Confessions of... by DreamerMatrix
A/N:The 10 Commandments
How To Properly Worship The Only True God
First
"I am The Lord your God, Who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the
house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me."
Second
"You shall not make for yourself a graven image, or any likeness of anything
that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the
water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I The
Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the
children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate Me, but
showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love Me and keep My
Commandments."
Third
"You shall not take The Name of The Lord your God in vain; for The Lord will not
hold him guiltless who takes His Name in vain."
Fourth
"Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all
your work; but the seventh day is a Sabbath to The Lord your God; in it you
shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your manservant, or
your maidservant, or your cattle, or the sojourner who is within your gates; for
in six days The Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them,
and rested the seventh day; therefore The Lord blessed the Sabbath day and
hallowed it."
How To Live In Peace With Humanity:
Fifth
"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which
The Lord your God gives you."
Sixth
"You shall not kill."
Seventh
"You shall not commit adultery."
Eighth
"You shall not steal."
Ninth
"You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor."
Tenth
"You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's
wife, or his manservant, or his maidservant, or his ox, or his ass, or anything
that is your neighbor's."
(Exodus 20:2-17 RSV)
DISCLAIMER: Firstly, I don't own rights to the Bible. It's not my style. Secondly, I don't own the characters of the Matrix. What follows is a parody, and is written purely to entertain others, not as a money-making serious thing. PLEASE don't sue me, it wouldn't be worth the lawyers' fees. Besides, plagiarism is the highest form of flattery.
A/N 2: No offence to all you truly religious people out there. I have nothing against religion, in general, just so long as it's not aimed at me in particular. I'm an agnostic/athiest type person, and any flames on *that* subject will lead to poisonous frogs... My frogs rule!
A/N 3: Thanks to Blake, who is probably the only person waiting on this fic. But hey, I'm gonna keep going. You can't stop me.
maniacal laughter
--------------------------------------
Black screen. In green text, is the wording 'THERE HAS BEEN A TEMPORARY SERVICE FAULT. PLEASE DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET.' Ten minutes later, the letter goes all Matrix Code-y once again, and is replaced with 'CONFESSIONS OF... SPOON KID'.
CUT to:
A church. Could feasibly be the one in the last chapter, since it wasn't blown up. SPOON KID is stood outside, dressed in normal clothes, instead of his robes. TRINITY and NEO are trying to get him to go to Confession.
SPOON KID: Why do I have to go to Confession? I'm a Buddhist.
TRINITY: Hey, me and Neo had to go, so do you!
SPOON KID: (getting desperate) There is no church!
NEO: Spoon kid, if there is no church, then there is no confession, so you just go talk to the nice priest about Hell and stuff.
SPOON KID: There is no...
TRINITY: GET INSIDE, KID!
SPOON KID runs inside and cowers in the Confessions box. A PRIEST enters.
PRIEST: Hello? Anyone there?
SPOON KID: There is no here.
PRIEST: What are you, a nihilist?
SPOON KID: I'm twelve years old, don't use long words!
PRIEST: Sorry.
SPOON KID: Forgive me Roman-Catholic-priest-person-who-does-not-exist, for I have sinned. This is my first, and hopefully last, confession. I don't believe in Catholicism, so the Ten Commandments are a moot point. Not that I've broken any of them, other than the first. And possibly the second, 'cos I'm a practising Buddhist.
PRIEST: Why are you in church if you're a Buddhist?
SPOON KID: I'm not. There is no church.
PRIEST: Zen Buddhist, are you?
SPOON KID: No. I'm just aware that while I am a person, *you* are nothing more than a battery powering Artificial Intelligence, which makes you *think* all this is real.
NEO pops his head round the door, setting off the security scanner with his sunglasses.
NEO: Spoon Kid, are you giving the Priest Morpheus' spiel again?
SPOON KID: He called me a Zen Buddhist. He asked for it.
NEO: Well, don't. You can show him your spoon trick if you want, to prove it, but the battery spiel is Morpheus' territory.
SPOON KID looks at his feet and scuffs his shoe guiltily.
SPOON KID: Yes sir.
NEO: Good.
NEO'S head disappears again
PRIEST: (curiously) What spoon trick?
SPOON KID: I have to be able to see you to show you.
