A/N
Here's chapter five.
I swear, formatting will be sorted on ch. 3 soon!
Probably Snape's reaction is VERY o.c. but I had no clue how to write it really. This was a hard chapter to write for one reason or another but I hope you don't find it too awful. I also hope I'm still keeping to my PG-13 rating – that will probably have to increase for chapter 8 or so if nobody minds. Thanks to all my reviewers, I've responded most of them.
Chapter 5 – The Potions Master's Posters.
After helping to rid the second floor of the enchanted forest, Severus Snape swept down to his dungeons. He was in a very bad mood. Little did he know things were about to get fifty times worse.
Hermione found Ginny and Padma already waiting outside her rooms when she arrived. It was still only half seven and the second stage of their plan had to be ready by morning.
"Hey guys," she said cheerily, thinking about the new-look potions classroom. "If you come inside, I'll show you the photos. Manage to get the others, Gin?" The redhead nodded, a smug grin on her face.
"And I've practised the charms – it definitely works!" Padma sniggered.
"The gross thing is," the twin began, "You could imagine him going for a slut like her." Ginny nodded.
"Imagine – captions under the pictures, something corny like: "Severus Snape says: 'I never carry my wand in my pocket, but when I think of Pansy I look like I do!'" Hermione giggled; captions seemed a good idea. The trouble was, deep down she knew she was falling in love with the mysterious professor.
It wasn't crystal clear why she was trying to humiliate him anymore, she mused. But it could work to her advantage – after all, who would guess her true feelings if she was doing this to him? She wondered if the staff had found the counter-charms for her forest yet.
After a minute or so lost in thought, she noticed Ginny's hand waving madly in front of her face.
"Uh, right, sorry Gin..." she muttered, snapping back to the situation in hand. "Let's get to work, then."
They gathered parchment, quills, ink and pictures and began.
At the beginning of the dungeon corridor, the Potions Master stopped. He was positive he hadn't left the classroom door open. Striding over, he received the worst shock of his unfortunate life.
This was far worse than Dark Gatherings, even worse than picnics and daisies and first year Hufflepuffs and tea with Dumbledore.
His. Classroom. Was. Flashing. Pink.
He noticed he was screaming rather loudly and abruptly shut his mouth. Then he noticed the banner radiating coloured stripes around the already-fluorescent room and it fell open of its own accord again.
"Bloody Gryffindors!" he managed to choke out, before he noticed the sunglasses and abruptly passed out.
It was there the headmaster found him ten minutes later, and, with a sparkle in his eye, levitated him to the Hospital Wing.
It took Hogwarts' Head Girl a lot longer than usual to get to sleep that night. She couldn't get those different captions out of her head.
They had performed several tricky charms and eventually succeeded in making it look like Pansy and Snape were in a rather compromising position. She wondered what the aforementioned professor had done about his dungeon. The counter charm for the flashing was simple enough, and the paint's colour could be transfigured, but it would still look different compared to the bare stone it had been before. And the banner was permanently stuck there.
Then she realised the flaw in her plan. She was the only student who could perform that charm! Then she remembered she had a month of detention anyway, so an extension wouldn't matter too much.
Before she fell to sleep, Hermione's last thought was something along the lines of: is scrubbing off paint worse than cleaning cauldrons in detention?
When Snape awoke somewhere in the small hours, he was still in the Hospital Wing. That's odd, he thought, I don't remember coming here... then he remembered his classroom and very nearly fainted again.
He sat up slowly, trying to conduct his thoughts into a semblance of order. Eventually he decided to try and sort it out before classes began.
For now, he left the paint on there, knowing he could make use of it for a detention. Oh, that was a wonderful thought. The whole of Gryffindor in his dungeon for hours, stripping off the paint they so lovingly applied!
It still looked very different, though. And that bloody banner! No matter how hard he tried he couldn't remove it. Obviously Granger's work, he thought, no one else could possibly do it. But I don't expect her magic's strong enough for it to last more than a couple of months.
