Disclaimer: CSI and the song are both not mine!

Spoilers: none

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! here is chap 4 in cath's POV and I used the song 'I don't want to know' by P. Diddy

Chapter four: I don't want to know

Somebody said they saw you
the person you were kissing wasn't me
and i would never ask you
i just kept it to myself

I have just entered the break room and already Sara's on a rush to get out. I don't really know what I could have done to her. As far as I know we have already settled our issues long ago, but ever since she came back from her seminar in Chicago – one week ago, she's been avoiding me.

She has been acting uneasy when I'm around.

I really don't understand her. But then again, when have I ever learn to understand Sara!

Well one week ago, while Sara was out on a seminar to have some new knowledge, I too learned some things .... Or rather realized.

Over the weekend while Lindsey was at my sisters I really had a lot of time to think and sort my thoughts out. And when I checked my list of priorities I realized that my top priority is my daughter, so why would I take the chance of loosing my daughter just because the man of my life left me just like that.

So, being a mother comes first being a lover comes second.

Being a lover second. Why do I feel something is wrong with that?

Oh yeah! I don't have a lover .... Okay so let me correct that last statement ....

Being a mother comes first being a pathetic woman mourning over the lost of the man who promised her love and forever but said goodbye without any further explanations comes second.

There! Just the right thing to say!

And so little by little I'm starting to handle things better.

I don't wanna know
if your playin me
keep it on the low
cuz my heart cant take it anymore
and if your creepin
please dont let it show
oh baby i dont wanna know

And now I have finished my work and I'll be putting all these back to the office. Yes, that's right, I do the paperwork here in the break room, working inside that office is not of any help on keeping my mind straight.

And now that I'm done with everything, let me see .... Paper works done ... will you believe that?? My paper works are done!! Anyways, back to checking my stuff .... Hmm, everything's done, well maybe I'll just go check out the kids then.

Wonder where they are. Oh, there's Greg ....

"Hey Greg! Have you seen Warrick?"

"Yea he's in the lay-out room Sara"

"Okay thanks."

Arriving to my destination, I found the room closed, I am about to open the door then I heard Sara yelled, "I can't do this anymore!!"

"Sara are you sure?" I heard Warrick asked in his suspicious tone

"I asked him about it, he admitted"

"Oh Jeez!"

"It's just. It's not like him"

"Whether it's like him or not he still has no right to do it!"

"I am not saying he has the right."

Warrick and Sara's voice are both starting to rise; I think it's time for me to intervene before anything else happens....

"Oh damn, I can't believe Grissom could do this"

And as I heard his name spoken by Warrick, I froze to my position. They are talking about him ... what are they saying? Why are their voices rising as they talk about him?

i think about it
and i hoped you
when lookin in your eyes
i cant believe
i dont need to know the truth
baby keep it to yourself

I am now getting my stuff out the locker, I'm heading home now. I didn't bother to hear the rest of Sara and Warrick's conversation. When I heard the mention of his name, I just didn't know how to react, so I left. I don't know what it is, but something in me says I wouldn't like what I would hear from their talk.

"Cath"

I glance up and see Warrick standing by the doorway of the locker room. "Hey" Warrick walked nearer to me, then he sat beside me, he looked at me then he sighed. He's about to tell me something big, I can feel it.

"It's about Grissom"

With this I look down at the floor. It's been more than a month since I last saw him, it's been just a week since I started to have a life again...

"Um. Do you still think about him?"

With this question I look back at him, what the hell kind of question is that?

"Of course I do"

"do you still love him?"

I don't really like this kind of talks, it makes me think and reflect and cry. Those three things I've been doing for sometime now and I'm tired of always doing it and now he comes in here and remind me of it.

I don't wanna know
if your playin me
keep it on the low
cuz my heart cant take it anymore
and if your creepin
please dont let it show
oh baby i dont wanna know

"Warrick I really don't like where this is heading"

"Why where do you think this is heading?"

"It's heading to a talk about my feelings for him and damn it I can't deal with it anymore!"

Warrick apologized to me for bringing up the topic, he left me in the locker room and it is obvious from his features that he just had a major decision change when I spoke my last statement.

And now I am headed to the parking lot to get my car...

"Catherine!"

As I glance to my back I saw Sara running towards me.

"What's up?"

"It's about Grissom"

"Sara - -"

"I know where he is."

She knows where he is?! How did she know where he is?

"Where?"

"I literally bumped into him when I was in Chicago"

"And you're telling me this only now because...?"

"Catherine. Um."

Sara's hiding something from me ... there's more to this than that.

"Cath. Um. Well. I just didn't want to get involved"

That line sounds so familiar to me .....

So I just nod and thanked her then I left.

Baby taught you better than this
Baby i want to fall asleep
But your showin all those things
that you used to do to me
if your better off that way
baby all that i can say
go and do your thing
and stay away from me

And now I'm here inside my car thinking whether he really is in Chicago or not. I wasn't able to ask Sara how he is or what happened to him, when I heard from her where he is, I just blacked out. I didn't know how to react ... and up until now, I still don't know how to react or to what I should think.

Questions are again coming back to me.

But this time the numerous number of questions I had just doubled.

And why the hell is it that Sara's only telling me this now?

I know she's hiding something, and I know she's having a hard time ... I don't want her to be this involve to this, this concerns only me and him ...

But what if there are more people involve here than just me and him?

I dont really know your where-abouts
or how you movin
but I know
when your in the house
and when your cruisin
its been proven
my love you been abusin'

'I just didn't want to get involve' that's the same line Gil told me when I asked him why he did not tell me Eddie's cheating on me.

Gil and Sara are so much a like. Sara's becoming the younger female version of Gil ... and well ... I can't help but think that maybe .. maybe he's, he's ....

He's cheating on me.

No! No! No! No! No! That can't be. That's not like Gil. That is not anywhere near who Gil is.

Wait a minute... that's what Sara said back at the lay out room ... it isn't like Gil

Oh damn! No!

I can't understand how a man got you choosin
undecided I came improvided
my undivided
you came and denied it
dont even try it
I know when your lyin
dont even do that
I know why your cryin
im not applying any pressure

It took me two whole days, but at last I have finally decided.

I have left Lindsey to my sister,.

It's time for me to settle this once and for all.

"CALLING ALL PASSENGERS ON FLIGHT 301 TO CHICAGO"

Well ... that's me; guess my plane's leaving earlier than I thought.

"CALLING ALL PASSENGERS TO CHICAGO ... CALLING ALL PASSENGERS TO CHICAGO"

I just want to let you know
that I dont want to let you go
and I dont want to let you leave
you cant say I didnt let you breathe gave you extra cheese
put you in the SUV
you wanted ice
so I made you freeze

TBC