444Mane Ides Martii DCCX
(The morning of March 15, 710 AUC (by the Roman Calendar), 43 BC (by ours))
Sleep alludes me tonight, for though my mind is heavy my eyes are light… too light for me to close, as much as I try. My body is as traitorous to my will as my thoughts are to Caesar.
As much as I try to find another solution to the situation at hand, I can find none. For Julius can be swayed by words, but to retreat from the crown would be too much ground for Caesar to yield. For Julius doesn't change his opinions entirely, and he is a slave to his own ambition. So the only answer is that of Caesars death.
Oh, if there was a way to separate Julius from Caesar, and Caesar from Julius… I would leap at the chance. For Julius is my friend and Caesar the tyrant. Caesar is ambitious where Julius is kind. If there ever was a way to separate the two sides of man, the light and the dark, I wish it would be discovered now. For I want not to kill Julius, but Caesar must die.
My taper is dying; I must get Lucius to fetch another.
So much has happened since I dropped the stylus that it is with anxious heart I pick it up again. When Lucius returned with a fresh taper he also carried a note. As I read it I could hear my heart beating rapidly against my ribcage and my mind was in a whirl. My eyes filled with tears that never fell, and my mouth dried. For the note's contents filled me with dread, but I knew what I had to do. The letter begged me to remove a possible tyrant, urging me to awaken from my slumber, to come to action. For Rome needs me and it is my duty to answer it's call.
Not long after I finished reading the letter there was a knock at the door. The conspirators were at my home to finalize plans for Caesar's death. And finalize we did, and we almost finalized plans for another as well. But I saved them from the thought of killing Antony. For surely his twisted sense of love to Caesar motivated him to give Caesar the crown. Without Caesar he poses no real threat, and he will awaken himself to realize what trouble his own action of handing the crown over would have caused Rome.
The conspiracy has its plans, the trap has been set, and the prey shall be executed presently. I should rejoice, Rome will be saved from a tyrant, a tyrant that is my friend, my hero. How does one cope with that? Butchering the man who's my idol? Killing a man who could do no wrong in my eyes? Murdering a man who was kind, wise, and good?
But he wants to be emperor, to force Rome into tyranny. And that's not possible, or at least I will make sure that it isn't as long as I am alive. To let the tyrant live is to kill Rome, for Rome to live I must murder Julius. But I will love him while I kill him. And Julius, the Julius that I loved, will surely see what I am doing is right and thank me for it.
The hour arrives for Julius to be escorted into the Senate. I must go and perform the dreadful deed. My hands will soon be bloody, but for a righteous cause. Perhaps I will write the next entry with the blood of a tyrant, to celebrate the victory for Rome? I shall see.