A/N: This sucks too. It scares me how completely random this is. O.o; It makes no sense. My one-shots suck and will never be just one-shots because I am tempted to write Sean's point of view for "Fall to Pieces." SOB. Anyway, Degrassi is not mine. This is Jaige. YES, JAIGE. Hee.

I, Paige Michalchuk, am the self-proclaimed most popular girl in my grade, hell, maybe the entire school, at Degrassi. Captain of the Spirit Squad, the college hockey star's little sister, and I had the "perfect" relationship with the school's so-called king of pranks. Everyone knows to stay out of my way or I would fuck them up, and my "nails would get up close and personal with their face." I was a strong person in grades eight and nine. I worked hard for Degrassi to be my school, and for everyone to know who exactly Paige Michalchuk was. That, of course, was before I met Dean, and changed from a manipulative bitch to someone who was scared to even touch me. Thank God I had friends who could actually comfort me, especially Ashley.

There was a part of me that always envied how Ashley Kerwin seemed to have everything before the whole ecstasy ordeal. She was perfect, class president, nothing-can-phase-me-cause-my-boyfriend-is-hot Ashley. And I hated her for it. Back in grade eight I always wanted Degrassi to be my turf, and everyone to know me, not know that I hung around with the school president and her star basketball boyfriend. But, of course, no one knew that either. Except him, of course, because Jimmy Brooks always saw past the fake grin, the heels, and the "fuck with me and get hurt" attitude. I guess that's why we got along so well. Because he was the only one who understood me.

I still remember the night at Ashley's in grade eight like it was yesterday. I somehow blamed myself for how downhill her and Jimmy's relationship went that night. She took E because she didn't want to be boring. Who had called her that? Me. She had cheated on Jimmy with Sean Cameron, embarassed him infront of the whole party, called me a hag .. yeah, not my most found memory of Ashley. She fucked up that night, big time, and she was shunned forever (until grade nine when she was there for me when I was raped.) But I remember the one day, when Spinner, Hazel, Jimmy and I were outside, talking, and how Jimmy was saying how he was thinking of forgiving her. And how angry I was. And how Hazel said I should get over it and she made a mistake. I had replied with a "whatever" and a roll of the eyes. I look back at it now and realize I was jealous.

Jimmy and I had always had this weird friendship. I met him in grade one, before Ashley and Terri, and even though I was going through this "ew, boys have cooties" phase, I liked him. We played kick ball together, and he showed me how to shoot spit balls at people through a straw. Not the most mature thing now that I'm older, but hey. I didn't really complain. He was the first guy I had a crush on. I kissed him to piss Ashley off in grade eight when we got paired for Romeo and Juliet. Junior high had consumed us and he was friends with Spinner, I was friends with Ashley and Terri, and eventually Hazel. But we were still friends. Sort of.

When he and Hazel got together, I was kind of pissed. No. I was jealous and really pissed. Sure, Hazel's my best friend, and I was thrilled that she finally got a boyfriend. But what did Jimmy see in her? Besides a set of tits that are the size of frikkin basketballs. I love Hazel to death, but she was such an air head. A follower. My shadow. She had grown more as a person once she and Jimmy started dating, and I guess that's what changed about her. About me. I wasn't use to everyone saying, "Oh, look, it's Paige and Hazel." in the halls. I was always use to "Oh, hey, it's Paige and that Muslim chick. What's her name again?" I'm not use to it at all. But hey, whatever makes her happy.

After the shooting, I didn't know what to do with myself. I was a mess. I was more of a mess than I was before, since Spinner and I had split because he had a thing for Manny Santos. But when I found out Jimmy was shot, I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to go see if he was OK, but they wouldn't let us out of the class rooms. Hazel was more than a wreck then I was. She was crying, sobbing, clinging onto Ms. Suave, and I just sat there and idly looked at my hands. And glanced over to Ashley. She was on the verge of tears, too. I couldn't blame her. Jimmy was the first guy she was ever in love with. I understood.

When we went to the hospital, I only could hold Hazel and cry with her. I knew how she felt. I couldn't tell her that I was secretly in love with her boyfriend, so I had to push my own feelings aside for Jimmy and try and reassure my "best friend" that he'd be okay. And he had to be okay. For his sake, for my sake, hell. I could only imagine how his parents must have felt. They left him alone all the time, and now he was lying in a hospital bed in a coma. If I ever had kids, I promised myself, I would never leave them alone like that like the Brooks' did with Jimmy.

I hated going into that school that next day. It was a "day of grieving", as Radditch called it as we got out of the assembly. I walked towards my locker, which wasn't in the waste land this year, and stopped when I noticed the crowd around Jimmy's. A bunch of kids were around it -- I noticed Heather Sinclair was one of them -- crying, holding each other. Jimmy's locker was plastered with flowers, notes to him, I couldn't even tell. It was all so cluttered. Scowling, I made my way to them, and I swear to God Heather Sinclair was babbling on about how such a great guy Jimmy was, that he didn't deserve this. "You don't even know him!" I screamed, "You don't know him at all! You didn't give a fuck about him before, and if you did it was because he's popular and you wanted to be as popular as he was!"

If it wasn't for Ms. Suave, I would have broken Heather Sinclair's nose before I was dragged away from the scene I just had made. I swear, I would have. She would just have gotten plastic surgery to get a new one anyway. It didn't matter. She didn't matter. None of them really knew Jimmy like any of us did. They just pretended too.

Craig had came up to me a couple of days later and said he was out the coma. He wanted to see me. I raised my eyebrows and asked, "Don't you mean he wants to see Hazel?"

Craig shook his head, "Just you."

That had taken me off guard. I nodded my head, and shut my locker and started to make my way to my next class, but once I heard the bell rings and saw the halls empty, I said "fuck it." I was out of there. They wouldn't miss me in science class today, I bet they wouldn't have even noticed I was gone.