"Hermione and her bloody dare!" he said out loud to no one in particular. Then he realised what he'd just said. Since when has she been Hermione? asked a voice in his head. Another one answered: since about the time you started imagining her naked, probably...
"Shit!" he said, again to no one but himself. He was falling for a student – and a bushy-haired, know-it-all student, at that! But then again, he wasn't the only one to notice how she'd changed over the summer. He'd noticed a few boys had dared to ask her out recently. He'd also noticed she'd politely refused all of them, for no particular reason...
She really was extremely pretty, now he thought about it. With her hair all tamed and everything... In fact, she was beautiful. Gods, I have to stop thinking like this... There was a familiar lump growing in the region of his groin, and he sighed. It was time for a seriously cold shower – or maybe he could solve the problem another way...?
That morning at breakfast it was time for action. Following Hermione's instructions Ron yelled:
"Snape and Pansy got busy last night!" Then as an afterthought he continued: "If you don't believe me – look out there!" he pointed to the entrance hall, where Hermione herself had just entered from. She and Padma were late for breakfast because of Stage Two – the posters were now up all over Hogwarts with permanent sticking charms – although the Head Girl, too, doubted they would last more than a month or so.
She reached the table at the same time as an irate Snape, who proceeded to take thirty points and said in a dangerous whisper to the whole table:
"And if you dunderheads ever try a stupid prank like yesterdays again, you'll wish you'd never been born. As it is, the entire house will be expected for detention tonight with me to remove it." A few people were quivering in their seats, but Hermione just giggled and blew a kiss.
"That's another ten points you've just lost then, Miss Granger. Is there something funny you wish to discuss with me?" Her smiled broadened. This was too perfect an opportunity to miss.
"Well yes, actually, Severus, there was." The whole school was watching now, open-mouthed. Snape stared.
"Will you insist on digging your own grave, Miss Granger? That another ten points you've just lost, and your detentions will continue daily until graduation, I think." Then he added quickly:
"With me."
Hermione could hardly believe her ears. He was doing her a favour, didn't he realise? Two hours a day with him up to graduation?! She laughed, encouraged, and said politely:
"I think you're getting mixed up, Professor. If I were digging my grave I would do it outside, not in here. And I believe you asked me what was funny? If you'd care to step this way, then..."
She couldn't stop the grin from spreading over her face as she beckoned him over to the door. At least half the school followed, and Dumbledore looked on with a maddening twinkle in his eye.
Snape's eyes flashed angrily. That girl was going too far now – but dammit! why was he so turned on by it? He followed grudgingly, dreading what new surprise was in store for him.
In the Entrance Hall, Hermione stopped and turned to face him. The first poster was on the door to the Great Hall, flashing a moving, groaning, naked picture of Snape and Pansy everywhere. She stared pointedly at it, and the professor turned around. About a hundred people were surrounding them, pointing to the door and conversing hurriedly in whispers.
Snape whirled around and yelped, staggering backwards onto her. She lay beneath him, noticing just how turned on he was and giggling helplessly.
"Alright there, Professor?" she asked, blowing him a kiss. He was too shocked to move. Harry, Ron, Ginny and Padma were skipping around singing:
"Snape got laid! Snape got laid! Snape'll be in good mood cause Snape got laid!"
"Comfy as this is, Severus," she said, purposefully rubbing her thigh against his and hearing his breathing hitch, "I do feel you maybe ought to move." The poor professor jumped up like he'd been stung and promptly deducted fifty points from Gryffindor before practically running away.
Harry, Ron, Ginny Padma and Hermione were the last to leave the scene of the crime, still giggling and (in Hermione's case) immensely looking forward to detention.
A/N
Well, there it is. Hope you liked it – I know it's a little patchy and short but I'll try to make amends soon.
please review! I know I always say this but I love getting them!
lots of love,
ss13 xx