Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own the OC, but if I see Josh Schwartz while I'm in LA, I'll try to put a bid in.
Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews! I guess this story is a keeper then, I'll be writing more over the next few days. Hopefully I'll be able to put up the next chapter before I leave for my trip home, but if not, it'll be at least a week or two before I can update any of my stories. Also, I will be updating One and the last chapter of Lady in Red, so look for those either today or tomorrow. This chapter is a flashback so keep that in mind while you read. Also, the song for this chapter is Hands to Heaven by Breathe, which is a ballad from 1988 that I love. Keep leaving me feedback, I want to know how the story is going. Thanks and enjoy…
Still Fighting It
Chapter 3: Hold me in the darkness
So raise your hands to heaven and pray
That we'll be back together someday
Tonight, I need your sweet caress
Hold me in the darkness
Tonight, you calm my restlessness
You relieve my sadness
As we move to embrace, tears run down your face
I whisper words of love, so softly
I can't believe this pain, it's driving me insane
Without your touch, life will be lonely
Morning has come, another day
I must pack my bags and say goodbye...
Goodbye
--Hands to Heaven by Breathe
-----
7 years prior…
Seth stood frozenly behind his wife, waiting for her to move, to say anything. They had been standing like this for almost a half an hour, after he had come home. She stared at the wall in front of her. There were pictures covering the walls. Their wedding, Ryan and Marissa's wedding, Danny's baby pictures. All reminders of the happiness she once a few brief moments in time ago.
She slowly turned towards her husband and for the first time, Seth could see the extent of his damage. Summer's eyes were worn and tired, but not as they were after a sleepless night tending to their fussy son. They lacked the spark that had once twinkled each time she looked at him. They were replaced by a dullness that he could not have ever fathomed. Her eyes were droopy and dark, her skin stained from the streaks of salt that had been left behind. Her lips were bruised and torn from the pressure of her teeth that somehow kept her from not bursting into tears at that very moment. Her hair was stringy and matted down. She looked like she hadn't slept in awhile. She hadn't. Summer couldn't sleep. All the images of Seth kissing another woman infiltrated her brain, and the questions that resulted kept her up at night.
Did he love this woman?
Was I not good enough?
Did he ever love me?
The moment was relived each time she picked up a newspaper with that picture, of that bitch holding her husband in her arms. Each time she looked on a website and saw the rumors of him going out to drink with her on many late night occasions. Late nights when he did not come home to her.
Each time she heard that song on the radio.
Her song. But not anymore. It had been marred by the fact that the other woman was in Summer's role, saying Summer's lines, her words to Seth. That song was supposed to be a romantic ode to her.
Tell me am I right to think that there could be nothing better than making you my bride and slowly growing old together.
It hurt that his declaration of love for her was now being sung to another woman. Perhaps that's why Seth chose the song as the first single--maybe he was hinting at something that had been there all along. Maybe the song had slowly been coming to life and she had missed all the signals.
"Summer…" She put up her hand to silence him. He closed his mouth.
"I don't want to hear it Seth." Her voice was a hoarse whisper. She walked into their bedroom. She sat down at the edge of their bed, and put her head in her hands. "When did you get tired of us, Seth? Was it because I was pregnant? Was it because we were old and boring?"
"Summer, what are you talking about?" he voice cracked as tears formed in his eyes. "I will never be tired of us, you know that. I love you."
"Then why, Seth?" her voice reached a high pitch that Summer found extremely unappealing. It was the feature of her voice that scared people because it was filled with vitriolic bitterness.
"I didn't do it Summer. I know you don't believe me, but you have to believe that I love you and I would never do this. I've loved you since the third grade."
"You didn't even know me back then, and it's obvious that I don't know you now. I never thought you would lie to me, Cohen."
Seth sighed and whispered, "I'm not lying Summer. I swear on Captain Oats' life. I swear, I'm not."
She closed her eyes. "I don't believe you," his face noticeably fell, "Can you blame me? Your girlfriend admitted to the world that you were having an affair behind my back. Your band mates all but denied it and your record label is playing it out, milking it for every ounce of publicity it's worth. You kissed her."
"I know, but I swear that's the only time I did anything like that. I was drunk, I didn't know what I was doing. I know it's not an excuse, but I swear that was the only time. The rumors aren't true. I didn't know she was going to do that, the record label did it. Please, Summer. Believe me." His eyes pleaded with her, but she lowered hers to the ground. She couldn't look at him.
"I wish I could Seth, I wish I could. I want to. But you promised me." The tears started falling out of her eyes and she desperately tried to wipe them away quickly. Seth reached over and tried to help her, but she swatted his hands away. "You promised me."
"I know. I'm sorry." He couldn't think of anything else to say. He had broken his promise. After they had gotten married, Summer made him promise that he would never do anything like what her mother did to her father. Summer had always been scared of that fate. She didn't think it would ever come true. In fact, she had always been frightened that she would be the one to break up the marriage like her mother did. But she had surprised even herself. And now they were sitting in their dark room at 3 AM in the exact same situation but it was nothing like she had ever imagined--the roles were completely reversed.