Hazel had been a complete wreck every time we would go see Jimmy. She would be crying, sobbing and rambling incoherently and I would just stroke her hair and nod. Sometimes she wouldn't even go into his room because she couldn't stand seeing him like this. And I felt bad for her, too. Because I felt the same way. It took me a lot of guts before I could even see Jimmy the last time I went to visit him, so I could only imagine what it must be like for Hazel.

By lunch I was in the hospital. I always hated them. The way everything was this weird off shade of white, the smell of medicine and feet, the horrible food. The nurses were always these fat bitches who just looked at you funny and told you to take a seat and wait. Not today. I came up the desk, and said "I'm here to see Jimmy Brooks. I'm uh, his cousin."

The woman looked up at me and gave me a suspicious look. "Cousin, huh?"

"Distant cousin," I shrugged my shoulders. She gave me another odd look and motioned me down the hall, giving me a piece of paper and telling me the room name. I finally reached the room and looked down at what I was wearing. Jeans, a gray hoodie and sandals. My hair was a mess, I could tell by the way there was stray strands in my eyes, and it was in a low ponytail. I shrugged my shoulders to myself and peeked my head into the room.

It was covered with flowers, cards, balloons. Probably from a bunch of people he didn't know. He was in his bed, reading a Sports Illustrated, and I knocked quietly as I stood against the door way. I folded my arms across my chest and smirked the best I could, "It looks like Hallmark threw up in here." He looked up from his magazine and smiled. That's the thing I always liked about Jimmy - he had this smile that just could make you feel good even if you were in the worse possible mood.

"Hey, Paige," he said, and he sat up the best he could and set down the magazine.

"How're you doing, Jim?" I asked, quietly.

"I'd rather be crippled then dead," he said, seriously, and then he gave me a strange look, "You know, it's not contagious or anything like that."

I rolled my eyes and came into the room, and pulled up a chair next to him. He grinned at me, and I smiled slightly. He was still the same old Jimmy. Cute, funny, and able to make fun of things in any situation. "So, how's school? What have I missed?"

"Well," I put a finger to my chin, thinking "Manny the boyfriend stealing whore has gone at it again and she's now going out with Spinner --"

"Whoa, hold up. Spinner and Manny?" He asked, shocked.

I nodded my head. Spinner and I always had a weird relationship. I still regretted how I got Terri drunk and sabotaged any chance she had with him. I regretted going to that party with Dean instead of that date with Spinner. Crashing into Dean's car with his car, treating him like dirt during that week of the trial .. I regretted getting the flu a couple weeks back, because if I hadn't, maybe things would have changed. Maybe Manny Santos and he wouldn't have became Degrassi's newest couple.

The whole Spinner and Manny situation was defiantly still bugging me. I always wondered what would have happend if I didn't come down with the flu. If I haven't have gotten sick, Spinner and Manny would have never flirted, Alex and Hazel wouldn't have convinced me that I should break it off with him, I wouldn't have spent a week in my room crying myself to sleep. Spinner was always the first guy I honestly was always wondering what he thought about me. Especially after how I crashed his car, his baby, into Dean's at the party in the beginning of the year. I always felt horrible for it, but he had treated me like a jerk at the movies, where I was working, and he and Craig got into a fight that caused me to get fired. If it wasn't for Alex, I would be jobless right now.

Jimmy seemed in awe about the whole thing as I explained it to him, and just nodded his head, listening. Another thing I always liked about him: he was a great listener. "And now, your guys' band apparently fell apart without you. Ashley joined, Manny did too, and Spinner and Marco didn't want Ash in it.. so I guess Craig quit. I'm not really sure, the only one of them I talk to is Ash and Marco."

"Craig and Ashley got back together?"

Another nod. I noticed the off look in his eyes and frowned, but said nothing. I always figured that Ashley was Jimmy's first love. Hell, I never doubted he was still in love with her, either.

"I'm sorry about Spinner, Paige. He's been a total ass since he's been hanging out with Jay and Alex."

"Tell me about it," I rolled my eyes, "But, whatever. Single life for me, I guess."

"Marco was telling me about that," He suddenly grinned, "You wanna fill me in about this Mr. O guy?"

My cheeks flushed. "Hey, shut up. It's not my fault that he's a hot teacher's aid, OK? Plus he has a girlfriend, so I'm not going to pull another Manny --"

"He's too old for you." I raised my eyebrows. He had that serious look on his face, and I couldn't help at smirk of how protective he seemed to be of me. Like an older brother. Except, you know, minus the fact that I had this infatuation with him.

"Whatever, Jim." I laughed and brushed his arm playfully, "I should be heading back to school. Can't let the Spirit Squad bomb without my guidance. Or miss my yoga classes."

"All right. You should come by more often, P. I missed you." He smiled softly, then cleared his throat, trying to cover up the obvious 'word vomit' that he just had, "Or, you know. Us. Talking like this. Without your idiotic ex-boyfriend talking about spray cheese."

I just smiled. I kissed his forehead and embraced him. It took me by surprise when he wrapped his arms around me to return the hug. We stayed like that, for a while, and I finally pulled myself back into reality. I smiled weakly at him, patted him on the shoulder and said my good-byes, my purse over my shoulder.

Maybe Jimmy and I will always just have this weird connection with each other. Maybe one day he'll figure out what an air head Hazel is and that he needed to be with someone who slightly understood him. Or he'll get over Ashley, and I'll be finally over Spinner, and we'll live happily ever after in a white picket fence and have a bunch of kids and a dog named Rover.

Well, maybe not exactly like that. But maybe if I play my cards right, it'll be happen. But it might take awhile. It'll be slow -- like honey.

Hey, a girl can dream, right?