Disclaimer: CSI and the song are both not mine
Spoilers: none
a/n: I am so, so, sorry for the delay! my computer got busted, so anyways... here's the next chap, it's in Cath's POV, the song used here is 'Karma by Alicia Keys' hope you'll enjoy... tell me watcha think!
Chapter twenty one: Karma
Weren't you the one who said
That you don't want me anymore
and how you need your space
And give the keys back to your door
"How am I supposed to move on if you're not with me?, yea right! Bastard!"
I have never, in my whole life, met someone as desperate as him! Jeez! What a pathetic, self centered dope! Did he really think he could fool me twice?
'I'm sorry I never meant to hurt you' that is so passé, the least he could have done was to think of some new lines. Damn it! The nerve of him to come back to Vegas and see me and my daughter!
Speaking of my daughter there she is staring at me as I open the car.
"Where's daddy G?" she asks as she looked up, I just looked at her, I don't know what to say, so I'm just keeping my mouth shut and drove.
And how I cried and tried and tried
To make you stay with me
and still you said the love was gone
and that I had to leave
I did my best to keep our relationship together. The night he came to say goodbye, I ran after him and begged for him to stay, I was barefoot and I was in my sleeping clothes but I didn't care. I waited all those weeks for his call, when I learned of his where-about I rushed to the airport just to see him.
Man! Now when I think of the scenarios I have been thinking of when I was on my way to Chicago, I could definitely say it is just so pathetically foolish! All the while I imagined him missing me, and telling me he loves me and all those mushy stuff that he does in his own Grissom way.
Oh, and I did received a Grissom way. The Grissom way I had is the Grissom way of deception.
He said he has someone else, and then what the hell is he doing here now?
One day his life revolves around me, the next he found someone else and now he realizes it's me he wants.
I cried till I fell asleep, I kept on crying though there's nothing more to cry. I denied, though reality is right in front of me, I made a fool of myself; I depended on him too much. I almost forgot that there is life to be lived without him.
He isn't worth it. No one is worthy enough to make me act like that again. Not again.
now you
talking bout a family,
now you
saying I complete your dream
now you
saying I'm your everything
Me and LInds are his family. Yea right! If that's true, why didn't he think of it when he cheated on me?
And what was that he was saying about can't keep on living without me? – that's a really nice line, if only this is a romantic movie, then maybe it would be appreciated, but here and now in the real world, that is just so plain lame.
And what was that again? Oh, yea, that it killed him to leave me! what kind of a make up line is that? I never thought he would go on this desperate measures of lying!
It killed him? Come on! He was having the time of his life with that woman! And now he's telling me it killed him?
It killed him, and yet he's still alive! How I wish he isn't!
I'll tell him what would kill him... if he doesn't leave me alone – especially my daughter, I'm really going to kill him!
You're confusing me what you're saying to me
don't play with me don't play with me
"Linds, what is that that you're holding?" I've been so corrupted on my thoughts of hatred towards GRISSOM, that I forgot to ask about what Lindsey's been holding,
"It's a gift from daddy G"
"A gift??!!!" I can't believe him! He's worse than Eddie! He's bribing my daughter!
"Yea a birthday gift"
"What is it?"
"Frames."
I glance up the mirror to see my daughter who is seated at the back of my car, "Frames?"
"Four frames with three butterflies each, all with different kinds and colors."
"Could I place it in my bedroom?"
"Well sweetie, you already are placing that cork bulletin board on your room, there's no more space for those frames"
"Are you sure?"
"Yea, it isn't placed yet, so mom could you just tell uncle Warrick that we won't be putting up the cork bulletin board anymore"
"I thought you said you want to be organized, and you don't want to forget about anything so you wanted to keep yourself reminded."
"I do, but I think I'll just have it the way daddy G does"
"And how is that?"
"I'll just let you handle everything."
cause what goes around comes around
what goes up must come down
now who's crying desiring to come back to me
Ha ha, very funny!
Grissom.Grissom.Grissom. Why the hell am I calling him in his last name? this is a very very good sign, I have successfully made it to the surname basis! From Grissom, to Gil, to Honey, and now back to Grissom... a few more years and I wouldn't have to call him anything coz I won't even know his name!
Now, that is my kind of life! No more Gil! Oh shit! Now I'm back to the first name thing again! Oh well, at least I'm not the one begging for forgiveness and declaring love though it is already known that everything is a big, big lie.
Cause what goes around comes around
what goes up must come down
now who's crying desiring to come back to me
I used to be that one, the disoriented, emotionally unstable, and still in high hopes lover. And now look at me; I'm facing reality while he wants me back.
Does he really want me back?
Jeez, who cares! Whether it's true or not, I don't want him back.
I really hope he wants me back.
Everything he says, all those reasons, and feeble lines, I know that all those are lies, but if there is one thing I would want to be true.. it is that he wants me back.
After all why would he go within these desperate measures if he doesn't?
Oh, yes he wants me back! I couldn't get any happier.
Coz in this way, I could make him feel how much it hurt.
I remember when I was sitting home alone
Waiting for you till 3 o clock in the morn
And when you came home
You'd always have some sorry excuse
And then explain it to me like I'm just some kind of fool
I sacrificed the things I want to just to do things for you
and when it's time to do for me
you never come through
Even before he left, he's been so distant and always missing. I couldn't keep track of his location, of his schedule. At the office, he is always preoccupied; he's been doing a little too much stuff. He tends to be able to make up excuses each time I expect him to be at my house, or to be sleeping in the same bed I am.
