CHAPTER FOUR: CRUSH

Among all the guys I had ever danced with, Richard was probably the most awkward. Even if he wasn't all that tall, his feet and hands seemed to grow several inches as he slipped his arm around my waist to pull me closer. I smiled shyly and he blushed, ducking his head to hide his red cheeks.

"I'm not a very good dancer," he pointed out.

"It doesn't matter."

I noticed Julia dancing in Paul's arms, but her eyes, rather than looking all dreamy, were scanning around the room. For me. She was probably thinking I was having a blast with that kid and wanted to share my joy.

"Do you mind if I lead?"

Richard nodded. I tried to manoeuver him into a dark corner, so as to hide from Julia's curious eyes. She was sleeping over at my house tonight. If she saw me in Richard Spier's arms, I would never get a good night's sleep. She'd talk about it until tomorrow and die out of laughter.

I was so worried about someone seeing us that I couldn't actually relax to enjoy the dance. Of course, with Richard's mechanical movements, it wasn't that enjoyable, but a part of me felt good being in his arms. Maybe it was his unusal warmth coming from him, or the fact that he wasn't threatening - not wanting anything from me, not overbearing me with his confidence, good looks or whatever it was that possessed guys like Paul and co. His hands were very light on my back, almost non-existant. He was dancing eyes shut, which was quite unusual.

"Back off, Spier," one voice said suddenly. "Sharon's our girl. She's off limits for a guy like you."

Ted and Tom were behind me, glaring at Richard. He quickly let go of me and gasped. It was a small gasp, and only I was close enough to hear it.

"Why do you hang out with that grub, Sharon? His clothes stink, you've probably ruined your dress," Tom said.

"Yeah, Sharon, dance with me instead," Ted added. "This guy couldn't dance to save his life..."

He gave Richard a shove, and he tripped and fell on the floor. I was about to lean to help him get back on his feet, but he swept us all with a cold stare. I stepped back, surprised. What had I done? Why did he include me in this stare? Tom grabbed me by the elbow and pulled me near the dance floor, away from Richard.

"Now, go away, Spier. And I don't ever want to see you here again." Ted laughed and joined us.

I watched Richard get up, walk over to the exit quickly and never glancing behind. I turned to Ted and Tom, who were laughing and patting each other on the back, obviously proud of themselves.

"You guys are jerk!" I shouted.

They stopped laughing as I tried to get out of Tom's grip. He let go of my elbow and I ran after Richard. I almost twisted my ankle on my way there, but I think I broke the record for the 200 yards with high heels. I spotted him as soon as I got out of school. There was nothing left of his fast pace and anger - he was walking slowly on the sidewalk, shoulders and head down.

"Richard!" I cied.

He turned, saw me, and continued walking. I grabbed the skirt of my dress, lifted it and raced after him. When I finally met him, I was out of breath.

"Listen... puff... I'm... puff... sorry for... this. I... puff... really liked..."

I tried to catch my breath before I could go on, but Richard stopped me.

"Look, Sharon, you can't apologize every time those guys do something to me. It's too dangerous for me to hang around you. So just leave me alone, now."

I regained my breath suddenly, mainly because I had to plead for his forgiveness. I didn't know why I wanted it so badly. I just... wanted him to forgive me. Part of me even wished we were still on the dance floor.

"Richard, that's not fair! You can't blame me for what happened back there!"

"Why don't you tell them to leave me alone? You're the Queen of Stoneybrook, everyone obeys you! If you tell them to stop, they will! But you're not doing anything. You're not any better than they are."

Seeing Richard mad was something scary, and made me lose all my words. He was so cold, so proud, so distant, so inaccessible. Just as a block of ice that wouldn't melt. I lost my composure and just burst out a stupid:

"I'm not the Queen of Stoneybrook."

Richard just shrugged and continued to walk. He left me alone in the dark, his silhouette rapidly transforming into a dark spot, and then nothing at all. I tried to persuade myself that I didn't care, that I hadn't done anything wrong... But, even if it was unintentional, I had: I had seen the pain in Richard's face while he turned away from me. He was hurt. And disappointed. Disappointed, maybe, that our dance had been interrupted? Frustrated that he couldn't stand up for himself in front of those bullies?

When I got back into the school, the dance was over. Julia and Nick, who had slipped an arm around Madeleine's shoulders, were waiting for Paul to go get the car. Madeleine's father was waiting for her in a Cadillac. While Julia and I got into my car, Nick kissed Madeleine.

"How could you lose Nick to this freshman?" Julia whispered.

"Shut up, Julia."

I was becoming very annoyed with my best friend - and with this whole crowd. All I wanted was to snuggle up in my bed, alone, to think and analyze this evening. I wanted to know where my faults were, and what I could do to gain Richard's respect back - and most of all, why I wanted it back.

I didn't sleep that night, in part because Julia kept me awake with her anecdotes about the dance. She also asked me questions:

"Why did you dance with Richard Spier?" The expression of disgust on her face was priceless and if I had felt like laughing, I would have rolled on the floor. "Why didn't you like Nick? What's wrong with you, Sharon? You'll never get a husband if you don't get a boyfriend first, you know."

When she fell asleep, I remained awake in my bed, eyes wide open. I was thinking. Richard... Behind all this anger was hurt pride. Something that was hard to repair once it was broken. But I had to try.

It was also hard to define why I so wanted to try to get his friendship back. I realized Richard was representing a whole new world: a world of passion, of personality. With my encounter with Richard, I had begun to scratch the paint of my superficial life to guess what lied under it. And Richard was the key to letting me see the whole picture.

Once I had solved all my problems - at least mentally - I still couldn't sleep. And I knew why... it was because I couldn't help but replay the movie of that dance: Richard's arms around me... His shyness, his akwardness... it had its charm.

I sat up straight in my bed. It occured to me...

I had a crush on Richard Spier!