Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nada.
Author's Note: Here's the next part. Thanks to all the readers--especially those who faithfully review my stories. I love those getting those emails with familiar names in them. Thanks for reading! The song that goes along with this chapter is Yellowcard's Only One, which is probably my favorite song off their Ocean Avenue album. Since I recently saw them in concert, I'm going to pimp them a little--they rock live! The version in this story is meant to be the acoustic version of the song. Oh, and the next chapter of One will be coming out this weekend. Enjoy…
Still Fighting It
Chapter 5: So let me go and you will find someone
His palms were sweaty, so he wiped them on his jeans. He undid the top button of his shirt to let some cool air reach his skin. He was burning up. Seth felt faint. He always felt nervous and nauseous when he was faced with something that scared him. His bodyguard threw the last of his luggage onto the jet and followed him into the plane. His songwriting partner, Jimmy Nelson was already sitting in a plush leather seat, on the phone with his wife probably. Seth took a seat near the middle of the spacious plane between his agent and publicist. It was another routine trip to Los Angeles, to make some radio appearances and public signings. Well not really. Not really routine at all because this time, Seth was not just going to LA for a few days to hang out. He was going back home to Orange County to see his family.
His family. Is that what they still were?
He hadn't known what to do when he heard his wife's voice on the other end of the line. He had been shocked to say the least. He hadn't talked to Summer directly for 7 years and she just up and called his home phone number. He had been afraid that something had happened to their son, or to his parents or to Ryan or Marissa. But what she asked scared him more than any of those prospects did.
She asked him to come home.
Was he ready to do this? He knew that he owed it to Danny, and to Summer. But Seth was scared, what did his son think of him, a faceless factor who had never been there for him? Did he hate him? Did he even know what to think? Sure, Seth sent him presents on his birthday and Chrismukkah, but surely that wasn't enough. He tried to call sometimes, but felt it too hard to hear the pain in the little boy's voice. So he wrote letters to him, telling him about the places he had been and the things he got to do. But even those were rare.
He didn't know why he had kept his distance for so many years. He could have come back on any of the times that he had received an invitation to a birthday party or to some family reunion. But he didn't. He supposed that he was scared of the unknown. He didn't want to come back and face the music, so to speak. Seth knew that once he set foot in that town, his life would be changed. No longer could he hide behind the false walls of the music industry or of celebrity and fame. He would just be Seth Cohen again. He would once again be lost and a nobody. And Summer would leave him.
He guessed that Summer probably wanted a divorce. He couldn't expect her to wait forever. She had a life too, and it wasn't fair for her to be bound to him forever, but he didn't want it to happen. He still loved her with every fiber in his body. He never stopped. She was everything to him. Both she and Danny were. Every bit of success he had earned had been because of them. They motivated him. All of his hits were written about them. Every platinum record was earned by them and how they affected him.
"Seth?" Jimmy leaned over and handed Seth some Tylenol.
"Yeah?"
"You feeling okay? You look sort of pale."
"I'm fine."
"Don't worry, everything will be fine. Cheer up, I just talked to Cindy and she said the single reached the top 10 on Billboard."
"Great." Seth slipped on his headphones and quietly fell into a deep sleep. He wasn't much of a talker when he was thinking about his family. Jimmy sat there and listened to some of the tracks on the upcoming cd. Each cd had it's own special sound, but every sound had that common theme. Every song was about Summer, trying to explain Seth's feelings, trying to ask for her forgiveness. Anyone who listened to the lyrics could tell that Seth was still in love with her. Jimmy hoped that this trip would mend some of his wounds.
---
Summer bustled around the house, tidying everything up. She had only talked to Seth a few weeks ago, but he was due to arrive in a couple of days. She was nervous, but not all because of him. Tonight, she was going to introduce Danny to her boyfriend, Jared. They had been going out for a few months now, ever since she met him while redecorating his house. She thought it was the right time to tell Danny, right before his father came back and he started expecting his parents to get back together. Summer was scared of what he would think though. She wasn't sure that he would understand why his mother was seeing another man.
The radio was turned up full blast. The announcer cheesed his way through another introduction before starting a new song. Seth's new song. He had sent them a preview copy of his new cd a few weeks back. Danny tried not to listen to it too much in front of her, but she could sometimes hear it in the background while he was falling asleep in his room. It saddened her to think that this was the strongest connection to his father that he had. She hadn't told him about Seth coming yet. She hoped that he would be thrilled. Summer sat down for a second at the table and listened to the song, one that she didn't really recognize. She often turned the station when she heard any of Seth's songs. Sure, she was proud of his success, but each word of each song always seared into her soul. His songs hurt her because they were all about them. This one was no different.
Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason
I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only my only one
Here I go, so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one
---
The three sat at their kitchen table in silence. Danny glared at the man across the table. He was big with brown hair. He sort of looked like Brian's dad, Luke. But less cool. Who was this man, coming into their house and having dinner with them? Who did he think he was? He acted too nicely, asking Danny all these questions about school and his interests. Danny didn't like him very much at all.
And that was what Summer had been afraid of.
Summer got up to put the dishes in the sink, and immediately, Jared did the same. "Let me, hun."
This man acted like he was already part of their family. Danny much preferred it only being his mother and him. He brought his plate to the sink and set it on the counter.
"Danny, why don't you show Jared your room while I clean up these dishes?" Danny nodded, anything to get Jared away from his mom.
"So, I see you like comic books. You know I used to collect them too when I was a kid."
"They are okay."
"What else do you like to do, play on the computer, watch TV?"
"Yeah, I guess." Danny wasn't really giving Jared much to work with. Jared frowned at the boy.
"You have a lot of cds for a 7 year old."
"They're my dad's cds. See, these are his old ones. This is one he just sent me and my mom two weeks ago. It's not even released yet. Do you want to hear it? Maybe you want to hear the song my mom likes best?" Danny wanted to remind this guy that his dad was sort of in the picture still, even if he were not here. He had to protect his mom somehow.
"No thanks. Listen, Danny I want to talk to you about your mom." Danny pretended to busy himself with something on his desk. "See, I really like your mom, and you are so important to her. So, I know that your opinion of me means a lot to her. I'm not saying that you have to love me or anything, but just try to act happy for us. You want your mom to be happy, don't you?"
Danny glared at Jared once more. He really disliked this man. There was something about him that he didn't trust. Granted he didn't have too much interaction with adults, but he could tell when someone was not a good person. He felt that way whenever he was around Aunt Marissa's mom, his great-grandmother, Julie. "It's cute that you care about your dad so much, but he was in the past. I'm apart of your mom's future. You're going to have to accept that eventually." Jared walked out of the room as Danny silently fumed. He quietly crept out into the hall and picked up the phone. He could hear his mother laughing downstairs at something Jared had said no doubt.
"Hello?"
"Aunt Marissa?"
"Oh, hi Danny, what's up? Something wrong?"
"No, umm, can I talk to Uncle Ryan?"
"Sure, let me get him. You sure there's nothing wrong."
"I'm sure."
"Okay, here ya go." Danny couldn't talk to Aunt Marissa. She was a girl, she wouldn't understand about this feeling he was getting from Jared.
"Hey kiddo, how's it going?"
"Bad, Uncle Ryan."
"Bad? How so?"
"Mommy brought a man home today. His name is Jared. I don't like him."
Ryan audibly sighed on the phone. On one hand, he knew that Summer had to move on with her life at some point, since no one could expect her to wait around forever. But then on the other hand, Seth was his brother, and he didn't want any other guy stepping in on his territory. Ryan knew it was hard for Danny to comprehend the situation. All he knew was that his father wasn't there, but some random guy was. "Did you try to get to know him? Maybe he's a nice guy."
"He said he was apart of mom's future. You have to help me, he's going to take over my mom and then she'll leave me too." Ryan could hear muffled sobs coming from the other side of the line. His heart broke for his nephew. Ryan knew how it felt to be abandoned by his father. He knew the fear of another man coming in and taking away his mother's affections from him. He knew that nothing anyone could say would quell those thoughts of loneliness. But he would try for the sake of his nephew to make him feel better.
"Hey, hey. Danny, don't talk like that. Your mom would never leave you. She loves you. And you know that your dad didn't have a choice but to leave. He didn't want to leave. He loves you very much too, and I know he wishes he could be there with you everyday, but it's just complicated. I can't really explain it, but I want you to know that no one is going anywhere. No one is taking anyone away from you. Not your mom, not me, not your aunt, and not your grandparents. We're here for you, okay? Okay, I'm going to come over in a few minutes, you just sit tight, and I'll be there."
Danny sat in his darkened bedroom. He turned on the cd player and listened as his father's voice filled the air. He turned the volume up. He didn't care if his mom got mad right now. She was with someone else anyway probably forgetting that he was even there. His father's voice was so smooth and clear. He could almost imagine him here, in his room, singing him to sleep. But it was only a reproduction. Never the real thing. Danny longed for the real thing. Every night when he said his prayers, he prayed so hard that his dad would come back so that they could be a family again. It wasn't likely to happen now, since there was someone new in the picture. He grabbed Captain Oats from the nightstand and cradled the horse in his arms. He heard the doorbell ring and knew that his uncle had come as promised. Uncle Ryan never broke his promises.
Danny wished that Ryan could promise that his dad would come back because Uncle Ryan never broke a promise, so maybe there would be a better chance of his wish coming true.
Only One by Yellowcard