"Sorry isn't good enough." Summer's tone was markedly different from a few minutes earlier. Whenever she cried, she would always try to make up for it by making her voice cold and strong. It was her second line of defense after the first had been penetrated.
So just say how to make it right, and I swear I'll do my best to comply…
"What do you want me to do Summer. I said I was sorry. I didn't do anything, but you won't even believe me. If there was something I could do to make this better I would, but I don't know what to do! You have to help me Summer, you have to tell me what to do." He got up from his side of the bed and tugged at his hair. He paced around the room while he waited for her to answer.
I know that I have made mistakes, and I swear I'll never wrong you again.
She looked up at him with solemn eyes. "There's nothing you can do to rectify this Seth. At least, not now." The tears once more began to swell, as she got up from her stoic position at the table. "I just need some time away from you." His head jerked up in surprise.
"What are you saying Summer?" his voice whined although he didn't want to know what was coming next.
"I don't know Seth," her chest heaved as the sobs came pouring out, "I just…I just think that you should go…"
"Go where, Summer. Please don't do this."
You've got a lure I can't deny, but you had your chance so say goodbye…
"I think it's for the best. I just need you to leave right now. I can't deal with this right now."
"So you want me to leave this, leave you and my son behind?"
"Yes. At least just for now while I figure out what to do," her tears continued to fall, she couldn't stop them. Seth stood there, shocked. What was happening? Was she suggesting that they just separate and forget each other? They were a family. They were one. They could not be separated.
"So you want a separation."
She whispered a barely audible, "Yes." She covered her face with her hands. There was nothing he wanted to more than to just hold her. So he did, and she let him. They lay down on the bed, her head buried in his chest. She cried and cried, but at the same time, she grasped onto her husband, her stronghold for so many years. She wanted to remember the bittersweet pain and comfort she felt with him for one last time. He tried to memorize everything about her before he left. Her hair, her steady breaths punctuated by sobs, the smell of her salty tears. And then he would leave. He would always follow her wishes, whatever she wanted, he would do.
---
Seth hadn't gone to bed the whole night. He thought that maybe if he didn't sleep, then tomorrow would never come. Time was his greatest enemy, and he couldn't stop it. After what seemed like only seconds, the dawn was upon him. He had rubbed small circles on Summer's back until he was sure that she was sleeping. He pushed her hair out of her face, and just looked at her. The woman he loved. He knew she was scared, but it still hurt that she could believe that he would love anyone else like he loved her. The sun pushed it's rays onto their bodies, and Seth knew it was time to go. He heard faint crying in the next room, and knew that his son somehow knew as well.
He walked into the next room, and found his son crying his eyes out. After changing his diaper, Seth sat in their rocking chair until he was able to soothe Danny's cries. He looked at his baby, his son, and just marveled at the fact that he looked so much like him. His head was full of curly brown locks of hair. Looking into his eyes was like looking into a mirror. He even had dimples like his father. His nose and chin were like Summer's, but the rest was all Seth. He just rocked back and forth, singing softly. He wanted his son to remember his voice, not the voice he heard on a cd, but his real voice, singing to him on this early morning, on this lonely day.
Some lonely tears dripped out of Seth's eyes.
"I'm gonna miss you, little guy, but I promise that I will be back for you and your mom. It might be awhile before I can convince her to take me back, but it will happen. You guys can't get rid of me that easily. But I know that your mom is gonna take really good care of you, and that you've got uncle Ryan and Aunt Marissa just around the corner, to help you out whenever your mom gets a rage blackout. And you've got your grandparents just a few blocks away…everything will be fine, I promise. I love you. I'm going to miss you so much. I don't want you to think that I'm leaving you on purpose because I'm not. It's just the way things ended up. Daddy did a really stupid thing and now he has to pay for it. But just know that I will always keep in touch with you, and if you ever need me I'll be there. I know you don't understand now, but I promise that you will as you get older. But right now I have to go before your mom wakes up. I love you so much Danny. Take care of her for me. She pretends that she's strong, but she needs help sometimes too."
Seth kissed him and put him back into his crib. As soon as his head hit the bed, Danny started fussing and flailing about. "Hey, hey, easy." The baby reached out for something near the dresser. "Oh, you want Captain Oats? Okay, here you go. I hope he comforts you as much as he has comforted me. Just remember me, okay Danny? I love you." Seth put the horse next to Danny in the crib. Danny clutched onto the horse as he quieted down.
He walked back into their room and threw some clothes into a bag. Summer was still sleeping soundly on the bed. He stood and watched her. She was so beautiful. He scribbled some words onto a piece of paper and set it on the nightstand. He leaned over and kissed his wife on the cheek, then picked up his bags and left. He walked out of their home and out of her life.
Say goodbye…
Nothing better by the Postal Service