Chapter Two: Behind a Cigarette
"Back and forth through my mind behind a cigarette," -The White Stripes
Sirius laid down on the pavement, ignoring a stone that pressed into the small of his back. His head throbbed, pulsing pain through his mind.
'Why did I do it?' He asked himself, jaw clenching.
He often wondered that, waking up in Cayden's bed, beneath Cayden's sheets, in Cayden's home. He wondered why he was still living there, in that house filled with memories and hurts, why it had been he Cayden had chosen, why he hadn't noticed the corruption around him, the very walls of his life crumbling, until he stood bare in the open, cold and alone. He wondered far too much, for he had far too many questions unanswered. Cayden had ripped loose the threads that held the pieces of his life together, leaving him with the shreds of it all. Sirius still clutched them to himself, dear as the most precious jewel, if only because they held the echo of Cayden.
It was pathetic.
His lip twitched a bit in self-revulsion. He had been so blind as a child, and even as a man, he was blind when it came to Cayden. As much as he despised and hated him, wished to see him die for the things he had done to him and others, Sirius knew that, if Cayden were to appear standing above him at that moment and asked to have him right there in the street, Sirius would moan like a whore and love every second of it.
He shuddered in his skin and shifted, grinding himself into the stone, liking the pain. Cayden used to tease him with it, inching pain upon him before giving him pleasure in a foot.
He had been beautiful.
Sirius groaned, his pants tight with the thought of his old lover. 'Why?' Sirius whined in his mind. 'Why do you still hold me captive? Have you not done enough?'
"I have just begun, my innocent little dove."
Sirius's eyes sprung open at the memory, shuddering with cold arousal. 'Oh, Cayden… Innocent? No, not innocent anymore. You made sure of that.'
Once, Cayden had enslaved him, caged him in with the steel of seduction and intrigue.
He had taken the key to that enslavement to his grave.
Without a word, Cayden rose, earning an alarmed look from Marcus, and simply walked out of the Hog's Head. Well, not simply, for Cayden Hillander was not capable of doing things simply. He walked with an easy, nonchalant grace, hips swinging slightly, head cocked to one side. He slid a hand into one pocket and shook his curls back from his face.
Behind him, Sirius watched every movement, eyes wide with transfixion. It was amazing, how subtly an obsession could come on.
Outside, a dark figure against the purity of the snow, Cayden found himself above counting the seconds until that little child, Sirius, came bursting out of the pub in pursuit of him. When he did, though, Cayden couldn't help but grin smugly, the corners up his lips turning up in a complacent smirk. He could hear Sirius's breath, coming in heavy gasps, and he could hear his footsteps, and even they were anxious, tearing through the snow.
Cayden wasn't surprised when a hand reached out and took hold of his shoulder, turning him around. He met the dappled gaze of Sirius Black, still wearing that sly smile. "Something I can help you with, kid?" He asked, inwardly admiring the way his glossy, ebony hair fell with a kind of casual elegance into his face, cascading across one smoky eye, contrasting darkly against a finely boned, pale cheek, and ending at the corner of faded rose lips.
Oh, this was going to be fun.
"You-" Sirius started, breathless as he met Cayden's eye's, falling into that enthrallment that seemed to come along with this man's presence. Cayden simply watched, amused, as Sirius tried to think of a reason for tearing out of a pub after a complete stranger.
"Yes?" He asked, cocking an eyebrow. He was enjoying this, watching a young man stutter over his own thoughts.
"It's just that… I wanted to thank you," he stammered, swallowing and sweeping back his hair unconsciously, shifting his weight back to one leg, and trying to appear collected, even though the stern set of his jaw, the awkward folding of his arms gave him away.
"Thank me?" He asked, his smirk widening. "For what, per say?" Cayden continued, reveling in his discomfort.
"For helping me with the glass," he said, leaning back a little, now just humorously forcing the relaxed act. Cayden replied with a shrug of his shoulders, brushing his words aside.
"Be more careful, Sirius, was it?" He asked, even though he remembered his name perfectly well. He enjoyed playing with his food before devouring it. Marcus called him cruel for it, amongst the many other things he called him.
"I will, thanks, I wanted to ask if you-"
"Look, kid," Cayden interrupted, extracting a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and pulling one out, along with a silver lighter. His eyes fixed on the flame as he took a drag, the cigarette lighting and crackling faintly in the silence between them. "You're cute," he said, holding the cigarette between his middle and fore fingers, gesturing with his hand absently, sending a thin tendril of smoke curling through the air. A cloud of warm breath met the cold as he spoke again, his cigarette inching towards his mouth. "But you're a little young for me," he finished, taking another drag.
