Disclaimer: CSI and the songs used are not mine
Spoilers: none
A/N: I combined to songs in this fic, first is One more try by A1 the second one is As If by Blaque, this chap is a combination of Cath and Gil's POVs. Hope you'll enjoy! don't forget to review ... ppllleeaassee!!
Chapter twenty two: Contradicting
Could be your eyes,
Could be your smile,
Could be the way you freed my mind
I know it is stupid of me to follow her home, I should have just waited for her to calm down even a little, and let her have time to think... but I can't.
Seeing her again after all this times, I just want to stare at her. Though her eyes show a different kind of feeling towards me, it's still the blue eyes that I love.
And though her lips are not saying those sweet words, and instead she tells me harsh things, I still love her. And before I knew it I'm already here face to face with her.
As if I'm ever gonna take you back
As if It's ever gonna come to that
So see you 'round, wave goodbye
Be a bird pass me by
Okay, I thought I made it clear just an hour ago that I hate you and I don't want to see your face again?
Since when did he become so dumb that he didn't get that message? Or is he just that insensitive? Does he think coming here now would change any of the things I said earlier?
No Way!
"Please stop staring at me. what the hell are you doing here?"
Your precious touch caressed my soul,
You gave me everything i need,
And now i'm lost,
Lost forever,
I'm here to kiss you, and hold you, and own you.
Of course, I can't say that.. not unless I want to be killed! Or maybe I can say that a little later when she's not so pissed and not about to slam the door to my face.
"CATH!" I stop the door from being shut.
"I have to talk to you."
As if I'm gonna let you break my heart again
As if I'm gonna let your love back in my life
Not tonight, catch my drift
Baby as if
"We've already talked"
"But you barely heard what I said"
Oh, I heard it alright! I heard all the lame sorry, and lies of excuses. Please Grissom, save yourself and me some dignity and stop with this foolishness and deception.
"I HATE YOU, what part of that don't you understand?"
Lost forever,
And you said this is going nowhere, girl
And you said i turned my back on,
You said i'm not the only one for you
Actually Catherine my dear, I understand you perfectly, and that is why we have to talk. It is you who doesn't understand. Please let me explain!
"Cath"
"I've moved on. And if you think you can have me back, well you are so wrong coz you are not the only man in this world"
Catherine I know that. A lot of guys are drooling over you, that is why I never thought you'd ever like me or even love me. But you did, and I know you still do – or at least I hope so.
"You know Catherine, the opposite of love isn't hate."
You gotta go,
you gotta go bye bye
"And your point is?"
"I want to talk to you. We need to talk"
"You know Grissom, the opposite of yes, would always be no. So... Bye!"
Jeez Grissom, why don't you just go! Go away!!! This travesty is too childish! Why don't you just leave me alone?
"Look Grissom – "
rrriinngg... rrriinngg
The phone's ringing, shall I let him in? oh whatever! I'd just go inside and answer the phone and let him do as please.
"Hello. Catherine speaking"
"Hey sis, I have this friend whose kid is having a birthday party tomorrow, and she's inviting Linds"
"I have work tomorrow"
"It's okay, I'll take them there, is it okay if I come there now to pick her up so she could just spend the night at our place?"
"She's sleepi - , she's not sleeping." And I watch as my daughter take Grissom to her room.
"Cath, you still there?"
"Yea, yea, I'm here"
"I'll pick her up in 20 minutes"
"Okay"
Please give it one more try
for the sake of our love
How could I have left this? All of this.
I am now inside Lindsey's room. When Catherine left to answer the phone she left just like that and I wasn't sure whether I am to come in or not, and a few seconds later Lindsey just came out and came bouncing towards me.
She is currently curled up in my arms as we both appreciate the beauty of the butterflies inside the frame. I could feel Catherine's eyes on us, she's watching us, she always watches us. But this time is different, coz she isn't smiling.
Catherine, please listen to me. I want you back in my life. I love you, and I love Linds, and I miss this. Being here inside her house, the place which I consider my home... I can't explain it but it gives me comfort.
I am not ready to give this all up. How about you Catherine? Are you sure you want all this to be gone? I want to stay like this every single day. We have love Catherine, please don't throw it away, we still have a chance. Please let's try it one more time. One more time.
