Alternate Earth

by A. Nonymous III esq

REVISED: It's the beginning of the first part (there are 2 so far), and it's just Laura and Rachel, trying to write a decent fanfiction,until after some freak, unknown incident launches them into their own story.

1. Default Chapter

Alternate Earth Note: This belongs to Squaresoft. Not me. I also have received permission from LadyTifa26 for usage of her as an official character. So, no privacy
has been invaded. IF YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEMS, TALK TO HER, NOT ME! V2.(yes, version TWO. . .) This is about the second time AE has been taken off for TYPOS. . . So, if you'd excuse me, I'll be bashing my head into the wall if I'm forced to revise it again (didn't do much of a job, last time. . .), and enjoy the revisions, for those of you who moved onto the second season, there are going to be some different parts. Thank you.

For a time in the suburbs, there existed a place. A quiet house. A quiet house, with a nice driveway, no porch (renovations. . .yick), and did I mention quiet?
"Vincent."
"Cloud."
"Vincent!"
"Cloud!"
"Vincent!!"

Well. . .I COULD be wrong....

"CLOUD!" she yelled at the top of her lungs. Rachel, a devoted Cloud fan girl argued with her best friend Laura, a Vincent fan girl, over whether the new fanfic would be a Cloti, or a Vin/Tif.
"Fine, fine Cloud. . . But give Vincent the good lines.", acquiesced Laura in defeat, folding her arms and scowling in disappointment.
"No way!" shouted Rachel. "This is a Clotif, so Cloud gets the good lines. And besides, I already designed this story."
"Then why am I here?" she asked, looking at Rachel's room, if you could even call it that. Clothes and mangas were strewn about, and you couldn't even see the floor. Under the sea of filth and decay, you could PROBABLY make out the white carpet. . .Or was that the carcass of a dead rat? The world may never know.
"You're a faster typer.", Rachel protested.
"Is that all I'm good for?", asked Laura, skeptically.
"No. . .", said Rachel, meekly.
"Then what else?" interrogated Laura.
"There's uh, there's. . .pass?" said Rachel with a nervous smile.
"You owe me," said laura, leering at her friend.
"Uh. . .What?", asked Rachel, expecting something painful.
"A shirtless Vincent picture.", said Laura with a ruthless smile.
Rachel cocked an eyebrow. "Why?"
"You're a better artist," Laura mumbled, not wanting to admit it.
"Is that all-hey!" Rachel said, cutting herself off, realizing the circle Laura was leading her in like a dog on a leash at the redundancy of this statement. If there's something particular about Rachel, it's not being a very fast-witted person.
"MUAHAHA! My logic defeats you yet again mortal!", Laura cackled, proud of herself.
"Yeah whatever," Rachel was saying, "At least when I draw Vincent, he doesn't look like a dinosaur with a gun."
"Shut up," Laura snapped. "Just 'cause you studied anatomy. . ."
"Oh sure. . .right. . ." Rachel began sounding nervous. "Anatomy not p- I mean, yeah, anatomy."
"Oh yeah, I'm SURE you got something out of those classes, I could tell," Laura said, pryingly, not dumb enough to ignore Rachel's. . .lead on.
"Yeah, well it's cheaper than dating. And it's in school, too. . .Heh, heh. . . ," said Rachel as she "fondly" remembered the male anatomy course she took in advanced art class. "But I'll only give you that picture if we start now."
Laura smirked with satisfaction. "Deal."

"Huff. . .huff. . ." It was 10 hours later, and Rachel was finishing up the story. Laura had blacked out in front of the computer. 2 AM. Not a very nice time to be typing and updating things onto a database. "Need. . .finish need. . ." Rachel looked bloodshot, worn down by the hours. "Stay. . .AWAKE!" THUD! Her head banged against the table as she blacked out, desperately reaching for her coffee across from her.

