Summary: Irina is called back to the KGB, forcing her to leave Jack and Sydney. But she couldn't leave her family behind, so Sydney came along. The KGB, unknowning of the fact that Irinia took Sydney with her, gives Irina a child to train, to get her thoughts off Jack and Sydney.

Pairing: S/S of course.

Disclaimer: No point in putting it up, cause everyone knows! YAYAYAYA!

A/N: Thanks guys for your reviews! YAYA! Nways. I am not confiscated from the computer yet. I think. So must type out second chappy.

2nd chappy: Love blinds you.

I looked back at the house. The house that I would never be able to return to.

Jack, Sydney. I am so sorry. I really am. I don't want to do this. Oh Jack. I love you. Take care of Sydney. I'm so sorry.

I wept.

I'm not going to be coming back. I'm leaving them. Until I meet them on the field. Oh Sydney. What will you think of your mother then?

I started walking towards my meeting place with Khasinau.

Irina, Alex is going to get mad if you don't hurry up. F Khasinau.

I looked up, the pier was getting closer. I saw a figure there.

Khasinau.

Do I really have to leave? Do I have to leave them? I want them. I love them. They love me.

Oh, my poor baby. What are you going to think about your mother? Laura Bristow. She's dead.

Irina Derevko isn't.

I'm so sorry Jack. I'm so sorry Sydney. I really don't want to leave you. I really don't.

"Irina." Khasinau stated, once I had reached hearing distance.

I nodded in acknowledgement.

Time to be the cold blooded assassin.

"Glad to leave?"

Glad to leave my family? My home? My new friend? Everything that I had just gained? My love? My happiness?

I smiled.

No. Hell not. Who would I be glad to leave?

He took my reaction as a 'yes'.

Bastard. I could tell by his smile.

"I thought so. I knew you really didn't want to do this. But you played your part well."

It tricked you. It tricked everyone. Of course I'm good. I am Irina Derevko. Russian blood flows through my veins. I am no longer the soft hearted, kind, naïve Laura Bristow.

"We have everything set up. You had copied out the note, word by word?"

I nodded.

No, I didn't. But it was going to have to work.

I briefly recalled what I had written.

My Dearest Jacky,

Sorry, I had to go on a meeting for the school. It was an emergency and really uncalled for. You just got back from your trip, so I didn't want to wake you. The food is ready inside the microwave; just beep it for a few minutes. I trust that you can drive Sydney to work, or get Emily to. I love you. I really do. I love Sydney too. Never doubt that. I'm really sorry. I love you. You are my life. I really didn't want to do this. But God has really blessed me for the 6 years that I have been with you. I love you Jack. Thank you for everything. I really do love you.

Sydney. I will always be there for you. I will. Not physically, but I will still be there. I love you my dear Angel. Mommy is really sorry for what she has to do. I'm really sorry. I love you baby. I love you my sweet angel. Try your best in everything, my angel. Cause you are the best. Reach for the stars. You will always be among them. You are a star, my angel. Reach for the top! You can make it. I know you will.

Jack, Sydney. I love you both. I love you more than anything. I do.

Love, Laura.

I.D.

The paper was wet with my tears by the time I had finished writing.

I.D. Irina Derevko. He won't understand anything. Not yet. O Jack. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I love you. I do. I don't want to leave you. I can't leave both of you. O Jack. You made me whole. I'm so sorry. I can't endanger any of your lives. You shall remember me as Laura Bristow. The women who had loved you. The English literature teacher. The women who had born your daughter. Your lovely naïve girlfriend. I love you Jack. I do. I'm so sorry. I really am.

"Good." He paused and looked at me. "You are very silent tonight."

I just nodded in reply.

"Anything wrong?"

Yes. Everything is. No mother should leave her child. No child should endure the pain that my Sydney will. My poor baby. No one should be forced to leave their family. O my poor baby. I'm so sorry Sydney. I really am.

I shook my head, indicating a 'no'.

"Oh, look. There goes the car you were driving in."

I looked up.

My car.

It swerved to the right and started crossing the bridge that I had always taken to get to the university that I taught at. Then, it swerved again, right into the Pacific Ocean.

My death. I am no longer Laura Bristow. She died. I saw her die. She was in that car. The car that she always drove. She died trying to cross the bridge. She died while going to work. She died.

"Come." He lead me to his black Mercedes. "We have a lot to catch up on. Arvin has decided to help us."

I followed him.

My life as Laura Bristow was over. I could never be her again. Jack, please make sure Sydney does not pursue this kind of career. The pain is excruciating. O my dear Jack. I am no longer your wife. No longer your lovely dear friend. No more talks. No more strong arms to wrap around me when I feel sad and lonely. No more happiness.

He drove to one of our safe houses in the United States.

"Arvin has decided to help us. He has recruited men, and his organization is strong."

Arvin Sloane? The one Emily was going out wit? Oh no. It can't be that Arvin.

"Arvin Sloane?" I asked.

Please God. Not Arvin. It can't be Arvin.

"Yes. He is good isn't he? You have come into contact with him many times."

I managed to nod.

Arvin Sloane! How could you do this to her? Emily! Of all people! How could you ruin her life so. Emily! It was Emily! That sweet natural woman who would help me babysit Sydney. Oh Arvin. How could you do this to her? How could you ruin her life so? How?

How could you ruin Sydney's?

How could you ruin Jack's?

It's not my fault. Khasinau made me. It's not my fault. And if it is. I don't care. Irina Derevko does not care to bother with such ignorant people.

Love blinds you.