Letting Go of Rain

DAMNIT WHY IS IT SO HARD TO CONFESS IS IT PRIDE!? SCARED TO GO FORWARD! HELL I DON'T KNOW I NEED HELP!

Disclaimer I don't own G-gundam all I own is the plot and my Original Characters.

Chapter 5

My First Counseling Session Part Two

Rebecca giggles and says, "You're not saying what you truly feel I can't help you, until you accept how you feel."

"What are you talking about, Of course I am." 'This is going to be harder than I thought.'

Rebecca looks at me with a playful smile on her face and says, "You know one of my friends was at Rain's wedding it was so beautiful. She was in a white beaded gown. When it was all over Domon gave her a really long and passionate kiss."

My jealousy shows on my face by my eyes closing, my face getting hot and I was holding on the couch and yell, "FINE YOU'RE RIGHT I'M JEALOUS OF NEO JAPAN! I TRY SO HARD TO GET A WOMAN LIKE RAIN BUT SHE CHOSES DOMON!?" I breathe and open my eyes feeling like a burden have been lifted. I'm not cured but it's a start.

Her smile is attractive but annoying at the same time. She writes stuff down, damn I feel like I'm talking to one of those shrinks, only difference is she isn't constantly saying "I see."

Rebecca says, "Good we're making progress now that you've expressed your jealousy in an outburst do you feel any better?"

My eyes look to the floor and answer, "No I feel worse, and I knew it was bound to happen between them."

Rebecca nods and says, "That's to be expected but now you won't feel as trapped in a corner. You didn't want to tell your girls that you have a crush on someone who is married, because you figured they would be hurt and wouldn't understand why you feel that way."

"Are you a shrink by any chance Rebecca?" 'The one thing about her though is she doesn't stuff words down your throat.' My eyes look in her emerald green eyes, and her smile fades a little.

"No, I just know how to get answers out of people." I notice her eyes get suddenly really clear and a tear falls on her white shirt. 'Oh shit did I get too personal on her? I didn't mean to do that.'

She whips her tear away fiercely and asks, "You've lied to almost every one you know am I right?"

'DAMN HOW DOES THIS GIRL DO IT!? TELL ME HOW THE HELL IS SHE NOT A SHRINK!?' "Er . . . yeah and uh I used your name in a cover up." I put my hands on my head expecting a slap and yelling but nothing happened. She is just sitting there writing some stuff down and doesn't look upset at all. 'Huh no ass chewing, IS SHE TRYING TO TORTURE ME!?'

She finally gets done and smiles at me. I relax and look around at this house of course I don't approve for a woman to stay in a rickety place like this. It is just a minor upgrade from a shack; it probably has only decent plumbing, and clear water. I notice a picture of her and three other women around her. "Are those your sisters?"

Rebecca smiles at the picture and nods. "It's from our reunion last year, Rika is a top notch business woman, Serina is a good designer, and Selphie is a nurse here at the general hospital. We don't get to see each other too often."

I am tempted to ask why she isn't a professional but I hold my tongue. I saw the tear I caused when I asked if she was a shrink. I begin to relax more in Rebecca's couch as I ask, "So have a man drooling over you?"

I expect to her to blush and say yes, but she laughs at the question. She answers, "Gee I'm lucky to get a guy to even pass a glance at me .No I'm alone I prefer it that way"

I look at her with a 'WHAT THE HELL I THOUGHT FOR SURE SHE'D HAVE A MAN' stare. She stops and looks at me, saying, "I could ask the same about you, but then again I know thoughts of Rain are tormenting you."

"Rebecca is it bad to still have feelings for another mans wife?" I ask looking in her eyes desperately wanting to know the answer.

She looks at me and smiles. "Chibodee none of us are perfect, even though you feel terrible about still feeling for Rain it's actually normal. You're the type of man who desires something that seems unreachable only you know for a fact Rain will never be yours. Yes it can be bad if you act on those thoughts but other wise no it's normal."

A smile appears on my face, it was the first time I had actually smiled in weeks. I look at Rebecca, and she giggles at me probably because of my sideways smile I sometimes give. Lately happiness isn't so easy to come by as it was back in the Gundam fight days.

I ask, "Rebecca have you ever felt for someone, but they love someone else?"

Her eyes look downcasts then look back in my eyes and says, "Many a time Chibodee, I felt the same way, stupid, trapped, and a constant stab in the heart reminding you it'll never be."

'I wish she was a shrink I would go to her office two times a week maybe more.' I look at her in amazement and say, "Where have you been all these years? There is a god after all."

Rebecca smiles but she seems a little more distant. "Well Chibodee I hate to cut this short but I have to get things done. You can come by anytime you like to talk more."

I can't help but feel she is trying to get rid of me. I ask "What do you think I need to do to get over my problem?"

She looks at me and says, "For now you need to do some reflecting, digging deep into the reason you still feel for Rain. I would suggest like working out and sort of write down your feelings. I'm no English teacher so grammar and spelling won't matter. I just need to be able to read it. When you come by have something you've thought of and we will go from there. Remember you don't have to spill everything, just stuff on why you may feel for Rain."

I nod and say, "I think I can do that but if I don't feel like doing words can I draw?"

She nods and says, "You can do anything but it has to come from you."

I nod and say, "Thank you Doctor."

Rebecca blushes and says, "Chibodee I'm no doctor this will take time though. I'll see you whenever you need to talk again."

I smile and say, "To me you're a doctor, bye now." She waves and I walk, taking in some air, it feels like I can breathe again I don't have such a tight chest anymore. 'She's my doctor, and I, DON'T GIVE A DAMN IF SHE HAS A LICSENCE, OR NOT TO BE A DOCTOR I'LL CALL HER THAT!'

It was near the evening, I walk back with a smile on my face. My girls hug me and smile at the happy expression on my face. 'It's normal to have thoughts about Rain it just isn't wise to act on them.'

Shirley asks, "Did you see your friend?"

I nod and say, "She is a rare one."

The girls have dinner ready so I go inside and eat with them. I still can't help but wonder about my doctor. 'Why is she alone in a rickety upgraded shack? Why the hell isn't she a shrink? What is wrong with me asking questions about her past? WHY IN GOD'S NAME IS SHE SETTLING FOR ONLY A SCRAP OF BREAD?' Even though I'm wondering about her, I still enjoy the feeling to breath and smile having fun with my girls without feeling so trapped as Rebecca has figured out.

She's interesting this Rebecca. I need to know more.

Well there you go Chapter 5 the second part of this. Hope you enjoy it. Any constructive criticism or ideas please let me.

ravenf6: I'm glad you like the chapter. Who knows maybe you're right about the craziness and violence? I guess you're going to have read and find out. Thanks for the review.