Chapter 7: Mission Improbable

Note: This belongs to Squaresoft. I am also a sleep deprived fan girl. So don't ask. Oh yeah, and permission granted for the use of Laura comes from
LadyTifa26.

"HOLY HELL! IT'S FEUDAL JAPAN!" Cherry blossoms surrounded the feudal looking Japanese village of Wutai, a secluded little place to the North of an island. Rachel was standing like a statue with her mouth gaping at the sight of this place. "Sniff, it's so. . . beautiful. . ."
"Snap out of it. Now where is she?", said Aeris.
"HEY AERIS!", yelled Yuffie in the distance with her arm waving.
"Hey Yuffie! Look, I need you to do me a favor. . ."

"You want me to teach them how to be ninjas?", asked Yuffie as if it were a joke. "What for?"
"That's a secret."
"I won't do it if I don't know.", said Yuffie, but a smile came to her face after she thought about it. "But I COULD pretend I DO know with a little persuasion. . ."
"I am NOT giving you materia."
"Why not?", asked Yuffie in a spoiled tone.
"It's not right.", said Aeris.
"Neither is spying. . .", mumbled Laura.
"What was that?", asked Yuffie.
"We're spies!", said Rachel happily.
"Ugh, you ARE brainless. . .", said Aeris as she massaged her temples.
"Spies? Tell me more. . .", said Yuffie with a grin.
"I asked them to spy on Tifa and Cloud to find out who Cloud belongs with."
"OOOOH! This'll be fun. . ."
"I'm here pleading and the only thing you can say is that this'll be fun?", said Aeris.
"What? And now that I DO know, I'll consider it. But what's in it for me?", said Yuffie.
"Does EVERYONE need a bribe?"
"That's about the size of it, yeah.", said Rachel, nodding her head. Aeris pulled out a bag, and when Yuffie opened it, her face lit up in a huge grin.
"Yes, yes, perfect. . .", she said.
"Okay, Tifa thinks that Rachel is out for a punishment, and Cloud is still hiding from me, so he's a bit caught up to know where Laura is."
"Good. Because this'll take a while. . .", said Yuffie in an exasperated tone as she watched Laura and Rachel tripping around behind her, trying to act like ninjas.

"Okay, now, is it downwind or upwind you stand in while sneaking?", asked Yuffie.
"Uh, why does it matter? When can we learn ninja stuff?", asked Rachel.
"This IS ninja stuff."
"I thought talking really weirdly with your mouth being a stationary object when necessary and fighting evil hordes of ninja henchman were being part of a ninja.", said Laura.
"Ugh. . . Look, this is a crash course, so I'll just teach you what sounds necessary."

"Okay, I hope you're not afraid of heights.", said Yuffie as they climbed the Tower of the Five Gods.
"OH MY GOD! I'M GONNA DIE! HELP! HELP!", screamed Rachel as she started climbing.
"Uh, Rachel, you're only 5 in. off the ground.", said Yuffie.
"It's much larger from up here. . ."
"You're going up to 500 feet in the air!"
"Oh sweet Jesus. . .", she said.
"Make her move!", said Laura who was growing steadily impatient.
"Okay, if you won't move. . .", said Yuffie as she took out her shuriken.
"EEEYOOOOOWWWWWCH!", screamed Rachel as she began to rapidly climb up the side of the pagoda, still feeling the shuriken stab at her butt.
"Always works.", said Yuffie. "Now move before it's necessary for me to do that." But Laura was already climbing in fear.

"Okay, now crouch down out of their vision like so.", said Yuffie as she crouched down by the edge of the pagoda. Rachel passed out from her acrophobia, and Laura was just freaking out as she peered over the side she was supposed to crouch on. "Come on, move closer, unless you won't be able to see who you're spying on."
"Eeeek. . ."
"Go on, move. Here. WHHOOOPS!" Yuffie turned to help Laura, but she tripped over the unconscious Rachel and knocked Laura over the edge. "Ouch. . .", she said as she saw Laura hit the ground.

"Sorry.", said Yuffie as she put the Phoenix down on Laura, who was regaining her consciousness. "But hey! You're all done! You only need to know how to be able to climb and watch without detection. And besides, Aeris is here to pick you up."
"Owwww. . . Where's Rachel?"
"Ooops."
"HEY! WHERE IS EVERYBODY?! AND WHY AM I STILL UP HERE? HELLO?"
"I left her up there. . ."
"HHEEEEELLLPPP!"

