Kaho's Diary to Nikolai

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this chapter OR in this fic, the lucky ladies of Clamp do.

Obsession

So...Tomoyo thought. She was still within in her luxurious bathtub, the scented bubbles nearly gone from the now cold water. But Tomoyo didn't mind, she was still too engrossed in her score of thoughts. Her nose was wrinkled in concentration as she pondered her new discoveries. So..Eriol was married. She thought bleakly. Or he could still be married. Tomoyo shook her head at that thought. But that idea was preposterous, he was an upright man, he wouldn't cheat on his wife or lie to me, but he would purposely exclude information from her, like Mizuki-sensei and their nuptials. Tomoyo was cursed and blessed to understand another person's standpoint, so she couldn't blame Eriol for falling in love with Mizuki-sensei, she seemed so sweet. A young bride hoping that her wishes for having a family would come true. Despite the disturbing thought of Eriol in another woman's arms she couldn't bring herself to hate Kaho. She seemed so kind and full of joie de vie that Tomoyo found it very hard to dislike her.

Tomoyo knew deep down inside of her that there was another woman constantly in Eriol's mind. Sometimes, late at night, she would hear him call out Kaho's name in anguish and misery. Trying to call her back to him. It was at those times that Tomoyo felt white-hot jealousy burn inside her. She felt so alone, even in their shared king sized bed she felt cold and alone as she heard Eriol call for someone else. Not her. Tomoyo could not bring herself to wake him up, perhaps she thought that he would eventually stop calling for Kaho and look for her instead. Perhaps she thought that he would finally wake up and smile at her, then caress her cheek and reassure her that everything was all right. Then he would hold her to him as if letting her go would be the end of his salvation.

She wanted so much to hate Mizuki-sensei, but she couldn't. It was real love if someone like Eriol, who was so serene and nearly impassive, would search for her even after their relationship ended and while he was in another's arms. But why couldn't she just throw the bloody book down the toilet and forget about her lurid break-up with Eriol? Tomoyo's brain asked angrily. She was obsessed with Kaho-sensei's relationship and she knew it.

A really long note:

Please don't kill me! I promise in the ending that there will be some ET! And this fic'll make you sooo sad! Loudly blows nose Now why did I make Tomoyo obsessed with Kaho? Elementary my dear readers! I'm not the type of person to bash characters, even though I don't like EK (so what if they're canonized by clamp! I like ET best!) The second reason is that it makes the fic kind of interesting and different if Tomoyo is obsessed of Kaho-sensei. I call it irony, that the person she's supposed to hate the most is the person she's most curious about. And I also prefer to think that Tomoyo needs to read the diary for some emotional healing, or she just wants to inflict more harm on herself. Whatever you wish to think. Well if you've read my author's notes congratulations! You have a very good attention span! Now be a good reader and review. Also a big thanks to all my reviewers, Ree, Daniela, Yunali and my sister (she keeps changing her name!) you all rock my socks!