Sirius's eye's widened, mouth hanging open slightly. Cayden watched, another smirk pulling at his lips behind the cigarette.
"I wasn't talking about that," Sirius defended himself, swallowing. He'd only ever had eyes for women, being interested in this man was… It was absurd.
'But there was that moment in there,' his traitorous mind reminded, thinking back to the scene in the Hog's Head. Alright, so he had seen how other men could be attracted to him, gay men, but not he, Sirius Black; troublemaker, prankster, ladies' man. Not man's man. He silenced those thoughts with a small shake of his head, refusing to listen to that prodding little voice in his head.
"Of course you were," Cayden insisted nonetheless, exhaling a fog of smoke that trailed away from them slowly in the frigid air. "You just don't know it," he said, grinning as he took another pull of his cigarette.
"I am not gay," Sirius retorted, ashen eyes narrowing as another lock of sable hair slid into his scowling face.
"Neither am I," Cayden replied, humor ringing in his tone.
'He's mocking me!' Sirius thought, flaring with anger.
Cayden watched it all, dark eyes glittering smugly behind wisps of cigarette smoke. It was an amusing scene, a teenage boy throwing a fit because he'd been caught with his hand in the Homo jar, silently observed by an assassin, a thief, a master of espionage, who, in that moment, was just a seducer. How entertaining.
"Well, good luck, kid. Acceptance is always the most difficult thing to handle," he said, slipping his free hand into a pocket and turning on a booted heel, crunching away through the snow. Sirius, for some reason even he didn't know, walked beside him, brows drawn together in a thoughtful frown.
"I'm not gay," he repeated, as if that settled the matter.
"Sure, kid," Cayden replied with a nonchalant humor grinning on his features, drawing another breath from the cigarette.
This guy ticked him off, Sirius decided, and yet, he was following him away from the Hog's Head, where his friends were still waiting for him, he had a tab to cover, and it was warm. Where were they going, anyway? And why hadn't he thought to grab his coat on the way out? Since he'd seen Cayden, all of ten minutes earlier, he hadn't been doing much rational thinking.
"But you are?" Sirius asked, his mind wondering over Cayden, drawing a blank. He knew nothing about this man, other than he seemed to be suave, handsome, and coming off as slightly flirtatious in a homosexual way. Not very specific, and probably not very accurate. Once again, Sirius tried to remember what it was that made him dash out of the pub like a bomb was at his heels in pursuit of this man, and now was following him through the snow-laden streets of Hogsmeade, trying to think of a logical explanation for why he was doing just that. This day had turned awfully confusing for Sirius since he'd dropped that mug of butterbeer.
"I'm what? Gay?" Cayden asked, walking them out of the little rows of shops, winding his way past the Shrieking Shack, which Sirius gazed at absently, his mind an incomprehensible cacophony of thoughts.
"Yeah," he replied half-heartedly.
"I'm not anything, kid, I do whatever and whomever I want to," he said, flicking his stub of a cigarette off into the snow with a barely audible sizzle as it went out.
Sirius's eyebrows shot up at that comment, but he deducted that, considering the flatness in Cayden's voice, it was not a subject to be pursued. Without anything more to say, Sirius felt even more out of place, if that was possible, tagging around with this man like a lost puppy. Luckily, Cayden fished him out of the awkwardness that hung between them just then.
"You're a student?" He asked noncommittally, gaze flickering over to him for a brief moment before fixing on the snowy path winding down the cliffside.
"Uh- yeah," Sirius said, caught slightly off-guard by the sudden change of topic. "Seventh year," he added, sounding a bit pathetic, even to his own ears. "Wha-what about you?"
Cayden smirked at his discomfort. "Twenty-six," he said nonchalantly, fingers itching for another cigarette. He stopped, feet mere inches from the edge of the precipice, falling away from the white ground with the dramatic effect of looking out upon the world, snowy hills in the distance seeming like a separate land. He took out his pack again, pulling out a cigarette and fitting it delicately between his lips and flicking open his lighter, cupping a hand around the small, wavering flame. His chocolate gaze found Sirius before he lit it, though, and grinned a bit, lowering the lighter. "Want one?" He asked, cigarette wavering between his lips.