"What's this? 'The Way of the Ninja for Dummies'?", said Laura as she looked at the book Yuffie had handed them before Aeris picked them up.
"OOOOH! This even tells you how to pass by unnoticed, and steal items without even going near your adversaries!", said Rachel.
"Hmmm, I always wondered how she did that.", said Aeris.
"HACHISAKI! HACHA!", yelled Rachel as she performed a chop to Laura at her neck, looking at the book while doing so. "Hey Laura! Did I do it right? Laura?"
"Glaaaa. . .", drooled Laura, unconscious and lying on her chocobo.

Back in Nibelheim, Cloud and Tifa were in the stables, cleaning it out and having some small talk, when Aeris, Rachel, and Laura rode back in on Dwight, Mike, and Shadow.
"Hey! Where were you? And uh, how are you doing Aeris?", asked Cloud.
"Laura was out helping Rachel. And I'm still not speaking to you Cloud."
"HAH! You just spoke to me!" She shot him a cold and annoyed look, and he quickly backed off. "Eeep. I wonder why she's still angry.", he thought. "What happened to the nice Aeris? I liked her better. . ." Aeris just briskly walked away, and Tifa noticed the book Rachel was looking at.
"Mind games, huh? It's that easy. . . Good. . .", whispered Rachel to herself.
"What's that?", asked Tifa.
"Wouldn't YOU like to know."
"Yeah, I sorta would."
"Hmmm, mind games. . .mind games. . .", though Rachel, thinking about how to trick Tifa into revealing anything. "You really want to know?"
"Yeah."
"When I'm done."
"Why not now?"
"Because I like it."
"Please?"
"No. When I'm done. You don't see me taking things you're not done with."
"YES I HAVE!"
"Like what?"
"Mr.Warkster, MY TOOTHBRUSH. . ."
"Is that all?"
"NO WAY! I mean, I like Cloud and YOU are trying to take him! AND next of all, I don't see him sle- I mean, uh. . ."
"Don't see him sleeping with. . .?"
"Who said sleeping? I didn't say sleeping. . ."
"But you meant to say that, didn't you?"
"NO! Uh, you go and do dinner! NOW!"
"Yeah, I'll go and do dinner, while you and go do Cloud, right?"
"GO NOW!" Rachel ran out of the stables with a smug grin on her face, and Laura wondered how she did that.
"Whoa, how'd you know she'd tell you that?", she asked.
"It says here that when angry, the person becomes unusually aggressive, and may reveal certain things by accident, because in their frustration, they'll be trying to prove their point. So, she spilled when she was getting her point across, and realized that she wasn't supposed to be mentioning anything."
"Wow. Gimme that book!", said Laura as she tried to grab it. "Now, when I go and try to catch Vincent, I notice that Cloud and Tifa normally sneak out and meet. When they leave to see each other, all we have to do is search through their houses, watch them, and bring back our report to Aeris. Got it? Rachel?" Rachel was being dragged off by Tifa, who had the angriest look on her face as she did so. One of those looks that would kill on its own.
"GAH! HELP! WHAT DOES THE BOOK SAY ABOUT THIS?!", Rachel screamed back at her.
"It says: Step 1- panic."
"I'M ALREADY THERE!"

"Step 2- Beg for mercy."
"PLEASE LET ME GO! PLLLEEEEEZE! DON'T KILL ME! AAAAAHHH!"
"Step 3- there is no step 3." She just looked up and blinked, then looked back down. "And here's step 4. Step 4- if all this fails, you are dead."
"OH, WHAT GREAT ADVICE!", Rachel yelled before Tifa had completely dragged her into the house. "NO! NO! NOT THAT! I'LL STOP! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" CRASH! Rachel's blood curdling scream echoed, and Laura just stood there with a sweat drop. Tifa walked back out, with her arms folded and a smile on her face. Laura walked into the kitchen, and saw a pile of kitchenware on the floor, and it was moving. She dug through it, and she saw Rachel in a heap, unconscious and bruised.
"How many times have I told you. . .", said Laura.