"Rachel. . ." Rachel heard a voice as she was waking up. Shivering, she felt cold earth beneath her body. "RACHEL!"
"Mommy, is that you?", Rachel groaned, her eyes still closed and feeling like a truck backed up on her. "Five more minutes, please. . ."
"Snap out of it!" It sounded like Laura. "Laura, you're not mommy. . . ," said Rachel, still in her delirious state.
Laura sighed. "Look where we are!"
"Disneyland?", Rachel guessed.
"Shut the #$%! up, and look!", Laura snapped at her. Rachel rubbed her eyes, and now saw she was under the old and creaking well, in the center of a small mountain town.
"Oh my God!", Rachel exclaimed. "We're in Germany!"
"Jesus, you're so stupid!", said Laura "It's Nibelheim!"
"What's the difference?", asked Rachel, still a little unsure of her surroundings. "And what kind of dope have you been smoking? Nibelheim?" Rachel brushed off her arms, flecked with the dust from the dry ground. "Uh. . .Laura? What's up with my clothes? Where's my school uniform?" Rachel was sitting in a white, high collar shirt with sleeves that reached to her elbows, leather fingerless gloves with a metal back, multiple ear piercings, two in the left ear, and three in the right, all being silver studs, except for the third piercing, which was a small gold ring. Her pants were loose and baggy, with cargo pockets and a black belt. Among all else, she wore brown leather boots, and. . .um. . . "Laura, since when did I wear shirts like this?!" Her shirt was revealing her stomach, except the shirt had a back to the stomach that hung off of it. "QUICK! GIMME ANOTHER SHIRT!"
"Don't sweat about it. . . ," said Laura. "You look fine. . ."
". . .Laura? What in God's name are YOU wearing?!" Laura sighed as her friend peered up at her. She in turn was wearing a blue hooded sweater that too had her stomach revealed, but didn't have the back hanging off, the same gloves and shoes, but she silver bracelets on her right hand, and double piercings in her ears. Her pants were jeans like Rachel's, but they cut off at the knee, and she had a black belt and a chain hanging in a loop to reconnect with the belt further on to the back of her pants, more to the side.
Rachel smirked at her friend's appearance. "Nice fashion statement, Laura. What are you, a final fantasy character?"
"Shut up, belly button girl," said Laura, looking at Rachel, still unused to being in that type of clothing.
Rachel scowled. "Oh, whatever. . ." Looking around and still confused, Rachel cocked an eyebrow and looked up at Laura again before trying to stand. ". . .Nibelheim? I told you Laura, don't hang out with those people who do drugs. DID YOU DO DRUGS, LAURA?! I'LL KNOW! I'M YOUR FRIEND! COME ON, I'LL GET A CUP, YOU GIVE ME A SAMPLE, I'LL TEST IT-
"I'M NOT A TOKER. . . ," Laura said.
"Fine. Don't get any assurance. Meanie," Rachel said. "Are you even being serious with me? We're not in Hong Kong, are we?"
"I'm serious! Look over there!" Laura pointed to Tifa's house, as it was distinct with its multiple chimney pipes.
"Wait, if this is Nibelheim. . ." A glimmer of realization came to Rachel's eyes. "CLOUDY, I'M COMING!" Rachel tried taking off in the direction of the house in front of her.
"Get back here," said Laura as she grabbed the scruff of Rachel's shirt.
"NO! YOU CAN'T DENY TRUE LOVE!", Rachel fought back, almost having a conniption.
"Holy hell!" They heard a voice scream from the inside of Tifa's house. "Since when did dead people do your breakfasts?!"
"Wait, this seems familiar. . . ," said Rachel. She realized she was sitting on some paper, and a pen. ". . .My story? How'd it get here? How'd WE get here?!"
"Hold on, let me see that.", said Laura as she snatched the paper. "Oh, Jesus. . .I think we're in your story."
"Huh? That's impossible! What kind of clichéd storyline would THAT make, anyway?! Haven't you seen all the totally bad fanfictions on that?!", Rachel said looking at the paper. She scanned the pages, and then found Ch.5, paragraph 2. "Laura, come with me." Rachel turned her eyes to Tifa's house.
"What for?" Laura feared Rachel was going to do something. . .drastic.
"Just move it," said Rachel as she headed for some bushes near Tifa's house. "If this is what I think it is, this is where Vincent sees Aeris alive again."
"Vincent? My Vinnie?", asked Laura, as she looked around eagerly, following Rachel and camping out with her behind those bushes.
"Don't get your hopes up," said Rachel. "I'm just checking if this is what I think it is. Laura?" She was gone, and the door clicked open as the swish of a crimson cloak passed by. "No Laura! Don't!"
"SQUEE!" There was a piercing, high-pitched fangirlish squeal, ringing in the air.
"AAAH!" On the ground, a tall, pale man with a gothic appearance sat flat under Laura, who pinned him on the ground.
"Vincent?" Tifa came out of the door, followed by Cloud and Aeris, hurrying after.
"GET HER OFF ME!" Vincent, was trying to move free of the dead weight upon him.
"Awww, Vinnie I know you tease," said Laura as she stroked his midnight black hair, her eyes clouded with ecstasy.
"Huh?" Cloud and Aeris turned around to see Rachel, hunched behind the bushes, gaping at the sight of her coveted lust object. Her brown eyes' pupils turned pinpoint. "CLOUDY! SQUEE!" She sprang and tackled Cloud, but much to Tifa and Aeris' displeasure of watching a strange girl all over him, they quickly apprehended her.
"DON'T WORRY CLOUDY!", Rachel shouted, as she was pulled away unwillingly by her ankles. "OUR LOVE WILL LAST FOREVER AND EVER!"
"Has everyone forgotten me?", whimpered Vincent as Laura fondled with his hair even more.
"Oh, but Vinnie, I know you love me!", said Laura, brushing his hair behind his head, smiling widely. "You wish to marry me! And I accept! We'll live in a castle on a cliff by the ocean with a white sandy beach below it, and we'll live happily ever after! I've already named our several children! Or better yet! WE'LL FILL THE WORLD WITH OUR CHILDREN! HOW DOES THAT SOUND?!"
"TERRIBLE!", he shouted. "Please, release me, demon child!"
"But you LOVE me Vinnie!"
"Excuse me, but I only love one woman," he said, thinking back to Lucrecia.
"AND THAT'S ME! ISN'T IT VINNIE?!", she shouted in his face, shaking with anticipation.
"SOMEONE GET HER OFF ME!" he cried.
"Who are you? Have you been spying?", asked Aeris, picking up the story, and browsing over its contents.
"I'm Rachel, pen name A. Nonymous III esq. And this is Laura, pen name LadyTifa26. And uh. . .this may take a while to explain. I don't even know how to explain it. . ."
"Help. . . ," muttered Vincent as Laura was trying to kiss him.
"Come on, we'll take them to Cid and the others. We need SOME sort of guidance, right?", asked Cloud.
"Sure, we'll take him to the ONE man with the short temper and mouth worse than a sailor," said Tifa.
"They say cursing like a sailor is bad, but they haven't seen Cid. . .More like cursing like a pilot, eh?", said Cloud. Tifa looked a little irritated at him. "Um, right! To the captain!"
"Are you sure I should go?" asked Aeris. "I mean, they've never seen me alive again, and with these two. . ." She looked at Rachel, whom Tifa was holding her back from Cloud, and Laura who was still lying over Vincent.
"We'll just have to explain it to them there.", said Cloud with a shrug. "Let's go."