SPOON KID and PRIEST move out into the church. SPOON KID pulls a spoon from his back pocket, and does his bending spoon trick. Then he hands the spoon, normal again, to the PRIEST.
SPOON KID: Do not try to bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead, try only to see the truth.
PRIEST: What truth?
NEO pops his head through the door again, setting off the scanner with his sunglasses again.
NEO: OI! MY LINE!
PRIEST: Sorry.
SPOON KID glares at NEO. NEO retreats.
SPOON KID: (continuing *his* spiel) There is no spoon.
PRIEST: There is no spoon?
SPOON KID: Yeeeeeeeeeeeees
NEO pops his head through the door again, but doesn't set off the scanner, 'cos he's taken his sunglasses off.
NEO: OI! Morpheus' line!
SPOON KID: My bad.
NEO retreats again. SPOON KID looks at the PRIEST
SPOON KID: Sorry, where were we?
PRIEST: There is no spoon?!
SPOON KID: Right. Then you will see, it is not the spoon that bends, but yourself.
PRIEST: Riiiiiiiiiiiiight... You sure you're not a Zen Buddhist?
TRINITY and NEO run into the church, setting the scanners off, followed by three AGENTS
TRINITY: Agents!
SPOON KID: CHARGE!
SPOON KID and NEO, both having Matrix changing abilities, run at the AGENTS.
AGENTS: RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!
KING ARTHUR OF CAMELOT: OI! My lines!
NEO: Yeah, erm, sorry, erm...
TRINITY: The Author would like it to be known that they do not own any part of 'MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL' other than a copy of the DVD, and would also like to refer any owners of said movie to the disclaimer at the top of the page.
KING ARTHUR OF CAMELOT disappears. NEO'S phone rings.
NEO: Hell, the One true Saviour speaking. Uh-huh... Yeah... yup... got it.
NEO ends the call, and looks at TRINITY and SPOON KID
TRINITY: What?
NEO: Morpheus wants a triple espresso, Link wants a chocolate do-nut, and we have a proximity warning on 50 squiddies.
NEO and TRINITY run out of the church. SPOON KID grabs his spoon off the PRIEST, and runs after them.
--------------------------------------
ermmm... yeah...
A/N:The 10 Commandments
How To Properly Worship The Only True God
First
"I am The Lord your God, Who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the
house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me."
Second
"You shall not make for yourself a graven image, or any likeness of anything
that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the
water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I The
Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the
children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate Me, but
showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love Me and keep My
Commandments."
Third
"You shall not take The Name of The Lord your God in vain; for The Lord will not
hold him guiltless who takes His Name in vain."
Fourth
"Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all
your work; but the seventh day is a Sabbath to The Lord your God; in it you
shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your manservant, or
your maidservant, or your cattle, or the sojourner who is within your gates; for
in six days The Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them,
and rested the seventh day; therefore The Lord blessed the Sabbath day and
hallowed it."
How To Live In Peace With Humanity:
Fifth
"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which
The Lord your God gives you."
Sixth
"You shall not kill."
Seventh
"You shall not commit adultery."
Eighth
"You shall not steal."
Ninth
"You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor."
Tenth
"You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's
wife, or his manservant, or his maidservant, or his ox, or his ass, or anything
that is your neighbor's."
(Exodus 20:2-17 RSV)
DISCLAIMER: Firstly, I don't own rights to the Bible. It's not my style. Secondly, I don't own the characters of the Matrix. What follows is a parody, and is written purely to entertain others, not as a money-making serious thing. PLEASE don't sue me, it wouldn't be worth the lawyers' fees. Besides, plagiarism is the highest form of flattery.
A/N 2: No offence to all you truly religious people out there. I have nothing against religion, in general, just so long as it's not aimed at me in particular. I'm an agnostic/athiest type person, and any flames on *that* subject will lead to poisonous frogs... My frogs rule!
A/N 3: Thanks to Blake, who is probably the only person waiting on this fic. But hey, I'm gonna keep going. You can't stop me.
maniacal laughter
--------------------------------------
Black screen. In green text, is the wording 'THERE HAS BEEN A TEMPORARY SERVICE FAULT. PLEASE DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET.' Ten minutes later, the letter goes all Matrix Code-y once again, and is replaced with 'CONFESSIONS OF... SPOON KID'.
