Disclaimer: CSI and the song are both not mine!
Spoilers: none
A/N: The song used here is 'Maybe' by Sheryn Regis, it's in Grissom's POV . I have the feeling you guys will be liking this chap... so read on....and I hope you'll like it!!
Chapter seventeen: Maybe
If we both decide to try and make it one more time
I hope we take the time to know each other well
And if the answers don't come quick we'll go with how it feels
And sometimes that's not yes or no
"Tell me again why I'm doing this?"
"Because you need her, you love her, and you've been such a royal pain to me this pass few days!!"
"Oooh yea."
"Gil!"
"Angela, there's no need to shout!"
And I can't help but chuckle as my friend glares at me, she means well I know, but I'm afraid...
"You know, when you came here and when we started with you're therapy, man the way your body responded to the therapy was phenomenal! Then she came you got hurt, and Gil I'm just really concerned, since that day that you told her that lie, well ... your body isn't really responding as well as it used to be."
"You think you can explain the meaning behind that?"
"Of course I can." Angela replied with wink and grin, "You're losing your will to fight Gil."
"Can't argue with that. But what if she doesn't believe me?"
"She will Gil, I know she will."
"But what if I don't get better and die?"
"Look, cancer and death are not synonymous! As I told you, you were doing great you just have to want to live and fight, and as I have seen to this past few months we've spent together that would mean only one thing, or rather person"
'CALLING ALL PASSENGERS BOARDING TO LAS VEGAS.'
"That's me, see you soon Angela"
"Okay, take care okay"
"I will. And Angela, thank you"
"You're welcome, now go and get her!"
But maybe there'll be no falling stars
this time around
I still believe that
Honesty is all we'll ever need
You and me again, maybe
I am now boarded on the plane, on my way to Vegas.
I feel really nervous and scared, what the hell am I going to tell her. I'm going to tell her the truth that's what, but how? How the hell am I supposed to drop this bomb shell to her?
Catherine I love you and I'm sorry, I lied to you I never loved anybody else and I lied because I have cancer and I'm dying and I was so scared for you to see me die but you don't have to worry coz I'll be better once WE go back to Chicago where I'm having my treatment.
So you see, that, that is the truth, but if I tell it to her like that it would seem so stupid and unbelievably absurd! So how am I to tell her? How do I explain to her that I did it all coz I love her so much that I didn't want to see her be sadden and that now that I realize that it is pointless to keep on going and fighting for my life when she hates me.
I have decided to lie to her and fight this sickness on my own, but I can't do it. and probably another reason of this is that I'm afraid, I'm afraid that once I win this fight I won't have anyone to go back to.
I need her so I could fight for this, and so I would have someone to fight for and to know that once I'm through there is someone waiting for me.
That after this long and exhausting race, at the finish line she would be there waiting and smiling at me with open arms. That's the picture I would want to look forward to.
Coz if I don't tell Catherine the truth and it takes me a few more years for my treatment to finish, by the time I heal completely she too would probably hate me completely or over me completely. The worst is if she's with someone else.
You keep asking me if I will love you for all time
If two of us will be enough to make it strong
And if we learn to keep it free and let each other grow
We'll find out there's no yes or no just
So many times, I have told her that I love her. I still do and I know I always will. And I hope that she'll understand that and believe that.
I hope that she'll believe me when I tell her that I love her, I have always loved her and that I was only lying to her when I told her I had someone else, coz I wanted to protect her, to protect me. I never really thought about the consequences of my actions back then, all I thought about was her not knowing, coz after all how will she hurt if she doesn't know?
I caused her too much pain when I told her that I'm with someone else, but I'm pretty sure it would be less painful than watching me die. And now, now I'm going to tell her coz I'm confident that I could get over my illness. This is the 21st century, we are in the technology age, there's a way for everything you want to have.
Me I want to have longer life.
Maybe there'll be no falling stars this time around
I still believe that
Honesty is all we'll ever need
Can we make it through, maybe
I would just have to let her know the truth, though I know it wouldn't guarantee anything sure but that's the only way that there could be a bigger possibility.
Once she learns of the truth, we can start all over again, no more lies. Me, her and Linds. I'll get well, I'll ask her to marry me and we'll all be happy. It was stupid of me to let some disease rule my life. So what if the brain tumor I have in my head started becoming cancer cells and is spreading through out my body? It isn't as simple as I imply but it isn't as painful as to what my heart is going through.
Like Angela said, it was a good thing I came to her at once, and that if my body responds as well as it used to when I first came then I would surely be of good health again in no time.
No candles or guitar this time around
I still believe that
Honesty is all we'll ever need
You and me again
Maybe
I don't know what Catherine's reaction would be, all I know is that she has to know the truth. The truth that I love her. That's the truth, and I have lied to her by saying otherwise.
I love her, and I love Lindsey, and I will always love them. They both need to know that, the need to believe it.
Maybe it won't be the same as before, it's going to be a long rocky road but maybe we could all get through once we are together again.
Maybe there's still a chance for me take all those lies back.
Maybe there's still hope.
We already have love, honesty is what we lack, and this time, we can make it.
We can make it ... maybe.
Maybe, if I'm not too late.
If I'm not too late.
Maybe there'll be no falling stars this time around
I still believe that
Honesty is all we'll ever need
'LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WE HAVE JUST SAFELY LANDED ON LAS VEGAS AIRPORT'
Maybe there'll be no falling stars this time around
I still believe that
Honesty is all we'll ever need
TBC