A/N: Here is the last part to C.R. Kaneda's word was cadge; unfortunately, I never actually put it in the story ; So I went really cheap and put it as a definition. Using one definition of the word, cadge doesn't suit him at all, so I kind of used the inverse definition. However, if you twist around a slightly different meaning of the word, it CAN kind of suit him pre-crash. Sort of.

Also, about place holders...I don't know, I always found it sounded really repetitive if very few place holders were given. That's just me, though. But thank you all for reviewing!

Chain Reaction

Part Two: Cadge

By BlackSpark

Cadge: To intrude or live on another meanly; to beg.

Shotaro Kaneda was never one to beg.

Hell, Kaneda was never one to ask for help. He could be inches away from death and he wouldn't dare try to get out of it if he didn't do it by himself; he hated sacrificing any small bit of pride. Of course, Kaneda did have a tendency to escape from even the greatest threats of harm; no matter what kind of mess was happening around him, he always seemed to escape untouched. But point aside, he was stubborn and proud; hell would freeze over before he gave in and asked for advice.

Which made trying to deal with Kai at the moment that much harder.

What the shorter boy had said…well, to be quite frank, Kaneda wasn't expecting it. In fact, it almost seemed…too weird to be true. Well, perhaps not weird, but…certainly unexpected. And highly unlikely.

Right?

Kai raised an eyebrow under Kaneda's gaze, the taller boy watching him with careful, cautious eyes. Giving an uneasy laugh, Kaneda finally managed to reply. "Could you say that again?" He asked, scratching the back of his head. "I think I misheard you or something-"

A scowl crossed Kai's face as he answered. "You didn't mishear me and you know it."

"So wait…you mean…you're really…?"

"Yeah. I'm leaving."

Kaneda 's eyebrows furrowed. "Oh…well, for how long?"

"Oh, I don't know," Kai shrugged. "A while, I guess."

"A while? As in a long while?" Kaneda threw his friend an incredulous look. "But…why?"

"Because. I feel like it."

Kaneda snorted. "Oh come on. There's gotta be some reason."

"Who says? Besides, I don't have to tell you nothing." Kai's voice echoed with annoyance, signaling the other boy to back off.

The ex gang leader glared in response, crossing his arms over his chest. "Fine. Don't. Go out by yourself and have fun doing…nothing. Yeah, nothing." Kaneda emphasized the last word, as if to prove a point. Letting out an exasperated sigh, he continued. "Because seriously, Kai; what is there to do around this garbage heap? What the hell do you have to do by yourself that you couldn't do with us?"

"I don't know, all right?" Kai threw his hands up in the air, frustration giving way. "I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do, all I know is that I just want to leave for a while, okay? If that's okay with you, anyway." He shot his friend a biting look, sarcasm dripping off his words.

Kaneda opened his mouth as if to say something, but quickly shut it. As much as he wanted to reply, even he knew something was…off with Kai. Lately, all the other boy did was mope; hell, he barely talked at all. And when he did grace Kaneda and Kei with his words, they left much to be desired. He just sounds so pissed off all the time…so bitter, and just…angry.

True, anyone would easily be angered in their position by just about anything. Rome wasn't built in a day, and surely Neo-Tokyo and their lives still had many pieces that had to be picked up. But it had been months since it had happened, and for a while, Kai seemed to have been adjusting to their new circumstances.

When did he start acting like this again, anyway? Kaneda shivered as a cool breeze blew by, pulling his jacket closer over himself. He looked back over at Kai, but his friend's eyes only met the ground. What could it be that he can't even talk to me about it? Haven't we been going through the same shit together for months?

"I still don't get why you're doing this," Kaneda finally muttered, leaning against a nearby wall.

Kai shook his head in response. "Yeah, well, you wouldn't."

For a moment, silence once again passed over the two teens; but this time, Kai felt as though it was one of the loudest silences he had ever heard. The tension in the air was thick, as if building up to something Kai was unaware to. He lifted his gaze from the ground, looking back over at Kaneda.

