Disclaimer: Anything familiar, I don't own. Anything unfamiliar I do own.
A/N: Uh...this chappie is probably going to get REALLY random. And I'll explain the whole RB3 thing at the end of this chapter. So go on and read!
Chapter 6: Surprise, Surprise!
In Minas Tirith Again...
"PIPPIN!" Gandalf called, "You're the guard of the freakin' citadel! GET UP THERE AND GUARD IT!" Pippin nodded and ran for the citadel. That's when Hayley realized one little predicament.
"OH MY GOD! FARAMIR!" Hayley looked around for Jack. She spotted him not to far away, battling an orc. "JACK! C'mon! We've got to save Faramir!!!"
"Uh, right luv!" Jack quickly finished off the orc and followed Hayley who was following Pippin. They reached the citadel-only to see a cavalcade carrying Faramir with Denethor leading them to the Silent Street.
"Hurry!" Hayley ran after them.
"What's going on?!" Pippin asked.
"Denethor's going to burn Faramir alive if we don't stop him!"
"Oh crap, that's not good!"
Riding with the Riders of Rohan....
"So Eo-I mean, Dernhelm," said Anne, "Are we like, going to die or something?"
"It's possible." Derhlem replied.
"Oh...well..." Anne gulped, "I WANNA GO HOME!" she screamed.
"Shhhh!" Merry said, "You're going to give us away!"
"Sorry, I'm just a little nervous." The horses slowed down to a stop, and the scene before them was horrendous. Tens of thousands of orcs were attacking the city, and smoke was emanating from the houses. Screams of terror and pain could be heard. The sun was rising, and the horn of Rohan was sounded.
Théoden surveyed the scene with dismay. "Èomer! Take your éored down the left flank! Gamling, follow the King's banner down the center! Grimbold, take your company left after you pass the wall! FORTH! And fear no darkness!" The King turned back to his Rohirrim behind him.
"I would give you some inspiring speech about the sun rising, and spear being shaken and stuff like that, but I am to drunk to thin right now!"
Dernhelm rolled her-his-it's eyes. "Whatever happens, stay with me." Merry and Anne nodded in reply.
"DEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAATHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Théoden shouted.
"DEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAATHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" the Rohirrim replied, getting anxious.
Anne looked around at them all, and raised her stun gun.
"LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"
On the Corsairs Ships...
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Diana tried to hide from Robbie Bishop the Third (Hence the nick-name, RB3), but he just followed her everywhere. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"
"Guess what? I so totally love Yu-Gi-OH! And Power Rangers! And Pokemon! GO GO POWER RANGERS!"
"How the crap did you get here?!" Lydia asked, kind of scared and mostly annoyed, for Robbie is the most annoying kid on the face of this planet.
"I dunno." RB3 replied, "I went to sleep and woke up here. This is SO awesome!"
"No, quite frankly, it is the opposite of awesome," said Bender.
"You tell 'em hott stuff!" said Michelle. Bender winked at her, and she swooned. Like a loon. That kinda rhymes!
Robbie walked up to Bender, and accidentally stepped on Napoleon's foot.
"OW! IDIOT!" Napoleon hit Robbie upside the head, and Robbie pulled out a...pokeball. Yes, he seriously pulled out a pokeball.
"I choose you, Pickachu!" Robbie threw the ball on the ground, but nothing happened.
"That is like SO first grade." Lydia said, "Why can't you just grow up?"
"NEVER!" RB3 hissed.
"Loser." Diana muttered.
"Hey Diana, I have to tell you something."
"What is it now, Oh So Annoying One?"
"You have a cute butt!" Everyone went silent, except for Diana, who screamed at the top of her lungs. She ran and hid behind Legolas, who snapped out of his trance and angrily walked over to Robbie.
"Don't hit on her, FAG." Legolas said. (A/N: That's my man!)
"I hope you die a slow and painful death!" Robbie spat at Legolas, which really got Diana TO'd.
"AAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHH!" Diana, using her rush of adrenaline, threw Robbie off the boat. They all watched as the evil, wicked, annoying RB3 was taken away by Octopuses on Crack.
