Disclaimer: CSI and the song are both not mine
Spoilers: none
a/n: the song used here is I'll be over you. hope you'll like it. Cath's POV
Chapter eleven: I'll be over you
Some people live their dreams
Some people close their eyes
Some people's destiny
Passes by
It has been a month and here I am still thinking about him. I learned that Angela was Gil's former girlfriend, after knowing that new information I was so sure that I could start on healing myself. And gladly, I was.
I was able to start healing... only... it's taking longer than what I thought.
As days pass by I've been feeling better and better. Warrick and I became closer if that was even possible, he has really been good friend ever since. And here I am now staring at this beautiful bouquet of flowers placed neatly on top of my office desk.
I need not to open the card that came along with it to know who it is from, I know who it is from...
It's from Warrick.
But I still decided to open the card, coz deep inside I still am wishing to see someone else's name.
To, Catherine
With love, Warrick
Isn't he sweet?
He said he's sending me these flowers to cheer me up and so that I could start my night remembering he is always there for me. I've been receiving flowers and cards more often than before, frankly it's becoming a little too often for a friend who is just trying to comfort another friend.
And I know that I should not think this way, he is my friend who happens to care for me a lot! And here I am starting to get all suspicious! God, I've really lost my mind.... And all along I thought all I lost was my heart!
There are no guarantees
There are no alibis
That's how our love must be
Don't ask why
"Nick, Sara you two have a 419, Warrick you're on a home invasion and take Greg with you. I'll be on call while doing some paperwork!"
And as I watch my team walk out the break room, I'm very sure that he would not go until he talks to me...
"Cath –"
"Warrick I'm fine!"
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I am, by the way thanks for the flowers"
"Anything for you Cath"
And I watch as Warrick finally left me in peace.
When I came back from Chicago I did everything I can do just so I can get myself out of the field, and since then Warrick has been catching me quivering and sobbing because of the heartache Gil has given me.
I know that he worries that he might find me sobbing again once he and the others get back from the field, but he won't, coz I'll make sure I won't.
It takes some time
God knows how long
I know that I can forget you
I'm not sure why I'm feeding this spider instead of doing my pile of paperwork! I'm not even sure why I'm keeping this spider here!
It's just that, I can't bear to see this little- Okay maybe he is not little, coz he's really big for a spider! – well anyway, I can't bear to see it die of starvation, and I can't bring myself to throw it away.
Whenever I see it I remember him, and... I don't know.... I've been trying to forget him yet I can't throw away this one thing that reminds me to much of him.
I still love him. God I love him, and I know I should stop coz the amount of love is doubled by the amount of pain.
I want to get over him, I've been trying to, and I know I will.
Someday I will.
As soon as my heart stops breakin'
Anticipating
As soon as forever is through
I'll be over you
Lying alone in this bed of mine I can feel hot fresh tears falling silently down my eyes.
I still am not over him, but at least I'm improving. Now I cry, but I cry silently, unlike before, before I cry and I can't control the way my body trembles and the noise my cries make. Now I have control over it, I cry silently, I just wish that the pain it has would lessen too, but unfortunately it hasn't, the amount of heartache is still the same, the only thing that changed is the volume of my crying.
Okay, so maybe it's not just the volume of my cries that have changed coz the greater change that happen is that .... I have learned to accept.
Accept that we are over, and that everything's in the pass and there's nothing I can do about it.
Accept that the pain I feel because of this man is far greater than the love which I just wish would vanish.
My best friend of two decades, lover of two years is now the man whom I want to get over with.
Promises never kept, vows that were broken, and the love that has became a lie.... I just want to forget all these.
Remembering times gone by
Promises we both made
What are the reasons why
Nothing stays the same
"Mom!!"
The voice of an angel breaks me out of my morbid thoughts.
"Hey baby!"
I watch as my little angel hops to bed beside me.
"I'm glad you're awake"
"Me too honey, how's school?"
"It was great! I got an A in Science!"
"That's great honey! Was that about the one uncle Warrick taught you?"
"No, actually it was a pop quiz, and it's all about insects so I just had to think about Daddy G"
"Oh...."
Lindsey adored Gil, she loves the man like her own father and that is why I've been telling a lie to my daughter. Up to now she still believes that Gil is somewhere in Africa for a convention about insects.
"Could we please go call him? Please! Please! Please!"
"Sweetie, I told you there is no way for us to phone him"
"Well, when will he be back?"
"..."
"Mom!?"
"Well, uh – don't you like spending some alone time with me for a change?"
"Of course I do, but I really miss Daddy G and besides we're not really alone, alone, uncle Warrick is always coming over"
"Don't you like uncle Warrick to come over?"
"It's okay, he's nice."
"He teaches you stuff and you guys get along, have fun and play games like...uh... Gil, does, right?"
I know I'm asking too much, but I just hope that Linds could just spend some time with Warrick so she could stop on missing her Daddy G... as if that is even possible! But hey, I could hope!
"Yeah.. but having Daddy G around is different. Plus he promised me if I get three straight A's he'll take me to Universal studio"
"And I know none of this because?"
"Coz it's a Father and Daughter thing!"
There she said it and it cuts like a knife. Father and Daughter thing. He has built a great bond between him and my daughter, how am I suppose to tell my daughter that her "Daddy G" is not coming back coz he's in Chicago with a woman named Angela!
"So, what do you say if I'll be the one to take you there? Or we can even let uncle Warrick or your cousins to tag along with us."
"Nah! I want to go there with Daddy G, so let's just wait for him then the three of us could go together"
"If that's what you want ......"
There were the nights holding you close
Someday I'll try to forget them
And as I watch my daughter get out of my bed and saunter towards her room, I pull one of the pillows and hold it close to me.
A few months ago, I wouldn't be hugging a pillow, because I will be wrapped in his warms while we both watch Lindsey's figure disappear to her room.
Now every time I close my eyes I see him, and every time I hug this pillow I think of him.
And I just wish I could just stop from this non-sense and forget about him.
Forget of all this memories.
This memories that no matter what I do, I just can't erase.
But someday I will, I know I will.
As soon as my heart stops breakin'
Anticipating
As soon as forever is through
I'll be over you
And now as I drive my usual route on my way to Las Vegas crime lab, I am able to distinguish the certain facts that I have accepted
I have accepted that we are through
I have accepted that he has somebody else
I have accepted that I my love for him is still here though it's being overshadowed by the pain he inflicted
I have accepted that it will take time before I get over him
I have accepted that I know when that time will be... and you know when?...
It's the day my heart stops aching and breaking
It's the day right after forever.
As soon as my heart stops breakin'
Anticipating
As soon as forever is through
I'll be over you
Could you believe it? My heart has been torn and shattered into a million pieces but up to now it still is breaking.
As soon as forever is through, I'll be over him.
When the hell will that be?
I don't know.
But I know that that time will come, it will come ...
And again I believe too much and giving too much faith, I just hope that this time I wouldn't be wrong.
Someday I'll be over you
Without as much as a single glance I know he is there standing on the doorway of my office staring at me...
"Warrick please stop staring at me"
"Sorry!"
"Do you need anything?"
"Not really"
"Cath?"
"Hmm??"
"Will you have dinner with me tomorrow night?"
As soon as my heart stops breakin'
Anticipating
As soon as forever is through
I'll be over you
TBC