Chapter Six

"Well, really!" exclaimed a first class woman in a high-pitched voice as Serena almost walked right into her.

"Oh I'm sorry." Serena said wretchedly.

Why did she feel so upset? It was for the best that Jack had gone. They had both come to an understanding and that was that. She sighed loudly, letting her shoes scuff along the ground. She couldn't get Jack's face out of her mind. What was wrong with her? She was marrying Edward! She tried to think this all the way home but it didn't take away the urge to cry. Her nose tingled and her throat tightened. She brushed the tears away irritably. She had wanted Jack to leave because she knew that it was a mistake. Did she really expect Jack to fall on his knees and beg her to take him back? Why did this hurt so much?

For the rest of the evening, Serena sat up in her room. She thought things over for hours and hours. She finally decided to try listening to her heart instead of her head - something that she hadn't done for a long, long time. Her feelings were twisted in a knot and she had to untangle them. Who did she really love?

Serena walked towards the window, looking out at the inky blue sky. She took a deep breath. Now she was sure of what she wanted, it seemed somehow easier to breathe. She knew what would make her happy. Nothing would change her mind this time. She just hoped that Jack really did feel the same.

He was leaving with his crew tonight. Oh please, she prayed silently as she ran from her room. Please don't let it be too late.

She hurried down the stairs noisily, wishing that there wasn't so many of them. Unfortunately, her aunt was just crossing the hall and glanced up at her in disapproval.

"Serena! A lady should walk with grace and poise! Not crash about like an elephant!" she scolded in a shocked tone.

"I'm sorry." Serena said and began to descend the stairs more slowly.

"I expect you're just excited because Edward will be back around about now, won't he? I was going to object to your seeing him at this late hour, but as you're so keen to see him I suppose I wouldn't mind if you were chaperoned or took the carriage." Her aunt's tone was softer. That excused the unruly thudding down the stairs.

Serena stopped at the bottom of the staircase. Edward was back this evening? She had hoped to catch Jack before he left before she broke the news to Edward. What was she going to do now? She was saved when a loud rapping sound came from the door. Oh no. It must be Edward. What was she going to say to him?

The butler walked so slowly to the door that Serena felt like stamping her foot and shouting out loud. What if Jack was leaving the docks this very minute? She would never, ever see him again. This was the last chance.

The voice speaking to the butler didn't sound at all like Edward.

"Why, whoever could that be?" her aunt remarked curiously and she and Serena moved closer exchanging a confused look.

The butler turned around slowly to face Serena.

"Miss? It's for you."

For her? Serena walked to the doorway and her eyes widened when she saw the Commodore there before her.

"Commodore!" she said in surprise.

"Uh...Miss Summers, I'm afraid we have some...terrible news. I understand that you were engaged to Lieutenant Newbury..."

Serena's hand flew to her mouth. Were? No, he couldn't be...?

"... I regret to say that although he fought very bravely, he was unfortunately killed in the process. His gallant and loyal attitude to the Royal Navy will be respected and sorely missed. I would like you to know that you have the deepest sympathy of all our officers."

Her hand still on her mouth, Serena felt her eyes fill with tears. Edward was dead. Killed. By pirates. She would never see him again.

The Commodore nodded nervously and was about to turn away when Serena called after him.

"Wait! Please, could you tell me when he died?"

"This afternoon Miss Summers; probably around midday or an hour after."

Serena felt her head spin. That was when she had been with Jack. She suddenly felt dirty all over. She shivered and gulped hard, her tears beginning to spill over. "I am exceedingly sorry for your loss." The Commodore told her in a low voice before going on his way.

Serena tried to go back into the house, but she couldn't move her feet. Guilt, shame and sadness plagued her. Then her aunt appeared by her side.

"I heard, Serena. Come in now, please dear." Her aunt's voice shook. She couldn't imagine how her niece was feeling, but she did care. She wasn't that used to showing emotions or comforting people.

Serena didn't move. There was only one person she wanted to see. Despite the way she was feeling - the remorse and guilt at what she had done whilst Edward was dying - she still knew that she could lose Jack. It was suffocating to manage so many feelings at once, but Serena's decision to be with Jack instead remained unchanged. If Edward had come back, she would have left him anyway. She had loved him a little though. Not passionately, as sometimes she had felt that he seemed more like a good friend than a lover; but perhaps that was because he was so different to Jack. Her tears fell for Edward, but she couldn't give up on Jack.

"I'm going for a walk." Serena muttered weakly and started to walk down the steps away from the house. Her aunt grabbed her arm and tried to pull her back.

"Serena don't be ridiculous! You can't go anywhere in this state! It's an awful, awful shock I know, but if you..."

"Let go!" Serena yanked her arm roughly out of her aunt's grasp. "Please. Let me be on my own."

Nobody called or came running after her. She walked until she was out of sight and then she ran as fast as she could.