"Sweet." Napoleon said.
"You do not know how long and how much I wanted to do that." Diana said.
Back To Mr. And Mrs. Malfoy....and Frodo and Sam....
"Did we lose him??" Draco asked. Gollum was nowhere in sight, but he was one of those people-or creatures- who liked to pop-up out of nowhere.
Just pop-up...
...out of nowhere...
It's been a while since I did that.
"I don't know." Adrienne replied, "But let's take a little break. I need a breather." The four of them sat down on the ledge to rest. Adrienne looked over her shoulder, and saw the entrance to a scary looking cave. "Hey guys, let's go in that cave!" Adrienne said, completely forgetting the Return of the King movie plot due to Draco's severe hottness.
"Why not?" So they walked inside the creepy cave. They were cobwebs everywhere, and it smelled like my brother's room. And that's SMELLY. They were walking along for quite some time when they heard something move behind them.
"What was that?" Frodo asked, in a very high pitched voice. HE suddenly was going through puberty. Or pooburtey as some call it.
"I don't know," Adrienne said. "But It's definitely NOT some huge man-eating spider named Shelob."
"Uh...riiiggghhht..." Draco started to back away slowly, "Then what the crap is THAT?!" he pointed behind them, and there, lo and behold, was a huge man-eating spider named Shelob.
"Oh gah." Adrienne smacked her forehead, "We're doomed."
At the Silent Street...
Hayley, Jack and pippin quietly followed the guys into the Silent Street. Denethor was acting like a loon, and Faramir was unconscious, and Jack was drunk. But what could you expect of him? I mean, he IS a pirate, after all.
"Why is he doing this??" Pippin asked.
"Because he thinks Faramir is dead so he thinks his family has died out so he;s going to kill himself and Faramir if we don't do something!"
"Freakin' insane loon...can't he tell Faramir's alive?!" They looked over at Faramir who was laid down upon the pyre.
"I'M ALIVE YOU IDIOTS!" Faramir cried, "I aint dead!!!" (A/N: YES! I made Faramir a redneck! And that's not the only surprise in this chapter...mwahahhahaha!)
"Pippin, go find Gandalf, NOW!" she ordered. Pippin ran off back to the battle.
"So... what're we going to do?"
"I have not a clue..."
Back at Hogwarts, cause I know y'all have been wonder about Ron Hermione and Boy w/ scar...
"Hmmm..." Hermione scanned over the page, but found nothing. She had been re-reading every book in the library, but she found nothing. Jenny Penny was becoming invincible, and Frodo, of all people, had the One Ring. Hermione had remembered reading something about this ordeal in a book she read. But, Hermione has read a lot of books in her day, so...yeah. You can pretty much understand the predicament. Hermione ran up to the boy's dorms. Yeah, she pretty much does that on a daily basis.
"Ron, have you-OH MY GOODNESS!" Hermione opend the door, to find Ron hanging up posters of...MALFOY. There were hundreds of them too. EVERYWHERE. Ron stood there in shock. His face was white, and the poster he had been in the midst of hanging up, fell off the wall.
"I CAN EXPLAIN!" Ron said, "I...uh..."
And then, something more disturbing happened...
Harry walked into the room, adorned in baggy pants and a baggy shirt. His boxers were showing, and he had a lighting bolt pendant around his neck. Harry turned Ghetto. WHAT HAS THIS FREAKIN' WORLD COME TO?!
"Sup, foo'?" Harry said, "For shizzle ma nizz-WHOA, FOO'!!!" Harry had noticed the posters around Ron's bed. "Not coo' man. Not freakin' coo'."
Okay, the whole RB3 thing: Robbie Bishop the Third is actually a living, breathing really annoying person. And he really does flirt with me and he really did say I have a cute butt. The only reason I put him in the story was so I could get rid of him. Bwahahahahahahahahaha! And I don't know where the octopuses on crack came from. So don't ask. And Jenny Penny or Adrienne told me to make Ron Gay. So I did.
Yeah. You know I'm awesome.