Sirius was otherwise preoccupied, eyes resting on his mouth as he spoke, perfectly shaped, pouting lips moving gracefully, the cigarette fluctuating in his mouth. He swallowed and nodded, taking the cig he already held out for him and put it into his mouth with trembling hands, cursing the cold under his breath as a cover-up. Smoking was nothing new to Sirius Black, it pissed the hell out of his mother, so he had taken to doing it around her as often as possible, but Cayden's mere presence…
He shook the thoughts away and went to accept the lighter, watching as Cayden took a pull, lighting his cigarette. He pocketed the lighter though, grinning as he beckoned Sirius with a half-hearted hand gesture. When Sirius only answered him with a cocked eyebrow and a dubious look, cigarette still poised between his thin, pale lips, Cayden sighed.
"I don't bite… often," he added with a smirk. "I'm low on fluid," he explained; lying, of course. He just wanted to make him squirm.
Sirius moved forward hesitantly, touching the end of his cigarette to Cayden's, their eyes meeting, only six inches apart, as both took drags. Sirius trembled, loosing shape of time and the world around him as he focused on the captivating man before him. Sirius broke away coughing slightly, having inhaled too long, caught up in the other man's warm russet eyes. Cayden, simpering, let out an elegant whorl of smoke, eyes dancing with humor.
"Not used to smoking?" He asked, still grinning. He got a narrow-eyed glare in return.
"I'm fine," he muttered darkly, taking another pull and exhaling a cloud of smoke, giving Cayden a challenging look.
Cayden put his hands up in a defensive shrug, a tendril of smoke trailing up from the hand that held his cigarette. A fairly comfortable silence passed between the pair as they stood, shoulders almost touching, gazing out across the ravine beneath them, wisps of smoke traveling lazily above them.
The cigarette calmed Sirius, clearing his thoughts. It was refreshing, to finally be able to think straight when his mind had been a muddle of contemplation for the past few minutes. The back of his head pounded dully with every heartbeat, and even that began to numb as he drew in more smoke. He was miraculously able to take his mind off the mysterious, foreboding figure standing beside him.
Cayden, on the other hand, had quite the opposite ideas running through his head, one corner of his mouth hinting a thoughtful smirk. He had just thought of a few, rather amusing ways to work his young acquaintance into various pleasing situations when he felt a presence weighing on his mind, and it took him less than a moment's thought to recognize who it was.
'Come to me,' it beckoned, the voice soft and rhythmic, purring to him with the tint of seduction. He cocked an eyebrow at his master's call, the one man who could surprise him, although after twelve years in his service, it did not happen as often. Intrigued as to what he could want this time; an interesting mission, perhaps, or, Cayden perked at the thought, finally everything he had teased at for years. Despite his master's games, Cayden was a sharp man, and knew that his advances were just taunts, though it always put him out slightly. He would have had the utmost pleasure in claiming his master as his own, weakening the man's defenses, making him cry his name…
'What interesting thoughts,' his master's voice mused, and Cayden smirked, pushing him out of his mind.
"Well," he began, turning to face Sirius, tossing his cigarette off the cliff, "I'm afraid I must be off," he said. "Perhaps you and I will meet again," he said with a coy wink, giving him a nod before turning on his heel, flashing him a grin, and stepping backwards off the cliff in a swish of his coat, the fabric snapping in the wind.
Sirius swore and tossed his cigarette aside, sliding to his knees and looking frantically over the side of the ravine, his raven hair slipping into his face. His gray eyes searched the gorge anxiously, but the white-bellied gulf was filled with only virgin snow, unblemished by a mangled body or any tracks. Cayden had just simply disappeared.
With a shaky sigh, Sirius rocked back onto his heels, blinking away confusion. There hadn't been the distinguishing 'crack' of apparation, and Cayden obviously wasn't lying dead anywhere at the bottom of the canyon so… Where was he?
Sirius got to his feet and started back up the trail, forehead creased in thought. 'He just jumped off a cliff!' Sirius thought to himself incredulously before James, Remus, and Peter rushed up to him, enveloping him in a flurry of excited explanations and delicacies from Zonko's and Honeydukes shoved in his face for examination.
He had not seen the last of Cayden Hillander.
And there ends the second chapter… To my ONE reviewer (yes, pathetic indeed, I know), thanks for liking it! But her review is lonely HINT HINT, so R 'n' R people!
-Sable