Griff's Love
By: goku-m
Disclaimer: Berserk and its characters belong to Kentaro Miura, they are not mine, unfortunately....
Warnings: Strong spoilers to the story up to volume 26 and strong hints of shonen ai (male/male love).
He was back, in a human body, with all his glory and a strength greater than what he ever had. He was back, born out of the body of their common child, a testament of love and jealousy. Before he never thought it to be possible for three people to have a child together, but it was. They had a demon child, a being never meant to live, but it lived, somehow in the world of the nondead and the nonliving. It had waited for him, to give birth to one of his fathers, to get him back to where he really belonged... Guts!
His heart constricted in pain and delight, just the name in his thoughts made that cold heart beat faster and the cold blood running hot. It should not be possible, he should be devoid of all emotions, he should still be a demon, but ... Guts!
His desire for the dark fighter was stronger than his demon nature, it had overlasted all the experiences he had to go through, all the time this one image was on his mind, the scarred face and body, all in blood and muscles, the fighting berserk, the god-demon of the battle fields, his... his...follower, lover, but only ... his!
Shudders of delight and anticipation ran down his new body. Now he would get him back! Now he was stronger than Guts, he could win, and get him back. He would submit his nemesis, submit his ever revolting mind and his delicious body. This body he had longed all those years to touch in an indecent way, this body he wanted to feel under his in submission, all this raw strength and power submitting to him, and only him.
Yes, he wanted to defeat Guts, to possess Guts, to submit Guts, to ... fuck him senseless, for all it was worth.
A slightly cruel smile graced his face. Griff wanted vengeance for his damaged pride and damaged former body. Vengeance because Guts had dared to prefer Caska to himself. They had made love, he knew it, he had heard it, when he laid broken and mute in that old cart. He had heard them talking about their relationship, but he also had heard them not to be able to leave him alone, him the broken cripple. He had felt Guts' love, as he always was protecting him, trying even to save him when all the odds were against him, even in front of the Godhand Guts was never giving up to save him, though he was broken, worthless, just a numb peace of useless broken bones and rotting meat.
There he had felt his own stupidity! Why had he never been able to show Guts openly how he felt about him... why!!! Now he knew that his dark love would not have denied him, never, and that he only had left him to show his worthiness.
Stupid girl! Why did he have to blabber these stupidities to the princess! He had denied Guts and the stupid moron had overheard them. And thought he, Griff, wouldn't consider him a friend if he didn't prove his worthiness. But how could he know, that he was so much more for Griff than a mere friend! All that time back, when he first fought and won against the young warrior he knew that this was the man he loved and wanted to have at his side for ever.
But he was too shy to live his own emotions, too shy to openly tell Guts how he felt about him. He had expected Guts just to know and feel it. But Guts overheard that stupid small talk with the princess and felt hurt, felt unworthy and denied. Stupid! That situation was just plain out stupid! Of course he had tried to impress the Princess and flirt with her, as he needed the Princess for his plans to become King of Midland. She was the perfect target: innocent, not so bad to the eye, friendly and the King's only daughter. It would only have been a matter of time, if the old fart hadn't been in love with his own daughter! He hadn't seen that, and that was the crucial second mistake he did. The first was, that he didn't realize that Guts had taken his small talk for a truth.
How could he be that ignorant and stupid! That moron had left him just because of a few overheard small talk... Guts!
New shivers ran over his new skin. He had seen Guts fighting at Albion. Shere beauty! Guts, the dark soldier, with his long sword swirling around the masses of enemies and dealing death at every strike. It was a sight only a demon and a fighter could truly recognize as beauty. The harsh life of a sacrifice had made him so much stronger and even more beautiful. Yes, that body had been mutilated, just like his own and Guts had to struggle every moment of life since that crucial moment he got the brand just for his mere survival.
Griff's smirk grew larger. It was strange to see the angelic face smirking like the demon he was. The brand... it marked Guts as his! He would no longer permit any minor demon to claim possession on him. Guts was his, and only his! He had offered the Godhand what was his dearest, but Guts was different, he always had felt he was different than anybody he had ever met.
That dark aura of Guts, the son of darkness! Now Griff knew, why he always had felt Guts was a son of darkness. Born of a human woman, but out of her dead body, and, who was Guts' father?
The mistery was still to show up. Everybody thought by now, that he, Griff, was the dark hawk, bringing the age of darkness to mankind. But, the surprise will be enormous, when they will get aware of the truth, because he knew now... he knew as Femto the truth of Guts' origins, the truth Guts would never accept, as long as he was stinging to his humanity.
This truth made him long for Guts even more. Even as a demon he could desire him and want to submit him, as Guts really was the son of darkness, the son of the dark side of god, the prince of darkness, the one becoming King of the new world.
Guts was meant to be, he never had any influence on it. His life was always meant to be suffering. He was never meant to be happy. Everything he liked and loved was meant to be destroyed. All the losses should fuel his hatred to mankind, to their weakness, making the dark monster, his second self grow nicely. The day would come when the dark beast would take over and reign, not only Guts mind, but the whole world.
Femto knew that his love would never need a behelith to become a demon. He was born a half demon, born a creature of suffering and darkness. He was born the sacrifice he was now branded as, born to lose everything, born to fight and born to reign. And he would be at his side, in the end, at the side of the black god of darkness, his only love.