A/N
Ok im back from vacation, sorry about that! Heres the next chapter – chapter fives coming today aswell.
I'm really sorry about the formatting on the last chapter – I swear I'll fix it, I thought I had done before I left but it didn't work so ill find time to do it again. hang on in there.
Thanks to everyone who's reviewed – it really makes me feel good, keep it up!!
Anyway, here's the next chapter. Hope you have as much fun reading it as I did writing it!!
Chapter 4 – Sunglasses, Anyone?
They had McGonagall for Charms on Wednesday morning. It seemed Flitwick still had a severe headache. Strangely, halfway through, Madame Pomfrey ran in carrying a Crumple-Horned Snorkack.
"Really, Poppy! Is this necessary?"
"Yes, Minerva, it is! This is Miss Brown!" the weird-looking creature surveyed the room with beady eyes, as their head of house choked.
"Poppy, I don't find your, ahem, joke incredibly funny." The mediwitch looked irate.
"Minerva, would I do that sort of thing? And where would I get one of these...creatures?"
The students shared knowing glances – Lavender had missed a Charms class. She wasn't able to tell Flitwick about her prophecy. She had broken her dare.
At lunch, Padma scurried over to the Gryffindor table.
"Zambini turned into a sloth in Herbology!" she exclaimed. Hermione spat out her mouthful of pumpkin juice over Colin who was opposite her once again. She choked a bit and said:
"What?!" the twin giggled.
"You should be used to it – you saw Lavender, didn't you?" Hermione nodded.
"But... a sloth?! It'll take him half an hour to walk a metre!" Padma's giggles increased.
"I think it was because he was meant to be asleep for his dare (someone tickled him and he opened an eye) – sloths sleep all the time, don't they?"
"Yes," Hermione agreed, "I suppose so. And Lavender turned into a Snorkack because that was what caused her to miss her dare – if she hadn't been attacked by Luna's she wouldn't have had to go to the Hospital Wing and miss Charms. Mind you, Flitwick wasn't there anyway...she couldn't win..."
"I hear Hagrid's keeping them until they turn back – I expect that'd be at Graduation, wouldn't you? – anyway, nice selection of pets he's got now... I expect they'll be more soon too; Ernie can't last long without speaking on a Saturday, I reckon." Hermione nodded her agreement and shared a knowing glance with Ron. Hagrid's had a LOT weirder pets than that, I assure you! she thought.
Ginny came and took the seat next to her then, so Padma returned to her table.
"Uh, Ginny, I need to tell you something..." Hermione leaned closer and whispered. She was telling her friend about the plan.
By the end the redhead was laughing hysterically and getting funny looks from her brother. She agreed to miss dinner the next day for 'Stage One'.
"Snape needs to get laid!" Ron yelled suddenly. He had decided ridiculing the Potions Master was the best use of his dare. Hermione couldn't agree more. It was rather amusing seeing their normally-calm teacher turning different colours.
Suddenly the Overgrown Bat was on them.
"I daresay I do," he began in a silky undertone which made Hermione shiver – whether in fear or desire she couldn't make out - "But I don't believe that's any of your business, Weasley. Fifty points from Gryffindor for your various inappropriate little anecdotes. If I didn't think you do, indeed, need mental treatment it would be a hundred." Casting a quick glance at Hermione, who blew him a kiss suggestively, he strode out of the hall. Over his shoulder he added:
"And another twenty for improper conduct towards a professor, Miss Granger." Hermione stared after him. She would get him back soon enough. Grabbing Ginny and Padma, she went to prepare for her plan.
In a disused broom cupboard somewhere on the third floor, the conspirators talked in low whispers.
"...know where I can get that," said the redhead.
"Camera kid'll give you those, won't he?" asked the twin, turning to the know-it-all beside her.
"Yes. But you need to bring the first three things."
"Right. Gods, I'm loving this. Brilliant plan!" The redhead turned back to the other two.
"I know," she said, "And now we won't even get lasting punishment 'cause they'll think it's a dare!" They sniggered evilly.
"OK guys," said the know-it-all after a while.
"We'll meet down there as soon as dinner starts. I'll bring the invisibility cloak for us three in case anything goes wrong. I might recruit some others to help us, I don't know. I'm also making a diversion to give us more time. Gins, remember your things. Then after we've done Step One, we'll go to my rooms to prepare for Step Two. We'll need your things at that point, Pad. I've got to go beg Colin now. Bye!"
Padma headed off in the other direction and the other two went straight to Gryffindor tower, still grinning in sadistic anticipation.
"Wow!" Colin said excitedly. "Of course you can!" Come with me, I'll show you the negatives and duplicate them. They'll be dry by tomorrow if you leave them in a safe place overnight."
The boy was still shaky and small, but she had to admit he was enthusiastic enough for everyone, which wasn't a bad thing in this case.
The dormitory was covered in photos from top to bottom. Hermione noticed he still hadn't gotten over his obsessiveness of Harry – there were at least thirty pictures of the Golden Trio scattered around. Getting out some chemicals and his wand, Colin began. There was no denying he was skilled at least with photography; in almost no time there was a pile of Snape pictures on the other end of the bed.
"Thanks, Colin," said Hermione, almost as excited as him now, "I swear they'll be put to good use!"
She ran all the way back to her Head Girl rooms and dropped the photos. The bloke wouldn't know what hit him when she used these for Stage Two.