CUT to:
A church. Could feasibly be the one in the last chapter, since it wasn't blown up. SPOON KID is stood outside, dressed in normal clothes, instead of his robes. TRINITY and NEO are trying to get him to go to Confession.
SPOON KID: Why do I have to go to Confession? I'm a Buddhist.
TRINITY: Hey, me and Neo had to go, so do you!
SPOON KID: (getting desperate) There is no church!
NEO: Spoon kid, if there is no church, then there is no confession, so you just go talk to the nice priest about Hell and stuff.
SPOON KID: There is no...
TRINITY: GET INSIDE, KID!
SPOON KID runs inside and cowers in the Confessions box. A PRIEST enters.
PRIEST: Hello? Anyone there?
SPOON KID: There is no here.
PRIEST: What are you, a nihilist?
SPOON KID: I'm twelve years old, don't use long words!
PRIEST: Sorry.
SPOON KID: Forgive me Roman-Catholic-priest-person-who-does-not-exist, for I have sinned. This is my first, and hopefully last, confession. I don't believe in Catholicism, so the Ten Commandments are a moot point. Not that I've broken any of them, other than the first. And possibly the second, 'cos I'm a practising Buddhist.
PRIEST: Why are you in church if you're a Buddhist?
SPOON KID: I'm not. There is no church.
PRIEST: Zen Buddhist, are you?
SPOON KID: No. I'm just aware that while I am a person, *you* are nothing more than a battery powering Artificial Intelligence, which makes you *think* all this is real.
NEO pops his head round the door, setting off the security scanner with his sunglasses.
NEO: Spoon Kid, are you giving the Priest Morpheus' spiel again?
SPOON KID: He called me a Zen Buddhist. He asked for it.
NEO: Well, don't. You can show him your spoon trick if you want, to prove it, but the battery spiel is Morpheus' territory.
SPOON KID looks at his feet and scuffs his shoe guiltily.
SPOON KID: Yes sir.
NEO: Good.
NEO'S head disappears again
PRIEST: (curiously) What spoon trick?
SPOON KID: I have to be able to see you to show you.
SPOON KID and PRIEST move out into the church. SPOON KID pulls a spoon from his back pocket, and does his bending spoon trick. Then he hands the spoon, normal again, to the PRIEST.
SPOON KID: Do not try to bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead, try only to see the truth.
PRIEST: What truth?
NEO pops his head through the door again, setting off the scanner with his sunglasses again.
NEO: OI! MY LINE!
PRIEST: Sorry.
SPOON KID glares at NEO. NEO retreats.
SPOON KID: (continuing *his* spiel) There is no spoon.
PRIEST: There is no spoon?
SPOON KID: Yeeeeeeeeeeeees
NEO pops his head through the door again, but doesn't set off the scanner, 'cos he's taken his sunglasses off.
NEO: OI! Morpheus' line!
SPOON KID: My bad.
NEO retreats again. SPOON KID looks at the PRIEST
SPOON KID: Sorry, where were we?
PRIEST: There is no spoon?!
SPOON KID: Right. Then you will see, it is not the spoon that bends, but yourself.
PRIEST: Riiiiiiiiiiiiight... You sure you're not a Zen Buddhist?
TRINITY and NEO run into the church, setting the scanners off, followed by three AGENTS
TRINITY: Agents!
SPOON KID: CHARGE!
SPOON KID and NEO, both having Matrix changing abilities, run at the AGENTS.
AGENTS: RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!
KING ARTHUR OF CAMELOT: OI! My lines!
NEO: Yeah, erm, sorry, erm...
TRINITY: The Author would like it to be known that they do not own any part of 'MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL' other than a copy of the DVD, and would also like to refer any owners of said movie to the disclaimer at the top of the page.
KING ARTHUR OF CAMELOT disappears. NEO'S phone rings.
NEO: Hell, the One true Saviour speaking. Uh-huh... Yeah... yup... got it.
NEO ends the call, and looks at TRINITY and SPOON KID
TRINITY: What?
NEO: Morpheus wants a triple espresso, Link wants a chocolate do-nut, and we have a proximity warning on 50 squiddies.
NEO and TRINITY run out of the church. SPOON KID grabs his spoon off the PRIEST, and runs after them.
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ermmm... yeah...