I, I got places to go
With people you don't know
We're gonna dance all nice and slow
Oh shit! I promised Warrick I'd cook dinner!
"Linds, aunt Nancy is gonna pick you up, she said you guys are going to a friend's birthday party tomorrow"
"I know, my things are packed already"
"They are?"
"Yea, Meagan told me she wants me on her birthday party, and aunt Nancy and I have agreed about it already"
"So you guys made plans already?"
I know I should be mad that she has made plans before asking me but at the moment that would be the least of my frustrations. I invited Warrick for dinner, and I haven't prepared anything and Grissom is still inside my house holding my daughter. I don't how to tell him to leave when I can see how happy Lindsey is right now.
But I do know that I don't want to watch the man I hate holding my daughter. And because I love my daughter more than I hate Grissom, I'm just gonna let them have some time alone and pray to God that Nancy arrives soon so I could kick Grissom's ass out the door.
Let's give it one more chance
cause i can't give you up
I watch Catherine's retreating form. Damn she's so beautiful. From the look on her face a little while ago, I know she isn't pleased seeing me here with Lindsey.
"I really hope aunt Nancy comes here soon"
"Don't you want to spend some more time with me?" I asked with a spurious sadness in my tone
"Of course I do, but I want to give you some time alone with mom"
"You think your mom would like some time alone with me?"
"I don't know. Maybe not. But I really want things to be like before; I miss you being always around."
"I will be always around when you need me sweet heart"
"But I want it to be like before. Like before I go to school, I get to see you and mom, and when I come back home I find you two still in bed and though I know you guys are still sleepy I still continue on talking about my day and you guys are half asleep and half listening. Most of the time I eventually doze off, and though you both crush me, I still like sleeping in the middle. "
"Don't worry, I'll find away to make things better again."
Don't shake your head from left to right
Saying that you've changed and now you're on my side
Cause you know you just want some lucky charm
And it's that game that you play
So I'm moving on
Why can't he just leave now? Why does he have to be cuddled up with my daughter? I really want to kick his ass out my house, but how can I?
"Catherine"
And here he is.
"I really have to talk to you"
"So talk"
"Do you promise to listen?"
"I promise to kick your ass out if you keep on wasting my god damn time"
I can't live one more day without you in my arms
I could never find another like you
So where do I start? Do I start by telling her that I love her? Or do I start with saying my apology?
"Let's give it another try Cath." Oh shit! Did I just say that out loud? I'm guessing I did, coz she's giving me that look of disgust and disbelief.
That is a very, very good thought, but is definitely not the best way to start my speech.
As if I'm ever gonna take you back
As if It's ever gonna come to that
And I try to process what I just heard, is he serious?
"Are you nuts?!" Jeez! He is crazy!
After what you did, you come here and you want to give it another try? Another chance to cheat on me? You bastard!
I'm sorry Grissom, but I am not gonna take you back, I never will.
"I really believe that we –"
"There is NO 'WE' Grissom. There's you, and there's me, but no we. Because WE are OVER."
He doesn't speak, he just looks at me as if not believing what I just said. Believe me, I never wanted to believe it either, but that was before, I'm awake now... and now I'm not coming back to him.
DING DONG! DING DONG!
Nancy's here.
Could be the lies,
Could be my pride
Could be the days and nights so wild
We are over. We are over. And it's my entire fault. The second she interrupted me my mind raced for possible counter strikes, but what she said just caught me off guard. I have never heard it out loud before, and it hurts to hear it, especially coming from her.
Yes it is true, I never cheated on her, but I lied. And the main reason why she never had the idea of my check-ups before I went to Chicago was partly because I didn't want to believe it and I like my hearing... I thought that it would just go away.
So be a dear, disappear
Maybe I'm not being clear
"Is that who I think it is?"
"Yea, it's him"
"What the hell does he think he's doing here?"
"He's trying to get me back"
"The bastard!" I grab my sister's arm to stop her from walking up to Grissom whose back is on us.
"I can handle it"
"Are you sure?"
"Oh come on, after what he did to me?"
"Don't kill him okay? I don't want to have a convict for a sister"
"I won't" no matter how much I want to, I can't.