I remember one time, I couldn't reach him on his phone, he didn't answer my page, I barely saw him at work so I went straight to his house and he wasn't there. I didn't left till he came, and when he arrived, man, the look in his face! - Totally guilty of something. But at that time he gave me some lame excuse which I brainlessly took!
Up to know, I still don't know where he's been going, but I'm not sure I want to know.
Maybe he goes to Angela, or someplace else, after all I barely really know him.
He was so distant, he wouldn't talk to me or tell me what's wrong, then he comes by and bids me good-bye, and now he's begging for a talk.
now you, wanna be up under me
now you , have so much to say to me
now you, wanna make time for me
whatcha doin to me
You're confusing me
Don't play with me don't play with me
"Okay we're here" I announced as I parked the car in front of my house.
I let my daughter in and she hurries to her room carrying Grissom's gift with her, and me, well I'll go back to the car and grab Lindsey's school bag, which she didn't bother to carry inside.
Okay, so here is Lindsey's bag and.... what is this?
Here are the twelve of my most favorite beautiful butterflies, which I am giving to the most beautiful young lady, who happens to be my favorite girl in the world. Happy Birthday Linds!
Love,
Daddy G
Shall I throw this? Yes I want to, but no, I can't. This card isn't mine, its Lindsey's.
Oh, she's asleep. That's fast, so.. where should I put this? Oh, I'll just place it here. Wait a minute.. what is this? ....
cause what goes around comes around
what goes up must come down
now who's crying desiring to come back to me
My dearest Lindsey,
Sweetheart, by the time you've read this I won't be around,
I can't say exactly when I'll be back. Look Linds, please don't get mad,
I just have some business to attend to.
Business to attend to? Yea right!
Lindsey, I just want you to remember that I love you very much,
and that I will always love you, and I'll always be your daddy G no
matter what.
No matter what? So, in other words, he already knows that something like this will happen.
Be a good girl, always say your prayers before going to
bed, and Linds, try to be a little more obedient to your mom, you
know that she only wants the best for you. I know that I've told
You that so many times, but while I'm not around I won't be
able to remind you of it, and by now you should really try
and remember that.
You really tell her that, Gil? – uh I mean, Grissom.
Take good care of yourself, and take care of your mom
for me. I love you both very much, and where ever I am, I will always
always love you both.
Love,
Daddy G
What goes around comes around
what goes up must come down
now who's crying desiring to come back
Okay, now I'm confused. Very, very, confused. He told Linds how much he loves us. He did, he really did.
Oh God! Catherine get a grip! If he really did, why leave? Why go to Chicago and elope with a high school sweetheart? Clearly he just did this for his name's sake! So that Linds would not despise him, as much as I do. Just a proof of his self centeredness!
But that isn't like him. He isn't political. He wouldn't write a letter like this if he didn't mean it, especially not to an innocent child. Besides, I wrote it! it's a letter! And he isn't really the type of person who is fond of letters, especially ones with too much emotions, ones with words of love. What I'm accusing him for is unbelievable, coz he isn't like that.
But what is he like? I don't even know him anymore! He lied to me and cheated, and now he's already messing with my head!
Catherine. He's a bastard! Whatever this is that he wrote to Linds, well, he wrote it to Lindsey, and what he wrote and what he did are telling two different stories! Besides you are not sure whether he really left for Angela or not, but one thing is for sure, he stayed there for Angela, and that's more than enough reason to get mad. So what if he came back for you? The damage has been done.
Cause what goes around comes around
what goes up must come down
now who's crying desiring to come back to me
Now that he has realized what he has lost, well, he's too late. He should have thought of things before doing it. things probably didn't work out with Angela, and now he wants me back, he's crying and desiring and that's all he can have. He can only have the desire coz I am not gonna come back to him!
I think I should have said something harsher, or maybe I should have stayed a little while longer. I want to see how he reacts, actually, what I really want to see is if he would even react.
Was he just playing games? Or did he really wanted me back?
Did he really meant what he said a little while ago?
Oh well, whether he meant it or not, I know that I hurt him. Maybe through the harsh words, or the guilt I reminded him of, or more likely, it would be because of rejection.
I rejected him, and he's hurt about it, probably because he expected that I'll be thankful he wanted me back, well sorry, but I don't want him back.
That cocky asshole, he must have thought that he could fool me again, well he can't.
And even if he doesn't intend to fool me this time, and that it just so happens that he realized that he needs me, well, there's only one thing I could conclude.
It's called karma Grissom!
What goes around comes around
what goes up must come down
Gotta stop trying to come back to me
Have a taste of what you made me feel. The hurt and the pain.
I told you I love you, but you rejected me, and now I'm rejecting you.
I flew all the way to Chicago for you, and you flew all the way here to Vegas for me ...
I came back to Vegas with a shattered heart, and you Grissom, well, if you intend to give me your heart, I would just want to tell you that I won't take it.
And if you try to push me to take it, well I would be a good girl and warn you of the truth... that I have no intentions of holding it carefully.
The love you promised me, you gave to another woman. My heart that you once have shattered is now fixed, and I will be giving it to the person more worthy of my love, and though I'm not sure if I deserve his love, I know that he deserves mine .. and I will give it to him.
Go back to Angela Gil Grissom, while I give my heart to Warrick Brown.
What goes around comes around
what goes up must come down
It's called karma baby and it comes around
now who's crying desiring to come back to me
DING DONG
"Coming!"
"Catherine."
"What the hell are you doing here Grissom?"
What goes around comes around
what goes up must come down
now who's crying desiring to come back to me