Disclaimer: CSI and the song are both not mine

Spoilers: none

a/n: Thanks for the reviews, the song used here is I'll never get over you getting over me' by Bellfire. it's in Cath's POV

Chapter eighteen: I'll never get over you getting over me

I hear you're taking the town again

Having a good time.

With all your good time friends.

"Where are you heading Jim?"

"Well, the shift is over, plus I took a leave for today"

"YOU took a leave?"

"Yes, I did"

"I know it's not my place to ask, but I'm just curious, what's with today? It isn't your birthday, is it?"

"No, it isn't my birthday Catherine. It's just that, I have this friend whom I have not seen for a long time who's coming back to town"

"Oh. Um, do I know your friend?"

"I do believe you know him very well."

"Really! Who is it?" It's not that I know all of Jim's friends but to the years that I've been working with him, I do know quite a few, or maybe it's someone from our old team! "Is it someone from our old team?"

"Uh. Yes"

Hmm, that's weird, none of them called me up and told me they were coming, but anyways... let me see there's Harold and Meg and ....

"Gil's coming" I look into his eyes hoping to see some hint that it was just a joke or a lie or that maybe I just misheard him.

"Gil is in waiting for me at the airport"

"Oh."

"Would you want to see him?"

"NO, I don't."

I don't think that you think of me.

You're on your own now.

And I'm alone and free.

He's back. He's back.

"Hey Cath you okay?"

"Um, yeah, uh, Nick, you think you and Greg can take it from here I'm getting some of the evidence back to the lab now"

"Yea sure"

"Okay bye!"

I know that I should get on with my life.

But a life lived with out you could never be right.

I know that I shouldn't be this affected that he's back. Catherine! you've moved on already remember?

I've got my life back on track, everything is so great, my career is at its peak, Greg is doing great, and Sara is falling in love with Greg- okay stop!! What the hell does that have to do with anything? Anyway, my point is we have all moved on, no one is looking for him I don't think anyone even wants him back, and even if they do I don't want to know coz I surely don't want him back. Nick is still Nick, Lindsey's doing a whole lot better and haven't mentioned his name since that night and Warrick, well, I can't think of anything to say, he's just... he's Warrick.

Everything is so perfect and so good, but the truth is, something isn't right... and maybe it's because... NNOO!!! Catherine! You're getting delusional! Everything is good, everything is right and now he's back and he's going to ruin it!

No, Cath, he won't! He won't ruin it, and he wouldn't do it any better either. He's someone from the past and has nothing to do with you now or with you in the future, he doesn't have to affect your life! Not now, not ever!

You are so over him remember? You've already forgiven him, for hurting you, for leaving you, for ruining your dreams, for loving someone else...

Oh, okay, okay, erase that last one. Erase, erase.

For loving someone else.

He got over me even before I knew we were over.

As long as the stars shine down from the heavens.

As long as the rivers run to the sea.

I'll never get over you getting over me

I don't think I'll ever get through that. He cheated, he got over me, and here I am still not over him.

He got over me. He got over on LOVING me, he stopped. He stopped loving me; he stopped coz he started to give that love he promised to be mine to someone else. He left me crying and hurting like a fool as he moved on and lived a happy life.

He left me hanging, thinking and looking forward to the day he comes back. The day with which as long as he is concern is and will not happen.

And I don't think I'll ever get over that, no matter how I wish I would, no matter how I force my self to do so.

I try to smile so the hurt won't show

Tell everybody

That I was glad to see you go

"Hey Cath!"

"Hey Sara" I greeted her as we both walk by the corridor the lab.

"Um. Have you seen Greg?"

"He's still at the crime seen. You miss your little boyfriend already?" I teased

"He isn't my boyfriend!"

"But you want him to be!" though I meant that as a joke it is partly true

"No." Ah, denial!

"If you say so"

"Uh Cath" And I stop from my walking to give Sara my full attention, she seems to be serious

"Have you heard?"

"Heard of what?"

"Grissom is in town"

"Yea I did"

"And your okay with it?"

"Sure, and I don't really care"

Yeah right! Who are you trying to tell that Catherine? To Sara or to yourself?

"Look Catherine, I know we aren't he best of friends' but-"

"It's okay Sara. I've cried enough, and thank you"

"Anytime"

"Okay, so why don't you go back to your case and I'll start processing mine"

"Sure, see you later"

But the tears just won't go away

Loneliness found me.

Looks like it's here to stay.

I don't know what's happening, but somehow knowing that he's here again I'm starting to feel the emptiness again.

And no matter what I do I just can't get it out. I would have to admit, he has become a part of me and the mark he left behind and this loneliness I've found because of him might never go away, not that I don't want it to but it just won't.

It's far beyond my control. Who would have known that after all that I've been through to get over him, all it takes is to hear that he's in town for me to be like this again.

I know that I ought to find someone new.

But all I find is myself always thinking of you.

I'm with Warrick now.

Well not officially, I haven't really told him of what I feel, but everything between us is just so good, it's so natural and new and it's my medicine. My cure, cure for the heartbreak and the loneliness, for the longing and the hurt, and it has been working proficiently, until now.

None of my co-workers know about this, or rather, I haven't confirmed it yet, you know office gossip, and you could never get anything hidden. Warrick and I have never told anyone that we are DATING, we are still on that stage and to what I feel I would say that it is actually starting to lead on to something....

As long as the stars shine down from the heavens.

As long as the rivers run to the sea.

I'll never get over you getting over me.

But why can't I stop on thinking about Gil?

I hate this! I hate that I can't accept everything!

The fact and the knowledge that he loves another woman and that he got over me just like that is affecting my pride as a woman and a lover. And maybe it's just that, coz all along I thought I'm the only one he could and would ever love, but I was wrong coz he love someone else, not only that he loves her more.

I'm sure about that, coz if he didn't he wouldn't have chosen her.

And I'll never get through that, that another woman has taken over my place. Being replaced is so hard to get over from. If we broke up long before he fell in love with Angela, it would have been so much different.

Oh... No matter what I do

Each night's a lifetime to live through.

I can't go on like this. I need your touch

You're the only one I ever loved... oh.

It's really hard to get through a person you love, most especially if that person is the only man you've ever really loved.

You know, you give all, and it's still not enough.

I'm not crying, nor shaking, and I don't have that inner turmoil, but it does sting a little. But just a little.

Now, memories of him are again flooding back, the fact that I know that he's here has affected me far more than I thought it could ever, but then again I never really thought of seeing him again after learning that he is cheating on me.

And as long as the stars shine down from the heavens.

As long as the rivers run to the sea.

I'll never get over you getting over me.

I'm not sure what I feel for him, and the truth is I don't want to feel anything for him.

A big part of me hates him, a bigger part hates itself for not getting over him.

I hate cheaters- people who makes a fool out of me...

So I guess I'll always have this hate towards him.

I still feel a sting in my heart at the thought of him, more than that, I'm just wishing to never see him again, I don't think I'm ready, quite frankly I'll never be ready, coz I never want to see him, not now, not ever.

I'll never get over you getting over.

Never get over you... getting over.

I'll never get over you getting over me.

TBC