Could be the times i wasn't there
And all the nights we didn't share
And now you're lost,
Lost forever
Lindsey goes up to me carrying her bag pack with her ready to leave. I give her a tight squeeze and a kiss on the cheek, Catherine walks Linds and Nancy to the door. As Catherine opens the door Lindsey runs back to me.
I bend down to let her whisper to me, "Go get mom! Okay?!"
"I will."
I will. I lost her to Eddie, I lost her to my stupidity, and I just can't keep on losing her forever...
As if
I'm gonna let you break my heart again
As if I'm gonna let your love back in my life
Not tonight, get a grip
Baby as if
Basing from that look my daughter has I'm guessing that it's about me. And though I really hate to disappoint you my dear daughter, I'm not going to let that man you call dad back in my life.
And as I close the door and turn my attention to the man who has been staring at me, "What?"
"Forgive me Catherine."
"You are asking too much. But I'll think about it."
"Let's give it one more try"
"Okay, now you're delusional!"
What are you some kind of a dummy? I've been telling you to go away since we've seen each other and now you want to get back with me? Don't you get it?
I am not letting you back in my life!
Lost forever
And you said this is going nowhere, girl
And you said i turned my back on
You said i'm not the only one for you
Delusional? I am not delusional!
"Catherine, I didn't cheat on you."
"Stop lying!"
"I'm trying to explain"
"Explain what?" Jeez, Catherine how the hell am I suppose to explain to you if you're acting like this?
But truthfully.... I've missed this part of her. I've missed her, and our arguments which eventually leads to furious and aggressive sex.
As If
I'm gonna let you break my heart again
As if
I'm ever gonna take you back
As if
It's ever gonna come to that
So see you 'round, wave goodbye
Be a bird pass me by
He didn't cheat?!?
What the hell is he trying to say?
What the hell is he trying do again? Lie again? Fool me again?
Why don't you just go away now? Nothing you say would EVER change how I feel. I am not gonna let you fool me again. I am not letting you back in my life. Don't you get that?
"I did not cheated on you"
"Of course you didn't! All you did is leaving me and went to Chicago to fuck with your high school sweetheart!"
I can't sleep,
i can't live without you by my side
"Don't talk to Angela like that!" I didn't go there and fuck someone! Angela deserves to be respected. She has nothing to do with this! She kept me sane and helped me through everything!
All the nights that I couldn't sleep, all the times that I felt so low, all the moments that I felt like giving up, she was there. And she was also the one who told me that I must accept the fact that I'm gonna have to tell Catherine the truth and that I need Cath back in my life.
"Oh! I am ssooo sorry Grissom, if I have offended your girlfriend in ANY way"
"She is not my girlfriend."
"You guys broke up. I figured as much, and that's probably why you're here coz you screwed everything up with her"
"That is not true"
"Then what is true?"
"I went to – "
rrriiiinngggg rrriiinnnggg
As if
I'm gonna let you break my heart again
As if I'm gonna let your love back in my life
Not tonight, get a grip
Who the hell can that be?
"Let the machine get it." Grissom says, and I am more than happy to comply. I really want to amuse myself... so tell me Griss, how will you lie for this?
"Hey Cath! Warrick here..." Oh shit it's Warrick on the phone!
"I have to get it" I announced as I ran towards the phone.
"Hey!"
"Something came up, I'm really sorry!! What do you say about tomorrow?"
"Okay bye! Take care"
So cold, so lost without you as my guide
You made me realize I'm nothing,
From listening to Catherine talking to Warrick.... Well, it just seems that she sounds a little too friendly. Kind of reminds me of how she talked to the phone with that guy Chris, the new friend she told me about.
Enough about that Gil! You are not here to think about her relationship with Warrick- (whom I am sure is just a FRIEND), or her relationship with anyone else except her relationship with YOU.
I am nothing without her and I am not leaving this house till I tell her the truth. And that is my main goal, to get her to listen to me.
Baby as if
I'm gonna let you break my heart again
As if I'm gonna let you try and be my friend
It's the end, take the hint
Baby as if
I hung up the phone and face back to Grissom. I can't take it anymore! I can't take listening to all his lies and excuses! All his attempts of getting me back! AS IF that's gonna work!
So tonight, I only have one goal. And that is, to get him out of my life.
Nothing without you
TBC