"WWHHHEEEEEEE!!!", the fan girls shouted from on top of a chocobo. Cloud was riding his own gold chocobo, Knight, and Tifa and Aeris were riding Choco, Tifa's gold chocobo. Vincent was riding a black chocobo, Shadow, and Laura was clutching him affectionately, as Rachel rode on her own separate chocobo, for Tifa and Aeris made sure she stayed away from Cloud. . . Vincent sighed audibly as Laura snuggled on him. "Why is she riding with me? Why is DEMON CHILD clutched to my back?! Is this some divine joke?!"
"Think about it as, uh. . .Well, you always wanted to repay for past sins, right Vincent?" said Aeris. Vincent glared at her over his cloak collar. "Okay, don't egg you on. Got it."
"Awwww, Vinnie, you know you like it.", cooed Laura from behind.
"You're a child!" he said. "I'm no pedophile! What are you, 15?!"
"I'm 17!" she corrected.
"And I'm 27!" he said.
"But Vinnie, age isn't important!" she whined. "I can prove young wives are good! When you're old and unwholesome, I'll still be young and hot, right?! Although, I doubt YOU, Vinnie, could EVER be unwholesome. . ." She fondled with his hair a little more.
"DEAR LORD! YOU STOP IT NOW!" he said, slapping her hand from his hair. "Wow Vinnie, you sure are protective of your hair," said Laura. "Don't call me 'Vinnie'.", he grumbled. "Your hair is SOOOO shiny, Vinnie," said Laura, persisting.

