet's direction. "She's afraid of that. You want to know what happened earlier, Jack? Janet was looking for something in the kitchen, I came up behind her to ask if I could help, and I got a slap in the face for my troubles."
"You grabbed my ass!"
"I touched your back, and you moved! Big difference!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Time out here, kids!" Colonel O'Neill cut in, making a T-sign with his hands. "It sounds to me like you've had one hell of a misunderstanding here..."
"You bet we have," Daniel said. "Every single thing I do is misunderstood, and it's really starting to piss me off. So let me tell you something, Janet..." He paused for a second, breathing hard as he glared at her, and his voice was dangerously low when he spoke again. "If you really don't trust me, I'll gladly move out. I never wanted to be here in the first place. Either way, that's the last time I'll try to act normal around here. You want crazy, unpredictable Daniel? You got him." With that, he stormed from the room, taking the stairs two at a time.
Janet flinched at the sound of the bedroom door slamming behind him. She couldn't believe how fiercely angry he'd been with her. If what he'd said was true, though - if he'd really been about to offer his help, and hadn't meant to touch her where he did at all - she couldn't blame him for feeling outraged by her reaction.
"He's just upset," Colonel O'Neill said once the house fell silent again. "He'll come around."
Janet nodded, trying to force her internal organs to return to their rightful places. "Thank you for finding him, Sir."
"No problem." He paused, and then added, "He loves you, you know."
Janet looked up at him in surprise. "What makes you say that?"
He shrugged. "I know him."
Janet didn't know what to say to this. She wasn't so sure she agreed with him, but she didn't want to say that out loud.
"Want me to stay the night?" he asked a moment later.
"Please," Janet said gratefully.
Whether he loved her or not, and whether he was capable of hurting her or not, she
didn't relish the thought of spending the night alone with Daniel in the mood he was in.
To be continued...