Disclaimer: I don't own Xenosaga. I don't own the random security guard, or candy stores either. And I don't own Albedo, much to my dismay.
A.N. Kinda weird, but hey, what isn't weird at one point?
"Hello! Would you like to-"
SLAM!
"Hi! There's a lovely-"
SLAM
"Just buy this stupid-"
SLAM!
Albedo sighed, "It's tough being a salesman."
Virgil smacked him upside the head. "We wouldn't even BE here if you would've just listened to me! But nooooo, the wise, clever Albedo just KNEW his plan would work better!"
"Oww...Why'd you do that?"
Virgil slapped himself.
"AUGH! I can't take it anymore!" He stomped off.
"Hey! Wait! Who's gonna help me sell thses? You know Wilhelm's gonna be mad if we don't finish selling all these cookies!"
"Wilhelm can take those damn cookies and shove 'em!"
"Well how are we gonna pay for Proto Merkabah?"
Virgil's eyes lit up.
"I know! We'll raid the Durandal! They've gotta have tons of stuff! It's the perfect plan! What could go wrong?"
"And you wonder why we didn't do your plan... what could go wrong? Just about everything." Muttered Albedo. (When even Albedo thinks it's stupid you gotta stop and wonder...I mean, he's in-sane people!)
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"That's what I thought."
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The next day...
"Okay, we have our disarming thingys, the stuff you tie people up with, and umm...a whole buncha smoke bombs." Albedo said as he went over their crime equipment. "What about duck tape? Aren't we gonna need duck tape?"
"Why the hell would we need duck tape? We're masters of crime! Let's go!"
Albedo sighed and gathered up the equipment. Then laughed quietly to himself. He had a plan, he was gonna ditch Virgil and run off to the nearest candy store as soon as possible. Albedo is much smarter than everyone thinks.
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On the Durandal...
"Shh! We're gonna get caught and then...the unthinkable happens." Said Jr. as MOMO accidently bumped into something.
Jr. and MOMO were sneaking into Gaignun's quarters to put whip cream in all of his suits. They succeded in putting whip cream in half of his suits before he woke up.
"AHA! Gotcha!"
"AHH! Run MOMO! Run for your life!" screamed Jr. as he struggled out of Gaignun's grasp.
"Jr.! Help me!" MOMO was still wriggling in Gaignun's grasp.
"MOMO!"
Gaignun laughed crazily. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I win! Come here slowly and I won't harm her!"
"Okay, okay, I'm coming."Jr. said in a defeated voice. He grasped his can of whip cream tighter behind his back. He got right up to Gaignun, then Jr. unleashed the can of creamy goodness full into Gaignun's face!
"Come on MOMO!" Jr. grabbed MOMO's hand and they ran out of there as fast as they could, back to their rooms.
Just after they left Mary and Shelley came rushing into Gaignun's room.
"Master Gaignun! Are you alright?"
"Fine...just fine." Gaignun went back to his bed and fell right back asleep with a face full of whip cream.
Mary and Shelley looked at each other, then shrugged.
"That was odd." remarked Shelley.
"Ya got that right." Answered Mary.
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Back to the masters of crime...
"We're lost?!" Albedo shouted.
A security guard looked at him strangely, shrugged, and said meh.
"Yes, we're lost. Thanks to a certain idiot who can't even remember to bring a map!"
"What? You can't even find the stupid map on this ship! There's like thousands of them and you can't even find ONE!"
"Shut up..."
Virgil and Albedo were encountering numerous difficulties in raiding the Durandal. The biggest one was that they were lost.
"I don't need your stupid help Albedo! I'll raid the Durandal all by myself!"
"Of course you will. Keep telling yourself that" Albedo said. He then skipped off from the Residential Area...right into Jr. and MOMO.
"What?! Albedo? How the hell did you get here?"shouted Jr.
"AHH! It's that crazy man! Save me Jr.!" MOMO screamed as she ran in circles.
"This is not good..." mumbled Albedo.
"Security! Security!" The security guard from before looked around the corner, shrugged, and said meh.