"Don't call me 'Vinnie'!"

"And Vinnie, you don't have any split ends. You really take good care of your hair. Hmm. . .Vinnie, does that mean you're gay? No, you couldn't be! YOU LOVE ME! DON'TCHA, VINNIE?!" "STOP CALLING ME 'VINNIE'!" he barked.
"Oh, right. I'll do it when it's more. . .private," she giggled.
"Oh merciful god, what sin have I made to incur your wrath?", he asked.

They rode to the Gongaga area, where Cid and the others were fixing the engine of the Highwind.
"Yep, my baby needs maintenance after 300,000 miles. . .", sighed Cid, looking back proudly at his "baby".
"Cid, how many miles does this thing have, anyway?", asked Yuffie, strolling up to it with her hands on her hips. She bent forward, peering at Cid's handiwork. ". . .You're missing a screw."
"WHAT?!" Cid shouted. "MISSING A SCREW?! WHAT THE #$! DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE HIGHWIND?!"
"It seems the Highwind isn't the only thing with a screw loose. . .", said Yuffie, turning around and sighing. "Oh well. Go, see for yourself. . ." Yuffie strolled off.
"Grr. . .She don't know. . .nothing?" Cid muttered until he saw a screw missing from the panel he was working on. He peered around, making sure nobody was around to see his mistake, and began to fix it.
"I KNEW IT!" shouted Yuffie, popping out og nowhere, upside down on one of the propellers above him.
"AAAAHHHH! &$(#!" he screamed. "GET AWAY!"
Yuffie smirked. "Okay. . . ," she said in a singsong voice. "I'm going. . ."
"OOOOH! COOL!", exclaimed Rachel when she saw the airship up close.
"Hey Cid, we have a few. . .guests.", said Tifa, walking up and glaring at Rachel, who was holding on to Cloud.
Vincent however, had his hands full with Laura. "GET OFF ME, DEMON CHILD!"
"I'M NOT A CHILD!" Laura shouted.
"THEN JUST GET OFF, OR I'LL SHOOT YOU!" he said, angrily.
"BUT I'VE ALREADY BEEN SHOT BY CUPID'S ARROW, VINNIE!" said Laura, hugging tighter.
"AAARRGH!" yelled Vincent.
"Wow, you always bring the best guests. Now come on, move your lazy asses inside!" yelled Cid, growing impatient.
"Er, hi Cid.", said Aeris, very nervous about her sudden appearance.
"Holy shit! Aeris?" And he lifted his spear and tried to poke her with it.
"Cid, I can assure you she's real.", said Cloud, trying to push off his admirer.
"Get off!", yelled Tifa to Rachel.
"Wow, touchy touchy for someone who already proclaimed their love to someone.", she said, referring to the beginning of the story.
"What?", asked Aeris.
"Yeah, and they even-!" Rachel was cut off by Cloud, who muffled her mouth.
"Nothing, nothing. . . ," he said through a fake smile.
"OOOOH! What's this?" asked Laura as she took some green materia from Vincent's gun.
"Give me that! It's-!" Poof! Vincent became a toad.
"EEEEK!" Laura screamed. "VINNIE, YOU'RE A TOAD! LEMME KISS YOU TO MAKE YOU BETTER!"
"HAHA! Now look what you did to him!" laughed Rachel.
"That's it, if you're not getting off of him. . .", warned Tifa, rolling up her sleeves.
"AAHHH! HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT!" screamed Rachel when Tifa directed a blast of Fire3 at her, then collapsing over with burns.
"Uh, Tifa? The purpose was to get her off of me, not kill her.", said Cloud, nudging the unconscious body of Rachel with his boot.
"Nope. Didn't hear a thing you said.", said Tifa, rubbing her hands together with satisfation.
"This is a three-ring circus! So get your lazy carney asses inside before I kick em'!", yelled Cid, directing them inside. "Buncha dumbasses. . ."