Snape-in-photos looked livid. One picture showed him knocking over the table, and the other striding angrily away. In both, just as he left the snapshot the scene would start again. It was a bit like a video clip on continuous playback, she thought.
Heading back to the Common Room, she decided to recruit some helpers.
When she arrived, a pact was being made. Everyone was standing in a circle holding hands – they were promising to Ron (who was in the middle) that he could go on annoying Snape with his statements even if he took every housepoint they possessed. Hermione was surprised that they agreed to that – Gryffindors in general are obsessed with points. Deciding to make use of the good mood, she stood on the sofa and addressed the people below her.
"OK. I'm going to ask you some questions so could you please answer truthfully. If you don't and you get into this, it will be hard to get out of." She paused, gauging reactions. Taking a breath, she asked:
"Do you hate Snape?" There was an absolutely deafening chorus of:
"Yes, we hate Snape!"
"Do you want to do something about it?"
"Yes, anything!"
"Will you help me do it?"
"Of course!" Hermione grinned again.
"Gather round then."
Going down to dinner from the Hospital Wing that night, Professor Flitwick got quite a shock when he walked into a forest on the second floor. He yelped, but the trees swallowed the sound. There seemed to be no end to the wood that he was sure hadn't been there the day before. Still, he'd had a nasty knock on the head so maybe he was hallucinating. He decided to sit down and wait.
Two floors below, in the dark of the dungeons, fifty-six people exactly were crowded into the potions classroom.
"Right," began Hermione, "You know what to do if someone comes. Basically, we're buggered if they do but there's some ways to avoid severe punishment. Listen up." She drew them in closer and continued:
"If it's Snape or Filch, run quickly before they get a chance to react and take down our names. If it's Dumbledore or McGonagall, hang your head and look sorry. Actually if it's Dumbledore we're lucky – he's so off his rocker he'd probably just laugh – but anyway, if it's anyone else we tell them about the forest on the second floor. If they don't go away then, I'll disarm them while Ginny locks them in with us, OK? I know that's probably not the smartest plan but we've just got to finish this."
At that, everyone got to work. This was going to be one missed meal no one forgot in a hurry...
In the Great Hall, the teachers were baffled. One single Gryffindor sat at the second table. Ron had to be there to do his dare – which was actually a clever part of the plan.
"Snape's planted a forest on the second floor!" he yelled. This time he was lucky – only ten points lost. He guessed it was more if the statement involved any aspect of Snape's sex life. Feeling very exposed now there was nothing except food at the table with him, he ducked his head and stared intently at his plate.
At that moment, Peeves floated, cackling, into the hall. He was right on time. Ron had been lucky – Peeves had respect for Weasley pranks after Fred and George's days and had agreed to help this one.
"Professor Dumbledore, sir," he began in a sickly voice, "I've come to report a problem."
He glided towards Snape and pointed at him accusingly. "This idiot - oops, sorry headmaster, I mean 'teacher' – has planted an enchanted forest on the second floor. Oh, and dwarf – oops, slip of the tongue again - how careless of me - I meant 'Professor Flitwick' – has got stuck in it."
Peeves cackled, still absent-mindedly poking Snape's chest. The potions master sat very still – glaring with all his might at the intruding finger as if it was likely to poison him. Peeves withdrew the offending digit quickly. Eventually Dumbledore sighed and said:
"Out, Peeves. Minerva – go and see if it's true." The Deputy Headmistress nodded curtly and left. Ron grinned as he followed his head of house at a distance as far as the first floor. There he let off some dungbombs and cast a charm which made the corridor fill with thick smoke. Peeves was going to guard the passage.
That should make sure she's not back too quickly, he thought, making his way down to the dungeons.
What he saw was...well...different to what he'd imagined. When Hermione had told him they were giving the dungeons a makeover he had not assumed she meant it quite like this.
The walls' base colour was a shocking shade of fluorescent pink, but they had used drying charms and painted vibrant yellow spots on top. One really needed sunglasses to go in there...but they had prepared for that. He grinned, noticing he had been grinning a lot recently.
Everyone turned to face the redhead, and there was no one present who didn't have the same grin on their face. They were getting the bastard back for years of torture at last! Ron said nothing but:
"Wow," in a small voice. There was just no other word for it.
Ten minutes later, the room was ready. The tricky charm Hermione had used on the banner to support Harry at his first Quidditch match had been performed on the walls, and they were flashing dizzyingly. It was making their eyes spin, in fact.
Finally, Hermione brought the very same banner to the back of the room and muttered a permanent sticking charm. It glued itself effortlessly to the wall, flashing 'Potter for President' proudly across the room. Snape would have a brilliant view of it right from his desk...
"Aww," said Ginny, "Isn't it cute? He's going to love it." Everyone wholeheartedly agreed. Then they picked up their (now much lighter) paint tins and brushes and headed to the Common Room to complain about their empty stomachs. But it was generally considered worth it, all in all.
Last to leave were Harry, Ron and Hermione, who surreptitiously placed a pair of dark sunglasses on their professor's desk before slipping under the Invisibility Cloak and following.
A/N
Oh God I enjoyed writing that!! It's the first chapter I've actually laughed at a bit myself. Can you just imagine Snape's face when he sees it?!!!!
Please R&R, I love all of you so much!
ss13