Hermione sits silently in her bed, the spilled bowl of cream corn on the floor next to her. A monkey flies past as she stares blankly at the wall, trying to remember where her cabbage is. She is also trying to remember the details of her odd dream.
"Isn't Harry supposed to be the one to kill &?" Ron squeaks at Hermione at the Gryffindor table that morning at breakfast. He is squeaking because he accidentally on purpose swallowed Scabbers. For more on the meaning of &, read Harry Potter and the Unacceptable Title by hermyandron4evr. Tis funny!
"Yes, Broom. He is always the hero. I believe your special cream corn caused the catastrophic dream." She shovels her Hot Pockets® Meatball and Mozzarella into her mouth, chipping a tooth on the end of the great shovel she is shoveling with. "Fixadentium!" With a quick schwing of her wand, the chipped tooth is fixed.
"I can't keep track of my grapefruit!" Harry cries to the table. The table, which could care less that he was crying or that he couldn't keep track of his grapefruit, got up and swam away. Then it realized that there was no water and so could not swim, so it got on a motorbike and drove into the sunrise.
"Deary bald man!" Ronnykins yelled, falling to the floor in a fetal position. "I didn't even get to ask her hand in marriage...sniffle..."
"Harry," Hurt my knee asks poetically.
"Chess?"
"Why is it
That
Every time
Evil is here
Threat
En
Ing
The lives
Of
My pickles
You
And only
You
Get to
Be
Savior?"
"It brings tears to my feathers!" A passing hamburger whispers, a single tear rolling down its ketchup.
"I dunno...I blame it on the hamburger," Harry points his wand at the hamburger in wild accusation...no, not that wand...
"You can't just blame whatever you want!" Hermione whines.
"You got beef with me?!" The burger shouts angrily. Hermione falls to her knees crying, torn by the violence.
"I never said that, I only said I was blaming you!" Harry steps away from the enraged meat patty.
"No one blames the beef and gets away with it!"
At that moment, Harry wakes up, beef cupcakes strewn across his sheets.