Disclaimer: CSI and the song are both not mine
Spoilers: none
a/n: thanks for the reviews! sorry if this took long! please tell me what you think. And I hope you like it! The song used here is 'Officially missing you' by Tamia. Catherine's POV
Chapter two: Officially missing you
All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why'd you have to go
Until now I still have no idea why he left. It's been a month now since he has gone. I have been denying it for a month too.
On the first week, I've been waiting eagerly and patiently on my front porch for a glimpse of his car.
He never came by, so the second week I just kept on waiting for him at the lab.
The third week I decided not to look for him and that maybe he'll just show up and that he's just really very busy...
On the fourth week I started coming by his house, knocking on the door and waiting for his return and thinking that he is probably out doing his errands and that I'll just talk to him later and so I go home and stare on my phone.
And now, well I've accepted that the reason I'm giving out the assignments is not because he's late but because he's not coming.
I've also accepted that the reason why I never used my spare key to his house is because I know that once I open that door I won't like what I would see ... or rather what I wouldn't.
Cause this pain I feel
It won't go away
And today I'm officially missing you
I'm now working inside his office, everywhere I look I see him, every time I close my eyes I see him. I see him and I start imagining things ... remembering things.
I just had a very hard, difficult, and stressful and have I said HARD?
When I'm tired he would give me a back rub then he would tell me to go home and rest but I wouldn't go until I finish my work, then we would just keep on arguing and in the end he wins.
How?
How else but with the help of his boyish sweet charm. I just couldn't resist him when he uses the words, please and sweetheart at the same sentence, especially when that line is accompanied with puppy dog eyes and a really cute pout.
And of course the promise of him coming with me or following after an hour is of big help too.
Oh jeez, Catherine stop it! This would definitely not make you feel any better!
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain't no way
And today
I'm officially missing you
Denying that he has ever left and said goodbye was so much easier than this.
And so today, its official, I'm officially missing him.
I hate it that I miss him, coz missing him is accepting that he really is gone, but what can I do?
Sooner or later I would have to face what's real.
And this is what's real.
I'm here and he's not.
I'm worried about him, what could have happened? Why has he not called me yet?
But then again why would he call the reason he left. Though he did not say it I know I'm the reason. Why? I don't know for sure.
As long as I'm concerned, I have given him everything and if that's not enough ... then I'm sorry but that's all I could give, that's all that I have.
A few months before he left he's been acting weird, he's always been having a migraine, he's always annoyed ... but still, he never let a day pass without reminding me that he loves me, whether it be through words or through a touch of affection.
A week before he left, he was starting to avoid me, I'm not sure why, I tried to ask him but he just wouldn't give in. I have decided to just be there and wait for him till he's ready, I knew it must be something serious but it never occurred to me that it's as serious as this.
Up to now I still don't know what he was keeping from me, but something inside me tells me that he leaving has a very big connection to that week.
Or maybe ... maybe ... that week ... that week wasn't that big of a factor on why he left, maybe that week .... That week was the week he's been thinking about leaving me.
It's so hard to think that I could be the reason on why he left. That for that week he has probably been thinking about leaving me.
Oh can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I'm officially missing you
I doubt that he's ever going to call, after all why would he call the person he want to run from?
He probably just wants a new life, a life without me ... he probably found it hard to find a way to tell me. That is so like him.
But the Gil that I know, he doesn't just run from his responsibilities .... But maybe this is my fault. I have thought him that we should do the things which we think can make us happy ... and that's maybe why he went away, coz he wants to be happy.
He wants to be happy coz he's not happy here anymore.
Not happy here....
Not happy with me.
All I do is lay around
Two ears full tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don't even know you at all
I don't know you at all
I doubt that he even thinks about me
I doubt that he wants to see me
I doubt that my name makes him smile
I doubt that he'd come back...
I doubt that he'd come back for me.
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it's safe to say baby safe to say
That I'm officially missing you
Here I am still staring on the phone. I want to hear it ring, and when it rings I want to hear his voice on the other line. He's voice telling me that he's alright.
Of course I also want to hear from him that he still loves me .... And that he'll be back but most of all what I want to hear from him right now is for him to tell me that he's okay, that he's fine and that there is no need for me to worry.
I need to know where he is, I couldn't go on like this.
"Cath"
I glance up and I saw Warrick with a sad and worried look on his face.
"You still waiting for him?" he asked as he walked towards me. I shook my head as I close my eyes trying to thwart the tear trying to get out.
Oh can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I'm officially
Through the whole month he has seen me undergo through my denial stage. Every night right after I give them the assignments, I sigh and I talk out loud cursing Gil for being late, then he looks at me as if trying to wake me up but he didn't want to rub it on my face so he just pats my back.
There was this one time when I over heard Nick and Sara talking, and based on what I heard, they were told that Gil is on some kind of seminar. I'm not sure how Warrick learned about the truth; I doubt that Gil told him.
"What are you doing then?"
"I'm facing reality"
A heavy sigh is the response I got.
"Warrick, how did you know?"
"I don't know anything. All I know is that something is terribly wrong with you, and the only person I know who could have caused that is him... it's really easy putting it together. And come on, if he's in seminar why would you be waiting for him at the beginning and end of shift? Usually when he's not around you'll be on your phone talking with him every chance you have. Like say, right now, you know instead of moping."
"That's a really good point"
"Are you ready to talk now?"
I shook my head again, I have just accepted it now I can't talk about it yet.
And besides, I'm not even sure what to talk about. I don't understand any thing. I'm confused of everything that's happening.
But something inside me tells me that it's better this way, that I'm confused ... that I know nothing, but why can't I stop asking why?
Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that's something I just can't do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can't find a way
To let go of you
"Warrick, I'm heading home"
"Want me to take you home?"
"No thanks, I really want to be alone for a while"
Alone. I want to be alone. If I really want to be alone why am I missing Gil?
You see, all of a sudden such a small line and a small word seems to mean so much and causes too much confusion and irony on my part.
Maybe that's all Gil just wanted, maybe he wants to be alone.
Maybe somewhere along the way when I thought everything is perfect, it's not perfect for him. It's not good for him.
Man, I should really stop thinking on why he left. This is useless... solving any case is easier than this. I have neither clues nor evidence to support any of my theories or suspicions. He left me with nothing except questions.
Oh can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I'm officially
We have waited for too many years for us to give in to the feeling that we have for each other, those two years were magical ... a dream come true ... and it just has to end.
Why did he put a stop on it?
Why did he put a stop on our love?
Why did he put a stop on my life?
It official
You know that I'm missing you
Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I'm officially missing you
TBC