A/N:The 10 Commandments
How To Properly Worship The Only True God
First
"I am The Lord your God, Who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me."
Second
"You shall not make for yourself a graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I The Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the Children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate Me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love Me and keep My Commandments."
Third
"You shall not take The Name of The Lord your God in vain; for The Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His Name in vain."
Fourth
"Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work; but the seventh day is a Sabbath to The Lord your God; in it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your manservant, or your maidservant, or your cattle, or the sojourner who is within your gates; for in six days The Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day; therefore The Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it."
How To Live In Peace With Humanity:
Fifth
"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which The Lord your God gives you."
Sixth
"You shall not kill."
Seventh
"You shall not commit adultery."
Eighth
"You shall not steal."
Ninth
"You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor."
Tenth
"You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's
wife, or his manservant, or his maidservant, or his ox, or his ass, or anything
that is your neighbor's."
(Exodus 20:2-17 RSV)
DISCLAIMER: Firstly, I don't own right to the Bible. It's not my style. Secondly, I don't own the characters of the Matrix. What follows is a parody, and is written purely to entertain others, not as a money-making serious thing. PLEASE don't sue me, it wouldn't be worth the lawyers' fees. Besides, plagiarism is the highest form of flattery.
A/N 2: No offence to all you truly religious people out there. I have nothing against religion, in general, just so long as it's not aimed at me in particular. I'm an agnostic/athiest type person, and any flames on that subject will lead to poisonous frogs... My frogs rule!
A/N 3: Well, Wetfish, you asked for it...
--------------------------------------
Black screen. In green text, is the wording 'TO BE CONTINUED IN ANOTHER FANFIC'. Suddenly the lettering goes all Matrix Code-y and is replaced with 'THERE HAS BEEN A TEMPORARY SERVICE FAULT. PLEASE DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET.' Some time later, the screen changes to a church scene. The church is empty, until- no, because- two people just walked in. Through the wall.
TWIN 1: Surely that would mean the church isn't empty?
TWIN 2: Indeed. We are vexed.
TWIN 1: We are. Why do we need to confess?
TWIN 2: We are sentient programs, not pitiful humans.
AUTHOR: (VO) So I'm pandering to the audience. So sue me.
TWIN 2: Sue you?
AUTHOR: (VO, as PRIEST walks in) Never mind...
The TWINS go into the confessions booth together.
TWIN 1: Forgive us father-
TWIN 2: -For we have sinned.
PRIEST turns into a gibbering wreck, recognising the voices from somewhere.
TWIN 1: Oh, brother...
TWIN 2: What? We didn't do anything!
PRIEST: So why confess then?
TWIN 1: We meant we didn't do anything to you.
TWIN 2: Yet.
PREIST: Very well, start over.
TWIN 2: Forgive us father-
TWIN 1: For we have sinned...
TWINS 1&2: This is out first, last, and only confession.
PRIEST: The good Lord is all forgiving, my son...s... In what ways have you sinned?
TWIN 1 pulls a list of the Ten Commandments from the pocket of his white leather jacket.
TWINS 1&2: The fourth and the sixth? We think that's right. Working on the Sabbath and killing people.
The MEROVINGIAN walks into the church.
MEROVINGIAN: (in dodgy French accent) Vere are my twinz? Zut alors, I turn my back vor five seconds, et zey are disappearing from sight!
The TWINS look at each other, and fade through the back of the church. Where they bump into PERSEPHONE...
How To Properly Worship The Only True God
First
"I am The Lord your God, Who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me."
Second
"You shall not make for yourself a graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I The Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the Children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate Me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love Me and keep My Commandments."
Third
"You shall not take The Name of The Lord your God in vain; for The Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His Name in vain."
Fourth
"Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work; but the seventh day is a Sabbath to The Lord your God; in it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your manservant, or your maidservant, or your cattle, or the sojourner who is within your gates; for in six days The Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day; therefore The Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it."
How To Live In Peace With Humanity:
Fifth
"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which The Lord your God gives you."
Sixth
"You shall not kill."
Seventh
"You shall not commit adultery."
Eighth
"You shall not steal."
Ninth
"You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor."
Tenth
"You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's
wife, or his manservant, or his maidservant, or his ox, or his ass, or anything
that is your neighbor's."
(Exodus 20:2-17 RSV)
DISCLAIMER: Firstly, I don't own right to the Bible. It's not my style. Secondly, I don't own the characters of the Matrix. What follows is a parody, and is written purely to entertain others, not as a money-making serious thing. PLEASE don't sue me, it wouldn't be worth the lawyers' fees. Besides, plagiarism is the highest form of flattery.
A/N 2: No offence to all you truly religious people out there. I have nothing against religion, in general, just so long as it's not aimed at me in particular. I'm an agnostic/athiest type person, and any flames on that subject will lead to poisonous frogs... My frogs rule!
A/N 3: Well, Wetfish, you asked for it...
--------------------------------------
Black screen. In green text, is the wording 'TO BE CONTINUED IN ANOTHER FANFIC'. Suddenly the lettering goes all Matrix Code-y and is replaced with 'THERE HAS BEEN A TEMPORARY SERVICE FAULT. PLEASE DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET.' Some time later, the screen changes to a church scene. The church is empty, until- no, because- two people just walked in. Through the wall.
TWIN 1: Surely that would mean the church isn't empty?
TWIN 2: Indeed. We are vexed.
TWIN 1: We are. Why do we need to confess?
TWIN 2: We are sentient programs, not pitiful humans.
AUTHOR: (VO) So I'm pandering to the audience. So sue me.
TWIN 2: Sue you?
AUTHOR: (VO, as PRIEST walks in) Never mind...
The TWINS go into the confessions booth together.
TWIN 1: Forgive us father-
TWIN 2: -For we have sinned.
PRIEST turns into a gibbering wreck, recognising the voices from somewhere.
TWIN 1: Oh, brother...
TWIN 2: What? We didn't do anything!
PRIEST: So why confess then?
TWIN 1: We meant we didn't do anything to you.
TWIN 2: Yet.
PREIST: Very well, start over.
TWIN 2: Forgive us father-
TWIN 1: For we have sinned...
TWINS 1&2: This is out first, last, and only confession.
PRIEST: The good Lord is all forgiving, my son...s... In what ways have you sinned?
TWIN 1 pulls a list of the Ten Commandments from the pocket of his white leather jacket.
TWINS 1&2: The fourth and the sixth? We think that's right. Working on the Sabbath and killing people.
The MEROVINGIAN walks into the church.
MEROVINGIAN: (in dodgy French accent) Vere are my twinz? Zut alors, I turn my back vor five seconds, et zey are disappearing from sight!
The TWINS look at each other, and fade through the back of the church. Where they bump into PERSEPHONE...