Looking back over into two very angry eyes.

"You know, I'm really getting tired of people telling me that."

Kai drew in a breath at Kaneda's sharp tone. Why are you so startled? He asked himself, a shiver passing through his body. You've heard Kaneda pissed before.

Yeah, but this time he sounds…different. Like it's more personal or something.

And it was.

"I know I'm pretty fucking dumb at times," Kaneda continued, his voice rising in pitch. "And maybe I don't always get everything that people try to explain to me. Maybe I'm not as smart as you, Kai. Maybe I don't understand sometimes. But, you know, I am human, as unfortunate as that feels sometimes, and I am your friend. If you have some sort of fucking problem, you can tell me. You don't have to mope about it and then complain that nobody loves you or nobody cares or some other shit like that. You don't have to be like Tetsuo."

Kai's eyes widened, Kaneda almost mirroring his actions. He hasn't mentioned… Tetsuo in…god knows how long…

Which was true. It was rare to ever hear Kaneda utter his old friend's name, and when he did, it sounded so forced, and he just sounded so unhappy. Kai and Kei quickly learned it was just not a good subject to bring up; not unless Kaneda himself had done it. And yeah, Kai was Tetsuo's friend too. But the circumstances were different for the two of them; they were friends, not best friends like Kaneda and Tetsuo were.

Kai bit his lip. "Kaneda, I-"

"I'm not done yet, Kai." Kaneda snapped back, clenching his fist. He paused for a moment, drawing in a shaky breath as he tried to calm himself down. "It's always 'Kaneda's so lucky' or 'Kaneda wouldn't understand'. But how would you fucking know? You don't talk to me. He didn't talk to me." Kaneda's voiced wavered, but he continued on all the same. "How the hell would either of you know what I can or can't understand? Huh? Maybe if you actually, you know, went to me like friends do, maybe you'd find out I'm not such a fucking idiot all the time, contrary to popular belief."

"Kaneda, I never said-"

"Maybe not directly."

Kai narrowed his eyes. "How would you know? Think you can read my mind or something? Look who's talking now."

"Whatever, Kai." Kaneda pulled himself off from the wall he was leaning on, turning to walk in the opposite direction.

"Where you going?"

"Away." Kaneda turned around briefly, eyes flashing with anger. "If that's okay with you, anyway."

And with that, he left.

The clouds overhead spread themselves among the sky, blocking out the rays of the sun above. The city remained in shadow, hiding the dullness of its aura between layers of darkness.

Maybe it's better the sun isn't shining, Kaneda mused to himself, kicking a rock as his feet dragged on the ground. It'd probably only show more of how crappy this city looks. Some contrast it'd be, all right.

The boy stopped in his tracks, eyes wandering aimlessly around the site in front of him. He didn't really take in what he saw; instead, snippets from the previous conversation from only a little while before echoed throughout his head.

If Kai wants to leave, he can leave. I'm not gonna sit there and beg him to stay. Hell, I don't need him.

Maybe you don't need him…but you want him to stay.

Kaneda grimaced. He couldn't deny that he liked his friend's company, especially because he was one of the few people Kaneda even had left. Ever since the incident with Tetsuo, he had put greater value in his friends, the people who stuck by him no matter what; more specifically, Kai and Kei. Sure, they had their squabbles every now and then, but who didn't?

But if Kai left…as much as he would hate to admit it…

Kaneda would miss him.

Would Kai miss me?

Kaneda scoffed at the thought. Quit sounding so sappy. Besides, he'd have to miss me. Why wouldn't he miss me?

Gee, I don't know, maybe because it's pretty obvious something about you's been pissing him off? Eh? Ever give a thought to that? Maybe you're not too good with these friendship things. Hey, look at what happened to Tet-

"Shut up!"

