Disclaimer: This chapter is really sad. But it's the last sad chapter for a while. Enjoy and please review!! 'Behind Blue Eyes' belongs to the Who.
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Gains and Losses
Chapter 10
To Be The Bad Man
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No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
The place was cold, lonely, dark, empty. Dirt covered every wall. Dementors remained in every corner, sucking the memories and happiness from every mind. This place was Azkaban. Lying in a dirty cell on an uncomfortable makeshift bed was Sirius Black.
Sirius had never felt this horrible before. The Dementors had sucked every happy thought out of his mind, leaving him only with his bad memories. Everything was dark, it felt like he was reliving all the bad memories of his past.
The only thing on his mind was Harry. How was he taking being away from him? What was he doing? Was he alright? Sirius needed him right now, he was so lonely without him. Azkaban was terrible.
If anything bad had happened to his godson, he would kill the person who had caused it. He'd rip him bloody. He just wanted Harry to be happy. He wanted his godson to grow up well raised, loved and of course he had to go to Hogwarts like every other Wizarding child.
But he couldn't think of that happening. He could only think of all the bad things that could have happened to him. In his dreams he would see Harry bleeding to death, surrounded by death eaters over and over again. It wouldn't stop!
Sirius had only been in Azkaban for a day now and he was already filthy and starved. The only thing he was given to eat was a glass of water and a slice of stale bread twice a day. And to make things worse every nook and cranny of his cell was covered in dirt. He now looked nothing like the way he did before Azkaban.
His robes were covered in dirt and soaked with the water that had dripped into his cell from the rainstorm. His once silky, perfect black hair was now matted and dirty and he had already begun to loose weight.
He would do anything to be with Harry right now. He just wanted to lie down on a comfortable couch with him in his arms and hear Harry's soft squeaky voice as he talked to him. Sirius missed him so much.
And anyway, Harry would be lost without him. Harry had never like being away from him for too long. One time he had gone out for a couple of hours and returned to find Harry bawling his little eyes out crying for him. Harry had always been a sensitive child. But the sweetest and kindest child there was.
Sirius' thoughts were interrupted by the sound of robes rustling. He turned his head to the entrance of his cell. Standing there was Albus Dumbledore. Dumbledore pulled a key from his pocket and unlocked the 'door'. He made his way into the cell and took a seat next to Sirius.
"Remus told me about what Pettigrew did" said Dumbledore
Sirius was shocked. He hadn't expected Dumbledore to believe him.
"You believe me?"
"Of course, Who wouldn't believe your adorable godson. And Remus isn't exactly the kind of person who would lie"
"So I'm free?"
Dumbledore's face darkened. Sirius took this as a bad thing.
"Unfortunately Fudge doesn't believe that your innocent. He thinks that everything that Remus said was a bunch of garbage and that he's saying it because he's your friend."
"So I guess I'm stuck here, aren't I?"
"Yeah, but we're working on getting you out"
"Who?"
"Me, Remus, Tonks, Molly and Arthur Weasley, Mad-Eye Moody, Dedalus Diggle, and a bunch of other people that you probably don't know. Harry, and Romulus will be able to help when they are older, if you aren't free yet that is"
The two were silent for a couple of minutes.
"What about Harry? Is he okay?" asked Sirius suddenly
"He's just fine. Fudge sent him to life with a muggle family in Canada. They will be taking care of him and will send him to Hogwarts when he turns eleven"
"CANADA!? You sent him to Canada!? That's so far away! Why couldn't he stay with Remus in his house?"
"Fudge would never let Remus keep Harry, especially not with his lycanthropy, you know that"
"But Harry needs somebody that he knows and he'll be completely bored without Romulus, they're best friends"
"Don't worry, he'll get used to it. He's such a sweet child, he'll make new friends in no time, how couldn't it?"
Sirius buried his face in his hands. He could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks.
"God, I failed Lily and James again"
"Don't say that, you didn't fail anyone"
"Yes I did! Because of me, Harry is going to live with some random family because I was stupid. Because of me, my two best friends are dead because of my stupid decisions. It's all my fault!"
"It's Pettigrew's fault not yours. And anyway, we don't know whether Harry will like his new family or not, he's still on the plane. Now, I must go"
Dumbledore got up and left the cell. Once the sound of his footsteps were gone Sirius burst into tears. His godson was gone, he would never see him again.
He couldn't let that happen, he needed to see his godson again. His world would shatter if he didn't see him soon. All he wanted was to feel his godson's soft, flawless skin against his. He wanted to run his fingers through his hair and kiss his forehead as he rocks him to sleep.
Sirius got up from his 'bed' and walked over to the entrance of his cell.
"I'll see you again!" he yelled "I will get you back Harry Potter!"
Harry woke up from his nap. Somebody was trying to talk to him, he just knew it.
"Sirius? Sirius are you there?"
There was n reply. Harry jumped out of his seat.
"SIRIUS!" he yelled
"Shh" said the man sitting in the seat behind him.
Harry sat down and went back to sleep. He was confused.
No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
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Disclaimer: Aww poor Seewee!
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