"Fine! You win this one Albedo, because my security is pathetic and they won't do anything if it requires moving, but know this, It'll be all me next time, all me!"
"Of course it will!" Albedo patted Jr. on the head and then continued skipping towards the Dock, to the wonderous candy store.
"He just DID NOT pat me on the head!"
"It seems he did." Said MOMO.
"Shuddap."
MOMO started sniffling. "You're so mean, for no reason. Albedo was right, you're an evil monster and I hate you!"
MOMO ran off crying.
"WHAAAAAT?! I just saved you from Gaignun! Hmmph, stupid MOMO, she doesn't know anything, especially if she's listening to Albedo.... which reminds me."
Jr. ran off after Albedo with a can of whip cream with deadly recklessness.
The security guard turned around in time to see it.
"OMG! Code Red! Code Red! Unknown intruder with a can of whip cream! Code Red!"
Jr. turned around. "It's me you idiot!"
"Code Purple! Intruder just called me an idiot! This could get violent, requesting backup! I repeat, Code Purple!"
"ARGH! Stupid security guards!"
Jr. continued running after Albedo with his can of deadly whip cream.
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Back to Gaignun...
"Master Gaignun! Master Gaignun! Wake up! There's an unknown intruder on the ship! A security guard just radioed it in!"
"Huh? What? Oh...yeah." Gaignun rolled back over and went back to sleep, snoring loudly.
"Oooh, now what?" said Mary. She stepped out into the hall and sighed. "Sometimes, I dunno why I keep him...... Hmm? What was that?"
She listened down the hall. "Sounds like someone screaming bloody murder..."
She was trampled as Albedo rounded the corner with Jr. hot on his tail with his evilly deadly whip cream.
"I was just trying to get to the candy store! BLOODY MURDER! AAAHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Albedo as he dashed off to the Dock and jumped onto the Elsa just in time, but then he fell off the side right before it took off.
"I'm gonna die a horribly gruesome death by whip cream!" Albedo wailed as he continued running from Jr. with his terrifyingly evilly deadly whip cream.
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Meanwhile...
Virgil had successfully found a map on the ship, and had then raided several cabins and had a lot of rare and pretty things. When suddenly Albedo ran straight into him and knocked him flying.
"I just can't get rid of this guy..." mumbled Albedo. "It's like he's stalking me or something..." Albedo looked at Virgil with fear. "What if he is?"
Jr. ran up just then so Albedo had no more time to ponder the scary possibilty of Virgil stalking him.
Jr. then slipped on the slipperiness of the slippery floor and fell flat on his face.
Virgil took the chance to run off, with Albedo right behind him.
They managed to escape as everyone ran to make sure Jr. was okay.
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Wilhelm's office...
"I told you it'd work." Whispered Virgil.
"Shut up...It wouldn'tve worked if I hadn't been such a distraction." Muttered Albedo back.
"This is all nice, rare, pretty stuff!" said Wilhelm. "You have no more debt, unless you screw up again. So bow out of my office and thank God I had my waffles this morning."
Albedo and Virgil bowed out of Wilhelm's office, praising waffles all the way. Which quickly turned to cursing waffles after they got outside.
"Stupid Wilhelm, thinks he's so special...looks like he wears make-up...and those damn waffles..." muttered Virgil.
"At least we didn't get brutally killed!" Albedo said. "Or horribly maimed!"
"You've got a point there, I guess. Well, let's go spend our money! Wilhelm didn't even notice all the stuff was fake! Damn cheap tourists."
"WHOOHOO! Candy! It's all mine." Albedo snickered and then burst into full laughter as he strutted towards the candy store.
Virgil sighed.
"Not that stupid mountain of candy plot again..."
Virgil sighed again and walked after Albedo.
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A.N. It got kinda weird at the end...kinda disturbing actually. Virgil stalking Albedo, disturbing in the extreme. It kinda seems Virgil and Albedo switched personalities too. Somewhat. Well yeah, anyway don't forget to R&R!