Kaneda winced as he felt his fist connect to the wall, but part of him was far too mad to care.

There you are just like always, Tetsuo, hiding in the back of my mind; ready to strike when I'm at my fucking lowest.

And here I am like always, weak enough to let you.

Sometimes he didn't know who he was angrier at; Tetsuo or himself.

Yeah, I've never been used to begging. I always got the attention I wanted, always got the attention I thought I deserved. Course, I just had to build myself up on Tetsuo's insecurities first because I'm fucking dumb. Which is why no one comes and tries to talk to me about anything serious; because I'm stupid and dense and one hell of a lousy friend.

Shit. Listen to yourself. You sound just as every bit as self pitying as they do. Get a freaking grip.

Kaneda drew in a shaky breath, trying to collect his thoughts. None of them were particularly new; in fact, they only rang of similar things that had once crossed his mind, thoughts that he had tried to suppress. It wasn't that he couldn't deal with it; he could. It was just that…well, he knew how moody he'd get if he confronted them. And most of the time he was around two other people, and he didn't feel like bringing them all down just because of what he had to face.

It wasn't easy thinking that you could've contributed to the destruction of an entire city.

And a breakdown of one of your friends. Your best friend.

One side of him-the side that had won out when facing Kai-argued that he couldn't have known the consequences. After all, Tetsuo did tend to take dumb things-or at least, what Kaneda had considered dumb-rather personally, and many, many others had been in similar positions as Tetsuo; they didn't go and try to destroy the city, did they? It was Tetsuo's choice, not his. And besides, if Tetsuo had that much of a problem with him, he should've said something anyway.

And yet, this was only one side of the story.

Gimme a break. You've known him ever since you were little. Don't even try to feed yourself that crap; you should've known him better. You should've treated him better. And you know it.

Kaneda gritted his teeth. Sometimes he wished he wasn't so stubborn; maybe if he wasn't, he'd have talked to someone. After all, Kei had offered to be there for him whenever he needed it; plenty of times, in fact. "But no, I didn't go to her did I?" He muttered, the words falling sharp off his tongue. "Maybe if I had this'd be out of my system by now."

Oh yeah. Because getting over the destruction of your city and the death, or whatever the hell happened, of your best friend is real easy to get over.

What had happened to Tetsuo anyway? The last thing Kaneda had ever seen of him was a miniscule ball of light that faded the moment it touched his hands. It almost seemed unfair; Tetsuo had gotten to disappear in a pure, white light, and he was still stuck here, in this dead, damaged city, picking up the pieces of the mess that Tetsuo had made.

"Isn't that twisted?" Kaneda spat out. The words burned with anger, much like the tears forming in his eyes. Roughly, he ran his arm against his face to brush them aside, smearing the dirt already present there.

Sometimes he wondered what would've happened if he was never pulled out of the light by those kids. Or whatever it was that they were.

At least you're alive. At least you weren't trapped in some building and crushed to death. At least you still have Kei and Kai.

Kaneda shuddered. He couldn't remember the number of dead bodies the three of them had stumbled across; they seemed almost infinite, and after a while, they all seemed to blend together. They all shared the same, vacant stare; the same kind of blood contrasting with their pale skin; the same kind of broken, severed body parts and flesh hanging off their bones.

It shook him up knowing one of his friends suffered the same fate. It shook him up knowing that his other friends could've ended up the same way.

Or that he could've.

Be glad that you're not. Stop your freaking whining and, for once in your life, be glad that you've alive.

"I am…I am."

It left his mouth as a whisper, but he said it nevertheless.

A moment of silence passed over the boy. It was not angry or awkward, like it had been with Kai; in fact, Kaneda found something rather…peaceful about it.

The clouds were beginning to drift off into the horizon, a small stream of light tentatively poking through. The atmosphere's dust swirled around, now fully revealed, and the newfound brightness did nothing to flatter the chipped and battered buildings that were somehow still standing. But Kaneda couldn't have cared less; he wasn't one to run from the truth, after all, and it wasn't something he hadn't seen before.