"WHAT!", yelled everybody when they saw Aeris. They were all collaborated in the kitchen of the Highwind, around a table.
"No time to explain.", she said.
"Yeah, we have something else to take care of.", said Cloud, dragging in Rachel.
"What?", asked Yuffie, hopping over the table anxiously.
"These guys.", said Tifa, pointing to Rachel who was being carried by Cloud, and Laura who was still latched on to Vincent.
"Vinnie. . .", said Laura as she snuggled her head even deeper into his chest.
"Grr. . ." And so they sat down to lunch to talk everything that happened over, while Rachel just sat there unconscious with her head faced down on the table.
"I don't get it. You just "appeared" here?" said Cid, who didn't believe a word.
"Eeyup!", said Laura. "It was destiny, wasn't it Vinnie?"
"Why doesn't anyone help me?" said Vincent as she tried to push her off, but little did he know it's impossible to break a fangirl's grip from her lust object.
"Don't believe it," said Barret. "First Weapon, then Aeris gives us coronaries by coming back, and now we have a couple of admirers on our heels!" He threw up his arms, when Red had him lower it.
"Barret? Put the arm down. We don't need a hole in the roof," said Red.
Barret leered at the catlike animal, which only returned a wide smile. He grumbled and returned his attention to everyone else.
"Wait, Weapon?", asked Laura. "Oh boy. . ."
"What, you didn't spy on us?", asked Aeris. "You have it right here in the beginning of your report!" Aeris put the story on the table, in front of Laura.
"Uh, first of all, I didn't write that. That was Rachel." And she looked at Rachel, and a pool of drool was forming. "And next of all, that's part of our explanation of being here. We're in our own story." They all just looked at her, then burst out laughing.
"You expect us to believe that?", said Cid.
"I'm serious! Give me that!", she said as she took the story off the table. "Now here. . .What!"
"See, you're lyin'!", said Barret, convinced.
"No way! Look at it!" she said. And the paper had written down everything that happened that day, and every important thing they ever said or thought was written on it. "Here! Look at this!" And as she spoke, the words appeared on the paper. Laura slowly had an idea. "Hmm, let me try something. . . ," she said as she picked up the pen.
"MARRY ME! I LOVE YOU LAURA!" exclaimed Vincent, and he covered his mouth. "Why'd I just say that?"
"Cool! When I write on here, it happens! And Vinnie I WILL marry you!" She tackled him and knocked him off his seat, making a loud "THUD!" on the ground.
"Give me that!", yelled Cid, trying to reach the paper.
"Get away, or I'll make you bald!", said Laura as she put the
pen to the paper. Everyone backed away, holding on to their heads.
"That's better," Laura proclaimed. She wrote something else, and Rachel woke up.
"Huh? Waffles please... ," she said as she got up, rubbing her eyes.
"Hey Rachel! I got that weapon of mass destruction you wanted!" Laura lifted up her pen.
"My pen? Cool," Rachel said, groggily. "Where am I again?"
"The Highwind. And let me try something. . ." But the ground shook, and the red alert sensors appeared around them, blaring a loud siren that filled the ship.
"Oh SSHIIT!" yelled Cid. "Weapon!"

Hey there, sorry if this sucked. It's my first try at a funny fanfic. And as you can tell, I'm not too good. But it gets better, at least I hope. So please, nothing too harsh, I'll improve I swear!