It was midnight, and the only light that shone was the moon's. A pair of shadows sped across the ground, moving with great agility, until one tripped.
"OW!"
"SHUTUP!" Rachel tripped over, and Laura had to make sure everything worked.
"Why are you the leader?", whispered Rachel.
"Because I'm more competent!"
"Yeah, but I didn't fall off the pagoda. Plus, I wrote this story!"
"You passed out, and you didn't even write this part of the story! Now, I'M the leader!" They continued and then they climbed with SOME ease to the top of Cloud's house, and they saw him with Tifa once again.
"Duh, Duh, Duh, DUH, DUH, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, nuh, nuhhhhhhhh, Duh, nuh, nuhhhhhhh, DUH, NUH!"
"SHUTUP!"
"What? I like the Mission Impossible song."
"They're right there! Be quiet! Or it'll be highly improbable we get ANYTHING done!"
"And what are you two doing again?"
"WAUGH! Vincent! Stoppit!", said Rachel.
"An explanation to why you're dressed up like ninja's?"
"Uh, well you see. . . gotta go!" Laura threw a smoke bomb to cloud his vision, and when he looked again, they were running in the distance.
"YOU THINK HE'S GONE!", gasped Rachel for air when they stopped.
"Yeah. . . I. . .think so. . ."
"No, you haven't."
"YYYAAAHHHH!"
"I see Yuffie didn't teach you very well."
"How'd you know?"
"I've traveled with her. I KNOW."
"Then how do you do it?"
"First of all, I DON'T TALK." Laura glared angrily at Rachel, who smiled back nervously. "Next of all, I'm good at it, so I don't trip across the ground." Laura looked back at Rachel, and she was slowly backing away. "And next, you don't stay in one place for a long time. Now, tell me what you are doing.", he said as he loomed over them.
"Uh heh. . .", whimpered Laura. "Rachel! What does the book say?", asked Laura.
"If you are caught and interrogated, your ninja minions should save you.", Rachel said. "I told you we needed minions!"
"AN EXPLANATION PLEASE!", said Vincent impatiently.
"Uh well you see. . . uh, we were framed!", said Laura.
"By uh, the uh, aliens!", said Rachel.
"Who uh, wanted us to probe Cloud!"
"And Tifa is an alien!", screamed Rachel.
"Uh, huh. Now, tell me the truth."
"Ummmm, that IS the truth.", said Laura in a mock innocent tone.
"Tell me NOW.", said Vincent as he pulled out his gun.
"YEEEK! IT WAS AERIS! AERIS I TELL YOU! SHE PUT US UP TO SPYING!", shrieked Rachel.
"Yeah, like I honestly believe Aeris told you to do this-AAAHHHH!" Vincent was suddenly pulled into the trees next to him. Aeris was there, and she signaled to them to run.
"AHHH! RUN! NOW'S OUR CHANCE!" They shot off towards Tifa's house, as hers was the first one to be searched through. They snuck up to her bedroom, and began the search.
"Hmmmm, thongs, socks, eeeww, bra. . .", said Rachel as she picked it up between her fingers. "Jesus, what size is that?!"
"Just keep looking!", hissed back Laura.
"What did you find?"
"Slippers, Mr. Warkster, more shirtless Cloud photos, male stripper cop costume. . . Stuff you'd expect. Wait, what's this?" Laura pulled out a shoebox from under Tifa's bed. When she opened it, she saw more photos, but they were different. They had Cloud, but she was in there as well, having fun with him, and then there was even the one with her, Sephiroth, and Zack. But they saw a lot of photos where she and Cloud were just having fun, and even some of them were from her childhood.
"AAWWWW! Cloudy was SOOO cute!", said Rachel in a babyish tone.
"No, just look! She really cares for him. . ."
"I just wish she had some compassion for me.", said Rachel as she rubbed a bruise. "Come on, let's take that to Aeris. All we need now is to move into Cloud's house." They moved silently, and snuck into his house.
"Stop!", whispered Laura. Cloud and Tifa were in the doorway, stumbling out all while looking almost completely connected at the lips.
"GGRRRRRRRRR!", went Rachel.
"Down Rachel, down! Heel girl!", said Laura. "Come on! Before they come back!" They looked through his room, and searched the drawers and desk.
"Hmmm, underwear, shirts, sword shine, economy size tub of hair gel. . . nothing out if the ordinary here."
"Wait a sec. A journal!", said Rachel in triumph. "I shall now invade my beloved's thoughts! MUAHAHAHAHA!"
"Come on, we still need to check what they're doing!", said Laura.
"We already saw that! Let's look before we take it to Aeris." Rachel opened it to one of the later dated pages, to the last two weeks to where Aeris, Rachel, and Laura appeared.
"Wait! Here's something! Oh my god. . .", said Laura.

Haha! Yeah, I'm gonna leave you hangin' there for a while. But I'll update soon! Please RR!