Disclaimer: CSI and the song are both not mine!
Spoilers: none
A/N: the song used here is 'How could an angel break my heart' another great song by toni braxton. please tell me what you think!
Chapter five: How could an angel break my heart?
I heard he sang a lullaby
I heard he sang it from his heart
I'm so tired already! The second I got off the plane I checked in all my stuff into the hotel ...
Where the hell is he!?! It's Sunday, and he has no work here, where could he be? Well anyway since he isn't here and I'm already starving I'm just going to grab some food and just come back here later.
When I found out thought I would die
Because that lullaby was mine
I'm currently here inside the restaurant waiting for my chair. I'm alone and I should have just gone to a food chain and got a burger, but I'm really starving and tired so a little pampering in this nice restaurant wouldn't hurt.
Hmm... that guy there ... he looks a little like Gil.
Oh god it is him.
No, no, no ... that can't be him. Gil would never go out on a nice restaurant with a beautiful, sexy woman unless it's me.
Would he?
I am positive it's him; I know what he looks like even just by the strand of his hair ... maybe she's a friend... I'm going over there to say hi to the woman and a kiss to Gil, I miss him so much and I'm sure he misses me to ... right? Well I hope so.
I heard he sealed it with a kiss
He gently kissed her cherry lips
I'm standing dead to my tracks. I can't move my feet, I can't see anything all I can see is him ... and his lips ... his lips brushing into that woman's lips ... to another woman's lips. He's touching her face, and she's touching his ... I can't take this.
Oh god! That can't be him! That isn't him ... no that wasn't him.
Catherine! God damn it! Stop fooling yourself!
He was smiling at her the whole time ... I saw him, as he slowly leaned over to her ... when he brushed his lips on hers ... I watched him carefully caressed that woman's face.. my eyes can't lie... or maybe I'm just tired and imagining things.
I found that so hard to believe
Because his kiss belonged to me
I'm now back at the hotel, how I got here? That I don't know. But I'm here and I'm crying again.
My tears are freely falling, I'm trying to stop it but I can't. I'm trying to stop it ... there's no reason to cry, that wasn't him ...
That wasn't him ... that wasn't him....... that wasn't him....
that wasn't him ... that wasn't him....... that wasn't him....
My mantra won't work! I'm still crying, and I'm sobbing ...
"How can you do this to me?"
I heard myself whisper.
It is him ... I'm sure it's him... what was he doing?
My mind, body and heart are all acting against my will. My body is shaking ... and sobbing.
My heart is aching ... I feel it somewhat shattered ... it's beat is going faster and faster and I can't do anything about it
My mind .. is still contemplating.
What is there to contemplate about? Why am I still having doubts ... I know it's him, but why won't I believe my own eyes?
That's why he left.
That's why he never called.
That's why Sara had a hard time telling me ... she knew.
How could an angel break my heart
Why didn't he catch my falling star
I wish I didn't wish so hard
Maybe I wished our love apart
How could an angel break my heart
I tried so hard for this relationship. I gave everything... I hoped for everything ... but I guess I should have never.
I shouldn't have given all. I shouldn't have expected, I shouldn't have wanted, I shouldn't have hoped, I shouldn't have prayed, I shouldn't have believed ... but most of all ...I shouldn't have come here.
Then maybe I'll be at home and I'm not crying.
Then maybe I'll be with my daughter and I won't feel like my world is collapsing
Then maybe I won't be alone in this agony
Then maybe my heart wouldn't be aching this much
Then maybe I could somehow control my tears
But then maybe if I never came here, I'll still be a pathetic fool hoping and waiting for his arrival while he kisses another woman.
God Gil! How can you do this! Why did you do this?!
Wasn't I enough? I tried. Believe me I tried ...
I gave you all ... all that I have and more than what I can really offer ... but why is it that none of it is enough?
Why were you kissing her? Why did you decided to kiss her when I was few steps from you? Why did you have to do it in public? Why did you have to do it in front of me? Why did you have to do it?
Why did you want to do it?
He was smiling the whole time, as if he didn't care whether who sees it ....
And unfortunately .... I had to be the one to see it.
I heard her face was white as rain
Soft as a rose that blooms in May
He keeps her picture in a frame
And when he sleeps he calls her name
She's beautiful. And probably a lot more beautiful than I am, in his eyes.
Sometime ago, when he sleeps beside me, I can hear him murmur my name in his sleep now ... now I doubt it is me he calls. It's not my face he sees when he closes his eyes anymore.
When he opens his eyes he most definitely is not seeing me .. instead he will be staring into those green eyes. It's not my blonde hair he'd smelling lying beside him ... it's probably that copper colored hair.
He never felt my presence... He was too engrossed with hers. He never felt me standing a few steps away from him ... he never even cared ... but me, I flew all the way here just to see him. I wanted to see him, but not like this, not with another woman.
Oh god what has he done! What have I done!
Where did I go wrong?
Was it wrong to believe that he's the man I am destined to be with? To believe that he loves me as I love him?
Was it wrong to give everything? Was it wrong to hope for forever? Was it wrong to love him? Is it wrong to love?
Am I really suppose to hurt this much?
What am I doing asking myself all this questions when I know what the answer is. And it's a YES. I was wrong ... but how could he do this? He told me he loved me, and I know he does ... but what happened?
I wonder if she makes him smile
The wasy he used to smile at me
I hope she doesn't make him laugh
Because his laugh belongs to me
He looked happy ... I don't want him to be happy. No, not with her. I'm the one who makes him happy, he told me that, doesn't he remember? I may sound selfish, but that's what he told me ... he told me he'd never be happy without me.
I'm the light of his life. I give him hope, and joy and love. I complete him; he can't go on in this life without me ..... Doesn't he remember?
He told me that for numerous times ... he whispered words of thanks and love in my ears ... doesn't he remember?
I'm hoping for his return, doesn't he know?
I'm waiting for him .... And until now, I'm still waiting for him, doesn't he know?
I'm here ... I'm still here ... doesn't he remember?
I love him ... I love him very much, doesn't he remember?
I can feel great pain and hurt ... no not just in the heart .... The whole of me is hurting.
My heart is not breaking ... it's already broken. It's broken into a million pieces.
I can't take this, I can't deal with this.
He's coming back. Yes, he will. Please God, tell me he will.
I'll be waiting for him ...
I'm going to wait for him .... As long as my body can tolerate,
As long as my heart can bear,
As long as my soul can endure.
As long as I can help stop my mind from listening to logic and reason,
As long as I can hope,
As long as I can make my eyes not to see what's real.
As long as I can.
I'm gonna wait ... but please ... please help me.
Gil .... Please .....
Oh my soul is dying, it's crying
I'm trying to understand
Please help me
TBC