Because we were bored ... we present:
Part II – MS tries yet again

Walter: Oh my god, it's a sequel ... run, bad fanfic breed like gremlins pigging out before midnite ... (holds face aka Home Alone and screams)

Seras: (runs out manically, screeching for all passer-bys to take cover)

Kit: You were warned ... words in italics are generally Alucard's thoughts.

Somewhere in the Hellsing mansion,

Alucard peered into Integra's study warily, "I think it's safe to come out right? Master, please tell me she's dead or something."


I don't think I could live through another round of /that/ ...

Desperately trying to dismiss the memories of the events that took place the last time he ran into MS, the vampire noticed a familiar figure slumped on the carpet at his feet.

"Sir Integra?"

While Alucard was sorely tempted to take the opportunity to kick her unconscious body, the realisation what she would probably do to him should she find out that he had dared to kick her made the vampire decide the better course of action was to leave the room quietly instead.

"Oofff ..."


Rats, she was awake. She would probably not be too happy about having been taken by surprise. What's with the poor security ... you would think that with so much soldiers, people won't be walking in and out of this place like it was a tourist attraction.

All the more convinced he should embark on a hasty retreat before Integra's hands were reunited with her revolver, Alucard was surprised to find them firmly clasped around his waist instead.

"Don't leave now," she cried pleadingly as tears rolled delicately down her cheeks.


Integra, sweet and feminine? Hello? Are we still in Kansas?

Alucard swallowed a nervous gulp. "Are you alright master?" he asked.

"Yes I am. I just feel so vulnerable. Please stay with me."


Integra Hellsing vulnerable? Now I am seriously confused.

"What happened master?"

"I don't know," Integra answered hesitantly. I was just working quietly at my desk when I blacked out. It must be my health or something." Raising a hand delicately, she rubbed the bridge of her nose. "I don't feel so good. Stay with me please, don't leave ..."


Integra Hellsing a weak damsel? Now this is one side of her I've never seen.

"No I won't master, I'm staying. Don't worry." Gently, Alucard cradled his sobbing master in his arms. "I will always be here for you pet," he said as he dried her eyes carefully.

"Alucard," she looked up nervously. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because you are my master," he muttered, his cold heart fluttering as he planted a chaste kiss on her forehead. "And because ... because, I love you."

"I love you Alucard," she echoed, snuggling deeper into his embrace. "Hold me please, that's all I ask."

"My Integra, my Integra," he mouthed, one hand around her waist as the other massaged the back of her neck gently. It was then Alucard felt it. Slowly leaning forward, the vampire curiously examined the back of his master's neck, intrigued by the strange zipper embedded just above her spine.

Odd, the last he could recall, his master certainly did not have any zippers in her neck, nor did most humans for that matter.

Wait a minute ...

((Kit offstage: (smashes a pair of cymbals)))

"Who are you? What have you done with Integra?" Alucard demanded as he tried to push away the impostor.

"Rats," the fake Lord Hellsing grumbled as she clung on desperately to her quarry.

"Let go of me you maniac!" screamed Alucard as he tugged at the zip to reveal one infamous Matilda Gorgeous Lalala Kyoto Nakimura Seashells, MS for short, hidden underneath an Integra skin suit.

"What the ..."

"Integra skin suits. Just slip under one and wham, no one knows it's me," smiled MS as she happily buried her head in Alucard's chest.

"UGH!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!!"

"Why Alucard honey," laughed MS happily, "You don't like the surprise?"

"Let go of me!" the vampire began struggling. "Where is Integra?"

"I don't know. This is a MS special, I can do whatever I like remember?" giggled MS.

"YIKES!!!" came the frantic reply.

With the tenacity of an amorous squid, MS began snuggling Alucard.

"Help!" screeched Alucard as MS's hands greedily explored his back.

Just then, a look of surprise appeared on our lovely heroine's face.

"Wait a minute, what's this?" she yelled. "Why is there a zipper in your backbone? Who are you?"

Pulling the zipper, MS was horrified to realise that the vampire before her was not Alucard but one Yan Valentine in an Alucard skin suit.

"What the hell?" she demanded.

"The same to you bit-h!" screamed the irate Yan. "Look what you've done. You've crumpled my special Alucard skin suit. If this prevents me from getting my Integra, I'm so going to send the bill for the next skin suit to you!"

"Damn you!" bellowed MS as she lugged towards Yan with a mad glint in her eyes, sending them both off the story plane and into the chasm of badfanfic.

... And so this story ends,
without attempt at logic or poem,
we bid you adieu.
Forgive us, we just had to ...

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