A/N: This fic was originally written for the LJ community, greatokyoempire. A member found the words of the day on landing on the main 4 Capsule's birthdays; with them, we could choose to write a drabble on how the word related to the character. Mine ended up much longer, however, as you cna tell -sweatdrop- There might be a Part Two from someone else's perspective. But anyway, I hope you all enjoy reading, and feel free to give constructive criticism if you spot anything that seems off to you.

Chain Reaction

Part One: Clamber

By BlackSpark

'Clamber.'

The word jumped out at him from the paper, although mud and dirt had attacked its legibility long ago. Why it drew his attention he had yet to figure out; in fact, he wasn't even sure what he was doing standing in the ruins of his school. God knows he'd been there enough since…well, you know.

To climb with difficulty; scramble.

Kai smirked as the thought rang through his head. He could almost hear Yamagata's reply; Geez, Kai, how do you remember all this shit? And then he could point out how often their damn teacher used it, as if repeating it to even the most distant students would help embed it in their brain.

Too bad Yamagata wasn't there to speak back.

Sighing, the young biker kicked a nearby rock, a scowl spreading across his face. He yelped slightly as he felt himself slip, his foot nearly sinking into the ground. Scrambling away, he-

…Scrambling…

Boy, had he done a lot of that in his life.

He groaned as familiar thoughts began pushing their way into his head; familiar, unwelcome thoughts. Normally, Kai tried not to dwell on things, but lately it had been as though the circumstances presented no mercy on him. Ignorance is bliss, and unfortunately Kai had been thinking quite a lot lately. It's not his fault he couldn't help it.

Dammit Tetsuo, you weren't the only one who felt like you were being left behind.

All right, so maybe the other guys hadn't given him as tough a break as they had with Tetsuo. Still, there did seem to be barriers at times between him and most of the others; especially when it came to girls. Practically all of the Capsules had a girl (or two…or three…) lined up to serve whatever it was they had wanted.

Except for me. A bitter laugh escaped his throat. Because, you know, I'm fucking short and all.

Maybe they did spend much of their time together, without girls, speeding through the night on their bikes. But what about the other times when they didn't? They'd all be out with their new toy of the week, laughing and enjoying themselves, and Kai would be an extra wheel, sulking in some corner; physically there, but nothing more than that. The darkness that those nights brought wasn't exciting; it was like a blanket close to smothering him to death. And it didn't help that the other guys always teased him about it-or what they thought of his sexuality, for that matter.

He felt like he had to do practically everything in order to keep up with them. Keep saying funny things, go along with anything exciting they thought up even if he wasn't in the mood. Otherwise, they'd eventually wear him out, and he'd have no where to crawl back to.

I'd be just as miserable as Tetsuo was.

And then after…you know what happened…history reared its head and repeated itself once more. He had lost practically everyone; he still had Kaneda, but even then it was like he had to share him with Kei. It seemed he was always one step behind her; always having to keep up to prevent losing the last remnant of his past. But everywhere they went, it was Kaneda and Kei, Kaneda and Kei.

Well, screw Kaneda and Kei. No one said you had to depend on them for everything. They're not your fucking life.

Just what's left of it.

He tugged the end of his tie, his other hand clenching into a fist. "And some shit life this is," he muttered, letting the deteriorating paper fall to the ground. "When I'm spotting parallels between me and Tetsuo, something's really screwed up."

You don't have to end up like him.

Kai raised his eyes up from the ground.

Was he on the same track as Tetsuo? Highly unlikely. Number one, he didn't have a huge inferiority complex blinding him from thinking straight. Number two, he wouldn't risk having all that much power if it just all led to a very…unpleasant ending.

Then again, he also thought it was highly unlikely that anyone could gain psychic powers, mutate, and then succeed in destroying most of a large city.

Tetsuo messed up because he cared too much about how other people saw him…about what he should do to just be 'one of us'.

Kai raised an eyebrow at the last thought. "Shit, I sound like one of those school advisors…" He shook his head, running a hand through his dark hair. "Maybe they really did succeed in brainwashing us after all."

But maybe it's true. Maybe you just need to get away for a while. Staying here isn't gonna do you any good. Whoever said you couldn't survive on your own?

Kai paused to consider this. It was a new concept, after all; for most of his life, he'd had some sort of group to fall back onto, despite claiming that he could function perfectly well being independent.

Maybe it was about time he try out that claim.

But what would I do? Neo-Tokyo is pretty, you know, dead.

Maybe that's supposed to be the difficult part of it. Figuring out what the hell to do…

The short teen snorted.

'Clamber.

To climb with difficulty…'

I've faced the worst of it by now. It can't get much shittier than this.

Maybe he could make the climb after all.