Turning around, he began walking through the rubble, eyes focused straight ahead. He slipped his jacket off his shoulders and he wandered into the warmth, feeling as though a great burden had been lifted off his shoulders.

There was only one unresolved matter that needed fixing, and Kaneda was in no mood to play the coward and continuing to hide.

Kaneda smirked. Now, where'd that shorty go to?

"Kai."

Kai paused in his steps, lifting his head slightly at the crunches coming from behind him. Turning around, he faced the one who had called his name:

"Kaneda."

The two teens eyed each other carefully from across the piles of rubble, almost having a showdown with their stares. Kaneda began taking small, quiet steps, slowly closing the distance between them. Kai shoved his hands in his pockets, making no move to mirror his friend's actions.

"Listen," Kaneda started. "I think we're both kinda sorry, so let's skip over that part."

Kai smirked. "You just want to ignore that part so you don't have to say it."

"Oh, shut up Kai." Kaneda grinned, the awkwardness between them lessening somewhat. Almost instantly, however, his expression turned somber, giving Kai and intense stare. "You're serious about leaving, aren't you?"

"I guess you could say that." Kai looked away, his gaze turning to a crumpled piece of metal lying by his shoes.

Kaneda took in a deep breath. "I can't change your mind for you Kai. I mean…I don't know if this is a good thing or not, and I'm still a little unsure of why you're doing this, and maybe I'm just a little…upset over this because…well…"

"Because what?" Kai shot him a confused look.

"Because…"

"Because…?"

"Because…oh god dammit, because I'm gonna miss you, okay?" Kaneda looked down for a second, looking a little sheepish.

Kai's mouth nearly dropped open. "You…" He blinked in surprise. "You are?"

"Yes, I am." Kaneda appeared almost embarrassed, cautiously looking back up to meet Kai's eyes. "And don't even think about laughing about it, because it's not funny."

"I wasn't going to." The shorter boy took a few hesitant steps forward, scuffing his feet on the ground. He lifted his gaze, his eyes meeting his friend's. "Kaneda...I'm not leaving just to avoid you or anything like that. I mean, it's not like I'm gonna leave you forever or nothin. I'll come back. It's….it's just a bit…complicated."

Kaneda nodded. "Good. Well, not that it's complicated, just that it's not about me or anything. I mean, come on," A mischievous smile spread across his face. "Who would ever want to leave me behind so easily?"

Kai laughed softly, shaking his head. "I'll tell you about it one day or something…my reasons, I mean. Not why someone would want to leave you behind. Though there are plenty of reasons I can give you, if you're still interested."

Kaneda shot him a mock glare in reply, trying not to smile. "But seriously…promise me one thing."

"What is it?"

Kaneda bit his lip. "Promise me that you are not running away from anything. Anything."

A pause punctured the conversation, Kai remaining quiet for a minute or so. Finally, he spoke up, nodding to Kaneda in response. "I promise. This is…different from that. I'm not running away…more like I'm running towards something. Or something like that."

Kaneda raised an eyebrow. "Someone's being rather philosophical."

"Aw, shut up."

A half hearted smile crossed both of their faces, appearing somewhat bittersweet. By then, the first traces of night had graced the sky, the light blue hue being shaded by fragments of red and orange.

It feels like I'm losing another one of them…

Kaneda shook the thought aside. He's not leaving for good. He'll come back. Nothing will happen to him.

Besides…I still have Kei.

He supposed he could maybe open up a little to her…after all, it couldn't hurt. But that didn't mean he had to live off of her alone. He wouldn't have to sacrifice his independence.

After all, Shotaro Kaneda was never one to beg; never one to have to completely depend on someone else. Hell would freeze over before that happened.

And, personally, he wasn't looking forward to another apocalypse.